[Illium and beyond] The beacon needs to be found (closed)

"Taleeze," Skylar said again. Her lips twitched, as if they wanted to smile, but she hesitated. When Taleeze offered her hands, Skylar did smile, and accepted both readily. For a moment it seemed as if she would step forward, turn the greeting into a hug, but against she paused, and then the moment was gone.

"I've been well," she replied. For a moment there was no uncertainty in her face, as she said sincerely: "Very happy indeed to hear the news, you and Freh'ya."

She glanced down at her and Taleeze's hands, as if just noticing they were still together, and gave a quick squeeze then parted.

"Um. Do you want to sit?" she offered, gesturing to the couches where Daia had made one side of her office into an 'informal chat area'.

"I... missed you too," she said as they sat, she giving Taleeze enough space on the couch to not be touching, but not sitting so far away as to be remote, either. She held her hands together in her lap, sitting up straight - the corset, beneath its decorative flourishes, seemed to be quite a severe one, not allowing much in the way of slouching.

"No sense pretending otherwise," she admitted. "I've been thinking about you... well, more than I ought to, I suppose, but such is life." She gave a little smile, then met Taleeze's gaze properly.

"I'm glad you wanted to see me again," she said quietly. "It's... ah, not easy to be this close, and not get... preoccupied with fantasies." The last few words came out quickly, and as soon as she said them, she winced slightly, as if she had intended something more platonic. "But," she went on, lifting her chin as if to put the slip behind her and forge on, "things being as they are, I'd still be the poorer for not seeing you."

She smiled and glanced down, as if glad to have gotten through with only the one misstep, then looked back up.

"You're on to Nevos next, you and Freh'ya?" she asked, more conversationally.

Taleeze was short of closing her eyes and pulling the human into an embrace when Skylar touched her. The moment passed but she didn’t let go before Skylar did.

“Yes”, she replied on the offer to sit and she lounged into the cushions sideways, facing Skylar, one leg tucked under, so the seam of her skirt was showing most of that leg’s thigh. Her focus was on Skylar’s face though. She noticed the emotions she was running through and when Skylar mentioned the fantasies, a few muscles tensed in Taleeze, remembering.

She became aware of her exposed position and placed one hand on her thigh, as if to cover it but the touch of her own hand didn’t really help. Maybe her brows went up a notch as well.

She sorted her thoughts with a sigh when Skylar asked about Freh’ya. Did it hurt the human to say that name?

“Yes.” She said again. I only want to say ‘yes’ to you, Skylar, but that was not the question.
“We are going to Nevos next. Freh’ya is traumatized.... PTSD as they say. Well, she is functioning and healthy and everything but having nightmares, flashbacks… she has irrational fears in certain situations – which she tries not to show of course. She is going to see a Matriarch for counseling.” Taleeze looked down at her hand. “I have read a lot about the subject lately. There are a lot of fighters who experience that. Thessia has been especially gruesome….” She looked up into Skylar’s eyes again, a beseeching expression in her face. “She was doing a few really destructive things. Omega offers a wide variety. She is willing to try and she wants to work on it and she has been getting better…” Taleeze realized she was blabbering. “less nightmares than at first for example.” She looked down again. “I can’t leave her alone right now.”

After a pause she looked up at Skylar with some resolve on her face.
“Skylar, all the things I said at the spaceport remain true. I had time to think about it… seeing you again was so good, I can’t tell you how much. Nothing feels wrong or bad about it and I want to be able to admit that I long for your touch.” As much as you seem to do for mine.

If you would be asari, this would be easier maybe but what do you expect of me?

“But I come with an attachment, Skylar, an obligation of love.” Would she understand that her commitment could also be as unconditional for her as it was for Freh’ya? “I cannot run away from my feelings for Freh’ya as I could not from you. I… want this to have chance, Skylar.” Taleeze was moving closer to the human, her blood was hammering and rushing in her head. Looking at Skylar’s blue eyes, it had never been clearer though.

“I don’t want to lose you. I want to be near you and want to be allowed to love you.” Would she understand?
“What ... do you want, Skylar? Do... we have a chance?"

Skylar stared at Taleeze, wide-eyed.

"I... hadn't realised that was a possibility," she said slowly. "That you might..." She shook her head, managing a wry little smile. "I wish, I had a better answer for you. I just- ...don't know, now. I know what I want - who I want," she admitted, not hiding her gaze, "- but I thought..."

She sighed, and took a moment to compose herself.

"I knew you'd find her," she said at last. "You were always going to. So when I was with you, I knew it... wouldn't last. Couldn't, because you love her, you could never walk away, and I'd never want you to. I... made my peace with that. It wasn't easy, but," she shrugged, "the galaxy's a chaotic place, people don't always get what they want. What do you say, cherish the time you have? It wasn't easy to watch you leave, but... it was the right thing to do. It still is. Now... you're saying it doesn't have to be that choice, that you can be true to Freh'ya and... and you and me, we could still have a... a chance."

She paused a moment, then chuckled softly.

"I guess I'm more human inside than I seem sometimes," she said. "Or maybe that's not fair, it's not just a, a species thing. I am who I am. Perhaps who I think I am, though, could... change." She turned her smile on Taleeze, and there was a twinkle in her eye. "I'd much rather have you than a preconception, after all." Then she bit her lip softly, and was serious again. "But I... I think I need more time than today, to think. I'm sorry. I want to say yes, I really do. But I can't until I know I... I mean it, with all my heart. You understand that?" Her voice betrayed her for a moment, revealing a glimpse of how desperately she felt.

"Perhaps it's best this way," she said after a moment. "For now. Freh'ya needs you. I..." She took a deep breath. "I can promise you, I won't... You won't lose me, by being with her now. If I can do this, waiting is the easiest part. I'll miss you, but I'll know you are where you're meant to be. And you can be with Freh'ya, and not have to be distracted worrying about me all the while." She smiled, tentatively. "She must be incredible, for you to love her the way you do."

Was she even allowed to press Skylar into this position? It was the question she had faced yesterday with Daia as well but ultimately, being true was the only sustainable thing to do.

Taleeze sighed with some relief, partly to have things off her chest and partly because Skylar seemed not completely put off.

“I think I do understand, yes. I need some time as well. I wasn’t expecting … anything. I just needed to tell you. I couldn’t go on pretending. So, yes, take your time, myself and Freh’ya also need time.” She still remained an unknown variable in all this. Not so much for Taleeze, after two decades you know a few things about a person and her mindset. But then, Freh’ya had to rebuild in many ways. Right now trust and emotions towards Taleeze didn’t seem to be an issue but something like such a topic couldn’t be sprung upon her, Taleeze needed time for this and the layout of their future plans in general terms.

“I guess, trying to break up just didn’t work, so we have to try something else.” She chuckled shyly. “That time is all I can ask for now. This is not about me, I want this to be about you. I just want to make you as happy as I possibly can if you allow me to.” The last part she said very softly, while looking at her hands. After a few seconds she looked up at Skylar again, a sparkle in her eyes.

“You won’t distract me, Skylar, on the contrary.” Taleeze felt a new jolt of energy. “Freh’ya is a very special person… incredible is a good word.” The shower came to her mind. Freh’ya hadn’t lost that touch definitely. “She is a bit next to herself right now. This just needs work and stability. I know she wants to get better again, deep inside.

She’s a great person. true and honest, devoted, caring. She’s clever and funny… well, if you understand her sense of humor. In many ways she has your dedication, just directed at a different lifestyle - and she’s got your dry humor.” Taleeze laughed at the thought. She had never compared the two before really. She had never dared to until now.

“And you have seen her pictures. She looks amazing.” Taleeze had said this without any hesitation or fear. She wanted to stop hiding and messing herself up over it. Skylar deserved the full truth. Yes, having sex with Freh’ya was as great as with Skylar, there was no rating, no comparing. She had always been in the moment whenever it happened. Admitting it to herself was the first step to not being awkward.
And maybe Skylar had an eye for an asari like Freh… this was such a remote possibility Tal didn’t allow it to rise though.

Taleeze smiled, resting her head on the backrest of the couch, facing Skylar at an odd angle.

“Maybe you would like to see the two of us off later? It won’t be like last time.”

"Today? I... yes," Skylar said, gathering herself after the surprise. "Yes, I'd like that. Thank you." Perhaps it wasn't, she reflected, that much of a surprise after all. One of the first things she had learned, when she had settled in on Illium enough to begin dating, was how accepting many asari were of all kinds of relationships - casual as well as serious. She still vividly remembered the icy shock of realising that her paramour of the moment - Tiale, that had been - had brought her to brunch with her parents, on only their second 'date' at that. Her mother and father - step-father in fact, although she had never referred to him as that - hadn't been in the least perturbed to be introduced to "Skylar, my lover while Antiar is away," which was quite something to take in, Skylar herself having then still been new to the notion that Tiale would openly seek out a casual sexual relationship simply because her long-term partner - later husband, she had even been invited to the ceremony - was spending several months away. Tiale's parents had treated her exactly as she imagined they would a new friend of their daughter's, and the pattern had been repeated many times with other lovers over the years - parents, siblings, even other casual lovers. Not all asari played by those 'rules', so to speak, by any means, but coming from a human world, the interweaving of friendship and sexuality, on every level in social groups, took some getting used to.

She wondered, though, about Freh'ya - she wasn't simply Taleeze's partner, she was a woman suffering immense emotional trauma. How much of her present stability, such as it was, was tied up in Taleeze? More than a little, Skylar surmised. Open or not, asari weren't immune to doubt, or feeling betrayed, even, if circumstances pushed them strongly enough.

"Is... um," she began, not sure how to phrase what she wanted to ask. Of course Taleeze would have considered this - but she had to ask, to know how to present herself to Freh'ya, when the time came. "Does she know about us? I mean-" She held up a hand, wordlessly asking for a moment while she got her thoughts in order. "I know you'd never keep this from her - it's just not in your nature, I know that. But while she's getting her life back in order, you and her on Nevos... I don't want to say anything to her, today, that'd be awkward. Am I making sense?"

She chuckled quietly, shaking her head.

"This whole madly-in-love thing is making an utter mess of my cool composure," she joked.

“Yes. No, sorry, I should have been clearer. She doesn’t know yet. We talked about my time on Illium and I have mentioned you, but only briefly and… also I couldn’t have known at the time if… you know, your reaction wasn’t guaranteed and… I was also not sure…” she fumbled around, how embarrassing. But it had been the feeling at the time, an uncertainty about herself and Skylar’s feelings.
“But I am now.” She said with soft resolve and put on a smile.

She had told Freh’ya that there had been amorous adventures on Illium. It had happened before – not often but it had. It had been part of their arrangement of freedom. Two asari were looking at centuries of potential partnership and shackling each other was just impossible. But over the course of the last months and weeks, Taleeze had realized that this life may be coming to an end for her. She only wanted to be with Freh’ya and Skylar, the human’s time being so sadly limited anyway. She would stay true to Skylar and Freh’ya, realizing that the formation of a Triad was a serious commitment, but one she was willing to enter happily. Was this urge a change in her maiden phase?

“So, yes, you are making total sense. But if we want this to work, we must take one step at a time. This is going to be a first baby step. I want you to see her.”
She let out a deep sigh of relief, together with a chuckle.
“Once things settle down on Nevos there will be a time for all of this. We have postponed the big plan-making for after she has seen the Matriarch. That should set her course and we both agreed that we shouldn’t indulge in overeager daydreaming before the Matriarch had her say. I don’t know if I now make sense to you… I also only know about such counseling in theory. The last time I had memory techniques applied to me was during my university days and the purpose was different. So I don’t know what exactly will happen but I think I’ll know more about how and when to tell her afterwards. That’s what I meant when I said Freh and I also need time.”

“And I won’t tell anybody about your composure! It’s only me who sees you now." she replied with a chuckle. "You look beautiful today.” Taleeze’s hand reached forward to touch Skylar’s knee.

"So do you," Skylar said quietly. She put her hand over Taleeze's, still for a moment on her leg, then leaned forward, holding the asari's hand between them. "You look... more you than you ever did before, when she was still out there somewhere. Like I imagined you'd be, when you found her." She met Taleeze's gaze, smiling without reservation, then noticed the timepiece on Daia's desk, and sighed.

"I shouldn't keep you too long," she said. "For one thing, I'm not entirely sure how long I can sit here with you and not get thoroughly flustered, now." She grinned mischievously, then smiled more calmly. "And you're right. Small steps. The future... will be what it will be, hm? When the time comes, I'll be here." She looked down, seeming almost shy for a second - a very rare aspect. "I'll be anywhere you want."

She smiled at herself, unashamed of letting Taleeze see this side of her, then looked up, again confident.

"And it will be my pleasure to see you both off today," she confirmed. "Until next time."

“You’re not keeping me.” It was one of those rare moment when the galaxy stopped spinning, when everything boiled down to this small singularity, before erupting in a flash of bright white light.

Taleeze smiled back, her eyes sparkling. It was touching to see Skylar letting down all her professional composure around her. It made Taleeze happy, she felt like they had taken another step under difficult circumstances.

I'll be anywhere you want. – there would be no search necessary like for Freh’ya.
“Thank you… love” Taleeze leaned in and touched Skylar’s lips with hers.
When they broke the kiss, she continued. “… for being you.”

~~~~~~~~

The skycab was lifting of from the pad in front of the penthouse, Skylar and Ana were standing, waving but were only visible for a brief moment.

That was that, they were leaving for Nevos, for home. A shiver ran down Taleeze’s spine. No, a part of me is at home here now, back there in the heart of that blond human woman. She felt a bit of sadness and renewed energy at the same time.

“You have made great friends, Tal. I enjoyed this day.” There was a lot unspoken context in this matter of fact comment of Freh’ya. It meant something remarkable for her to feel something like joy these days. But everyone had made it easy for her, but without making a fuzz. She had been received with genuine respect and interest and had been welcomed to the family.
“Too bad we only met this human Skylar so late. Well… maybe some other time.” Freh’ya looked out the other widow when Taleeze was turning her head towards her.

“Yes, sure… you’ll like her, she has your sense of humor.” Could Freh’ya actually hear her heartbeat? It was rushing in her ears. She had hope though. It would all work out…. She just had started chewing another ninety meter of nutri paste.

The good bye had been warm and affectionate. Taleeze had observed how Skylar had exchanged hands with Freh’ya. Obviously it was different seeing her in real life than just on holos. But Skylar had not been put aback, it was more like an admiring interest. It had been… good.

“I’m looking forward to the ocean, Tal…. I… how’s the boat? Can we go out on the boat?”
Freh’ya had turned around and looked at Tal, smiling like a kid, vulnerable, totally open, happy.

Then she realized that she was pressing the purple commando’s hand for some time already.

“Yes, we can, the FuHa awaits you.” A few moments passed “I love you, Freh’ya. I am happy you are with me again.”

“I will…. try not to run away again. I want to be where you want me to be. I am yours.”

And then they kissed…..

FIN