[Entertainment] Naked Asari Matriarch Causes Chaos at Intersection

Naked Asari Matriarch Causes Chaos at Intersection

Erolyn, SANVESS - An elderly asari was arrested after leaving her residence nude, walking into traffic, and overthrowing every vehicle in a ten-yard radius.

Aunitha T’Rovisan, 1182, has been a Matriarch for the past four centuries. Once a formidable biotic commander, time has quietly been taking its toll on her, as she has been shrinking out of the political eye for the past 32 years. Since the end of the Reaper War, she has been taking up residence in an assisted living home. This changed, however, in a matter of minutes last night.

“I don’t understand how she did it,” said 216-year-old Sheen Lohersweil, who has been caring for the old Matriarch since she arrived at the home. “For the past week, she’s been meditating quietly in her room, and she’s required assistance for moving from room to room for quite some time. How she managed to undress is beyond me, let alone leaving.”

The Matriarch’s outburst has caused several thousand credits’ worth of damage, not including the hospitalization of three asari with cracked ribs and head injuries. She was subdued after two huntresses were deployed, incapacitating the woman through their combined biotics. She is being treated for her injuries at an undisclosed location.

...that's a thing.

Nudity isn't nearly as big a taboo among Asari, though. Might have been something she was doing?

Perhaps it was the 3 asari with broken bones, or the fact that it took 2 huntresses' combined biotic power to bring her down.

A thing like...


or even like...


Not to mention the wounded asari.

Edit: I just noticed Niala beat me to the punch, next time Niala, next time! :3

...
Gah. That'll teach me to skim these stories while I'm distracted then post without doing a more careful readthrough.

Holos or it didn't happen.

so is this asari version of sklikos gamic?

No thanks.

User: Schmidt Solutions is advised that a holographic image is not perfect empirical evidence for documenting physical phenomena, as such evidence may be manipulated to document misleading or false information. For example:



Using User: Schmidt Solutions' criterion for documenting phenomena, the following holographic image may be considered proof that the entity known as Overlord Kredak was responsible for the termination of former UNAS president Abraham Lincoln, instead of the entity known as John Wilkes Booth, despite considerable evidence to the contrary.

Mean, this is what I love about asari. Even the like, really old ones still look hella in shape. Like, I'm pretty sure the only thing that changes is their tits get bigger and-








oh

my

fucking spirits

there are no words

Who says the geth don't have a sense of humor? :]

Typical for news: totally misleading title but does the job oviously. Use the word "naked" randomly and it'll generate klicks from nowhere...
The fact she was naked is the like, super-yawn part of the story.

Yep, the old Lady Matriarch was probably just reliving the good days once more. I wonder what pissed her off so much. Maybe Sheen should think about her workout program for the Lady Matriarch, she seems a bit restless.
The broken bones heal, credits can be replaced. I am glad Lady T’Rovisan is realively okay.

uh









That's about as straightforward an article title as you can get.

Hey Spiza,


...is about about as far as most read. The fact that she was nude didn't cause anything besides klicks for the article.

So a giant obvious detail that inherently ups the weirdness quotient isn't headline-worthy? I mean, if most turians celebrated Unification Day by spontaneously stripping to their skivvies during the celebrations, I'd probably consider that headline-worthy too.

Poor woman. Hopefully this will prove an isolated incident, or a reaction to some unanticipated stimulus that can be avoided in future. She's earned a peaceful and content twilight, after all her service.

(Assuming she was reliving some past stressful episode, that is. If she just felt like getting her gear off and having a blast, and wasn't really conscious of her surroundings in the process, well, more joy to her - just find her a more isolated location away from traffic, and attendants suited to the task.)

(And please, that title is pandering to lascivious readers if ever one was. The story got filed in 'entertainment' for Athame's sake. Half the news channels here - the serious ones - didn't even mention her being naked until a couple of paragraphs in.)

As I demonstrated. :/

Well not spontaneously but sometimes

you know

shit happens.

PRUUUUUUUUUUUUUDES

Not helping, Dwick.

Anyway.


Links or it didn't happen.

You are familiar with the cultural differences of asari and turians. Not comparable.
On the other hand, I have worked in holiday clubs on Nevos. Celebrating and stripping turians are not unfamiliar to me.

The Astella Standard had it as 'Disoriented Matriarch causes traffic accident' for example.
To me it's not adding to the weirdness at all. I do understand though it does for others.