THE SHORT HOUR S1E4: Paid for by the Galactic Breakfast Association

I...

Hm. That was. Yeah.

I need to see if there are any other channels on this thing.

AVALON

[We return in medias res. King Arthur is engaged in combat against the powerful knight Accolon of Gaul. He’s losing terribly - every blow he lands seems to bounce ineffectively off Accolon’s armor.]

[Merlin watches from the background, alongside the sorceress Morgan le Fay.]

[Merlin] “Vexed: I am passing wroth, for wit ye well, my liege is the greatest knight on life, and it grieveth me sore that Sir Accolon deals him such blows.”

[Morgan] “Care not you, for now this one sees the time of its victory at hand, therefore hie thee fast and flee, Merlin, for this one is resolved to overthrow its brother the King forthwith, and to despoil his city of Camelot.”

[King Arthur is once again wounded, having failed to penetrate Accolon’s armor with Excalibur. He swings again, and this time the Gaulish knight strikes the sword from his hand, where it lands next to the sorcerers.]

[Sir Accolon] “Thou art overcome, and mayst not endure, and also thou art weaponless, and thou hast lost much of thy blood, yet I am full loath to slay thee, therefore yield to me as recreant.”

[Morgan] “I pray thee do as the knight commandeth, for thou art bested.”

[King Arthur] “Nay! I may not so, for I have promised to do the battle to the uttermost by the faith of my body, while me lasteth the life, and therefore I had liefer to die with honor than to live with shame. And if it were possible for me to die an hundred times, I had liefer to die so oft than yield me to thee, for though I lack weapon, I shall lack no worship, and if thou slay me weaponless that shall be thy shame.”

[Sir Accolon] “Well, as for the shame, I will not spare, now keep thee from me, for thou art but a dead man!”

[As the other knight raises his sword, Arthur spies the sheath of Excalibur hanging from his belt. He reaches out and snatches it away, and Accolon’s strike bounces harmlessly off his armor.]

[King Arthur] “By my oath! The scabbard! Much pain hast thou made me to endure this day, Sir Knight, through whatever devilry ye came upon Excalibur’s scabbard, and now I pray thee tell me who gave it you, and by whom ye had it.”

[In the background, Morgan glows as innocent a color as possible. (It’s kind of lilac.)]

[Sir Accolon] “Now, sir, I will tell you: Morgan le Fay, King Uriens' wife, sent it me yesterday by a dwarf, to this intent, that I should slay King Arthur, her brother. For ye shall understand King Arthur is the man in the world that she most hateth, because he is most of worship and of prowess of any of her blood; also she loveth me out of measure as paramour, and I her again...”

[He takes a breath.]

[Sir Accolon] “...and if she might bring about to slay Arthur by her crafts, she would slay her husband King Uriens lightly, and then had she me devised to be king in this land, and so to reign, and she to be my queen; but that is now done, for I am overthrown.”

[Merlin] “Knowingly: My liege, at last ye ween the arcane power of the scabbard. Dramatic revelation: I shall say you now, that in days long past the noble Protheans made well within the bounds of their realm, and set upon this earth a hollowed beacon, like unto a sieve, not ten miles hence, at the lake from which ye drew Excalibur. And that beacon, good King, is the scabbard which ye now have got once again from your sister’s treachery, and within it lays all the good spirit of the Protheans.”

[King Arthur] “Aye, I wit well its healing power, like the good salves of hermits.”

[Merlin] “Impatiently: Nay, I meant that it be also a disintegrator ray.”

[A bolt of red energy lances from Excalibur’s sheath and reduces Sir Accolon to an ashen statue, which immediately breaks up and blows away when a stiff breeze hits it.]

[King Arthur] ”God’s wounds!”

[Merlin] “With druidic impertinence: Didst ye not understand when I counseled ye on the miraculous scabbard? Fie.”

[King Arthur] “Ah, Merlin, men saith that a devil begat thee, but now I see there is but one earthly devil here!”

[He points the scabbard at Morgan le Fay, and charges the disintegrator ray.]

[Morgan] “Oh fair brother, Arthur, have mercy upon this one, for it was tempted with a devil, wherefore it cries mercy. It will never more do so; therefore save its worship and discover this one not.”

[A pause.]

[King Arthur] “On this covenant, I will forgive it you, so ye will never again be about to do such deeds.”

[Morgan] “Nay, and that this one makes thee assurance.”

[Merlin] “Wearily: Dot dot dot.”

[Fade to black.]

YON ENDE

[Roll credits. End of SHORT HOUR S1E4.]

You know I'm going to be up all night trying to work out why Morgan le Fay is a hanar?

Man, fuck you.