Need a swinging salarian?

Greetings assorted species looking for entertainment! My name is Phemous, the Ambidextrous Amphibian wonder, newly arrived at omega to make a name for myself! If you are in need of a singer, dancer or comedian with a broad reportoire involving anything from Turian throatsinging to Asari Menahnadance ((OOC:Poledancing)) I'm your go-to guy!

Please check out the above samples of my work and leave feedback if you are interested! Money is getting scarce so please do not delay.

No.

Sometimes I really hate my job.

Well, then.

I never though it'd be a SALARIAN getting into THESE sort of SEEDY activities.

My question, however, is HOW, just HOW you're still in business.

Acapella's image description module says that your avatar is 'a salarian rapist'.

Every once in a while I'm better off not having eyes.

What the shrell.

uh

what?

*sigh* I wish I could say that I wasn't used to this sort of response. I mean back on sur'kesh my act was fairly popular! What is it with you people not appreciating a good display of artistic skill!

I mean... Doesn't make a certain amount of sense?

To us, they're isn't really an inherent sexuality to that kind of a dance, so we aren't really burdened by shame or anything when it comes to doing so in public. So, more or less, he's just an entertainer. That being said...


Still kind of a weird thing to do. :/

We do appreciate a good show of artistic ability. But when your avatar looks as though it wants to rip my throat out and you advertise your ability to pole dance, I'm doubting you are the one to provide it. Lest I want nightmares for the rest of my days.

There's your answer right there, folks.

Hey...anybody here interested in a one-legged hooker, a pair of batarian midget housekeepers in frilly maid dresses, or a turian dominatrix who will flog you with a genuine Battle of Shanxi-vintage parade major's crop?

All these things are for sale in my beloved hometown.

Like I said, pole dancing is just one of my many skills, I've even studied those weird turian martial arts dances! I was sort of hoping that having the broadest possible repertoire would bring in an equally wide audience! but that just isn't the case! Soon I'll have to bring out the old Folk dances that any hack salarian artist could do in their sleep!

...Is it weird that I actually know people who might hire you? A lot of krogan here like salarian flexibility, maybe you could find work on Tuchanka.

...You know, provided that some of the more xenophobic whelps don't outright murder you.

I've gotten a few of those but had to decline. Unfortunatly krogan arts is not something I'm familiar with. Wasn't even aware that there were any. Made a note to inquire further at a later date.

Oh no, no no, honey, you're going about this the wrong way! Don't list them as "skills," or it sounds all dry and like something you might find in that chubby kid with the weird smell's crusty notebook. You don't want to be remembered as Little Chubby Fuddy's love-hump, right?

You, now, you are a unique person. You wanna sell that. You need to sell yourself as the most exotic lover your clients will ever get. You know what I mean? Sell it.

Now go ahead. Try again.

I'm getting the distinct impression that we're talking about different things here! The only reason I mentioned poledancing and turian throatsinging is because they are the most common arts I've seen around Here! Especially throatsinging. You can't cross an alley around here without someone gurgling something inintelligeble at you. Thought I'd show them how its supposed to be done you know!

A Swinging Salarian?

...

Never change CDN, Never.


Also Hi, I don't need a swinging salarian for the moment but I will keep you in mind if I ever do.

Please do! Any help would be apreciated.

Uh, no. No way. Seriously, last time I was involved with a Salarian was when I was up to my eyes with Batarian Moonshine and I was throwing up every four minutes. We woke up the next day and I was horrified because at first i thought he was a monster and he was screaming and I was screaming and he said I kidnapped him and he was hiding in the closet and I -

My publicist says I should NOT have mentioned I was involved with a salarian or the moonshine.

How do I edit post?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!