After a week-long honeymoon on Illium, Aish Ashland is returning home – as a free woman. Sources say that during the flight back to earth, this newly-divorced newlywed discovered her ex-husband Jenellen Lepp in a delicate situation with another couple… and a bag of narcotics. A tearful Aish had this to say to the press: “I don’t know what he was thinking. He had no right to use up my stash, I can’t live with someone who disrespects that. Also, you’ve got to have fidelity in a relationship, and I know about fidelity, I’ve had a music pod for 19 years.”
09/03/2185
September 3rd, 201009/02/2185
September 2nd, 2010The Galactic Music Video Awards kicked off tonight with dazzling numbers from Eff Tee El, Bootyherax, and Blue Giants. In what will undoubtedly be called the entrance of the year, Eff donned a cowboy hat and reinforced codpiece to ride a low-powered biotic singularity onstage. As for the awards, Best New Artist went to Domino Masque, Best Choreography went to Skinsuit’s “Mix It,” and the coveted Video of the Year went to Varrencage for their anthem “Let It Up, Let It Out.” A moment of silence for deceased singed Lady Sweat preceded her band’s performance of “Where You Gone?” with the soulful vocals provided by VI-via Wonder. But the most memorable antic of the night was dubbed the “Quarian Kiss”: Lita’Orn nar Idenna stripped off her mask when she won Best VI-Directed Video and gave presenter Illesa T’Nasty a big wet kiss. Lita’s representatives say she is expected to make a full recovery.
09/01/2185
September 1st, 2010The new e-book “First Contact: Who Needs It?” by author Kurt Riven has zoomed to the top of this week’s best-seller list. In the book, the counterculture icon argues that contact between extraterrestrial species is inherently a bad idea. Riven writes, “Aside from the inevitable wars, jingoism, and disease that always follow first contact, there’s a more insidious problem: the homogenization of culture, of thought, of ideas themselves. As soon as I see how your ship works, I don’t need to figure it out myself. I’ll copy yours and whatever hope we had for something new evaporates. Maybe mine’s a different shape, but so what? The same problem exists on a galactic scale, where all major species are busy duplicating each other’s ideas. It would have been better if they never met.” Ironically, in light of the book’s success, many copycat books are already popping up across the extranet.
08/31/2185
August 31st, 2010Nos Astra police are on a manhunt this evening for Rolan Quarn, who slipped his tracking bracelet and led police on a two-hour chase before disappearing. Before he left, the turian recorded a message to the employees of Delumcore Systems, thanking many of them by name and giving advice for the company’s future. Quarn ended by saying “Sorry about the bail. I wish everyone the best. I’ve never been prouder of the people I’ve worked with, and that’s saying something.” Authorities believe Quarn will be attempting to book a passage off-system.
08/30/2185
August 30th, 2010A new wrinkle in the trial of Rolan Quarn, the turian who masqueraded as the CEO of Delumcore Systems: passing himself off as Jaxum Borlin isn’t the first time he’s stepped into someone else’s life. Quarn has impersonated dozens of other people including a stunt driver, sous-chef, martial arts instructor, ambassador, varren tamer, news anchor, and stand-up comedian. Nos Astran police chief Sonja Treme stated that Quarn is being “cooperative” and that “he was living off of what he made once he joined Delumcore. Borlin’s personal accounts haven’t been touched.”
08/29/2185
August 28th, 2010He started one of Nos Astra’s hottest companies. His vision landed him on magazine covers. His parties were legendary — and he was a fake. Delumcore Systems CEO Jaxum Borlin is actually Rolan Quarn, a turian from Erinle who met Borlin on vacation. When Borlin died from a heart attack a week into his holiday, Quarn boldly lifted the CEO’s passport, sampled his genetic material, and passed himself off as a tanned Borlin. Even close friends simply thought that Borlin seemed “energized” and “eager to get back to work.” Despite a lack of credentials, Quarn successfully ran Delumcore for two years before a routine traffic stop took a fresh tissue sample and caught the discrepancy in his geneprint. Quarn is being held on charges of fraud and impersonation, and goes to trial tomorrow.
08/28/2185
August 28th, 2010Today marks the beginning of the religious holiday of Nyahir or “First Cresting Bloom” on the hanar homeworld of Kahje. Lasting a full thirteen days, this celebration honors the gift of speech that many hanar attribute to the Protheans, known on Kahje as “The Enkindlers.” The celebration is a mixture of contemplation and competition as the faithful perform stylized debates, poetry duels, and other traditional hanar art forms. Winners’ names are inscribed in bioluminescence for a year on the sides of Mount Vassla, an underwater volcano at the heart of one of the oldest Prothean ruins on Kahje.
08/27/2185
August 27th, 2010The saga of the alien “ghost ship” has come to a surprising end. Earlier today, reports surfaced that the Citadel Council was prepared to rule against saving the ship, fearing its AI system was sophisticated enough to pose a “security threat of unknown dimensions.” In response, chief scientist Jordan Detweiler inserted himself into the virtual alien world to warn its citizens of their civilization’s imminent end. He returned one minute later — apparently equal to half a year within the accelerated timeline of the alien world — bringing a treaty offer from its inhabitants. At that point, details turn sketchy. One inside source claims the virtual aliens offered scientific advancements “far beyond anything we have” in return for assistance. A veil of secrecy was immediately erected, with Citadel intelligence agencies classifying the matter as top-secret. Rumors now have Jordan Detweiler embarking on a Council-sanctioned mission into the virtual world to make diplomatic contact.
08/26/2185
August 26th, 2010By the time we heard the bells, it was almost over: socialite Aish Ashland and singer Jenellen Lepp got married yesterday at midnight in a secret ceremony in Nos Astra. “Me and Jel only met three months ago,” Aish said, “but when he proposed I decided to get married right away so we could have a honeymoon during the conjunction on Illium. Our horoscopes there are totally charged! We’ll have a family wedding once Jel’s Red Sand Scratch clears up.” Aishland’s probation officer had only this to say of the nuptials: “She left the state. She’s in violation.”
08/25/2185
August 25th, 2010With time running out, no decision has yet been reached in the case of the alien “ghost ship” found drifting in salarian space. Exo-biologist Jordan Detweiler estimates the energy reserves currently powering the virtual alien world are down to 4% and will fail soon. Meanwhile, opportunistic explorers boarded the ship last night and managed to hack into the virtual civilization. Before they were caught, the hackers spent six hours interfaced with the ship’s computers. In that relatively short period of time, it appears that some 180 years passed within the virtual world. Both hackers are currently in deep comas and doctors are unsure as to their recovery. “The interface was too much for their systems to absorb. Trying to re-connect their minds to their bodies after being “away” for so long mentally was too large a shock. Physically they’re fine, but I’d wager scrambled eggs have more consciousness.”