[Science] Secret Report Reveals: Reapers Can't Dance!
a thread by Presslink News Aggregator started on 2187-11-17 05:21:08 last post on 2187-11-20 22:01:03
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 Presslink News Aggregator |
Secret Report Reveals: Reapers can’t dance!
Via Astoundocity EXCLUSIVE ASTOUNDOCITY FOOTAGE reveals that the malevolent space entities known only as Reapers are in fact COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF DANCING, as discovered by our EXPERT CELEBRITY EXPOSE-MAKER MENAFI KOLHEX In this footage you can clearly see Ms. Kolhex pull up alongside a Reaper reconstructing a mass relay, and blare almost four straight minutes of the NEW SMASH HIT SINGLE “I Don’t Know Why My Relationship Got Better After My Wife Was Forcibly Husked By Invading Reapers” by MEGA GALACTIC SUPERSTAR PLASMATICO from her starship. Even though everyone is COMPELLED TO DANCE upon hearing that song, the Reaper declines out of shame. It opts instead to continue rebuilding the relay, and when ordered to dance by repeated comm transmissions from Ms. Kolhex, its efforts consist of SPINNING IN PLACE ONCE AND FLYING AWAY! Quelle horreur! To those of you who say this was because the Reaper couldn’t hear the music in the vacuum of space, SCREW YOU. YOU’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Presslink News Aggregator: Collecting headlines from across the galaxy. ((Official administration news feed. Please consult the Site Rules for submitting an article.)) |
 Talonz II Mech. Inf. With XXXII Engies |
Drell Chem wrote:Indeed! That's a HORRIBLY planned experiment, there are far too many variables! Maybe they prefer turian folk music, or human classical, or maybe asari new synth club beats. You forgot the independent variable. And where's their control group? |
 DamnTheTorpedoes Per Ardua Ad Astra |
Finally, the true secret of our victory is revealed.
Instructor, Heavy Warship Tactics Systems Alliance Luna Training Base Repensum Est Canicula |
 Drell Chem |
Talonz wrote:You forgot the independent variable.
Exactly! And this was only attempted once. This would NEVER pass a proper peer review, honestly. Current Status: Tired and Overworked |
 2LT Harris |
Drell Chem wrote:
Talonz wrote:You forgot the independent variable.
Exactly! And this was only attempted once. This would NEVER pass a proper peer review, honestly.I'm sorry, a scientific peer review would - should, hopefully - be the last organisation on the list of groups this 'article' would be rejected by. I will not cease from mental fight, Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand: Till we have rebuilt Jerusalem, In Earth's green & pleasant lands. |
 Pilotlight Telos Mallenis. Proud Captain for the Citadel Exploration Fleet. Going further than anyone, for the good of everyone. |
Bravery, stupidity and creativity in all of their glory 3:D
An old human saying says "Oh no not I, I will survive For as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive!" Very wise those humans were.<3 |
 The Good Doctor |
What brave people the galaxy produces these days.
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 Harrad_01 |
I'm kind of curious what Capice thinks of this.
And really, is it that brave to get close to one? If they're interested in destroying us they've shown that they have significant long-range weapons. Also, I just want to say that Plasmatico is totally overrated. |
 I AM THE LAW Tuchanka's finest |
Bah, what a waste of oxygen! If the guy wants to do REAL research, maybe he can come to ol' Tuchanka and make new crops!
Strong arm of the Law with 600 years of experience |
 Mombasa Giants Fan |
Hey now. Any information we can get on Reaper weaknesses, even if it's their lack of ability to dance, is crucial for the war eff... You're right, this is the worst "Science" I have ever heard.
Awesome though, driving close to a reaper take balls. Current Location: Illium. At least it's warm |