[Citadel, BlueShift] Disco Celebration!

"You know what? Fuck you. I came here to have a nice evening and instead I got a fuckton of crap smeared against my face by some client who thinks he's better then the rest of us." Ouch. Looks like the barracks language sticks to girls as well. "I don't have a clue why Sulla considers you to be one of his best friends but you can thank him I'm not doing something about you. I owe him that much." Fallah's shouting after Juhani gets some very annoyed looks from patrons and a bouncer stirred at the corner of the room, but the turian just got up and went to sit with Victan and the engineer. When the two greeted her she smiled, but her eyes stayed cold as ice.

Taleeze looked over towards the other and of the bar, where some arguing seemed to be going on but returned her attention back to Michelle.

"He's a veteran, right? I know what it feels like to be... not all your former self after all that. My girlfriend - not this one," she nodded towards the dancing Skylar "- My asari girlfriend on Nevos was deployed on Thessia and she is also still troubled. Nightmares and insecurities and such things. What exactly are you worried about, are you having troubles?"

She raised an eyebrow when she heard Kari introducing herself. While sipping at her drink, she nodded in appreciation towards Leeta. The two seemed actually getting along! Taleeze was happy for this to be the outcome of the unexpected encounter.

Michelle raised a surprised eyebrow at the mention of multiple girlfriends but didn't elaborate on it.
"Yes he has PTSD, like way too much people we know. He's seen horrors out there, and I'm very much sure I don't know the third of it. But I don't think he'd open to me, he doesn't trust easily, and I... Kind of messed up that one time. Basically we were in trouble with some gangers, bit more than usual, I improvised, and it worked mind you, but he thought I played him as a pawn. Something that I guess happened to him too much before...
Am I in trouble? Sure, our organization is kind of marked for death by a gang or something, but we manage that. What I'm really concerned about is what he'll do after his contract's up... He's a great kid, he's doing a great work here, our charges really look up to him, but I don't imagine him doing good on his own. Like at all."
Michelle then suddenly realized how much she'd be talking.
"Wow... Huu, look at me opening up. Wow, you're good at this! Ok, your turn, tell me a bit about your girlfriend, did you manage to convince her to get help?"

Taleeze listed to the story of the charity being thereatened with some horror. But I was obvious, criminal gangs feared for influence and fresh meat. That made LTD a target for the citadel's finest. She probaly couldn't do with soem security as C-Sec just was short on hands as it was.

"Sounds troublesome. It's interesting you're fearing for him more than for yourself." But Michelle probably knew well enough how much additional security she needed.

"Yes, she is in counceling. Since she returned to her old job, the Matriarch in charge of the Guard is taking care of that. It really helps it seems. At the beginning she was often very confused around others, like she was fading out into some scene she had to go through. That's much better and social interaction is good for her. Of course I do what I can as well when I'm there. We'll be on our way to Nevos after we have the sightseeing done. Freh'ya's been starting to do some meditation techniques again lately. i guess right now she's either drilling recruits or sitting on a snowy mountaintop in some impossible posistion." She chuckled and took a sip of her drink. It was so hilarious to watch Skylar an Linya.

"Maybe Snow should see some counseling as well."

Anyone who'd known Linya for any small length of time would have been keenly aware she didn't really do the whole staying-still-for-five-seconds thing - especially when dancing.
Same goes for lecturing, actually.
Swinging, spinning, leaping into the air... the odd clobbered bystander notwithstanding, she was having the time of her life.

Also, getting a little dizzy.

Something about the way the quarian dancer spoke reminded Leeta of a pleasantly surprised pet owner; like the other woman had was expecting her pet to make a mess on the carpet and she hadn't. Her words were like a pat on the head, and Leeta didn't really know how to feel about that. Part of her - who she used to be, was felt rebellious when she was treated with praise. The Leeta she was now...well, praise was like an addictive nectar she couldn't get enough of. She could not recall the last time she had been praised for anything, much less her radical thoughts about the flotilla. Leeta immediately looked embarrassed and lowered her head... A smart girl such as yourself. Those words threatened to bring up memories, but Leeta stamped them down. This wasn't the time or the place to wallow in the past.

Kari's introduction was what finally distracted her from her own thoughts. Kari'Zar...vas...? The quarian was clearly older than her, but she did not name a ship - not even a ward. Leeta could understand that. Naming a ward as your homeplace was still embarrassing and shameful, and Kari didn't seem like the type of person to hide behind titles that would bring her embarrassment. A nagging voice told her there was yet another reason why Kari might not mention a ship or a ward she was accepted by and pledged to. Exile. It was a whisper in her thoughts - but surely someone who danced so beautifully and passed on artistic tradition through movement couldn't be an exile.

"You honor me," Leeta smiled. "I do not know if I deserve your compliments but thank you. Most quarians would....well they would try to flush me out the nearest air duct if it were in their power." At least she had calmed. Her fingers still twitched and fidgeted, suffering from the rush that sharing her ideas had brought her. "Dancing has always been a secret fascination of mine," she admitted. She could not believe her luck. She had managed to find a quarian dancer who had the time to talk to her, and all because she had passed some sort of test. There was something off about that, but she could worry about it later.

"I watched as many vids as were made available to me...but most dancers are tall and have such long limbs -- well, you can tell by one look that description does not fit me. If you have any stories about learning to dance...or practicing -- or even just what it is like to be up there, feeding off of the energy of the crowd...I would love to hear about it all, or whatever you care to tell me." There was a breathless quality to her tone, like the desire to live vicariously through Kari was so great she could hardly find the voice to ask.

Kari suppressed a chuckle. The little quarian really was quite star struck which was starting to amuse her to no end. She didn't want to tell the quarian about her practicing days (no one but her needed to know how much of a clumsy oaf she used to be) but she could answer some of those questions.

"It's hard to describe what dancing for an audience feels like. But..." She went over the feelings she had earlier before Taleeze had shown up. "Feeding off it is the right word. But it's not strong enough. You merge with it. Your energy, their energy it stops mattering. And it feels like you can dance until forever just as long as the crowd is there", she sighed. Clearly enjoying the memory. "But it is something you must truly experience for yourself. Words simply cannot do it justice."

Leeta sighed with envy and longing. The thought of merging with the energy of the audience sounded like a blissful high she would never experience. "You are not ever nervous? You do not feel self-conscious?" Leeta thought about how she felt when she had practiced in the small confines of her room growing up. There was nothing but fear in the back of her mind when she had been a young quarian, awkwardly flailing her arms and shuffling her feet to music that was kept to the confines of her helmet. There had been too much fear that her parents would catch her, and while it had been exhilarating to break the rules, it had stunted any feelings she might have toward an audience. "Do you practice often? Or is it second nature now? Or has it always been second nature?" Leeta told herself to stop asking questions - she was demanding too much from someone who was clearly a less social type of person. But that only intrigued her more - it meant Kari danced for herself and no one else, even if she was worthy of an audience.

"I do not know if you ever perform venues on the Citadel, but if you were to do so I would buy a ticket. I wish I could dance half as well."

Michelle chuckled at the understatement.

"Ho ho, yes he should! But I bet it wasn't easy to get your girlfriend to get some. Now imagine convincing someone who doesn't actually trust you. It's good to hear that she's doing good though. Make sure she doesn't quit though."

As she was finishing her bomela juice, Michelle started to look pensive. She turned back to Taleeze.

"Hey do you think all sentients go through that? Well I guess not the krogans..."

"Oh, it was her own decision to go and she will stick to it, I am sure. But the krogan, yes, possibly, also the vorcha maybe..." Taleeze laughed.

"On the other hand, some krogan can be very sensitive. Or maybe they're all just a bit crazy because of the constant meat grinder routine they had going until recently." Some might miss that, she thought about the stories of the attacks on the alien relief workers on Tuchanka.

She wanted to ask where Michelle had been during the war but it was questions like this to ruin a perfect conversation with so she didn't ask.

"What about your kids? I don't think they all are equal when it comes to overcome the horrors they have seen. Do you get professional help from the outside for them?"


With half an aural she followed the interesting development between Leeta and Kari.

"No. I never get nervous or self-conscious. If anything, dancing is the only time I truly feel alive these days" she sighed. Remembering the times she had danced with her late husband. Those were good memories, free of the slavers, the Flotilla, or the Reapers and geth. "I don't practice anymore. After a certain point it really does become second nature.", she smiled underneath her helmet as she remembered the patience of her mother helping her up every time she fell. Another good memory.

"Unfortunately, I don't do venues little quarian. But any quarian could dance almost as good as me if they merely tried instead of wasting away toiling with junk their whole life. Even one like you."

At the mention of not getting nervous, Leeta sighed wistfully. Everything set her on edge. Ever since the Reaper war, she had ben on edge. That's what tended to happen when one fell on the wrong side of things. Her life before the war had broken her in a sense, and the thought of ridding herself of her usual worries and paranoia felt as real as fantasy. A smile curled on her lips, though it was hidden by her visor. Second nature. It made sense. Movements of the body often became second nature. Leeta had learned that during the minimal training she had received concerning her gun...and it was something she had kept in mind all through her pilgrimage as she was forced to utilize skills she had never regarded as talents in the past. Some things were second nature, if you used them often enough...

When Kari noted that even someone such as her could dance just as well, Leeta protested with a wave of her hands. Her voice caught in a lump in her throat, and she shook her head vigorously. Even someone like her? No. It had been impressed upon her that she was good for little else than 'farming' and her every mistake in her pilgrimage had only magnified that. "Me?! Oh surely not -- you flatter....me. You above anyone should be able to tell I am just...not...built for dancing." Though her voice was heavy with guilt, she was hardly embellishing the truth. She was small - a waif-like creature at best - short and slim, but hardly elegant. Yet there was something careful delicate and resigned in the way she held herself, as though every movement were carefully and subconsciously calculated to portray a specific message in body language whether or not she actually felt that way. Was it deliberate? Maybe - but the general air about Leeta said everything she did was simply second nature not - something she had utilized so much she no longer had to think of it.

"I wish, but it's hard enough to get them to sit in classes and to direct them toward a normal life. They'd never go for therapy in the current state of things, it requires a level a trust that the ducts simply took from them..."
Michelle sighed.
"Hey that was fun, but I'm beat. Great talking to you Taleeze! Hope to see you again on the Citadel!"

When Michelle said goodbye, Taleeze had the urge to finally get to dance with her beloved Skylar.
She approached the two quarians.

"Hey girls, sorry to interrupt. It was awesome to meet you, Leeta! I hope will meet again some day or see each other on CDN!" Towards Kari she bowed a bit.

"Kari, it's been great to meet you in person and settle this. I wish you two a nice evening, I'll go dance a bit with my mate now."

She laughed and waved her goodbye and wandered towards the dancefloor, where Skylar already was opening her arms to welcome her.

Turning to the asari (who had shown up out of the blue it seems) she nodded. "You have a nice evening too. Or whatever, Taleeze. Just remember, we must have a rematch someday."

She then refocused her attention on Leeta, inspecting the quarian a bit before speaking. "Nonsense girl. You may not have the ideal build like me. But you would not be the first quarian dancer with such a body. Pashia'Anula, for instance was a fantastic dancer and she was almost your height. Find videos on the extranet if you don't believe me." She inspected Leeta again, noticing something with the quarian's body language. "And you may not even know it yourself, but you do have the potential in you to be a great dancer. Or..." she leaned closer to Leeta, that mocking, condescending tone returning to her voice "Or you could continue being a slave to your own people's desires and not your own."

Chuckling she leaned back and wondered if the younger quarian would take the bait.

Leeta gave Taleeze a pleasant nod to acknowledge her departure but was quick to turn her attention back to Kari. Another dance off between the two of them would be something to see...not missing it would be the tricky part, especially if it was as spontaneous as the last one had been. "Have a good evening," she added when the asari turned back for the dance floor.

"Oh Pashia -- that is a familiar name..." She thought it passingly ironic that during the time she lives with her parents, when their punishment was most severe for finding her involved in frivolous hobbies, she had watched the most vids. Now that she was free of their influence she hardly spent any time immersing herself in dancing cultures. Well, not completely free, she thought grimly. At least she had managed to assert her decision to stay on the Citadel. Kari's complement took Leeta by surprise, and she immediately shook her head in embarrassment. She was a graceful creature, something that was betrayed by the way she carried herself, but that was never something she had used for dance. It was the agile skill that came from someone who had to blend in with the background to stay alive - somewhat at odds with the brightly colored fabrics she wore. Still, she had never used any talent of grace for dance in a very long time.

Kari's final comment took the breath out of Leeta. Nothing changed about the way she sat to betray how she was feeling, but the facade that was her life seemed horribly broken to her now. Kari had probably meant that last bit as an underhanded gibe, but Leeta certainly didn't take it that way. She lived a mundane life doing exactly what was expected of her. That was always a thought that had repulsed her when she was young. That communal mentality was hard to get away from, and it was infinitely safer to just be part of it. When she finally breathed again, she nodded absently, her mind obviously far away. "I do what I can...I was asked to go back to Rannoch to help with the farming efforts there. I said I was needed more here, and it is true. But I guess I cannot say I am fulfilling any lifelong dreams or that I am as happy or as challenged in my life as I could be." She chuckled; doing things to fulfill dreams seemed ludicrous.

"You can shake your head all you want. But I think you know it is true, Leeta."

Kari had to stiffle a laugh at Leeta's final comment. Still trying to maintain at least some form of politeness at the quarian. There was just something about the utter naivety of the quarian's comment. Her idea of rebellion against her people was apparently to just stay on the Citadel and be a slave instead of going to some dusty old farm and being a slave. It really was difficult to break away from that quarian mentality.

"But do you want to continue living like that? Unfulfilled, unchallenged. Constantly doing what they want you to do instead of what you want?"

Leeta smiled weakly at Kari's reaction. "I think part of my problem is I do not know what I want." There was something sobering about what she was saying, but it was true. "When you live as part of a whole instead of an individual, it becomes difficult to remember what it was like to have your own hopes and dreams." She almost sounded wistful, but a rueful look was shining in the glow of her eyes. "They wanted me to go back to Rannoch. My skills would be extremely helpful to them. I decided to stay here, so they pass it off as their own effort to sacrifice some of their skilled scientists to help others before themselves." Even Leeta couldn't hide the bitterness that was creeping into her voice. She suddenly looked away, focusing on nothing in particular. She swallowed up her negative feelings in one gulp and looked back at Kari again.

The last time she had fallen onto a path focused on individuality, things hadn't gone well. She had retreated back to her part-of-the-whole life out of the safety it assured...but now? "I know I am substituting one society for another when I focus on the galactic society instead of the quarian society...but at least the people making up the galactic society act as individuals. It feels better, somehow." She shrugged stiffly. "What is it you do to do what you want instead of what they want?"

Kari listened to Leeta, giving the impression of an old friend sympathetic to someone's woes, she knew that part of quarian society very well, and the perceptive could probably have seen a little flash of sadness in Kari's eyes. "Of course. Some are even so indoctrinated by that nonsense that they will gladly throw their own lives away for it", she sighed. Remembering someone from her old life as a Migrant...

enough of that

"I do whatever I want", she shrugged as she answered Leeta's other question. "If someone, anyone tells me to do something I simply ignore it if I don't want to do it. It's that easy and even you can do it if you try hard enough, Leeta. Now. Think hard. What is it that you want, Leeta? I am sure you can think of something."

She of course failed to mention the she technically still served the Hierarchy, or that Davril controlled her finances. But it wasn't like the other quarian needed to know that. Now did she?

Gladly throw away your life for the fleet. It felt that that was what Leeta had done, though not in the literal sense that Kari was probably talking about. Leeta lowered her eyes, remaining silent and thoughtful as she mulled over what the older quarian was saying. An agrarian scientist wasn't her life - not the life she had wanted anyway. She had thrown away her dreams of being a performer before she had even left for her pilgrimage. Even then the life of a traveling dancer had been so appealing - there had been so much adventure nearly within her grasp, and she had to let it all go because of one stupid mistake. Well, one mistake that had led to another and another and another to be precise. She sighed, feeling her shoulders sag under the weight of memories.

Her brow lowered into a frown as she thought. What did she want now? She fidgeted as she thought, almost like she couldn't keep her hands still. "I want to take risks," she admitted softly. "More risks. I want to stop feeling like I have something to prove to people - quarians and aliens alike. I want to be free to do anything without having to worry about how it reflects on my race or who I am. I want to dance, I want to stop being afraid, I want to --" She stopped herself, realizing she had been about to say too much. She took a breath and rubbed the back of her neck. "I want to have the freedom to go anywhere I want whenever I want." She cleared her throat and decided she had covered for her awkward pause enough, and glanced around furtively as though she were nervous she might be overheard by another quarian. "I suppose I want a great many things that I do not ever expect to have or experience." She wondered if Kari was the same, and waited for a reply with her breath held.