[Entertainment] Naked Asari Matriarch Causes Chaos at Intersection

Naked Asari Matriarch Causes Chaos at Intersection

Erolyn, SANVESS - An elderly asari was arrested after leaving her residence nude, walking into traffic, and overthrowing every vehicle in a ten-yard radius.

Aunitha T’Rovisan, 1182, has been a Matriarch for the past four centuries. Once a formidable biotic commander, time has quietly been taking its toll on her, as she has been shrinking out of the political eye for the past 32 years. Since the end of the Reaper War, she has been taking up residence in an assisted living home. This changed, however, in a matter of minutes last night.

“I don’t understand how she did it,” said 216-year-old Sheen Lohersweil, who has been caring for the old Matriarch since she arrived at the home. “For the past week, she’s been meditating quietly in her room, and she’s required assistance for moving from room to room for quite some time. How she managed to undress is beyond me, let alone leaving.”

The Matriarch’s outburst has caused several thousand credits’ worth of damage, not including the hospitalization of three asari with cracked ribs and head injuries. She was subdued after two huntresses were deployed, incapacitating the woman through their combined biotics. She is being treated for her injuries at an undisclosed location.

Oh right, asari matriarchs are statistically more likely to work as dancers in strip clubs. This means that matriarchs wandering around with nothing on is par for the course. How could I forget.

No, it's just that as I said earlier, Asari... don't have as much of a nudity taboo as other species.

uh... no?
Being naked is not newsorthy among asari as among other species.

Let's agree on different perception of the title on cultural basis.

EDIT: thank you, Kiara

Man, never thought I'd see asari using the "BUT BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS" argument.

I mean normally it's every guy/girl in the galaxy with a thing for chicks that tries to pull that but I just

wow, this is a pretty big first for me.

Edit: Oh I'm sorry I mean "BUT IT'S CULTURAL",

but same diff tbh.

man, why do you give this much've a fuck ennyway

ain't like you got a dick ter hide

ennybody got dis chick's address? ain't boned sommat older'n me in ferever

In other news Dyson's picture has been uploaded on five conspiracy sites already ::)

This was not the intended consequence.

Clarification: The image I have previously produced has been deliberately manipulated in order to document an instance of misleading visual evidence of observational phenomena. The image of entity: Overlord Kredak has been fabricated in that image. Negligible evidence supports his involvement in the termination of former UNAS President Abraham Lincoln, and it is inadvisable to use this image as such.

You know, I don't think I've ever even heard of a senile asari up until now.

Asari don't always age gracefully, you know.

About everything has already been said from an asari perspective but I am really sad that this piece is tagged as [entertainment]. Totally unacceptable, even a bit sick, since this event is in no way entertaining for those involved.

I just hope, everyone involved gets well soon.

Oh, that won't stop certain sentients from using it as such anyway. True fanaticism has this strange ability to only see things that support their cause, and anything to the contrary is either ignored, considered lies, or harshly twisted to support their own agenda.

Alternatively, some other extranet goers may be attempting to use your fabrication to antagonize said conspiracy nuts. Either way, the fact that your fabrication is making the rounds is a good thing. It means people liked it. :]

A BLOO BLOO BLOOOO BLOO BLOOOOOO LAUGHIN' AT SENILE BLUETITS IS OFFENSIVE BLOO BLOOOOOOOOO

Really? Oh, very well, here.

This one appreciates the trailing link carrying the title "millennial mammaries mash motorists". The repetitious forceful exhalation of air accompanying the sound with which each word begins would seem to this one to convey a flippant tone of bemused faux-alarm, successfully preparing the reader for the humour and titillation with which they have chosen to report the story.

This one must admit to finding that decision uncomfortable; it believes the link in question must not be to an asari source, which it believes would be more respectful. This one finds the rhetorical technique of alliteration fascinating, though. Among hanar, repetitious bursts of light at similar intensities are usually warning signals, or demonstrate an aggressive emphasis. As such, this rhetorical technique is one of the few in which hanar have little experience, and therefore is a rich bloom of potential for these ones to learn from the wisdom of others!

Sound-based communication offers possibilities that light-based communication does not. This one believes that such is a prime example of the necessity for these ones to find greater understanding through immersion in the wider galaxy!

IS this senility? Are we going to learn more about her condition? I hope we learn more as this develops.

To be fair, she's at 1100 something, at that point, you can't get much better then "Controlled dive into loopiness."

Well... every species has limits. I imagine we don't hear about this sort of thing often because the two species that can actually live this long usually die by other means.

I've never heard of a krogan dying of old age for instance.

Man, over a millennium. Me, I wouldn't even begin to know what to do with all that time. Got me thinking though, how I'd want to spend my last days/years. I'm kinda torn. On the one hand, it'd be pretty cool to end up running something like a bar, or just being a regular, getting to wow people with tales from the glory days. On the other, burning out in a blaze of glory in flight would probably be pretty cool too.

I dunno. Guess I'll just have to see what happens.

Oh, yeah. In reference to the actual news article; maybe she just got bored?

You just never know how that last century is going to treat you.
All the memories coming back randomly, all the biotic techniques. It's not so much sickness but an... overflow. That is why some Matriarchs call upon their former disciples and have last meetings, share some of their past memories, hand them over in a way to relieve themselves. This is rare and ... very private.

I have never witnessed this myself but my mother told me about it.
It's the time you want to be in seclusion - I think I'd want to. But I can't even grasp this at this point of my life.

Sometimes maybe all the memories just get overwhelming. Maybe Lady T’Rovisan can't share with her Disciples as they all - or at least many - have perished in the war. I can imagine this must be very painful and could lead to such a seemingly random act. I hope, her caretaker can be of support.

All the proof you need


My dad died of old age (like 1020 years old). It's a shame I didn't get to see it. I always wanted the benefit of pissing on his corpse.