[SHADOWRUN] We Are Team Very Special Episode

Ladies and gentlemen, pull out your shades, don your leather jackets and polish up on your Sperethiel, because it is time, once again, to visit the world of



An Eighties love letter to William Gibson, J.R.R. Tolkein and Gary Gygax, Shadowrun is a game where epic fantasy and cynical sci-fi meet in one corporate hellscape of 2070’s Seattle – where companies rule the world, dragons can get elected president, and technomancers can hack the Matrix just by thinking about it.

For the uninitiated,, our heroes are a quintet of the lowest of the low, scraping what they can out of the bottom of the barrel and fighting their inner demons as they try to earn a living as expendable company criminals. Can they beat the odds – or will they eat each other before being eviscerated by the privately-owned Knights Errant?


DRAMATIS PERSONAE

THE_SARCASTIC_SALARIAN as HOLLOW PAUL, a fashion-obsessed former Mafia heir who had to turn tail when he turned troll

ANA’THERION VAS NEDAS as MANTIS, a human ballerina who woke up one morning in a bathtub of ice and with all her limbs turned to cybernetics

DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY as LORD BABBAGE, a British hacker formerly of the Guildenhof Gentlemen’s Technocracy, who discovered far too late that that 200,000-nuyen “withdrawal” was non-refundable

HARRAD_01 as GOLDMAN, a novacoke-loving mage whose benders would make Eightball proud

CLOD as HEMLOCK, an elven Ancient whose comparatively sane past leaves her keeping the others from tearing each other apart

And DOCTOR SORNN as THE DUNGEON MASTER, who spends half the time encouraging us to think outside the box and the other half trying to save face as we accidentally turn his dragons to stone.


CHAPTER ELEVEN: DRIVE-THRU DOPE

[It’s been a while since the previous update, so let’s get a recap going. Last time around, our “Heroes” were in the middle of their second-ever run, provided by a contact Paul picked up by returning a stolen drug shipment to its “rightful” owner. Their current goal is to find this man’s latest competition and beat it into the ground.

The problem is, they have to find it first. They have recently uncovered a dealer working for him, a teenager named Rock (whom we suspect has a situation-appropriate I.Q.) However, in the midst of tricking him into leading us to his supplier, we were assaulted by a gang who noticed Paul’s expensive taste. As a result, there is a crater in the Barrens, courtesy of Paul, and that gang is now missing six members.

The bad news of this, of course, is that Rock rabbited. The GOOD news is that he - in his infinite slowness - is giving our heroes another chance to buy (in Aphin’s words) 'A shitload of drugs.' As he plans to meet us at Pier Three of the docks at 8:00 AM, we have the night to prepare…as well as deal with a potential problem.]

<Babbage> "In other news, I think I'm in trouble..."
<Mantis> "...What."
<HollowPaul> ...
* HollowPaul order another drink.
<Babbage> "I, uh, got a strange message while we were out yesterday. No tracking code or anything else, just , "I'VE FOUND YOU." “
<Babbage> “I don't think that's a good sign."
<HollowPaul> "...From who."
<Mantis> "You think it's those guys you owe?"
<Hemlock> "When?"
<Babbage> "Could be, them you never know. When? Well, yesterday, when I told you I wasn’t going to be home and stuff."
<ShadowGM> The message /was/ strangely without a tracking code or anything else.
<ShadowGM> ... which, in a way, speaks to the expert level of the person (or persons, or AI, or whatever) that sent it.
<Goldman> “Uh, /who?/”
* Babbage turns to Goldman. "Some guys who kind of think I own them 200K. Nothing for you to worry about."
* Mantis remains calm. "All right. Look, it's been months. Don't we have enough to just pay them off by now, between the two of--"
<Mantis> "...."

[Cut to the outside of the bar.]

<Mantis> "TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND NUYEN?!"

[A homeless dude looks up, as if you're offering, then sees your cybernetics and waddles away.]
<Babbage> "Well why do you think someone like me does this shit in the first place?"
<HollowPaul> "..."
<HollowPaul> Cut back to the outside of the bar.
<Mantis> "Two hun...how? How could you possibly owe them two hundred thousand nuyen?! What, did they charge 5% interest?"
* Hemlock thinks back to the gangers we ran into last night. "You still haven't told us who 'found you'. Or who they might have sent AFTER you."
<Babbage> "Well I didn't actually /lend/ the money, it kind of…fell…in my…pocket."
<Goldman> "It fell."
<HollowPaul> "It. /Fell."/
<HollowPaul> /"Then where the /fuck/ did it go?!"/
<ShadowGM> (The bartender casts a hairy eyeball your way. Damn, that group's noisy.)
<Babbage> "Why do you think I left England in the first place—oh, that's simple. Cyber- and bioware."
* Mantis rests her forehead gently on her arms, and goes very limp.
* Hemlock buries her face into her hand. Oh, lord.
<HollowPaul> "Christ."
<Mantis> "Ai ya."
<Babbage> "Don't worry mates, I've dealt with this before. We do the op, I pay back that troll and I'm off to another city."

[Which is going to go over so well when he’s a part of a Team.]

* Mantis looks vaguely traumatized. "Good."
<ShadowGM> The bartender comes over. “So, can I get you anything…or…”
* HollowPaul looks like he's ready to launch himself across the table.

[Which, given the demise of his current suit – see Chapter 10, folks! – he just might.]

<ShadowGM> "I'll.... I'll come back later."
<ShadowGM> The waitress quickly scoots away.
<Mantis> "Yeah, but you never said two hundr...okay, look, priorities."
<Goldman> "Look, right now Babbage has all his fingers, so let's worry about Rock."
<Mantis> "We'll talk about it later. For right now...yeah."
<Goldman> "It sounds like I'm going to meeting with this idiot instead of Hemlock?"
<HollowPaul> "Either. That. Or you go with him."
* HollowPaul stares daggers at Babbage.
<Babbage> "What?"
<Babbage> "They're after me not you."
<Hemlock> "That's not important right now."
<Babbage> "Well he's looking at me!"
<Hemlock> "The last time Rock went to a drop-off he was in a car. I'm assuming that we'll need our own vehicle if he's going to lead us to the stash."
<Hemlock> "But he might have seen ours."
<Goldman> "Assuming he's not dumb enough to just bring it with him."
<HollowPaul> "And we need as many means of tracking them as possible, /particularly/ if shit goes south again."
* HollowPaul indicates Babbage's equipment.
* Babbage shrugs, "at most I can put in a tracking program."
<Babbage> "But we already know where he lives, and his supplier probably delivers, few want other people knowing where they keep their stuff."
<HollowPaul> "It's more than nothing."

[A note: At this point, we’ve already established that Babbage can hack on of their broadband items with an admin account and then install a program that can beep its position back to him; it just requires him to be on site for it to work, since he has a decent range on his signal. The only reason we didn't do this the last time was because Babbage and Goldman got attacked by MURDER HOBOS.]

<ShadowGM> OLD BILL RULES THIS STREET, WHIPPERSNAPPER

[At this point, Mantis voices a simpler plan.]
<Mantis> "You know what?"
<Hemlock> "We're not killing him."
<Mantis> "Why don't we just get him away from his guards and ask him?"
<Hemlock> "Oh."
<Goldman> "That's what I was suggesting."

[ Goldman wasn't really suggesting it.]

<Mantis> "He's dumb as a rock, we could offer him nuyen or Goldman could use a mind control spell or..."
<Babbage> "That's what I'm suggesting too."
<Mantis> "If he's only got the two from last time, it'd be easy enough to get him to dismiss his guards."
<ShadowGM> XD
<Mantis> "Just appeal to...uh...e-ego?"
<Goldman> "Yeah. We meet, I ask to try the shit, and that's about it."

[Mantis does not understand psychology due to autofailing all social interactions.]

<HollowPaul> So what will people like Mantis and I be doing during this?
<Hemlock> Guard duty. :|
<HollowPaul> For you, or hiding in case shit goes south (again)?
* Goldman will need a bodyguard or two.
<Hemlock> If you want, I can keep a lookout with you guys in case you miss something.
* Hemlock is totally rocking his nine perception, aw yis

[Someone’s gotta. It’s not like Paolo “I Desperately Need Glasses to Aid My Two Perception” Francesco will.]

<HollowPaul> So you wanting me with you, Goldman?
<Goldman> "Yeah."
<Hemlock> Babbage, no!
* HollowPaul nods.
<Goldman> "Nothing says high-roller like a well-dressed troll."
<Mantis> Alright. Hemlock and I will keep an eye out for trouble, then.
<HollowPaul> Guess I'll have to see if I can get this suit repaired then
* HollowPaul puts a hand over the hole and grimaces.
<ShadowGM> The suit mocks you with its holiness.

[So we have our plan. Goldman and Paul will handle the deal – Goldman to handle the drugs, Paul to keep them on the “Straight and Narrow,” so to speak. Mantis and Hemlock will be on Overwatch, and Babbage will be on-site to hack the pushers’ security systems.

As to explain why our Face isn’t doing the deal…]

<Goldman> "Religious holiday."
<ShadowGM> XD
<ShadowGM> "I can't deal drugs on shober shabbas."
* Hemlock laughs. "You know he'd buy it."
<Mantis> It also makes us look like big shots - we can afford to send a go-between, with a troll bodyguard no less.
<ShadowGM> The waitress comes back, timidly, looking at Paul.
<ShadowGM> "Uh, uh, o-orders?"
<Goldman> "Coffee."
<Mantis> "Another soda, please."
<Hemlock> "Coffee, too. Black, please."
<HollowPaul> "Bourbon."

[More coffee is added. As is bourbon and soda. It’s going to be a looooooong night. At some point, however, everyone goes back to their respective hovels – except for Mantis, who goes to Coatl for little more reason than as an excuse to use this picture for ambiance.]



<ShadowGM> Coatl is up watching bad movies on the trid when you show up, and he tosses you a beer.
<ShadowGM> "Amiga. Drink. It is Monster Mash-Up. A very important part of your training."
<ShadowGM> He opens up another one with his spur.
<Mantis> "...Yeah, okay."
* Mantis complies!
<ShadowGM> Unfortunately, as Coatl has the same... problems as you do, he doesn't really notice your mood and just continues to drink and watch the trid. :(

[Cyberpsychosis - ruining friendships since 2022. In the meantime, Babbage checks into a coffin hotel to hide from his pursuers, and Paul…

Well, if you’ve ever seen the Community episode “Documentary Filmmaking: Redux” and are familiar with Dean Pelton’s breakdown, you have Paul’s reaction to the loss of yet another suit when left to his own devices.

Everyone else, being marginally sane, simply preps for tomorrow.]

<ShadowGM> Babbage, you bed down for the night in a cheap hotel that is most likely infested with devil rats, and you spend the majority of the night hearing them tear each other apart behind the walls.
<Goldman> Sure, they're "fighting".
<ShadowGM> Hemlock, you binge on the news until the wee hours of the morning. Financial news shows Saeder-Krupp just purchased some land in Australia that has the local aborigines very upset, but don't worry about your stocks, investors! Saeder-Krupp is sending out mercenaries to stop the "protests" from getting out of hand!

[Dawn arrives. It's early in the morning, and the dim light barely breaks through the thick clouds. Everything is a miasmic purple, with promises of rain later today. As our characters drive down to the piers by the Sound, we hear thunder crack in the distance.]

<ShadowGM> ... Goldman, on the other hand, is in an electrified world of novacoke and AIN'T SHIT YOU CAN DO ABOUT THAT

[We pull up to the pier entrance. There are no guards, though there is a disused storage shed to the side with a stack of pallets nearby – decent cover. We have half an hour to set up.

Mantis looks a little hung over and more depressed than usual; Paul is less than pleased with Goldman’s condition, though Goldman probably couldn’t give a flying fuck if he wanted to – he’s grinning a grin of gritted teeth and awesome. At least he’s had the foresight to not show any of the “good stuff” on his nose. ]

<Mantis> "Let me find a decent vantage point..."
* Babbage looks for a nice place out of sight but still in range.
<Mantis> All right. I'm Good At Hiding (TM), so Babbage gets first pick of where to hide.
* Babbage heads for the shed.
<ShadowGM> Alright. It's locked, but the lock is rusty as hell.
<ShadowGM> One good kick should stove it in.
* Babbage will kick the door.
<ShadowGM> Alright. You kick in the door - making a ton of fucking noise as the whole shed rattles and pigeons fly out - but you're good.
* Babbage is pleased with himself :3
* Mantis adjusts the stack of pallets, forming a sort of camouflage niche.
* Hemlock is gonna bunker down with Mantis. Also: "You look like shit, girl."
* Mantis makes room for Hemlock, and ensures she has a clear view of where the deal's going down. "Sorry. Got a lot on my mind."

[So long as Babbage remains in the shed, he gets a 6 to Infiltration, so he should be very well hidden. Mantis and Hemlock, similarly, gets a bonus – only 2, however, since they’re out in the open.]

<ShadowGM> Alright, you three need to roll me infiltration.
<ShadowGM> Just so I have a baseline to work with.
<ShadowGM> Roll those infiltration checks, dudes.
<Mantis> 8-2

[So Mantis is effectively invisible. Dippy similarly rolls an 8 (thanks to that bonus), and Hemlock…]

<Hemlock> 3.
<ShadowGM> Don't forget the bonus from the crates.
<Hemlock> I did!
<ShadowGM> ... wow.

[Hemlock is bad at hiding. Obviously she came from the Grend School of Camouflage, by which we (of course) mean her ass is huge.

Goldman and Paul, meanwhile, stay out in the open. They’re here to BUY DRUGS, after all.]

* Goldman is going to have a quick magic peekeroo.
<ShadowGM> Alright, roll me assense!
<ShadowGM> Goldman?
<Goldman> TWO
<ShadowGM> Alright. The smog in the air is making it hard to assense properly.
<ShadowGM> You see what looks like a water spirit playing with some fish in the sound, but everything else feels grimy and very, very gray.
<Goldman> MAGIC SMOG.

[It exists. Thank the Toxic Mages, and for the love of god, don’t go to Aztlan.]

* HollowPaul is standing in place, arms crossed and watching the entrance to the pier.
<HollowPaul> (the arms crossing is meant to hide the hole in his suit)
* Goldman waits next to Paul.

[Thankfully, we don’t need to wait long, for within a few minutes there is a screech of tires, and that shitty yellow Jackrabbit from Chapter 10 turns the corner, pumping its tiny wheels through the drizzle. It’s hard not to hear the tox-core grindrap from the small machine (WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP) – it must be as loud as a nightclub in there.]

<ShadowGM> Anything you guys want to do?
* HollowPaul remains stock still, doing his best loom.
<Goldman> I am going to astrally peek into the dude's car.
<ShadowGM> Roll me assense, dude!
<Goldman> TWO AGAIN
<ShadowGM> :|

[Goldman’s Assense skill is ass-sense.]

<Goldman> FUCK YOU I DO COCAINE

[The car itself is a big lump of grey color. Nonliving. Rock – at least, presumably - is pretty bog-standard. He's got some wirework in his head, but nothing special. He's nervous and edgy, though. His aura's all yellow and flecked with green.

The other two occupants, well...One of them's a mass of range and red shot through with gray. The other... he's blue, serene, but coming off with some magic in him.]

* Goldman pops back into his body.
<ShadowGM> You presume these are the two bodyguards from yesterday.
<ShadowGM> The jackrabbit pulls up with a halting screech - then starts again, then stops again, goddammit, Rock, get off the clutch - and then purrs to a halt.
<ShadowGM> Out of the car steps Rock and his bodygaurds. Rock is... well.
<ShadowGM> Remember when you wiped the novacoke from your nose?
<ShadowGM> He didn't.
<Goldman> Naturally.
<Hemlock> Hope he's not sampling his own wares.
<ShadowGM> The bodyguards fan out and reach under their jackets, taking a look around.
* Goldman leans in to whisper to Paul.
<Goldman> "Dude on the right is an adept."
<Goldman> "He will kung-fu your ass, so be careful."
* HollowPaul grips the arms of his jacket accordingly.

[The big bald one - Cobra - looks over at the shed.]

<ShadowGM> BABBAGE, ROLL ME INFILTRATION, 6 FOR DICE
<Goldman> SNEAK
<Babbage> 4-2
<ShadowGM> The huge human looks over a bit, brushing his mustache... then shrugs.
<ShadowGM> Must've been a trick of the light.
<ShadowGM> Anyways, Rock looks at you guys warily, looking from left to right.

[Over at the pallets, Mantis exchanges a word with Hemlock.]

<Mantis> "Look at that dumb laowai. I kind of want to cut him, but that doesn't actually do anything for me."
<Hemlock> "Why do you say that?"
<Mantis> "...Because he's an ass? You've had to talk to him, you know what I mean."
<Hemlock> "Then I figure you'd wanna mess him up that much more."
<ShadowGM> "Yo. Where's the bitch? I talked to a bitch on the phone, yo."
* Hemlock hears Rock talking about her. "I know I would." Scowl.
<Mantis> "Oh, that. I...it's difficult to explain. I don't feel things the way other people do."
<Goldman> "She doesn't work sabbaths."

[...Aphin calls for a Con roll. Fast.]

<Mantis> SHOMER SHABBOS
<Goldman> Oh fer. One.
<ShadowGM> :|
<ShadowGM> Alright. Rolling for Rock.
<ShadowGM> ...
<Mantis> ...Oh shit
<Goldman> :|
* Hemlock face in hands

[Fffffffffail.]

<ShadowGM> Rock looks at you with a suspicious eye.
<Mantis> Unfortunately, Rock is a practicing Hasidic
<HollowPaul> ...
<ShadowGM> "Sabbaths? What the shit is that, man? What, you tryin' to rip me off? You cops? You gotta say if you cops."
<ShadowGM> Cobra reaches into his jacket, as does Weather.
<Hemlock> "Fuck!"
<ShadowGM> SPEAK FAST
* Goldman stares right back at Rock. "Sabbath. You know, god and holy days? We're not cops, fuck."
<Goldman> "We're here to buy that quote shitload unquote of drugs she wanted."
<Mantis> "Stay calm, he's got this under control. Don't move unless they start something."
<ShadowGM> Rock looks a little edgy, starts looking around.
<Goldman> "And she's not going to work on her little holy day, so I'm out here on a fucking rainy sunday morning."
<Hemlock> "Keep selling it, Goldman."
<Mantis> "Anyway, it's like...uh, if you're in a room and you try to listen to something going on in the next room, through the wall, and it's really faint. That's what it's like for me."
* Hemlock looks back over at Mantis. "'Cause of the mods, right? You didn't always struggle with that?"

[Another Con roll, this time at 1, since he is selling the bit. If only slightly.]

* HollowPaul stares hard at the mook on the right.
<ShadowGM> Cobra stares right back.
<Goldman> TWO.
<ShadowGM> Rock looks at you, then back to his bodyguards.
<ShadowGM> "Alright. Alright."
<Goldman> "Good."
<ShadowGM> "But the price just went up, fucker."
<Goldman> "You don't change the price now. What do you think we are, chumps?"
<ShadowGM> "I think I'm the fucking dealer and you're the fucking buyer, and this is some dumbass shit, and you pay what I say."
* Goldman holds up his credit chit. "This has exactly what we agreed on. Either you get it or you get shit, and we walk. Capice?"
<Goldman> "Then you gotta explain to your boss why everything went bad."
<ShadowGM> Rock seems to shrink down a bit, but stands firm.
<Goldman> "This is a buyer's market, bro."

[In the meantime, Babbage starts his hacking run. If any of you have played Dishonored yet, Paul’s activating the power wheel to slow time enough for Babbage to do his thing.]

<Mantis> "I don't know. I've been like this as long as I can remember. Which is about three months, admittedly - that one in the hood looks like he knows what he's doing, I wonder if he's Awakened."
<Hemlock> "Makes me wonder why someone like that would be hanging with someone like... Rock. Maybe he's more important than we realize."
<ShadowGM> Alright, you've already got admin access on that - thankfully, it's just FILLED WITH MORE PORN NOW - so roll me a hacking exploit to set his internals to track.
<Babbage> 4-5
<ShadowGM> You manage to connect his comm to yours, remotely. GPS is active.
<ShadowGM> He's yours, Babbage.
<ShadowGM> In the meantime, Rock shrugs and motions to the rear of the car.
<ShadowGM> "Get it Weather."
<ShadowGM> "... Excuse me?"
<ShadowGM> "I said get the shit, man! You got shit in your ears or something?"
<ShadowGM> Weather tenses, hands flexing. He mutters something and goes to the rear of the Jackrabbit.
<Mantis> "They must be his supplier's affiliates. I watched them deal with the situation last time, they acted like professionals."
<Hemlock> "So whoever Rock is working for is no small-time peddler."

[Babbage logs out of the comm, claiming that doesn't want to know about Rock's porn collection (a likely story.) Aphin, meanwhile, asks Paul, Goldman and Mantis to make perception checks. Which means only Mantis hears the following, as Goldman is rolling shit today and Paul HAS A PERCEPTION OF TWO.]

<Mantis> "...Hang on."
<ShadowGM> "Man, if you weren't Partidge's goddamned nephew, I'd lay you out on the street you fucking goddamned rassum frassum..."
<Mantis> "Oh. /Oh./"
<ShadowGM> And then the opening of the trunk.
<ShadowGM> "I got it. Rock."

[We’ve already pieced together that Partridge is the supplier. If Rock is his nephew…Mantis relays this info to Hemlock.]

<ShadowGM> He walks forward with a huge leather satchel. Presumably full of DRUGGS
<Hemlock> "Really, now?"
<Hemlock> "Cronyism at its finest, huh."
<Mantis> HRM.
<ShadowGM> Anyway, Rock takes the bag and unzips it.
* Goldman has a gander.
<ShadowGM> Goldman. Paul.
<ShadowGM> Oh my god that's a lot of drugs.
<ShadowGM> "I got coke, novacoke, cram, weed, meth, methplus, stayawake, even some jazz, man. You want a party? That's a fucking party, man."

[Methplus sounds TERRIFYING. Uh, anyway, Goldman pushes this into overdrive.]

<Goldman> "You didn't bring the dreamweed?"
<ShadowGM> "Whole bag gonna run you 5000 nuyen. Other than that, we nego-shee--"
<ShadowGM> "... What dreamweed?"
<Goldman> "The dreamweed."
<Goldman> "There's only one kind."
<ShadowGM> "Bitch, what dreamweed? No one said shit about no dreamweed!"
* Goldman looks at Rock like he's a fucking imbecile. Which is not hard to pull off.
<ShadowGM> Rock looks at you, growing more irate by the minute.
* HollowPaul uncrosses his arms.
<ShadowGM> "What, you gonna throw? You gonna throw with me and my homies?"
<ShadowGM> Cobra rolls his eyes.
<Goldman> "Look, let's take a look at the novacoke, see if it's good, and then I'll check to see if she can cope without the dreamweed. Capice?"

[Goldman rolls negotiation. AND GETS A ONE.

Aphin rolls against.]

<ShadowGM> ...
<ShadowGM> ........
<Hemlock> :|

[And. Fails.]

<ShadowGM> Goddammit, Rock.
<ShadowGM> You are the worst NPC.
<ShadowGM> Rock steps back, nodding.
<ShadowGM> "Awright, awright. Okay. You can look at the coke, man."
* Goldman looks at the two bodyguards, and then Paul.
<Goldman> "Look, mind if we check in your ride? I don't want the help watching, y'know?"
<ShadowGM> ...
* Goldman makes a thumb-to-nose gesture.
<ShadowGM> Damn, you are pushing the envelope and I love it.
<ShadowGM> Roll con, 2 dice because he's a fucking cokehead.

[HE ROLLS ZERO.]

<ShadowGM> HAHAHAHA
<HollowPaul> jesus christ, goldman
<Goldman> WHAT THE FUCKING HELLFUCK

[…BUT DOES APHIN DO ANY BETTER?]

<ShadowGM> ...
<HollowPaul> HAHAHAHAHAH
<Goldman> I SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD THAT COKE HIS MORNING

[NO]

<ShadowGM> HOW DID I GET ZERO
<ShadowGM> HOW
<Mantis> Well,
<ShadowGM> FUCK YOU ROCK
<Goldman> Goldman looks unconvincing because he is a cokehead.
<Goldman> Fortunately, so is his adversary.

[This is like watching Mantis try to run a scam on herself.]

<ShadowGM> The bodyguards and Paul watch you awkwardly talk about coke - and are GOBSMACKED WHEN ROCK AGREES
<Goldman> A BATTLE OF MINDS.
* HollowPaul just bliiiiinks.
<ShadowGM> "Uh, Rock, don't you think-"
<ShadowGM> "MAN, SHUT UP COBRA, WE GOT THIS SHIT."
<ShadowGM> "..."
<ShadowGM> "DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. You two just watch for cops, man! Just watch for cops!"
<ShadowGM> And Rock HUSTLES YOU INSIDE THE JACKRABBIT.

[This is probably one of those deals where both sets of bodyguards should have stepped in, because this shit was ridiculous.]

<Goldman> "Cut what you think is fair main, I don't wanna rip you off with samples."
<ShadowGM> "Come on man, come on come on come on"
<ShadowGM> Yeah, he... er...
<ShadowGM> he cuts a GENEROUS line.
<ShadowGM> Right on the back of a software installation cover.
<Mantis> "Man, he's /terrible/ with the help. Honestly, if we killed him and Partridge, they might thank us."

[It’s the truth.]

* Goldman takes his fair hit.
<ShadowGM> SNFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
<ShadowGM> ...
<ShadowGM> This is some
<ShadowGM> damn
<ShadowGM> good
<ShadowGM> shit

[At the very least, now he knows we're not cops.* :V]
*this myth is so not true

* HollowPaul wants so badly to make a remark, but he's still playing INTIMIDATING BODYGUARD
<ShadowGM> Actually, Cobra just shrugs apologetically at you, Paul.
* HollowPaul nods back.
<Goldman> "NNNGH. Yeah, that's good. Where're you pulling this shit?"
<ShadowGM> "Awwww, man. Trade secret. Man. But it's good, right?"
<Hemlock> "Oh my god, what is Goldman doing?"

[Trying to get Rock to spill, that’s what.]

<ShadowGM> "Man, it's like fucking Hot Gates!"
<ShadowGM> "RIGHT IN THE PUSSAAAAAAY"
* Goldman wipes at his nose, checks his fingers. "Oh man, I swear. This ain't Old Columbia, is it? Nobody deals Old Columbia in Seattle."
<ShadowGM> Rock makes a thrusting motion.
<ShadowGM> "Uhhh. Shit, dude, I can't talk about it."
<Goldman> "Man, if you're pulling Old Columbia, the bitch would love to fucking know."
<ShadowGM> "But it's pure, I swear. Shit, why else would I hit it witchoo?"
<ShadowGM> Rock looks away.
<ShadowGM> "Sorry, man, I can't... I can't say, yo."
<Goldman> "She loves those Columbians like… you know."
* Goldman puts the emphasis on /you know/."
* Hemlock pulls a 8[ face.
<ShadowGM> Rock nods.
<ShadowGM> You're not sure he understands.
<Goldman> "C'mon, if it ain't Old Columbia, is it CIA's Finest?"
<Goldman> "Gold Montana?"
<ShadowGM> "Shit, man, you don't gotta know where it comes from, right? Bitch don't care, man. Just give it to her and--"
<ShadowGM> THRUSTING MOTIONS
<Goldman> "Tony's Private Reserve? Shit, this is the best I've had in years."
<ShadowGM> "No, man, it's - look. It's NEW, man."
<Mantis> "I wonder if I can lure the hood off to the side..."
<ShadowGM> "Straight from..."
<ShadowGM> He looks around.
<ShadowGM> "AZTLAN."

[Don’t go to Atzlan. Remember, the magic clouds are real.]

* Goldman leans in.
<Goldman> "Holy shit man. Who you know to pull shit from Aztlan?"
<ShadowGM> "Awwww, man, can't say, man. Just that he's CONNECTED, DAWG."
<ShadowGM> "Like... you know... CONNECTED. And shit."
<Goldman> "No shit he's connected! Man's gotta be the fucking /godfather/ connected."

[Meanwhile, Mantis and Hemlock are getting impatient – and Paul is finding himself identifying more and more with the hired help (who are looking back at the car themselves, now). Goldman’d better stop “sampling the goods” and get moving soon, before the troupe starts thinking that’s all he’s doing.]

<ShadowGM> "Not yet, but he's gettin' there, man. I keep telling him to push out more, but he's all NO WAY NEPH, WE GOTTA KEEP THIS ON THE DOWNLOW."
<Goldman> "Oh man, he's your unc? You lucky fuck."
<Mantis> "He looks like we speak the same language. Uh, so to speak."
<ShadowGM> "HEY. ROCK. LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH."
<ShadowGM> "MAN FUCK YOU, JUST CHILL, CABRONE."
<ShadowGM> "IT'S COBRA"
<ShadowGM> "WHATEVER"
<Mantis> "...you connect with people a lot more by fighting them than talking to them. At least, I do."

[And that’s when Goldman casts the damn spell.]

<Goldman> Control thoughts.
<Goldman> Force 6.
<Goldman> Boasting about his connections to his "unc" would totally impress the dude and seal the deal.
<ShadowGM> Oh dear.
<ShadowGM> Roll it. Homes.
<Goldman> 4
<ShadowGM> ... you are going to laugh at his will score.
<Goldman> Fortunately, a bloody nose at this point would not look suspicious.

[Rock…glitches.]

<HollowPaul> HAHAHAHAH
<ShadowGM> GLITCH, MOTHERFUCKERS
<ShadowGM> "Awwww, yeah, Uncle Partridge got the sweeeeeetest setup for this shit. Over on Eaton street, right? Oh man. He got the perfect cover."
<ShadowGM> "Got himself set up in an apartment building, what looks like a bunraku joint, you feel me?"
<Goldman> "Yeah yeah, I feel you."
<ShadowGM> "Bitches downstairs, drugs upstairs, total --"
<ShadowGM> Rock looks shocked.
<ShadowGM> "Uh. Shit. Shit, I wasn't supposed to say that. SHIT."
<Goldman> "Hey man, don't worry. I ain't saying shit."
<Goldman> "Dude sells shit as good as you?"
<Goldman> "Fuck man, I'm gonna start buying myself!"

[And BAM. Info gathered. Aphin calls Con.]

<ShadowGM> and roll it FAST
<Hemlock> Yessssss.
<Goldman> 2.
<Goldman> I GET BONUS DICE BECAUSE I'M HIGH
<Goldman> THANK YOU DRUGS

[Oh shit. So does Rock.]

<HollowPaul> WHY YOU SAY DAT MANG
<ShadowGM> He just - yeah, I know, fucking novacoke.
<Goldman> BECAUSE I'M HIGH

[Rock just staaaaaaaaaaaaaares at Goldman for a flat minute.]

* Goldman is stone sober cool.
<ShadowGM> "…Alright. I trust you. Because we're BROTHERS, mang."
<ShadowGM> "RIGHT?"
<Goldman> "We are, dawg."
* Goldman fistdaps.
<ShadowGM> "Fuck yeah."
* ShadowGM fistdaps back.
<ShadowGM> "Awright. Let's get out there before my dogs get weird on us."
<ShadowGM> Man, fuck you Goldman.
<Goldman> "Okay, now let me call her. I'll get outside, here, so your guys don't get suspicious."
* Goldman gets out.
<ShadowGM> FUCK YER DRUGS

[And now for the pièce de résistance.]

* Goldman pulls out his comm, fake dials.
<ShadowGM> Rock also gets out, and approaches his bodyguards.
* Goldman starts walking over to Paul again.
<Goldman> "Yeah, I'm here."
<Goldman> "It's good nova. I mean, best ever. But he doesn't have the dreamweed."
* Goldman pauses.
* HollowPaul eyes him, then Rock. Good god, he looks like he sneezed in a dust factory.
<Goldman> "No, really, really good." Glances back at Rock from over his shoulder. "Really."
<Goldman> "Oh come on."
<Goldman> "You don't need the- oh come /on./ For fuck's sake."
* Goldman stares at his phone, pockets it.
<Goldman> "She says no deal without the dreamweed. Period."
<ShadowGM> Cobra slaps Rock upside the head and mutters something into his ear. A second later, Rock is wiping away the dust.
<ShadowGM> ...

[At this point, Aphin doesn’t even try rolling con. Considering how low Goldman’s been rolling and still beating Rock’s own, it’s probably for the best.]

<ShadowGM> "Awwwwww, shit, dawg."
<ShadowGM> "Alright... Look, I can get some dreamweed, right? Won't be a thang. When you need it?"
<Goldman> "Dude, I'm gonna go talk some fucking sense into her. You get that shit ready, and I'll /personally/ throw in a cut for you."
<Goldman> "Because you're my dawg."
<Goldman> "Let's do this tomorrow, when it's not her holy day."
<ShadowGM> "Fuck yeah, sounds good man!"
<ShadowGM> He extends his hand and daps you again.

[ Ladies and gentlemen. The power of coke.]

* Goldman daps, turns to Paul: "Let's go."
* HollowPaul nods and follows Goldman.
<ShadowGM> "Awright. You need us, we - oh, okay, man. Uh. Later. Bro."

[We are Team Very Special Episode.]

This is my face when these things happen.



I REALLY need to start getting them into situations where people shoot at them instead.

CHAPTER 12: OPERATION RAIN CITY ROCKETTES

[Last Chapter, we met with a drug dealer under the guise of making a massive purchase. After a quick Control Thoughts spell and dice rolls that would make Helga of Midgard proud, Rock the Unnaturally Dense confessed that his uncle Partridge is operating from a bunraku on Eaton Street, right in the middle of the Barrows.

Team Very Special Episode (Official Name Pending) is now on its way off the docks, having persuaded our dimwitted friend that his host will continue the deal tomorrow (as he didn’t bring the dreamweed today). Let’s see what they do.]

* Goldman gets into the car and howls. "FUCK YEAH. DID YOU SEE THAT?"
<Goldman> "No, of course you didn't, I was in the fucking car. Ha HAAA."
<Goldman> "That was some good shit, though. Rock might be dumb as fuck but he knows good nova."
<Goldman> "You do nova, Paul?"
<HollowPaul> "No."

[Having just “dumb muscle” in a meeting where the bodyguards were smarter than their quarries, Paul considers giving Rock’s “friends” a job reference or two. They put up with so much, playing second fiddle to this moron.]

<Goldman> "Ha HA!"
<Goldman> "My nose good?"
* Goldman rubs at it.

[Dust falls down. Probably enough for a another hit.]

* HollowPaul rolls his eyes and hands Goldman a handkerchief.
<Goldman> "I think I'm starting to… yep. There we go. Fucking bleeding."
<Goldman> (That's because he had to soak FIVE, but I digress)
<ShadowGM> ANYWAYS.
<ShadowGM> Goldman and Paul drive off, and the Jackrabbit goes afterwards.
<ShadowGM> You're all... in the clear.
<Goldman> "You're not gonna need this thing back are you? I know a totally perfect drycleaner. Can get all sorts of shit out."
* HollowPaul imagines the sort of shit that goes down at Goldman's dry cleaner and mutters "keep it."

[It’s time to figure out what to do next. Having essentially taken over since Operation Krispy Kreme, we go back to Rhonda’s.]



<ShadowGM> Rhonda's is as busy as usual - which means it isn't - and the orc behind the bar nods and starts pouring your favorites.
<ShadowGM> Looks like you've become familiar to this place.
<ShadowGM> The "jukebox" software kicks in as you enter, playing some technotrash euro pop.
<Mantis> "Right. We need to find Partridge and--"
<Mantis> "...Hang on, you've got a..."
* Mantis licks a chrome thumb and carefully smooths a novacoke spot off Goldman's lapel.
<ShadowGM> XD
<ShadowGM> The novacoke smear is gone.
* HollowPaul feels murderous tendencies rising.
<Hemlock> "You look pleased, Goldman."
<ShadowGM> The waitress comes by with your drinks - coffee, coffee, coffee, bourbon, and DOCTOR STORM soda - a product of Horizon.
<Goldman> "Partridge is on Eaton Street."
<Mantis> "...Well, that solves that. Good work."
<Goldman> "Bunraku joint, apartment building, strippers or something. All of that with the drugs upstairs."
<Hemlock> "…Did you just say bunraku?"
<Goldman> "Yep."
<Hemlock> "Christ."
* Hemlock looks IMMENSELY disgusted.

[She’s right to be disgusted. For the uninitiated who have not read William Gibson’s Neuromancer (and shame on you, since it codified 85% of modern-day cyberpunk), bunrakus are brothels that take their dehumanization of their “wares” to the next level, cutting them up to look like celebrities and feeding cyberware into their brains so that the owners can literally plug in a false personality. It’s no accident that a common slang term for bunraku is “meat puppet palace.”

2070 Seattle is a vicious hellscape, in case you forgot.]

* Mantis grimaces a little. "Fucking Japanese. Ah, thanks."
* Mantis seems much happier with Doctor Storm around.
<Mantis> "But yeah, that could be an issue. Anytime someone's running bunraku, there's always yakuza involvement."

[She’s right – and you don’t want to piss off the Yakuza, as they’re on par with the Mafia and Vory in terms of “people able to wreck your shit.”]

<Hemlock> "I was right. This IS bigger than we thought."
<Hemlock> "We're getting in the middle of a triad-yakuza drug war."
<HollowPaul> "On behalf of an Afrikaans."

[Oh, Deacon, I thought you liked us.]

<Babbage> "Goddamm... okay so how do we play this?"
<Hemlock> "Carefully."
<HollowPaul> /"Very/ carefully."
<Hemlock> "First of all, we need to make sure we are -clean- once we come out of this."
<Mantis> "Somebody should scope out the parlor. Go there, hire a girl so you can stay for a while, and get an idea of the layout and security."
<Hemlock> "The last thing any of us needs is - oh fuck no, Mantis. No."
<Mantis> "Well, we're not going into it blind. They're yaks. They have rocket launchers. And wizards."
<Mantis> "I guess I could try calling in some favors but I don't exactly have a lot of pull with the triads. Unless we just give Chen those bikes we're going to sell him. That might get us some more firepower."
* Goldman sniffs.
<Goldman> "I say just wipe the place out. Destroy it."
<ShadowGM> ... daaaaaaamn
<Babbage> "And have law after us, Goldman?"
<Hemlock> "You don't care much about collateral damage, do you?"
<Hemlock> "There are innocent girls in there."

[No girl willingly goes into Bunraku.]

<HollowPaul> "The upper floor's the issue. We need to find a way to destroy /it/ - everything else is just collateral."
<Goldman> "Well, we're not on either side of the war, right?"
<Babbage> "Getting up there will be the first problem."

[As we talk, an elf in riding leathers walks in the door, heads to the jukebox and sets some forlorn-sounding elven music with plenty of synths to play, then sits at the bar and orders the largest bottle of tequila the bar has.

Aphin reminds us of the logistics of hitting up a place that MAY be staffed by yakuza – at which point Paul gets an idea.]

<HollowPaul> "How crowded is the area /around/ the building?
<Goldman> "Dunno."
<ShadowGM> A simple matrix check might find that out, actually.
<ShadowGM> GOOGLE MAPS STILL EXISTS
<Mantis> "We should at least get some floor plans. Going in blind is suicide."
<Babbage> To the Matrix!
<ShadowGM> Babbage, roll me a data search!
<Babbage> 4-2
<ShadowGM> That's not bad.
<ShadowGM> You've got the address, so you know the building.
<ShadowGM> It's the old Marion Heights Apartments in the barrens. The plan you get is old - oh god, is it old - but if the building hasn't changed much, you shouldn't have to worry too much.
<Babbage> "Here it is... stay away from the hardware Paul."
<ShadowGM> You also get a layout of each of the apartments in the ruin.



<ShadowGM> Presumably, that's the floorplan of each of the apartments. There doesn't seem to be one for the actual building, though - although the site says the layout is "simple and intuitive."
<ShadowGM> Which, honestly, could mean anything.
<HollowPaul> there a Google Maps image of the actual building?
<Mantis> "Simple and intuitive, assuming they didn't knock down some walls to set up a crossfire."
<Babbage> "Simple and intuitive, codewords for a maze like enviroment."
<ShadowGM> There is!
<ShadowGM> A live drone picture shows the lovely image of the - oooh, er…



[Yeah. The Barrens.]

<HollowPaul> eh-heh
<Mantis> Oh.
<Mantis> Here, we reach the catch.
<Mantis> "Yaks in the Barrens."
<Babbage> "Listen I'm gonna be honest here but this isn't feeling good ya'know."

[This, however, plays into Paul’s ideas.]

<HollowPaul> "That gives us another option."
<HollowPaul> "Provided we have the materials, we've no need of going through their base in the first place."
<Goldman> "Oh yeah?"
* HollowPaul points to the buildings on either side.
<Mantis> "Hmmm."
<HollowPaul> "Go to the same floor, blow our way into the apartment, do our business and leave."
<Mantis> "Paul's right. We could access the top floor through the adjacent buildings."

[Given that this building is (again) in the Barrens, we could probably sneeze and knock down a building. And given that all we need to destroy is the drug lab, everything else is gravy.]

<Mantis> "Granted, a straight assault like that is probably the thing they're best-equipped to handle."
<Mantis> "And they've probably got more people and better guns than us. It might be easier to just knock the building over, or find a sewer access point and let some ghouls in."
<Mantis> "It's the Barrens, so at least we don't have to worry about crowds getting caught in the way."
<Hemlock> "We could just take out Partridge. Who would be left to inherit his business? Rock?"
<HollowPaul> "More likely his cronies."
<Hemlock> "The whole thing would collapse inside of a week.”

[Also viable possibilities. You don’t want to mess with ghouls, and judging by Cobra and Co.’s reactions, Rock would probably be dead within hours of Partridge’s passing.]

<Mantis> "We also have to wreck the drug lab."
<Hemlock> True that.
<HollowPaul> "If we do this hard and fast - perhaps with some heavy ordnance, resistance won't be a problem."
<HollowPaul> "Go in, blow the floor, escape quickly."
* Mantis leans in, listening intently.
<HollowPaul> "If we're lucky and the lab is close to one of the adjacent building walls, we don't even need to do much breaking and entering."
<HollowPaul> "Punch a hole through the wall, push a grenade launcher through, and let fly."
<ShadowGM> That's... certainly a plan. :D
<Mantis> "How do we figure out where the lab is?"
<Goldman> "Look for the exhaust."
<Goldman> "Unless they like the fumes."

[Also doable – especially has nearly half the team has some sort of thermographic vision or other.]

<HollowPaul> "So we need explosives - which I have - and a quick getaway, preferably with multiple vehicles.”
* Babbage looks at Hemlock. "Guess we'll be making sure the cars are there when the team has to evac."

[And so we have our plan: Go into either building surrounding the bunraku and blow shit up. Coincidentally, this is the sort of plan Aphin loves…though if they go wrong, they have a tendency of going very wrong.

In the meantime, however, we Have the rest of the week until Halloween. Plenty of time to do recon, get supplies, approach contacts, or buy weaponry.

What does our team do?]

<Mantis> ...Let's buy the drugs.

[What.]

<Goldman> Okay?
<ShadowGM> Goldman's all ears, I'm sure. :D
<Mantis> I mean look, it's a lot of drugs, and you never know when you're going to need a lot of drugs for something.
<ShadowGM> XD
<Goldman> Plus: it's good nova.
<Goldman> And hey, a little dreamweed can't hurt.
<Goldman> I'm game.

[And it…keeps the suspicion down?]

<Mantis> Like if we want to throw a really nice party someday, or poison some hurlg, or...okay, good, that's two of us. Anybody else wanna go in on it?
<Mantis> I think between us we can go half and half if nobody else wants to split the haul.
<ShadowGM> DOES ANYBODY ELSE WANT FUTURE DRUGS
<HollowPaul> I'll go along to play bodyguard.
<Goldman> Fine, I guess Mantis and I split fifty-fifty.
<ShadowGM> Hemlock? You want drugs?
<Goldman> WANNA BUY SOME DRUGS LITTLE GIRL?
<ShadowGM> I'll rule you can get the whole satchel of DRUGS for about... oh... 800.
<Mantis> ...The whole thing? I thought it was going to be like 5k. Hell yeah, let's buy that shit.
<Hemlock> Yeah, we'll get the drugs. If only to throw off the trail.

[…Yes. To…throw off the trail.]


<ShadowGM> That will include units of cram, of novacoke, of meth, of methplus, and dreamweed.
<ShadowGM> ALSO, ONE KAMIKAZE
<ShadowGM> USE AT YOUR OWN PERIL

[I personally blame Goldman for this low point in our career. Goddamn the pusher man. Paul, meanwhile, contemplates what would be needed for this big boom he’s planning.]

<HollowPaul> Think two high-explosive grenades will do that trick?
<ShadowGM> Not up to me, but that'll be a hell of an explosion, yes.
<ShadowGM> You'll need to contact a contact for that kind of ordnance, though.
<HollowPaul> I already have it.
<Mantis> Two grenades should do nicely, I think.
<HollowPaul> I'm just making sure that's enough ordnance to do the job. :D
<HollowPaul> If not, I've also got some frag grenades as well.
<ShadowGM> ...

[Paul is made of explosions.

Fast forward to the HEIST. We’ve got our guns. We’ve got our explosives. We’ve got a car, an address, a razorgirl and a troll. Time to do this.

Time to execute OPERATION RAIN CITY ROCKETTES.]

* Goldman drives.

[It's night now. The Barrens...well, “alive” isn’t the right word for it. “Infested” may be better. There's light and movement on the streets, and vendors hawk their horrible wares in what could be a post-apocalyptic bartertown if we couldn't see the spires of downtown in the distance.]

<ShadowGM> Driving slowly through the streets and trying to avoid the largest groups of biker gangs, we get to the address.
<ShadowGM> The image on the matrix doesn't do it justice.
<ShadowGM> It's a PIT.
<ShadowGM> The buildings here are barely standing - the place looks like it was bombed out in a war.
<ShadowGM> There are bums and transients on the streets, mingling around, trying to warm themselves in the dread Seattle weather.
<ShadowGM> The building itself has some lights on in it - a neon sign that says "girls" in a very understated way - and some tough-looking japanese cutters out in front of it.
* Babbage looks at Goldman, "So, suppose I need you to return to your body, is there a way to do that?"
<Goldman> "Just drive."
<Mantis> "...We might actually manage to knock down the building by taking out the lab."
<Mantis> "It looks like a stiff breeze could push it over."
<ShadowGM> Yeah, you could piss on it and the building'll fall apart, looks like.
<Goldman> A place like that's probably reinforced.

[The bunraku is abutted by two other buildings in the same state of disrepair. Anyone squatting here is talking his life into his hands. The buildings'll probably stand up - otherwise the yaks wouldn't be here, and neither would partridge - but it doesn't look like a lot of money has gone into repairs – after all, these are “just” bunraku joygirls. The cutters look like they’re guarding the entrance to this building alone – probably the equivalent of bouncers.

The thunder picks up. Looks like the storm’s finally setting in – dark and heavy ahead, and pregnant with rain. We see a car pull up; a Japanese man with two bodyguards walk into the building, hands some cash to the ‘bouncers,’ and disappears.

Probably a client.]

<HollowPaul> I say we go for the one on the left.

[At Babbage’s suggestion, we send Goldman in on an astral recon – that way we can scope to see if we can identify the lab right away, and we don’t waste time and attract attention going from one building to the other.]

* Babbage nudges Goldman, "Hey let's swich seats, just in case we need to vamoose."
<ShadowGM> Alright. You switch seats with Babbage, then astrally project.
* Goldman flops. x_x
<ShadowGM> Give me an assense - at -1, because this area is RIFE with bad vibes.
<Goldman> :[
<ShadowGM> Hey, price of magic, man.
<Goldman> Two successes.
<ShadowGM> Alright. That's not much, but it's a start.
* Mantis shifts on the back of the motorcycle, glancing around the street vigilantly.
* Babbage makes sure all the windows are up and doors are locked.

[A good move, considering what happened in Chapter Nine. In any case, it looks like most of the life (if you can call it that) is on the first floor of the building in question. There’s a section on the left side of the second floor that seems to have a few people in it, though.

There’s another thing in there. A floating…raven? What is that? A spirit of some kind, maybe?

Aphin calls for a Knowledge: Magical Theory/Magical Traditions check.]

<Goldman> TWo more successes.
<Goldman> (Magical Theory)
<ShadowGM> Alright. You're not sure, but it looks like a tengu - probably an air spirit summoned by someone to be a guard.
<ShadowGM> Or at least a watchdog. Or watchbird.
<ShadowGM> Doesn't look very strong, but it is making a routine patrol of the building.
<ShadowGM> (The spirit's only a force 3, from what you can tell.)
<ShadowGM> Considering it's a tengu, it probably belongs to the yaks.
* Babbage just keeps an eye out.
<HollowPaul> Anything on, say, chemistry sets? :P
<Hemlock> Juuuust watching
<ShadowGM> No beakers or bunsen burners hanging out of windows, here.

[Goldman pops back into his body and reports. Paul, in response, gets out. Time to make some troll magic – and by magic, we mean explosions.]

<ShadowGM> Mantis, Paul; it's your show.
* HollowPaul makes his way for the apartment on the left of the building.
* Mantis waits exactly five seconds, then follows.

[The building is…derelict is too weak a word. As we walk in, devil rats scatter around us, their spines glistening in the dying streetlight. We make our way upstairs, up a treacherous staircase that’s seen better days.]

<ShadowGM> Dear god, it SMELLS in here.
<ShadowGM> It's like every bum within two miles has used this for a restroom.
* Mantis quietly pops her spurs.
* HollowPaul grips his axe.
<ShadowGM> Both of you need to roll me perception.
<HollowPaul> 1
<Mantis> 2-1

[We make our way down a corridor on the side. It’s as dark as muck in here – no lights, except from the open windows. Both of us can see in the dark, so we know just how much of a PIT this is.

We come to a closed door – wooden, rotted, useless – right in front of the area where we think the adjacent Meth Lab of Doom is.]

* Mantis motions to the door knowingly.
* HollowPaul gives the door - and the wall - a good stare.
<ShadowGM> Now are you looking into the room, or the building next door?
<HollowPaul> Into the room, first.
<ShadowGM> In the room, your thermoeyes pick up...
<ShadowGM> ... three bodies with very COLD heat signatures - but still there - around another one, rapidly cooling.
<ShadowGM> You can't see much more.
<HollowPaul> oh, good
* HollowPaul tries the door.
<ShadowGM> It pretty much falls apart at your touch.
<ShadowGM> WHUTHUNKNKNENKNKKNONK
<ShadowGM> You hear a raspy, RASPY voice.
<ShadowGM> "SHIT, WHO'S THERE!?"

[There is only one good way to respond.]

<HollowPaul> "New tenants. Get out."
<ShadowGM> ...
<ShadowGM> WOW.
* Mantis scrapes one spur down the other.
<ShadowGM> Okay, roll me intimidation, dude.
<HollowPaul> Three.
<ShadowGM> ...
<ShadowGM> Fucking hell.
<ShadowGM> Alright. As your eyes adjust, you see three ghouls - yes, GHOULS - holding styrofoam containers and hold-outs just look at you.
<ShadowGM> "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Mind if we finish up here, first?"
* HollowPaul pops a snap-blade in response.
<ShadowGM> Their rotting flesh falls from their faces. At their feet is some transient, completely carved up like a Christmas goose.
* Mantis eyes the ghouls appraisingly, and motions toward the door.
<ShadowGM> "Alright, alright, we're going. Macy, get the box. Jesus. Can't even go shopping anymore."
<ShadowGM> The ghouls fly out. Dear god, you just intimidated the WALKING DEAD.

[Sometimes it just pays to be a troll.]

<HollowPaul> Right.
<HollowPaul> I go to the wall and try to figure out what's on the other side.
<ShadowGM> The walls're pretty thick, considering it's two buildings next to each other.
<ShadowGM> Give me a perception check.

[Aaaand that’s when we hit a snag.]

<ShadowGM> Paul, you're having a hard time seeing the other side. The walls are thick and soaked with rain.
<ShadowGM> You're pretty sure there's some heat from the other side, though.
<HollowPaul> Can Mantis pick up anything in the other room with that system?
<ShadowGM> Want to roll me a perception, Mantis?
* Mantis listens.
<Mantis> 1.
<Mantis> "There's people opposite us, and they've got glass implements - could be beakers."

[Time to get the rest of the team in on this. Remotely.]

<HollowPaul> I've got an imagelink set up to my eyes.
<HollowPaul> Can I send Babbage a link, and have him take a look?
<ShadowGM> Yes, he could see it.

[Thank god for Paul’s cybereyes.]

* HollowPaul tries hailing Babbage.
<Babbage> "Yeah. What is it?"
<HollowPaul> "Need to get confirmation on our target. This look like our place?"
* HollowPaul pops a copy of the image over.
* Babbage looks at the image... "Let me see if I can't make it better."
* Babbage opens Paint.
<HollowPaul> HAH

[True to form, Babbage attempts to enhance the image, but unfortunately this shit ain’t Blade Runner.]

<ShadowGM> (The rain starts coming down harder, drenching the street in acid rain... thunder rolls up above, thick and ominous.)
<ShadowGM> WHAKOOOOOOMMMMMM
<Babbage> 5-0
<ShadowGM> Not bad!
<ShadowGM> You manage to clean it up a LITTLE bit.
<ShadowGM> Not much, but enough to show two human figures and what appears to be a ... big blob of heat in an indistinct shape on the other side.
<ShadowGM> Really hard to tell.
<Babbage> "This is all I could make from it... sorry."
<HollowPaul> "Unless they're running some big mainframe or have an old-fashioned chimney on the second floor, I think this is our target."
<ShadowGM> Man, this is kinda tense.

[But it’s enough evidence as far as Paul’s concerned.]

<Mantis> "You're the demolitions expert - how should we approach this?"
* HollowPaul points to Mantis' considerable bladed arsenal.
* Mantis nods.
<HollowPaul> We just need a hole big enough to point the grenade launcher through.
<Mantis> Alright. I will slash through the walls in an x shape (so that a big section falls down and gives you an opening) and then jump clear, then you fire the grenades in.
<Goldman> A teeny hole.
<Mantis> Ready?

[We should note that throughout this conversation, Aphin has been rolling dice pool after dice pool with absolutely no commentary. They’re all fairly low scores – ranging from 1 to 3 successes – but the fact that he’s been so silent about it is incredibly foreboding.

Prospective DMs, take note; this can be some pretty effective psychological warfare.]

* Mantis raises her arms in an x-shape. "One...two..."
<Mantis> SLASH
<ShadowGM> ROLL IT
<Mantis> 7-3
<ShadowGM> Uh, damn.
<ShadowGM> Do the damage. What's it total?
<Mantis> Hang on...
<Mantis> 13.

[He wasn’t expecting that.]

<ShadowGM> UH
<ShadowGM> WELL
<HollowPaul> :D
<ShadowGM> This is a first for me as GM.
<ShadowGM> Mantis? You have completely disemboweled a wall.

[And here’s where shit gets crazy.]

<HollowPaul> WHAT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE
<ShadowGM> TWO VERY SURPRISED LOOKING PEOPLE
<ShadowGM> ONE OF THEM IS ROCK
<ShadowGM> THE OTHER IS A TALL, LANKY MAN WITH A PONYTAIL AND HUGE GLASSES
<HollowPaul> IS THERE ANY LAB EQUIPMENT
<ShadowGM> YES THERE IS
<HollowPaul> GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
* HollowPaul FIRES
<ShadowGM> ROLL IT

[JUST ENOUGH TO HIT]

<ShadowGM> Alright, GIVE ME DAMAGE
<HollowPaul> Damage is 12P
<ShadowGM> Okay.

<Goldman> (don't forget chunky salsa effect)
<ShadowGM> Oh. I'm not.
<Mantis> Plus the--yeah!

<ShadowGM> I'm also not forgetting the three tanks of propane in the room, either.
<Mantis> Oh man, I'm about to be involved in an incident with the chunky salsa rule, I've always w—
<Mantis> propane?
<ShadowGM> YOU GUYS SEEM TO HAVE A HABIT OF BLOWING STUFF UP A LOT
<HollowPaul> oh fuck
<Mantis> oh fuck

[Oh, fuck.]


[WHOOPS]

<ShadowGM> Ahem.
<ShadowGM> Mantis.
<ShadowGM> Hollow Paul.
<ShadowGM> Please roll dodge, and then give me your impact armor ratings.
<Mantis> I see.
<Mantis> I rolled a 2, and have 11 impact armor.
<ShadowGM> Don't worry.
<ShadowGM> So, 13.
<HollowPaul> 2, 10.
<ShadowGM> 12.
<ShadowGM> ...
<HollowPaul> oh dear
<ShadowGM> Mantis, you take three boxes of physical damage as you are BLOWN BACK
<ShadowGM> Paul, you take FOUR.
<ShadowGM> WHAKOOOOMMMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
<HollowPaul> Shit.
<ShadowGM> DOWN IN THE STREET
<ShadowGM> YOU SEE THE SECOND FLOOR JUST GO
<ShadowGM> *BOOM*
<ShadowGM> Luckily, Paul and Mantis are still alive.
<ShadowGM> BUT YOU MAY WISH TO START RUNNING
<HollowPaul> OH I AM RUNNING LIKE FUCK
<HollowPaul> "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT”
<ShadowGM> Out in the street, Yaks are pouring out, screaming in Japanese.
<Mantis> Out to the street, and over to Hemlock's motorcycle, quickly.
<HollowPaul> And to mine.
<ShadowGM> They're really not doing anything right now except pointing at the fireball that was a methplus lab and going AAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOO

[NOT SO FAST, THOUGH – first they have to pass infiltration checks.]

<HollowPaul> FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
<Hemlock> OFF WE GO
<Mantis> 6!

[And since Paul is a freaking troll..]

<HollowPaul> ...2
<Hemlock> "JESUS, ARE YOU OKAY GIRL?"

[…there is no goddamned way he’ll j—]

<ShadowGM> FUCKING
<ShadowGM> YAKS
<ShadowGM> HE'S A GODDAMNED TROLL
<ShadowGM> HOW CAN YOU MISS A GODDAMNED TROLL

[You have got to be shitting me.]

* Babbage looks at Goldman... they're effective.
<Mantis> HA
<ShadowGM> HE'S THE SIZE OF A BUILDING AND HE'S CARRYING A GRENADE LAUNCHER
<HollowPaul> IT'S A REALLY BIG EXPLOSION
<ShadowGM> Alright, both Mantis AND Hollow Paul make it to their respective vehicles.
* Mantis DIVES onto the back of the motorcycle. "NO TIME, DRIVE, GO GO"
<ShadowGM> I'm assuming you're peeling out?
<HollowPaul> YES
<HollowPaul> WE ARE GETTING THE /FUCK/ OUT
[ We manage to get the fuck out of there just as the yaks realize what the fuck's going on. They start shooting after us, but by that time we’re already several blocks away.]

<ShadowGM> By the time they even think about chasing, and by that time, you're long gone.
* Goldman is not peeling out.
<Goldman> Just FYI.
<Goldman> Although he is gradually accelerating.
<ShadowGM> ... Except Goldman, who is obeying the law.
<HollowPaul> I JUST BLEW UP HALF A BUILDING
<HollowPaul> *FUCK* THE LAW
<ShadowGM> CONGRATULATIONS

[There really is no way to properly conclude this.]

<ShadowGM> YOU HAVE UNLOCKED: GM'S ETERNAL WRATH

[This was ridiculous beyond belief.]

<Babbage> Hahahaha
<ShadowGM> ACHEIVEMENT GET: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

[We just blew up a building – and snuck out, foiling the big firefight he’d planned, KNOWING we’d blow it up.]

<ShadowGM> CURSE YOOOOOOOU

[This is almost as bad as the time we used some tricky thinking to completely bypass one of his dungeons.]

<HollowPaul> oh my goooooood

[And yet – and this is the important thing...]

<ShadowGM> All right.
<ShadowGM> A few hours later, just as you're heading off to your boltholes, each of you gets a text.
<ShadowGM> "Well done, my friends. Not the way I'd have done it, but very final, to say the least. Here is the remainder of your payment, plus an extra 0 nuyen for eliminating the competition. I will spread word about you to my ... friends. They will be contacting your fixer soon. - Deacon."
<ShadowGM> And your accounts go up, up, up.
<Goldman> Cha-ching!
<ShadowGM> YOU ALSO EACH NET 2 MORE KARMA FOR A GOOD JOB AND FOR SURVIVING MY IRE

[…He didn’t Kai Leng us. In fact, he rewarded us, and has reworked his plans around dealing with the consequences.]

<ShadowGM> FUCKING MURDER HOBOS

[Aphin is an awesome DM.]

<ShadowGM> NEXT WEEK. NEW MISSION.
<ShadowGM> COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MISSION.
<ShadowGM> YOU WILL LEARN PAIN.

[And we are Team Very Special Episode.]

He says this every week. I'm starting to think it's a coping mechanism.

Also, I didn't realize until days later that we'd killed Partridge. I think that's the first time I've gone totally without any kind of interaction with the villain of a game and still managed to kill him.

Just a word of advice to all of you people out in viewer land. You might be getting the impression that I am soft on my players by letting them get away with so much. This is not the case.

As you will start seeing as soon as Spiza uploads the next few chapters.

In other words: It is time for the major league chew, amigos.

I was wrong. It's not a coping mechanism.

Ow.

<Aphin> ALRIGHT
<Aphin> LET'S GET STARTED
<Aphin> GET INTO CHARACTER

[Flush your methplus.]

<Aphin> Now, just a word of warning.
<Aphin> You guys have had two missions so far, and they've been pretty simple. Now the gloves come off.

[The Knights are knocking.]

<Aphin> You've gotta be SMART, and you've gotta be TOUGH.
<Aphin> BECAUSE
<Aphin> THIS IS



CHAPTER 13: PERCUSSIVE DIPLOMACY
WARNING: Exposition-heavy chapter. Lots of storytelling, accessorizing and arguments.

[Last time on Shadowrun, our characters took out a drug lab – not out of moral dignity, mind you, but because we were being paid to do so by his Afrikaans rival. Still, taking out the source probably balances out the fact that two of our characters purchased a sample platter from the place before proceeding with the explosion.

At least, I hope so. Our future as “Team Very Special Episode” depends on it.

In any case, Hallowe’en has come and (blessedly passed); the news is filled with information about the Halloweeners being fucking retards with fire, like it has every year since their inception. November has come about, with its own special blend of horrific weather: cold weather, harder rain, smog and acid in the air…even the sunsets are becoming a turgid purple and green.]



[Also, we have to pay rent, putting each of us one less month away from being on the streets.

If nothing else, though, our last two major runs have yielded explosive results, and news about our team is spreading through the criminal underground – when you achieve spectacular results such as ours, you tend to get attention. Auntie Em in particular congratulates us on our jobs, but this week she’s handling a job for another group of newbies. Thus, we have a little time to kick off to do what we want – which Hemlock uses to finally fence those extra bikes we picked up during Operation Jaegerbomb.

Let’s watch.]

<Aphin> Alright. You go back to Honest Chen's antiques emporium.
<Aphin> Right now, Honest Chen is busy trying to pass off a bunch of silverware on some rich old lady.
<Aphin> "No, I swear, 17th century. Look at the shine on them."
<Aphin> "Well, I don't know, I -"
<Aphin> "Trust me, you won't find anything finer at this price."
<Aphin> Chen looks over you guys, raises his eyebrows, and then smiles at the nice old lady.
<Aphin> "Tell you what. Look at these for a while, and make your decision when I get back, okay?"
<Aphin> He getures at you guys to go into the back room.

[Hemlock, however, decides to try something first.]

* Mantis heads over to the back room, looking for the stereo system.
* Babbage keeps his mouth shut otherwise we'll end-up paying to sell our bikes.
<Aphin> ... Hollow Paul, Goldman? You guys doing anything?
* HollowPaul looks quietly at a pair of bowstings
* Hemlock walks up there. "No, he's right."
<Aphin> Chen looks at you, slightly helplessly.
<Aphin> "I am?
<Hemlock> "I bet royalty ate with these."

[She figures that if she helps Chen out, he’ll give a better price on the bikes. Aphin tells her to roll Con.]

<Goldman> Hmmmm.
<Hemlock> 5.
<Hemlock> "You can tell because the exquisite detailing on the handles here... See?"
<Hemlock> "Looks hand-crafted."
* Mantis switches Chen's obnoxious techno music to something soothing and classical, and waits.
<Aphin> She looks at you questioningly.
<Aphin> "Look, I saw them first. Bag them up, Chen."
<Aphin> Her old lady wattle wags indignantly.
<Hemlock> "Oh, fine."
<Aphin> In any case, the sale is soon completed and the woman hands over an EGREGIOUS amount of credits, then departs.
<Aphin> Chen looks at you with surprise.
<Aphin> "You just paid my rent for the month. Thanks. What brings you guys back here? Hey, Mantis."
* Hemlock smiles. "You're welcome. Now... We have a few things to sell."
<Aphin> "Oh, hi, good to meet you, I - "

[The moment he hears the word “sell,” his face falls.]

<Aphin> "Well, alright. What is it? Jewelry? Guns? Dope?"
<Hemlock> "Come outside with me, please."
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> "Uh, yeah, just a moment."
<Mantis> "Uh, yeah. She’s a friend of mine - this is Hemlock, she's the one with the bikes."
<Mantis> She's a friend of MINE, not a friend of OURS. 8|
<Hemlock> “We have them out back. Tags wiped, everything pristine.”
<Aphin> He reaches under his counter and makes a BIG SHOW of putting a pistol in his jacket.
<Aphin> "Alright, let's take a look."
* HollowPaul assumes a "WE ARE NOW WATCHING YOUR ESTABLISHMENT" look as he watches them exit the store.
* Mantis lets them go and seeks out Babbage, scratching at her scalp. It itches like mad lately because she has to grow the hair back out.

[Mantis’ hair recently went the way of Donald Trump, thanks to her first meeting with Coatl. Chapter Seven, Shadowkids!

Anyway, let’s make this quick. Chen offers Hemlock 800 nuyen for the bikes – to which she immediately balks.]

<Hemlock> Fuck that.
<Aphin> You can roll negotiate versus his, and any net hit you earn will increase that amount by 100.
<Hemlock> I just helped him make a big sale, so I gently suggest that he pay it forward in much nicer terms.
<Aphin> Hrrrrm. Fair enough. I'll lower his dice pool by one for that.
<Aphin> But he's still a businessman.
<Aphin> So ROLL, HEMLOCK

[But Hemlock is Hemlock, and is as such blessed by the spirit of sadistic volus chemists.]

<Aphin> …Oh for fuck's sake.
<Aphin> You see his eyes sort of tear up at the HORRENDOUS VERBAL NEGOTIATING you do.
<Aphin> Poor Honest Chen. This is no line of work for an honest man.
<Aphin> "Uh, okay, look. 1200 each. Best I can do."
<Hemlock> "You've got yourself a deal. Good doing business with you."
<Aphin> "Yeah, yeah."
<Aphin> He waves you off, nuyen symbols flying away over his head.

[Mantis has never quite caught on that "Honest Chen" is supposed to be an ironic name.

In any case, (after many tears from the poor salesman), we leave a little richer than we were coming in. Time passes, however, and Aphin grills us all on what we do in the interim. Note that this is a useful way for Shadowrun DMs to mete out a little character development and to give out bonuses for creativity, and this is an ideal time for us to finally use some of that Karma and nuyen we’ve been stocking up on.

In between the stat and item snatching…]

* Babbage gets told he's now going to play Duke Bumblerath, and so he plays that.
<Aphin> Yes. You are now DUKE BUMBLERATH
<Aphin> Your monocled orc head is scratchy and itchy.
<Babbage> D:
<Aphin> Also, children constantly kick your shins, because you are the Token Orc Character and are, as such, amusing.
<Aphin> (Not at all like Sir Bartholemew von Humpenlaegger!)

[Token characters get so much abuse.]

* Mantis puts up with her increasingly obnoxious employer for a few days, gets the weekend off, and spends it in the fighting pits.
<Aphin> Awesome. Steel Coatl spurs you on from the sidelines.
<Aphin> "GO FOR THE EYES, MANTIS! GO FOR THE EYES! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
* Mantis gets a sidebar image in futuristic sherdog, straddling some half-conscious elf and crushing an eyeball in her hand. It looks like a scene from Ichi.
<Aphin> I'll be nice and say you earn...

[Aphin rolls the dice, having not learned his lesson.]

<Aphin> Uh, damn.
<Aphin> 1000 extra nuyen for putting on a damned good show.
<Aphin> O_O
<Aphin> Jesus.
<Mantis> :D
<Aphin> Hollow_Paul? Hemlock?
* HollowPaul will be making his rounds as a bouncer.
<Aphin> Alright. Paul, you start doing your rounds as a bouncer, earning some extra coin and generally keeping your suit costs down.

[Considering the rate at which he goes through them, there is no nuyen bonus. However…]

<Aphin> Roll me perception, Paul.
<HollowPaul> 3

[Paul’s Perception has improved. Imperceptibly.]

<Aphin> In passing, you hear someone talking about a move in the local crime scene.
<Aphin> "Triads & Yaks are bruising it up, and La Cosa Nostra is sitting in the sidelines with the Vory, ready to pick up the pieces. It's gonna be a bloodbath."
<Aphin> "What about the corps?"
<Aphin> "They don't give a shit. See this as a testing ground, don't they?"
<Aphin> The conversation drifts on as the two gentlemen go inside.

[Ominous.]

<Aphin> Goldman? How about you?
<Goldman> Really, I'm pretty cool.
<Goldman> Goldman is always cool.
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> Okay, Goldman spends a week in his apartment doing novacoke and hiring hookers.
<Aphin> He has the party of a lifetime.

[Goldman lives the life.

In any case, five days go by extremely fast. The weather starts turning for the worse. There's talk of Wind Spirits from Mount Shasta being pissed off and sending snow your way, but the meteorologist passes it off as a "sudden cold front." Snow - light and tenuous - starts to fall early on Seattle.

<Aphin> The temperature drops.
<Aphin> And on a cold, gray, snowing day, you all get a message from Auntie Em.
<Aphin> VEEEP VEEEP VEEEP VEEEP VEEEP VEEEP VEEEP VEEEP VEEEP VEEEP VEEEP
* Hemlock really needs to get a more pleasant ringtone. Ugh.
* Goldman picks up the phone.
* Babbage is in the shower after 3 hours in that costume!
* HollowPaul (who was in the middle of a cello solo, thank you very much), irritably taps the side of his head.
* Mantis is working out in the living room. "Mm?"
<Aphin> "Hey, you guys awake? Pick up. I've got something big for you."
<Aphin> Paul, you hear Auntie Em's voice, but all you see is a video of a cat trying to fit itself in a bowl.

[Gremlins. Can’t live with them, can’t do a job without them increasing Glitch chances on you.]

<Goldman> "Of course I'm awake."

[Goldman's been awake all week long.]

<Hemlock> "Something big?"
<Aphin> Everybody but Paul sees Auntie Em's face, excited but... ominous, at the same time.
<Aphin> "Yeah, this... this Johnson just called me up, said he'd heard about you, wanted to try you out for some work."
<Aphin> "I can't... really say much about it. Don't worry, you're not in any danger. But I do suggest you get some nice clothing before you meet this guy."
<Aphin> "This is your chance at the big leagues, kiddos."
* HollowPaul looks at his suit - paid for by his work in the last few days - and nods.
<Mantis> “…”
<Aphin> "It ain't corp work, but it's the next best thing."
<Hemlock> "Uh HUH. Where and when do we meet him?"
<Aphin> "Okay. There's this place in chinatown. The Dragon's Tongue. Chinese restaurant, real high class."
<Aphin> "The meet's tomorrow, 9 p.m. Tell the waiter you're there for the 'Crab Party,' and he'll let you upstairs."
<Hemlock> "Crab Party. Got it."
<Aphin> "I'm serious, though. You're pros now. You need to look the part. Drop some money on new clothes. Don't skimp."
<Aphin> "You understand me?"
<Hemlock> "Loud and clear. Thanks, Auntie."
<Aphin> Her orc face looks very concerned, as if you'll ignore this info.
<Mantis> "Ai ya."
* Mantis said that in the most long-suffering voice possible. DRESSES.
<Aphin> Paul, the cat paws at his tail inside the bowl. It's ADORABLE.
<Babbage> "Will do."
<Aphin> "Okay, good. And, uh, be on your best behavior, too."
<Aphin> "Please."
<HollowPaul> "Of course."
<Aphin> "Remember. Dragon's Tongue at 9 p.m."

[Hemlock asks to do a quick Sense Motive, to which Aphin asks for a Charisma Negotiating roll]

<Hemlock> 3.
<Aphin> Alright.
<Aphin> She's obviously nervous about something. Not about your safety, you think, but about her own rep.
<Aphin> You get the feeling this is VERY important.

[Again. Ominous – and with that on the table, our characters go out once more to go clothes shopping.]

<Aphin> Some GM's want something that reflects your roles, others say "just dress to kill," I say have fun with it.
<Aphin> THAT SAID.
<Aphin> You need to drop at least 500 nuyen on whatever you buy.
<Aphin> Remember. You're pros now.
<Goldman> Double that. Done.
<Aphin> Damn. Goldman's taking care of. What about the rest of you?
* Goldman has little hidden coke pockets and everything.

[Oddly enough, Paul gets a pass on this expense. After all, few characters ever freak more about lapels than Little Italy here.]

* HollowPaul spends the time everyone else uses shopping for clothes to get his hair /exactly/ right.
<Aphin> Oh lord.
<HollowPaul> PERFECT LITTLE RIDGES to that guido hair.
<Aphin> In any case, you may want to describe what - oh god
* Aphin imagines a troll in a tiny bathroom whistling opera while getting his hair JUST RIGHT.

[He’s not off.]

<Mantis> The good thing about having a steadily-widening detachment from human empathy is that you tend to use empirical data when you need to make subjective choices.
<Mantis> As such, Mantis heads for the nearest Horizon kiosk and starts shopping for Brilliance dresses.
* Hemlock is shopping with Mantis, though while she tries to find a nice dress, Hemlock is interested in the most powerful power suit she can find.
* Mantis picks out a 600-nuyen Brilliance dress in a solid green with tasteful ruffling at the shoulders.
<Mantis> Kind of jade colored.
<Aphin> Nice. I approve.
<Aphin> Fits in with the whole 'mantis' theme.
* Mantis accessorizes with elbow-length gloves (to cover up most of the cyberarms) and six-inch heels, then picks up some absurdly expensive Tanake perfume.

[Hey. Hey. Are you paying attention to this? Are you? Are you paying attention? Hey. Are you paying attention to this? This’ll be important later, I swear. It’ll be on the final exam. Are you paying attention? You are? GOOD.]

<Aphin> Goldman? Paul? Babbage? You've already got suits. What do they look like?
* Goldman has a sharp Italian number, a deep grey with pinstriping. White suit with a subtle twill pattern and a sharp red powertie.
<HollowPaul> Black. Pinstripe, wide-ruled. /Very/ angular creasework.
<HollowPaul> Pair of sunglasses, black tie, bright red undershit.
<HollowPaul> Marburg-style gloves.
<Aphin> Damn, those are both nice. :D
<Aphin> Hemlock? Babbage?
* Babbage got a Zoe buisnesswear 3-piece-suit, english cut.
<Goldman> REAL players go italian. Shoulders that can put out eyes! :D
* Hemlock is buying the short jacket ensemble from Zoe. It just -screams- "business. Whiter than snow, with a blood red tie tucked within the suit coat.
<Aphin> Man. Lots of red. Lots of black.
<Aphin> You're gonna get a rep as killers. :D

[Coming soon: A mugshot of Team Very Special Episode as drawn by Hemlock, so long as we’re not in the Darkest Timeline. Us, that is, not the characters.]

<Mantis> FIVE HUNDRED NUYEN FOR A BOTTLE OF PERFUME
<Aphin> Yeah, shit's expensive, but it lasts and you smell like LOTUS BROSSUM

[Oh, right. We had a meeting to get to. Let’s get back on track.]

<Aphin> You've paid for your suits and dresses and other wonderful things... and then head...
<Aphin> TO CHINA TOWN



<Aphin> Anyway, you cruise the streets of Chinatown until you reach the Dragon's Tongue.
<Aphin> It's... a VERY high-class joint.
<Hemlock> Good thing we look the part.
<Aphin> The AR out front shows a red dragon flicking out a yellow tongue at you, and there are numerous men in black suits out around the front, standing in the snow.
<Aphin> They could be bouncers, but the small bulges under their suits says more "enforcers."
<Aphin> They DO turn their heads to look at you as you approach, en masse.
<Mantis> "I think this is the most uncomfortable I've been since, uh...since the bathtub, back at the beginning."
<Hemlock> "You look great, though."
* Babbage looks at Mantis, "You look lovely my dear."

[As we enter the restaurant, we notice it is very, very opulent. Traditional Chinese architecture, lots of red, green, natural wood (NATURAL WOOD) – and wall scrolls, some of which may actually be authentic. The place smells of rich sauces, spices, beef, duck, and more.

It’s possibly the most posh place we’ve ever been.]

<Goldman> Real meat.
<Aphin> Yes. REAL meat.

[Not that green soy shit everyone eats.]

<Aphin> As you enter, a waiter in a vest and bowtie bows to you and says, in perfect English.
<Aphin> "Welcome to the Dragon's Tongue, where we will delight your taste buds with a taste of the old Orient. How may I help you today?"
* Hemlock smiles back. "We were invited to a crab party, sir. Could you lead us there?"
<Aphin> His smile tightens.
<Aphin> "Of course. Right this way. Up the stairs. Follow me."
<Aphin> The waiter turns and leads you past a pair of grunts in black suits up a staircase.

[The waiter turns and leads us past a pair of grunts in black suits up a staircase. Upstairs is just as opulent (and as big) as the lower floor, but there’s one big exception:

There’s only one table in the entire room…and only three people are at it.

Two of them are trolls of Chinese descent, their horns carved with Chinese iconography. The third…]

<Aphin> Mantis. Make a knowledge: Triads roll.
<Mantis> 2-1

[That’s enough for some secret information for Mantis. The man in question, however, is an old man (human, in his sixties or so) with a gleaming datajack in his head, shades over his eyes, and a stainless chrome cyberware hand on his right arm.

But the most bizarre part of this is his solid…stainless…steel…teeth.]

<Goldman> Them's some fine grills.
<Hemlock> Damn.
* Mantis leans in very carefully and subvocalizes to Hemlock on the way through the door. "Old Crab Wong. Incense Master, Yellow Lotus. Serious business."

[Incense Masters are typically Awakened people; not all of them are, but most Awakened do become incense masters. The big thing: This is a title, and not one conferred lightly. We’re in the presence of some real power here.]

<Aphin> Old Crab’s teeth shine in the light as he smiles at you, dipping into a dish of small, tiny crabs in fish sauce.
<Aphin> One of the trolls comes up to you, bows respectfully, and in broken english, says:
<Aphin> "Welcome. Please leave your wearpons here."
<Aphin> He gestures at a table.
<Aphin> "Alrso, please set your commlinks into autistic mode for now."
<Aphin> "The incense master would appleciate it very much."

[That’s Politically Incorrect for “stop transmitting and receiving data.”]

* Mantis draws a Viper from inside the dress (how did it get there?!) and sets it on the table, then very deliberately shuts off the commlink.
* Hemlock makes her comm socially awkward and only concerned about model trains.

[Why, yes, the players are children, but still socially aware enough to not risk pissing off the crime lord.]

* HollowPaul looks at the troll, nods, bows, and places his Ares Silvergun on the table.
* Babbage places his gun on the table and puts his commlink into autistic mode.
* Goldman puts his commlink into the same mode.
<Aphin> "Sank you. You may apploach the incense master."
<Aphin> The troll steps back and lets you go forward. The other one is pulling out the chairs around the table.
<Hemlock> "Thank -you-," replies Hemlock, before taking a seat directly across from Wong.

[We do. For once, the chairs live up to Babbage’s expectations. Chinese music filters in on a subwave. It’s very relaxing. The trolls nod respectfully and step back (as giant, honking walls of flesh), and Old Crab starts picking away the flesh of a tiny saltwater crab.

His voice sounds like grinding gears as he talks.]

<Aphin> 'You must excuse me. I have not eaten today. When business is concluded, you must stay for dinner. It will be on the house, eh?"
<Hemlock> "You're most kind, sir. We'd be delighted."
<Aphin> "Good. You can call me Mr. Johnson, I suppose, but you know who I am already, yes? No need to engage in needless subterfuge."
<Aphin> "I am Sun Wong of the Yellow Lotus. I am here to offer you a line of work."
<Aphin> He opens up another crab, crushing the thick shell effortlessly with his steel hand, and picks out the crab fragments.
<Aphin> That's when you realize the crabs are alive.
<Hemlock> ...

[Did I mention “Dangerous Territory” here?]

<Aphin> "I have... proposition for you. Long term business contract, started by trial job, to see if you are what your rep says you are."
* Hemlock isn't hungry anymore. But she hides that. "We're all ears, Mr. Wong."
<Aphin> "I have heard many things, but I wish to see for myself."
<Aphin> "The job will start off at 1,500 nuyen each to start. If you are interested, I will go on."
<Aphin> He smiles that steel grin of his as the light shines off it and his chrome accoutrements.
* Goldman glances around the table before nodding. He's down.
* Mantis watches with interest.
* Hemlock , for once, is not about to haggle with somebody as obviously powerful as this. Especially if it means a long-term contract. "We're listening."
* Babbage smiles and nods, "He's listening."
<Aphin> "Good. Good. I cannot tell you about the rest of the jobs - you are still, what do you say, you are still unproven? Yes. Good rep, but such a small one."
<Aphin> "I am taking a risk…gambling a tile, so they say. But I think you can do it. Still. For what is coming, I need proof - and insurance."
<Aphin> He brings out a commlink and puts it on the table.
* Hemlock tilts her head.
<Aphin> Babbage, you nearly weep with shame.
<Aphin> He presses a few buttons and a trid image pops up.



<Aphin> "Do any of you know what this is?"

[A good question, solved by an Art or Chinese History roll.]

<Hemlock> 3.
<Apin> Hemlock nails it.
<Hemlock> "Actually, I've heard of that. The 'Jade Cabbage', correct?"
<Aphin> "Yes. Jade Cabbage. Funny name, yes, but important."
* HollowPaul looks at Hemlock, then back at the Cabbage.
<Aphin> Old Crab grins silver at you as he reaches for another crab. This one fights back, and there's a flash of electricity from his hand as he shocks it into submission. He takes it apart.
<Aphin> "Very potent artifact. Part of the museum of China until recently purchased by independant owner, Mr. Zhang Fei.”
* Hemlock focuses on anything but Wong's meal. Yikes.
<Aphin> There's a ... bit of a face at that name.
<Hemlock> "You're saying it's more than just a jade sculpture, then?"
<Aphin> "Very much so, yes… Do you believe in Feng Shui? The Dragon Lines?"

[All of you who played Sleeping Dogs, take a drink.]

<Hemlock> "If I may be honest, sir, I've never given it much thought."
<Aphin> He smiles.
<Aphin> "It is fine. You may call them 'ley lines' in your barbaric tongue."
<Aphin> "In any case, the Jade Cabbage is a ... how do I say this... it is an item of... prosperity? Protection? Something like that."
<Hemlock> "I see."
<Aphin> "Very important. Cleanses the dragon lines. Makes the chi flow freely, despite opposition."
<Aphin> "Think of it like... shortcut in computer system, goes around infected or quarantined data nodes, makes the system faster."
<Aphin> Another crab goes down his gullet.
* Hemlock nods, pretending to understand.
* HollowPaul 's expression is stony.
<Aphin> "Yellow Lotus wants the Jade Cabbage to... cleanse the way."
<Aphin> "You don't need details."

[Those are four very foreboding words.]

* Goldman has a pretty good grasp on this shiznit.
<Aphin> "However, we will offer you 1,500 nuyen each to retrieve the Jade Cabbage from its current location and bring to us. Sound good, yes?"
* Babbage scratches his chin. He's more focused on the commlink
<Hemlock> "Of course. However, may I humbly request that you inform us of the nature of your... opposition?"
<Hemlock> "It may be useful for us. Though it is up to you, sir."
<Aphin> He smiles, then presses another button.
<Aphin> "Like I said, the jade cabbage is on display at a museum right now. Private gallery. Seattle Asian Art Museum."




<Aphin> "Museum owned by Zhang Wei, the -"
<Aphin> And here he goes off into Mandarin.
<Hemlock> Can I follow along?

[Yes, in fact. He basically says something like " superstitious son of a brothel slut."]

* Hemlock will pretend not to.
* Mantis understands that part of the pitch, at least.
<Aphin> "Thinks he is protecting his own interests. Has rebuffed many offers to purchase it outright."
<Aphin> "So. You will /steal/ it. And maybe make him pay for his insolence along the way."
<Aphin> One of the bodyguards comes up with a tea pot and refreshes Old Crab's tea.
<Hemlock> "Clearly, the Jade Cabbage is very valuable to him. We can probably expect heavy security."
<Aphin> "1,500 nuyen for the Jade Cabbage. We will offer a bonus for anything ... punishment. But do not kill him. He is ... necessary."
<Aphin> He shrugs at the mention of security.
<Aphin> "That is part of the test, if it is there."
<Hemlock> "Of course."
<Aphin> "Now. I believe this is where we negotiate, yes?"

[Well, ye—]

<Hemlock> Hell no. Hemlock is going to kowtow like crazy. This dude could fuck us up.

[—No?

<Mantis> Good choice, I think.
* Hemlock is thinking long-term.
<Hemlock> "The bonus sounds more than generous to us, sir. You're doing us an honor."
<Aphin> He smiles and mutters something under his breath, then sips his tea.
<Aphin> "Very good."
* Hemlock hmms. Wrong move?
<Hemlock> SENSE MOTIVE
<Aphin> Roll it!
<Hemlock> 5.

[SENSE MOTIVE results: First of all, he finds this whole thing dreadfully amusing. Hemlock gets the impression he's hiring not not just as a test, but as a lark…and that her response greatly amused him.]

<Aphin> You don't think he's a very nice guy. Probably a tad sociopathic.
<Hemlock> I'd rather amuse him than tweak him, in that case.
<Aphin> Fair point.
<Aphin> "Very well."
<Aphin> He takes back his commlink and pops out an optical disk.
<Aphin> "There you should have some basic information."
<Aphin> Basically, all the links I provided you earlier, plus an image of Zhang Wei.
<Aphin> "The ... er... the timeline on this is a week from now."
<Aphin> "We must have the Jade Cabbage by then. You CAN do this, yes?"
<Hemlock> "You can count on it, Mr. Wong."
<Aphin> "Good. Good."

[He waves at his bodyguards. They help him out of his chair.]

<Aphin> "Tonight your dinner is on the house. There will not be any bill. Eat what you wish, drink what you wish. Consider it a gift, a, ah, down-payment, yes?"
<Aphin> He bows imperceptibly, and smiles at you.
<Aphin> "When you have the cabbage, call the number on the OSD. We will be in touch."
* Hemlock is silently relieved. No fucking crabs. "Your generosity is most appreciated. We'll keep you updated."

[And with that, the bodyguards leave, Old Crab following close behind.]

<Aphin> He just smiles at you.
<Aphin> "Oh, I know you will."
* Babbage nods.

[The moment he leaves, waiters descend on the group like cranes in a frozen pond, ready to accede to their every whim.]

<Aphin> You guys can use this time to plan things out, plot, review, etc.
<Aphin> And man, does it smell good in the kitchen.
* HollowPaul fully plans to take Old Crab up on his offer. Anything less would be an insult.
* Hemlock , now that we have our commlinks back, texts the rest of the party: <<He does not seem like a nice man. Best to stay on his good side. Exercise caution.>>
* Mantis responds: "Good call."
<Aphin> Anyways, feel free to order what you want - they have an excellent wine list, and the waiters are terrified of saying no to you.
<Hemlock> DUCK
<Aphin> ...

[As soon as Hemlock DEMANDS DUCK, they run into the kitchen to prepare it. We spend a few minutes ordering various delicious things (being surrounded by non-soy-based products), and during the sumptuous feast of REAL duck, REAL sharkfin soup, REAL wine and (in Paul’s case) REAL crab, the group discusses the heist. Only to parse out a few of the details, however. In the meantime…]

<Mantis> "...This is too good. I feel like there's probably some reason we should be hesitant about it."
<Mantis> "But hell if I know. You're the ones who understand people."
<Hemlock> "We're already in his pocket, Mantis. We might as well enjoy ourselves while we're there."
<Hemlock> "Eat up! This stuff's delicious."
<Hemlock> "Try the duck, it's divine."
<Aphin> In any case, you finish eating. More wine is brought out, along with some complimentary fortune cookies.
<Aphin> Hemlock. Yours says: "Family is more important than money, but friendship is the path between them."
<Goldman> "…in bed."
<Hemlock> "Shut up, Goldman."
<Aphin> Goldman: "Mountains fall and oceans dry. Nothing lasts forever. Learn to let things go."
<Aphin> Mantis: "One General met another in a field. Both were proud. They fought. Only red flowers remained."
<Aphin> Paul: "There are ten paths to divinity, but many roads to damnation. Which, however, is the more fulfilling path?"
<Aphin> Babbage?
<Aphin> Are you opening your fortune cookie?
* Babbage reads his cookie
<Aphin> Ah, good.
<Hemlock> Hey!
<Aphin> :D
<Aphin> .... uh
<Babbage> Yes I'm, here...
<Aphin> this can't be right.
<Aphin> No, I'm looking at my notes, and all yours reads is:

[”I FOUND YOU.”]

<Aphin> AND THAT'S WHEN THERE'S A SUDDEN NOISE FROM THE KITCHEN
<Aphin> LIKE A BLENDER GOING INSANE

[Babbage has the worst fortune ever.]

<Aphin> Because OUT OF THE KITCHEN FLIES THIS QUADROTOR
<Aphin> ZIPPING ALONG MERRILY
<Aphin> It is the oddest drone you've ever seen.
<Aphin> Because this quadrotor has an artificial arm spliced to it.
<Aphin> AND THAT ARM IS HOLDING A SWORD.
<Aphin> "AT LAST, I'VE FOUND YOU, YOU TREACHEROUS DOG!"
<Aphin> The drone flies towards you, swinging the sword left and right.
<Mantis> "Get down!"
* Babbage ducks under the table... "Fuck!
<Aphin> "NOW THE GULDENHOF WILL HAVE THEIR REVENGE, SO SAYS LORD PROSPERO!"
<HollowPaul> "You must be /shitting/ me."
<Aphin> I will remind you none of you are wearing armor.

[This is what we get for choosing the Enemy character “Quality:” Aphin can fuck us up at the worst time. ]

<Hemlock> "What in God's name is going on?"
<Babbage> "Lord Prospero, This is /hardly/ sporting!"
<Goldman> Dangling arms on quadrotors.
<Aphin> "SPORTING? THIS *IS* SPORT, YOU CRETINOUS BUFFON! HAVE AT YOU!"
<Aphin> Hemlock! You've got initiative! Gooooo!
* Hemlock is just going to shoot the silly thing.
<Aphin> Go ahead.
<Hemlock> "This is retarded. *BANG*"
<Hemlock> 3.

[She hits. With an AP round – which means that Aphin has to lose four dice when soaking damage.]

<Aphin> Hemlock? You take aim and fire.
<Aphin> And goddamn, do you FIRE.
<Aphin> Even with your paltry roll, your AP ammo blows a HUGE FUCKING HOLE in the side of the drone.
<Hemlock> \m/,
<Aphin> "WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON? WHO DARES ATTACK LORD PROSPERO, DRONE MASTER EXTRAORDINAIRE!?"
<Hemlock> "Leave our hacker alone, you hoighty-toighty flying tincan!"
<Aphin> Next up is Babbage!
<Aphin> BABBAGE, WHAT DO

[This is what happens when you make a bunch of rich hackers as your enemy quality]

<Babbage> Well, it's time for Babbage to fire his gun, for once.
<Babbage> 4-2
<Aphin> Alright, lemme roll to soak that.
<Aphin> Oh for fuck's sake.

[8P damage.]

<Aphin> This must be the worst drone in the world, because your shot hits it right in one of the rotors. The thing is limping along like a madman now.
* Mantis sheds a glove, lays it with the utmost caution onto the table, and then pops a spur and attempts to chop off the arm holding the sword.

[Mantis makes a called shot – which decreases her dice pool. If she hits, however, she can disarm.]

<Mantis> (called shot to disarm)
<Mantis> 4
<Aphin> Alright, that's enough to hit, Manits.
<Mantis> 7 damage.

[Which she does.]

<Aphin> You ALSO chop off the power core as well.
<Aphin> The thing drops to the floor before it even had a chance to swing at anybody.
<Aphin> Man, and I thought a sword-weilding drone was so cool.

[It is. It’s just that he didn’t give it enough initiative.]

<Aphin> In any case, it falls to the ground, the voice dying.
<Mantis> "...We're probably going to be in trouble for this."
<Aphin> "YOU MAY HAVE WON THIS ROUND, BABBAGE, BUT THE GULDENHOF REMEMBER! NO AMOUNT OF MONEY is too great to repay you for your treaaaachaaarrryyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...."

[And the drone dies. The second that happens, a pair of bodyguards holding SMGS run up the stairs, ready to spray bullets - and stop, completely confused at what they just saw. ]

* HollowPaul looks at the rest of them, brushing off a bit of dust from his suit.
<Aphin> "D-dronu?"
<Hemlock> "Woah! It's okay! It's okay."
<Hemlock> "Babbage? What the hell is that thing talking about?"
* Hemlock , hands up, steps over to the drone, and points down at it.
<Babbage> "Er…You know the 200K I owe the Guldenhof?
<Babbage> “...Well that's the Guldenhof..."
* Mantis quietly returns to her chair and replaces the glove/shoes.
<Aphin> The guards holster their SMGs and... look at the drone.
<Aphin> One of them starts talking into his commlink. The other just looks... perplexed.
<Aphin> "I think you need to must reave, now."
<Babbage> "Yes, yes we must reave immediately... well I need to... you can stay."
<Aphin> "No. ALL reave."
* Babbage begins to run to the exit.

[Not a good sign, Babbage babbling like that.]

* HollowPaul picks up the drone.
* Hemlock frowns. Reaches over, finishes her wine.
<Hemlock> "My compliments to the chef."
* Mantis stares woefully at the remaining soup.
* Mantis leaves nonetheless, helping Hollow Paul carry the drone.
* HollowPaul gives a deep bow to the guards. "You are excellent hosts."
<Aphin> They bow, perplexed.
<Aphin> <So, what, the drone came in and started attacking them??
<Aphin> <Yeah.>
<Aphin> <Think it was the yaks?>
<Aphin> <Don't know. Crazy fucking shadowrunners.>
<Aphin> Babbage is outside, FREAKING OUT.
* Babbage is actually getting into his car.
* Mantis hops in the passenger side next to Babbage. After a moment of silence, she hugs him.
<Goldman> D'aw.
* HollowPaul knocks on the driver's side window.
* Babbage looks at Mantis... "Get out. It's not safe for you, and I'm leaving this place."

[Initiate Drama Sequence.]

* Hemlock waits outside their car with the rest. "It could have been a lot worse," she offers.
<Mantis> "I'm as much of a liability as you are. Let them in, and let's go. We'll get through this."
* Babbage looks at Mantis, "You know this is a two seater, Hemlock can't fit in here let alone Paul."

[Babbage’s Rival has come along, and instead of approaching it rationally, he is FREAKING OUT and getting ready to rabbit.]

* Mantis makes a ":|" face.
<Mantis> "You know what I mean."
<Mantis> "Look, if that's all they've got to throw at us, you're fine. You know what they say about safety in numbers."
* HollowPaul knocks again against the window.

[At this point, the rest of the group needs to figure out a way to convince him to stick around. Otherwise, it’s “goodbye hacker” for us.]

* Hemlock also knocks on the window of Babbage's car. "Hey. What's going on in there?"
* Babbage lowers the window. "Stop knocking on it, troll..."
<Hemlock> "What the hell is all this out?"
<Babbage> "Well, elf…Let me explain it for the fifth time now. I own money. /Their/ money. So they are after me. “
<Babbage> “What is it that you do not understand?"
<Hemlock> "So, what? You're gonna take off?"
* Mantis narrows an eye very slightly, but is bad enough at social interaction to not recognize that the situation is totally breaking down.
<Babbage> "Always do. They find me, I go away. Each time it takes them longer."

[Mantis and Hemlock try dragging him back rhetorically. Paul, as usually tries attacking from an angle.]

<HollowPaul> "I have a better question."
* HollowPaul holds up the drone. "If you'll amuse me a moment."
<HollowPaul> "What would be the operating range on a device like this?"
<Mantis> "...He's got the right idea."
* Babbage looks at the drone... "I'm hacker that sometimes hacks drones. I'm not a rigger, I have no clue."
<HollowPaul> "Ballpark it for me."
<Aphin> Babbage, do you have any knowledges related to tech or drones? Anything computer-relaed?
<Babbage> Some in programming/hacking related
<Aphin> That'd work.
<Aphin> Roll me one of those.
<Babbage> 3-3
<Aphin> Alright.
<Aphin> You're pretty sure that this drone has only got a signal of 3 on it - short range.
<Aphin> Had to be within the block somewhere.
<Aphin> Granted, this is Chinatown, so that's still a lot of ground to cover, but if he's still in the original place, he shouldn't be too hard to find.
<Aphin> IF being the operative word.
* HollowPaul waves the drone again, limp limbs waving fruitlessly.
<Aphin> The rapier falls out of the drone's arm and hits the asphalt with a CLANG.
<Mantis> "Can you zero in on him? If you can find him, I'll pull his guts out. Just for you."

[Too far.]

* Babbage grans at Paul. "I'm guessing within a block. And don't do that... do NOT hurt them."
* HollowPaul picks up the sword.
<Mantis> "What? Why not?!"
<Hemlock> "Babbage is right. We shouldn't hurt him."
<Babbage> "Imagine killing a millionaire’s kid. Imagine the trouble you get in for that."
<Mantis> "You're already in trouble. They tried to assassinate you with a...a sword-wielding probe."
<HollowPaul> "Indeed. Enough that they'd come in person to oversee...punishment."
<HollowPaul> "In. Person."
<HollowPaul> "Forgive me if I don’t see the disadvantage of removing the threat."
<Babbage> "Yes, but you guys aren't my friends. And I am NOT helping you find them. If they get into my PAN, I'm dead."
* Mantis sighs.
<Hemlock> "Babbage."
<Mantis> "I don't get you. I mean I don't really get anybody, but you're particularly confusing right now. They're trying to kill you. We should kill them back."
<HollowPaul> "Not friends? Fine. But I'm not going to spend my time talking to Em about how our hacker pussed out from a flying blender."
<HollowPaul> "So either you help us get rid of this in the short term and complete this mission, or I help your /real/ 'friends' out."

[It’s a shame that Paul’s reputation for impatience is showing. Perhaps if they’d pick one strategy and stick to it, they’d be doing better.]

<Hemlock> "Paul, that's..."
<HollowPaul> "Entirely applicable?"
<Hemlock> "Look. You are the best damn hacker I've ever seen. I don't wanna lose you. Even if you are a little weird."
* HollowPaul 's grip tightens on the doorframe, in case Babbage gets any ideas about simply screeching out.
<Hemlock> "We can do this."
<Goldman> "If this is the best they can do, we can definitely do this."
<Hemlock> "Yeah."
<Mantis> "She's right. I mean, not about you being weird. Okay, yeah, maybe kinda, but I can't judge. We can make them back off."
* HollowPaul waves nondescriptly with the hand holding the drone. Its limbs jangle around.
<Hemlock> It sounds like a pile of empty soup cans.

[At this point, Babbage is seriously considering trying to hack Paul’s cyberware to tear off. As Hemlock’s player is forced to leave, however, it becomes a 3-on-one battle of rhetoric.]

<HollowPaul> "You've been attacked by a giant done /in the middle of Triad territory,/ in the middle of a major deal."
<HollowPaul> "The entire region is probably lit like a fucking Christmas tree. There will /not/ be a better chance to find this idiot and neutralize him. Maybe even without killing him, if you're so fucking dickless to want that."
<HollowPaul> "If you peel out now, you're not only forfeiting that, you'll be running like a scared peacock, alerting /everyfuckingone/ where you are all the way from here to [whichever route runs east of Seattle]."
<Mantis> "He's right. Look, it'll make you feel better - it always works for me. We don't even have to kill him, just rough him up and tell him to call off the attacks."
<HollowPaul> "If you're so fucking hell-bent on running away, at least do it when you're not defeating the entire purpose."

[A fairly well-reasoned argument. Too bad Babbage’s character is being entirely unreasonable.]

* Babbage looks at Paul, "He's a small fry. Don't you get it? They know I'm in this city. They send him to test the waters. The /real/ stuff comes after him... like, real nasty stuff. Like stuff where if I even think of getting online I get fried."

[As this discussion continues, keep in mind the enemy rating for the Guildenhof is 3 with an incidence rating of 2. In other words, the Guildenhof and its cronies’ ranks are filled with dainty rich hoity-toities who do illegal hacking mostly because they have nothing else to do with their spare time.

They’re a bunch of nerds who probably don’t even lift.]

<HollowPaul> "Real nasty stuff that will know EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE if you run right now?"
<HollowPaul> "You don't have a fucking leg to stand on in this argument and you know it."
<Mantis> "You've got backup too, you know. There's a mage right next to us, plus Hemlock, and Paul, and...well, and me."
<Babbage> "No they won't. I’ll get a ticket to somewhere else, land, use another SIN and start from scratch, did it before will do it again. Each time it takes them longer to find me. I just need time... and if you get involved then it gets worse. They have more people to look out for... making us all a bigger target."
<HollowPaul> "How long ago was it when you used this excuse?"
<HollowPaul> "A month?"
<HollowPaul> "Three days before coming into town?"
<HollowPaul> "You're bullshitting me and you know it."
<Babbage> "Give me a bit of credit. The last time I did this was like six months ago."

[Oddly enough, we are making progress on convincing Babbage to stay. Unfortunately, we’re at the point where our characters would stop offering counterarguments and give up. Coincidentally, this is the point at which Paul would stop using threats and begin acting on them.

This is code for “Keep a Face with you AT ALL TIMES.”]

<HollowPaul> Given that we can't simply use Persuade checks on Babbage like any other character (who would likely have ceded ground by now)...
<HollowPaul> "I don't have time for this."
* HollowPaul smashes the drone against Babbage's head.
<Goldman> Babbage, you're g- oh.
<Goldman> Okay.
<Goldman> That works too.

[Two out of teammates pick Concussive Diplomacy.]

<Aphin> Babbage, the surprise attack hits you in the head. No armor.
<Aphin> Paul, roll for damage, stun only.
<HollowPaul> "Nor do any of us /as we're in the middle of Triad territory."/
<Aphin> Your ... improvised weapon deals 6 stun.
<Aphin> Roll it, combine strength, etc.

[Five hits, which makes for 11 Stun Damage. Babbage goes out like a light.]

* Babbage slumps in his seat.
* Mantis takes a long, very slow breath.
<Mantis> "...Thanks, Paul."
* HollowPaul reaches in, disengages the lock, and opens the door, stuffing Babbage's unconscious body into Mantis' arms.
<HollowPaul> "Thank me later. Right now, we put him somewhere he's not rabbiting off."
<Goldman> "I hope he doesn't have a concussion."

[We drive out of territory and drive to Goldman’s apartment (as it has the strongest non-electronic locks).

Goldman lives, as it turns out, in a remarkably Spartan home in a nice part of town. He’s got a bet, a couple of posh-looking couches and a coffee table, but is oddly light on entertainment, barring a few books and newspapers scattered about. It looks like he’s spent a bit of extra time locking the place down.]

<Goldman> "I don't entertain here much."
<Goldman> There's not a risk he's going to get robbed here in the first place, but why take that chance?
<Goldman> "You two-" he points to Babbage and Mantis "can take the guest room, and Paul, there's a fold-out couch."
* HollowPaul grumbles, completely about Babbage and not how everyone he knows has a better living space than he does.
* Mantis finds a chair and nods to Goldman. "Right."
<Mantis> "So...I'm at kind of a loss here."
<Mantis> "I feel like we should plan for the museum, but we need a hacker for that."
<Aphin> Yeah, you kind of do.
<Goldman> "He'll come around. A good night's sleep will help."
* Goldman looks at Paul.
<Aphin> Anyways, Babbage is starting to stir on the couch. As in "he's starting to wake up."
<Aphin> I suggest a calming cup of tea and perhaps some soothing ocean sounds.
* Babbage stirs, "Mommy is that you? I got the wierdest dream..."
* Mantis pats the awakening Babbage.
* Goldman gets folks stiff drinks.
* HollowPaul simply sits, arms crossed at just the right angles to minimize the crease in his suit, and watches Babbage.

[It’s at this point that everyone realizes they’ve engaged in all of this while wearing ridiculously dinner clothes. Keep that in mind as you picture Mantis slicing an arm off a quadrotor with a sword.]

* Babbage wakes up more... then looks at Mantis, his eyes still puffy... "Hey, wha... this isn't our apartment."
<Goldman> "No, it isn't."
<Mantis> "How are you feeling?"
* Babbage groans... "My head... what... hap..."
<Goldman> "We convinced you to stay."

[Yes. Yes we did. Of course.]

<Aphin> Your VERY nice suits add another element of weirdness to this.
<Mantis> "You were freaking out. We had to take you somewhere safe."
* Mantis flashes a small smile at Hollow Paul.
* HollowPaul nods back.
* Babbage eyes go wide... and he tries to sit up with no success... "That... man hit me with that drone!"
<Goldman> "It's not what I would have done, but it worked."
* Mantis leans on an arm, holding Babbage down. "Yeah, sorry about that. You were panicking and not thinking straight."
<Mantis> "We figured you'd do the same for one of us. We're a team, after all."
* Babbage looks towards the voice of Goldman comes from... "You've got nice taste..."
<Goldman> "Thanks."
* Goldman hands Babbage the drink.
* Babbage nods... "No, I was..." and he takes the drink, "I ... how long was I out?"

[Babbage’s internal chronometer says he was out for an hour…and he has a headache with a VERY painful bump on his head.

He decides, perhaps wisely, to wait it out a bit.]

<Aphin> Outside, the weather turns to Thundersnow, as snow falls and thunder rolls in the heavens.
* Mantis tries to stretch out, realizes she'd be putting her shoes on Goldman's ottoman, decides not to stretch out.
* Babbage drinks whatever the drink is... "Okay so... what now?"
<Mantis> "Good question. I was thinking we could talk about the museum, and then, once that's done, maybe we could come up with something to do about the Guldenhof."
<HollowPaul> "Those would be our two options, yes.”
<HollowPaul> “ Panicking is not a third."
<Goldman> "We're well past panicking."
<Mantis> "I'm thinking we knock out the museum first, quickly, and get the cabbage to the Yellow Lotus. Then..."
* Mantis thinks carefully.
<Mantis> "...In lieu of my share, I'll ask them for help with the Guldenhof."

[Keep that line in mind for later chapters.]

* Babbage lies back down, his head begins to really be painful, "Couldn't you... you know use your hands instead of using that drone?"
<HollowPaul> "The drone was in my hands. It was either that or ask you to hold it while I punched you."

[In the Darkest Timeline, this did in fact happen. Paul pushed the drone into Babbage’s lap, then punched him straight in the goatee (which he had, because it was the Darkest Timeline).]

<Goldman> "So if these Guldenhofs are keen on tracking you, and- like Paul said- they'd be doing so right now. Why not toss some red herrings their way?"
<Goldman> "Book a couple flights, modify a few passenger records."
<Mantis> "Good thinking. Keep them distracted while we pull off the job for the Lotus."
* Babbage thinks a bit, "I could put an agent a few hacked commlinks and have them give my signal."
<Goldman> Puddle hoppers to the Tir?
<Aphin> ... You probably only need 300 nuyen to do that.
<Aphin> I'll be nice.
<Mantis> Oh, nice. Do the Guldenhof have mages, or are they mostly just hackers?
<Mantis> The latter might be kind of intimidated if Babbage apparently fled to the Tir, they can't have many contacts there
<Aphin> I'll tell you this right now. If they have mages, they suck like tijuana whores.
<Aphin> The Guldenhof (as far as you know) is a rich kid's hacker's club for elite white fops who think they're better than everybody else.



* Babbage was a proud member of the Guldenhof!
<Mantis> Cool. That should keep them guessing for a while, then.
<Aphin> Still, the ruse won't last forever. Just a fair warning.
<Mantis> It'll last long enough for us to hit the museum and ask very nicely for some resources.

[More importantly, it will help convince /Babbage/ they're off his tail.]

<Aphin> Anyways, who's purchasing the ticket on Tir-Taign-Air?
* Mantis pulls up the information from Old Crab on the Museum of Asian Art.
<Aphin> Alright. 300.
<Aphin> Elves ain't cheap.
* Babbage pays for it
<Aphin> Alright. Babbage, "your" flight leaves tomorrow at 4 a.m. Business Class.
<Aphin> You ordered the fish dinner.
* Mantis pays half.
<Aphin> Alright. Babbage and Mantis pay 150 each.
<Aphin> ... Drinks will cost extra, remember that. :D
* Mantis marks down 'Leaving on a Jet Plane" on the expense list.

And so we end another chapter of Team Very Special Episode’s story. Their mission: Find Zhang Wei’s Golden Cabbage, steal it, and teach Mr. Zhang a few lessons in the Dragon Lines.

All without letting Babbage’s dear friends in the Guildenhof know that he’s still frolicking in Seattle.

Will they succeed? Find out in the next episode of


Next Episode:
ANCIENT HISTORY AND THE ART OF BLASPHEMY

Gonna smack some eurotrash hackers someday, mark my words.

I mean Mantis doesn't lift either, but that's because there are literally no muscles in her arms.

You say that now, Ana, but remember; Babbage isn't the only one who took the enemy trait. I mean, hell, four members of the group took the enemy trait.

God help you if they decide to work together.

This is why you have to kill them all first.

Hey kids! Hope you’re ready to read, because today we have a special, back-to-back chapter of



CHAPTER 14: A CRITIQUE OF THE SEATTLE EDUCATION SYSTEM, PRESENTED ALONGSIDE STUDIES IN INEQUITY BETWEEN METAHUMAN HOUSING DEMOGRAPHICS
Or, "FUCKING WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORDS"

[Last time on Shadowrun, Team Very Special Episode reaped the fruits of its labors by receiving its first “major mission.” They have been hired by an Incense Master named Sun “Old Crab” Wong of the Yellow Lotus Triad – which means that they are now effectively playing in the Middle Leagues now, as the Triads, Mafia and Vory are about as large as you get without getting to the corps. Their job: to steal a sculpture called the Jade Cabbage from one Zhang Fei, current independent owner of the Seattle Asian Art Museum, and cause as much “punishment” possible without actively killing him.

However, there is something…off…about this plan. Old Crab was disturbingly amused by the whole meeting, as though he considered the entire job to be a lark instead of something serious. And if that weren’t enough, Lord Babbage’s friends attempted to crash the party in a remote attempt to kill him.

One panicked discussion, a concussed temple and a red herring of a plane ticket later, we find ourselves in Goldman’s apartment, discussing how to perform this job without alerting the Gildenhof of Babbage’s continued presence.]

<Mantis> So, about the museum, what kind of intel did the Lotus give us?
<Aphin> Not much.
<Goldman> Name and date and target.
<Aphin> Old Crab gave you the PDF (Er, file) I gave y ou, which gives you a basic layout of the place.




<Aphin> Also, some history (outdated), and the name of the man in charge (Zhang Wei).
<Aphin> Those times and hours are vital.
<Mantis> "Okay. I've done some snatch and grabs like this before. Let's see..."

[Notice how there is no information on where administration-essential things are on this map: no security, no offices, no back room, no nothing. It’s a very bare map.]

<Mantis> Logically, the cabbage would be in the jade/celadon gallery, unless it's being kept somewhere secluded because of its rareness.
<Goldman> Why not take a look?
<Goldman> It's a gallery, after all.
<Mantis> Is there a futuristic equivalent of Google Maps? I'm interested in a bird's eye view.
<Mantis> Looking for skylights and all that.

[Aphin calls for a datasearch.]

<Aphin> Yes, there is. Do a datasearch.

[Paul will not, for reasons Mantis will show.]

<Mantis> ...I will search!
<Goldman> Twooooo.
<Mantis> Critical glitch.
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> Mantis.
<Aphin> You download an asian porn file by accident.

[Gremlins lowers the number of ones necessary to glitch by the extremity of the Quality. Paul has Gremlins 2, and defaults on searching…which means he will glitch with a single 1.]

<Mantis> "Hang on, let me look for points of entry."
<Mantis> A pause.
<Mantis> "...Well, I found some, but..."

[Ewwwwwww.]

<Babbage> 5-4
<Aphin> Alright. Babbage, you manage not to download any porn.
<Aphin> You DO get this, though.

[It’s exactly what the doctor ordered: a map of the museum.]

<Mantis> "...."
* Mantis closes the porn, pulls up the map, zooms in on THAT
* HollowPaul watches the light flicker as he steps back.
<HollowPaul> "Oh."
<Mantis> "This might be doable. Three skylights, plus a maintenance entrance at the roof, from what I can see."
<Mantis> "So now all we need to do is go there, figure out what's out in the open, and if the cabbage isn't there then we know where to look when we break in."
<Aphin> That sounds like an excellent plan.

[Not without knowing where it is it doesn’t.]

<Goldman> "Zhang must know its magical properties."
<Mantis> "Yeah, it'll probably be in a restricted area. Still, going in advance gives us a chance to check out the security system."
<Goldman> I say we have a day trip.
<Goldman> To the museum!
<Mantis> Oh man. We should disguise Babbage, if we're going out.
<Goldman> Give him a moustache, we'll be fine.
<Aphin> :|
<Aphin> Oh lawd.
<Mantis> Like, maybe a scarf or something. A hipster scarf that covers most of his face.
<Goldman> Animu scarf.
<HollowPaul> A /really/ floppy hat.

[Or we could just try using the Disguise skill or failing that, a nanopaste disguise.]

<Aphin> Do you have the disguise skill? Maybe some nanopaste?
<Mantis> I only have 2 in disguise, I wouldn't be much help.
<HollowPaul> ...I have a 4.
<Aphin> ...
* Aphin looks at Paul.

[…What? How else could he be so attentive to his hair?]

<Babbage> I have 4 in Disguise as well
<Aphin> Alright, both of you roll.
<Babbage> 2
<Aphin> I'll take the higher one.
<Aphin> 2

[Or not. Iiiiiiin any case, Babbage is…fairly well disguised. It’s not perfect, and probably won’t fool a face scanner, but from a casual glance, he looks, well, “not like Babbage.”]

<Aphin> For example, Babbage doesn't have that mustache and beard, nor does he have hipster glasses, nor an irresponsibly large bow tie.
<Aphin> If you wanted to complete the look, you could dress him up in steampunk accoutrements.

[Considering he now plays Lord Postletwaite…’s faithful orc butler at LORD POSTELTHWAITE'S LAND OF SCIENCE AND DISCOVERY, that might actually make him more recognizable.

In any case, the next morning…ON TO THE MUSEUM!]



[The entrance is... slightly more weathered than that image, actually. The years have not been kind to the SAAM. Pollution has turned much of the stone grey and sooty. There’s a light edge of snow on the ground, too. Fearsomely chilly, though, with the promises of more snow to come.

As Team VSE passes by the main entrance, they see a bunch of MAD scanners set into the walls of the doorframes, presumably to check weapons and the like. After all, this is an upscale area of Seattle.]

<Aphin> ... You guys can wear normal clothes, now. I'm presuming you went home and changed.

[He presumes correctly, at least for four out of five tourists. For Paul, of course, crisp suits are his normal clothes.]

<Aphin> I'm going to ask you right now - are you carrying?
<HollowPaul> yeah, uh, no
<Mantis> I am not. No reason to raise suspicions if they've got a metal detector.
<Aphin> Anybody else?
<Babbage> Nope, nothing
<Aphin> Babbage? Goldman?
<Goldman> When have I carried weapons into casual situations?
<Aphin> You guys go through the mad scanners.
<Aphin> Goldman, you go through with no problems.
<Aphin> You other three, however....
<Aphin> Well, let's put it this way.

[BWEE BWEE BWEE BWEE BWEE BWEE BWEE]

<Aphin> As soon as Mantis goes through, the damn thing has a heart attack and starts smoking.
* Mantis sighs.
* Babbage looks surprised. "First time that happened to you... this week."
<Aphin> The security guards - both large, burly orks with the nameplate "MINUTEMEN SECURITY" on them - give you a look. One holds out a pair of bracers.
<Aphin> "Ma'am, you're going to have to wear these while you're inside."
* Mantis nods, and accepts the bracers without a fuss.
<Aphin> As soon as you do, you find yourself incapable of popping claws.

[Ominous.]

<Aphin> They scan you over as well, Babbage and Paul, but find nothing too incriminating.
<Aphin> "Welcome to the SAAM, please enjoy your stay. We will be closing early because of the incoming blizzard - please try to stay no longer than noon. No touching the artifacts."
<Aphin> "Have a nice day," the ork says, and goes back to his coffee, shaking his head at the people who come through here.

[So we reach the Atrium.

Goldman’s brochure is made of plaspaper, and has a very similar floorplan to what we already have. The gift shoppe is to the left - ooooh, plush terra cotta warriors! - and the ticket desk for the full tour is on the right. The current exhibition is "Awakening: History of Magic in China."]

<Mantis> "That sounds promising."
<Aphin> "The Awakening exhibit is currently in the Chinese Art: A Seattle Perspective wing."
<Goldman> "Seems like a good place to start."
* Goldman heads thataway.

[Up the stairs and to the left then, according to the floor map. The place is VERY beautiful, actually. The century-old art deco art contrasts nicely to the AR displays everywhere. It's wonderful in here. Almost a fairy tale paradise with the snow outside, falling on the skylights.

This is, of course, in sharp contrast to the Minutemen Security people who are following Team VSE around at a distance of 10 feet, trying to look nonchalant about it…though this has probably nothing to do with the girl with the claws.

As the team enters the hall, their eyes are greeted by massive amounts of wondrous items. There's a massive AR display of Lung, the Chinese dragon, floating against the right wall. The left has a timeline of China's history, picking out "magical" events in Chinese history, ranging from genuine events (LONG WANG emerging in 2022) to the not so much (The ghostly assassination of some politician in 1933) and in sheer myth (ghost women, killer dog ghosts, etc). Amidst all of this are stands and displays showing a great deal of statuary, both magical and non-magical.]

<Goldman> Hopping vampires.
<Aphin> Yes. There is, in fact, a whole section dedicated to hopping vampires - because they actually DO EXIST.

[They do!]

* Goldman totally has to take a look in the astral plane.
<Aphin> Goldman, roll assense.
<Goldman> Three.
<Aphin> Okay. Goldman, you're not... blinded? But you certainly do have a mild headache.
* Goldman pops back into his boring meat self.
* Mantis studies a painting of one.
<Mantis> "Goldman, are those real, or...?"
<Goldman> "Very real."
* Goldman is wincing.

[The amount of magic in this room is raising the astral background count by 1, which means that Goldman can cast spells at 1 efficiency (but he’ll automatically take 1 drain as a result). Most of the items are just... generically magicm though. Magic without having any magic to them. Mythic, perhaps.]

<Goldman> Anything particularly WOM WOM WOM WOM WOM?
<Aphin> ... You got a three, so yeah, I can let you in on that.
<Mantis> "Wow."
<Aphin> There is a small jade hairpin in one corner that throbs with energy. It's... very old.
<Aphin> Anyways, the jade hairpin may be a focus of some kind. The plate beneath it says "Courtesan Hairpin, Unknown Era."
* Goldman has a good, sturdy look at this.
<Aphin> Roll me a second assense, Goldman.
<Goldman> If shit goes to shit, he might just have to steal that.
<Goldman> Another three.
<Aphin> ... yeah.
<Aphin> That's... you're not sure.
<Aphin> But you THINK.
<Aphin> THINK
<Aphin> It's a power focus. Level 2.

[Veeery interesting.

<Aphin> Anyways, everybody give me a perception check.
<Goldman> Wan.
<Mantis> 3
<Babbage> 1
<HollowPaul> 2

[With that check, Mantis (and weirdly enough, Paul) find the Cabbage!

Surprisingly, the Jade Cabbage is tucked away in a corner of the exhibit, as if it wasn't worth much. Literally tucked away, though. Team VSE has to look behind an AR of a moving terra cotta warrior to find it.]

<Aphin> The terra cotta warrior raises its leg, mid-march, and there it is.
<Mantis> "....There it is, right there."
* Mantis is a bit nonplussed!
* HollowPaul continues to examine the big showcase item just in case, though, to draw some attention away from us.
<Aphin> The center artifact’s a wooden statue of a bhudda surrounded by demons.
* Goldman peeks into the astral yet again.
<Aphin> Goldman, since you've done two assenses already, I'll go ahead and tell you;
<Goldman> Good point.
<Aphin> This isn't magical.
<Goldman> "Huh."
<Mantis> Hmm. That might be why it's out in the open - perhaps it's a decoy.
<Aphin> Anyway, there's a plaque underneath the Jade Cabbage.
<Aphin> Anybody going to read it?
* Mantis studies the plaque.
<Aphin> Excellent.
<Aphin> "Jade Cabbage (replica) - Xin Dynastic, 9- AD"
<Aphin> "This Jade Cabbage is believed to have been used in the local - hold on - Feng Shui of the Imperial City, possibly to allow 'dragon lines' or 'ley lines' to go through it more effectively."
<Aphin> It goes on to describe a boring bit about ley lines, and how the real piece is not currently on display.

[Well, that’s unfortunate.]

<Aphin> Hollow Paul, several guards are very pointedly walking around you.
* Babbage makes a quick scan of what nodes there are in this place. (not in the nodes, just a list of the nodes.)
<Aphin> Babbage, gimme a matrix perception.
<Babbage> 7-4
<Aphin> Babbage, you detect three nodes in the building.
* Goldman moves onto the next exhibit, all nonchalantlike.
<Aphin> One's the main node, used for visitors who get lost or want general information on the area or exhibits. Very nicely detailed, too.
<Aphin> The other two... you can't really tell, but you think they're for security and admin purposes.

[Also useful information, though this is looking progressively dour. Security is painfully tight.]

* Mantis joins Goldman at the next exhibit. "It's a replica. The real one's...in storage, maybe?"
<Goldman> "Yeah, it's not magical at all."
<Goldman> Does it say much else there?
<Goldman> Who donated, the collection, all that?
<Aphin> "Donator: Zhang Wei."
<Aphin> "Director of SAAM"
<Mantis> "Maybe Mr. Zhang's keeping it for himself. Are, uh..."
* Mantis thinks for a second. "Are there any major ley lines near here?"
<Mantis> "I don't know anything about magic."
<Goldman> "I wouldn't try figuring that out here."
<Goldman> "It's like looking at the sun."

[A gaggle of schoolchildren come in, all of them oohing and aahing at the giant dragon. Aphin calls for a Magical Theory roll.]

<Goldman> Two.

[Nooooope. No chance of him knowing much about ley lines.]

<Aphin> But yeah, you can go find one later. A
<Aphin> A data search might pull up maps of ley lines, too.

[Babbage gives it a shot.]

<Goldman> Google Leylines, a Google Maps plugin.

[That actually exists. It’s in the canon.]

<Babbage> 6

[Babbage has it…and yes, it does seem there's a ley line through Seattle - it runs right down from Canada through the city. It splits off in chinatown, odly enough - not really a nexus, but more of a node. After that, there are "suggested patterns" and it gets kind of vague – Babbage gets the impression the app writers don’t really know much beyond that, either.]

<Goldman> "Yeah, that looks about right."
<Goldman> "We're better off looking for Wei's Chinatown address."
<Mantis> "Do you think maybe he's an awakened? He could be using it on himself. Uh, somehow. To do something."
<Goldman> "Probably."
* Goldman bets there's some biographical information on Wei in the museum.
<Goldman> Flattering fluff pieces.
<Aphin> More than likely, yeah.
<Aphin> At least it'll be on the matrix site, anyways. Dude's Site Director.
* Goldman thinks a quick check for "curator only" doors might help.
<Aphin> That might be handy.

[We spend the next hour or so searching the museum, which is represented by two Perception checks.]

<Babbage> So how much for that plush terra cotta warior?
<Aphin> 25 nuyen.
* Babbage buys one for Mantis
<Mantis> 1 and 3
<HollowPaul> Same.
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> Mantis, your first roll gets you lost in the gift shop.
<Aphin> With Hollow Paul.
<HollowPaul> "No, I am not buying a miniature haunted buddha."
<Aphin> The second one... you both find a hidden entrance at other side of the Fuller Garden court.
* Mantis wanders idly, searching for clues with Paul, until presented with the warrior. "Aw, thanks. He's cute."
<Goldman> 2 and 0.
<Goldman> No glitches.
<Babbage> 3-2 and 2
<Aphin> Says it's called "Staff/Exhibit Elevator."
<Aphin> Goldman, you find yourself wandering in circles for a while until a friendly ... museum person(?) finds you.
<Aphin> Sorry man, but you just get lost.
<Goldman> Womp womp.

[It's the drugs.]

<Aphin> BABBAGE, on the other hand, ends up wandering downstairs and sees that there's a THIRD floor underneath the lower level.
<Aphin> It's marked "STAFF ONLY."
<Aphin> Presumably that's where old exhibits and offices go.
<Aphin> You know, Admin, packaging, all that jazz.

[It's 11:00 am at this point, which means the speakers come to life.]

<Aphin> "THE MUSEUM WILL BE CLOSING IN ONE HOUR DUE TO THE ONCOMING WIZARD."
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> "BLIZZARD."
<Mantis> MAGES ARE CAUSING THE SNOWFALL
<Aphin> "AHEM, THE MUSEUM WILL BE CLOSING IN AN HOUR DUE TO THE ONCOMING BLIZZARD."
<Aphin> YOU SHUSH
* Mantis glances from Paul back to the elevator. "Do you think, uh...?"
<HollowPaul> "Yes.”
* Mantis quietly looks from side to side...
<Aphin> ... uh-oh.
<Aphin> What are you doing.
<Goldman> :3
<Mantis> Checking to see if there are any guards or cameras watching the elevator.
<Aphin> Ah. Roll me perception, then.
<Mantis> 4
<Aphin> Damn.
<Aphin> Well, you don't see any guards there - not right now - but the floor is scuffed in a pretty routine pattern.
<Aphin> Presumably they come by the elevator somewhat often.
<Mantis> "Looks like they come by pretty regularly..."
<Aphin> As for cameras, yes. At least two of them.
* Mantis makes a note of all this.

[Babbage, meanwhile, check to see the sort of locks the STAFF ONLY door has.]

<Aphin> Looks like a maglock, Babbage.
<Aphin> Not necessarily high-quality, but sure as hell more than you're used to dealing with.
* Babbage returns upstairs.

<Aphin> (A slight chinese man with a bland face walks by you as the blizzard falls outside, muttering "excuse me" as he bumps into you, Mantis.)
* Mantis nods politely.
<Mantis> ....
* Mantis checks her pockets.

[This is Seattle 2070.]

<Aphin> Everything seems to be there.
<Mantis> Whew.
<Aphin> Yeah, commlink, credstick, etc. You're good.

[Paul, meanwhile, snaps a shot of both the area and the man with his cybereyes.]

<Aphin> You get a shot of this very bland Japanese dude.
<Mantis> I thought he was Chinese.
<Aphin> ... Asian.
<Goldman> :|
<Goldman> ALL ROOK SAME

[DM IS RACIST

DM IS RACIST

…Ahem. Mantis pieces together the following.]

<Mantis> Okay, we know there's at least two entrances to the storage area, the museum is regularly patrolled by Minutemen, and they have a closed-circuit surveillance network. The exhibits themselves probably have electronic security as well, and the downstairs entrance is maglocked.
<Mantis> There might also be spirits or something downstairs. We don't know what's in that area.
<Aphin> You haven’t done a proper search, but with all this magic around, it's very LIKELY they've got spiritual security - as well as one securimage on staff.
<Babbage> There's also three matrix nodes.

[All valid points. But at this point we’re being led out the door, so we decide to regroup back at Paul’s apartment and start discussing how we can pull off this heist.]

<Aphin> Mr. Puffington purrs and looks up at you all adorably.
<Aphin> "Mew!"

[This is not yesterweek’s Mr. Puffington. This kitty here is the real deal. Sometime in the past few days, Paul found a stray prowling around his doorstep and decided to take him in, thereby excusing everyone’s behavior during this meeting and not being a total retcon.

The old Puffington is still lying about someplace. Probably as a scratching post.]

<Aphin> Paul, you are a rescuer/kidnapper of small animals.
<Aphin> And he is the cutest little kitty ever!
<Mantis> “All right, basics. What about doors? How many of those are there?”
<Aphin> Including the main entrance, four.
<Aphin> Main entrance, two fire exits, and the loading dock at the back (which is actually SIX doors, but two of them are massive and meant for trucks)
<Aphin> There are also two doors up top for the maintenance men to get to, but they're probably locked and/or linked to the fire alarms.
<HollowPaul> “So would the fire doors, I'd expect.” :|
<HollowPaul> “If Babbage could shut down the link between the doors and the fire alarm, that’d be the simplest route.”
<Aphin> Babbage could definitely do that.
<Mantis> “I was going to say exactly that, yeah.”
<Aphin> More than likely, si.
<Aphin> I would like to point out that there's no shame in going a little crazy in your plans. :D
<Aphin> I once infiltrated a mall to plant a virus by dressing up everyone as Santa Claus.

[An intriguing thought. Keep this in mind as we formulate our plans.]

<Mantis> Hmmm.
<Hemlock> “We could disguise ourselves as city cleanup crew. Somebody’s gotta shovel off all that snow.
<Aphin> ... that might work, actually.
<Mantis> Emergency winterization services :P
* HollowPaul hunches over the coffee table as they look at the maps (which are covered in one corner by Puffington).
* Mantis stretches out on the couch.
<Aphin> “Mew!”
<Mantis> "I could get in through the skylights, but getting the entire group up to the roof...and then down again...would be complicated."
<Mantis> "Figuring out a way through one of the alternate doors might be our best bet."
<Aphin> Mr. Puffington has taken it upon himself to play with the e-pen stylus, to keep such a dangerous thing out of your hands. He is a brave warrior!
* HollowPaul scratches it behind the ears.
<Aphin> "Mew!"
<Mantis> "The fire doors will be linked to alarms, though."
<Aphin> Yes, most likely - although you could take OUT the alarms by hacking the internal nodes.
<Aphin> ... which are likely going to be guarded themselves.
<Aphin> On other hand, there IS a blizzard coming up.
<HollowPaul> How thick would the glass be? Strong enough to withstand the blizzard?

[Data search roll says…a full inch.]

<Aphin> Mr. Puffington mews at you for food, for it is din din time.
<HollowPaul> And how much snow is expected to fall in the next day or so?
* HollowPaul gets up and looks for a can of "soy tuna."
<HollowPaul> "Check the weather forecasts."
<Hemlock> “Inch-thick glass isn't going to break under a bunch of snow.”
* Babbage checks the weather forecasts
<Aphin> I'll give you that one for free. The blizzard is going to be short but hard, 5 to 7 inches being the avarage.
<Aphin> In any case, most of the city is shutting down because of the sudden nature of this storm, and because people are freaking out about it being caused by WIND SPIRITS or whatever.




[Guess the PA wasn’t so off after all!]

<HollowPaul> "Hrm."
* HollowPaul looks around for a can opener, and, failing to find one, just pries the lid open with a nail.
* Babbage mubbles "show-off" at Paul.
<Mantis> "I feel like there's some way we could use this to our advantage, besides the distraction."
<Mantis> "Can't quite put my finger on it, though."
<Hemlock> "Yeah. It's like a present that we can't open."
<Hemlock> "Hmm."
<Aphin> mewmewmewmewmewmewmewGOBBLEGOBBLEGOBBLEGOBBLEGOBBLE

[All this trouble…and we haven’t even considered magical security yet.]

<Hemlock> Yeah, I'm worried about that watcher spirit.
* Goldman wipes about two grams of novacoke off his nose.
<Goldman> “You know, if this storm is magical, then the spirits summoned in it will be distracted. We could probably sneak in under their nose without too much trouble."
<Babbage> "A power outage... the snow could be the so called cause of a power outage."
<Hemlock> "Heeeey, that's not a bad idea."
<HollowPaul> "True."
<Mantis> "Ahhh."
<Aphin> I like that idea. :D
<Babbage> "Well, let me check if the place has its own power source first."
<Hemlock> "If it does, then we could go in, pretending to be utility workers."
<HollowPaul> "And if not, where it derives its power."
<Aphin> You could easily get that info by hacking the local nodes OR doing one HELL of a data search roll.

[Guess what we try first.

Another data search gives us a post between BIGDAWG776 and MUSEUMLOVA, with the former telling the latter that if there IS a power blackout, the museum's generators will kick in after five minutes to provide power for an hour or so.It's necessary to keep the preserved items in the basement from going, well, bad. It's only for an hour - but they pay their bills, so the city will respond as fast as it can.]

<Hemlock> "That's not much time."
<Mantis> "It's enough, though, if we plan this out right."
<Babbage> "We should intercept the city-workers of course..."
<Hemlock> "Think we could pose as city workers? Going in to make sure that no fuses have popped or something?"
<Babbage> "I doubt that. Even if they are well paid, the City workers would respond within the first five minutes."
<Mantis> "Unless we intercept the workers on their way, and then pose as them."
<Hemlock> "Yeah. And if we do that, we get disguises as the cherry on top."
<Aphin> Also, the blizzard might be a factor in this.
<Aphin> After all, 7 inches of snow is a LOT, even for Seattle.
<Mantis> That's true, it might take them longer to get there.
<HollowPaul> "Alternate plan. We plan this, assuming power is working, and if he--" Paul points to Babbage-- "screws up, we cut the power, giving us extra time to move."
<Hemlock> "I like that idea.
<HollowPaul> "A failsafe, of sorts."
<Aphin> Mr. Puffington has finished his meal and is now pawing at Hemlock's legs.
<Hemlock> "Oh god. Aren't you just the CUTEST THIIIING~"
* Hemlock scoops up Puffington and holds him like a baaybeeeee. "SO CUTE! YES YOU IS!"
<Aphin> "mew mew mew mew!"
<Aphin> "purr purr purr purr"
<Aphin> You'll need to know where the power mains are, of course.
<Aphin> "mew mew mew mew!"
<Aphin> "purr purr purr purr"

[And so we search again. Unfortunately, Babbage fudges this roll, which means that info’s not nearly so available.]

<Mantis> "It's good to have backups. I think that kind of information is publicly available, Babbage."
<Mantis> "You know, to keep people from digging where they shouldn't."
<Aphin> Sorry, man. That information doesn't seem to be posted as easily as the others.
<Aphin> You can find the site you can get the info from but....
<Aphin> You’d have to hack into the Seattle Electrical Commission.
<Aphin> it requires a SIN to get in, so they can make sure no one's using it for BAD THINGS. AHEM. :D

[In other words, no.]

<Hemlock> "BBBBBBBBFFFFFFF"
<Aphin> "purr purr purr purr purr purr:
* Hemlock is not being a team player at ALL.

[All this trouble, and we don’t even know where the cabbage is inside.

We continue to do data searches on a variety of subjects – guards, funding, some basics on the Cabbage itself…about the only interesting information has to do with Zhang’s relationship to the Ley Lines.

In addition to the museum being owned by him, Zhang also gives a lot of private funding to it – which means he can effectively put up whatever he wants. Not only that, but he can dictate exactly where they go, which he exercises on a regular basis. There’s a fair amount of superstition involved, however – he wants to make sure things don’t upset the dragon lines by season.]

<Aphin> You know this, because the dude won't shut up about dragon lines whenever he talks or gets interviewed. Dude's kind of. Obsessed.
<Hemlock> ... we could use THOSE to lead us to the statue.
<Aphin> HAH

[If only. We’d need the skill Magical Theory 6 (in other words, be an expert) to really understand them.

…however, we did learn something through Goldman in studying this.]

<Goldman> “Yeah, so, while it's hard to TRACK a mana line, that museum’s practically sitting on a nexus.
<Aphin> “Big group that feeds directly into the rest of the city, like a place where all the power lines meet.”

[Ominous. Doubly so, considering that the Cabbage is supposed to be in that museum.]

<Goldman> "You kind of have to devote your life to those things to really understand 'em.”
* Goldman SNFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
* HollowPaul looks at the "snow" blowing around in his room. He could have sworn he left the blizzard outside.

[This is getting fruitless. We need another angle.]

<HollowPaul> "Let's talk Zhang Wei."
<Babbage> “Okay.”
<Mantis> “We know that 1) He is Chinese 2) He never shuts up about ley lines.”
<Mantis> "Hmm. He donated the cabbage, or at least the replica."
<Mantis> "And from what we've seen here, he's interested in that kind of thing because he's a scholar of...magic stuff."
<Aphin> Indeed.

[He’s also director of the museum…which means that a data search of his bio reveals…]

<Hemlock> "And the Cabbage is very, very important to him. At least, that's what it sounded like."
<HollowPaul> Indeed.
* HollowPaul wonders if his home also happens to be on a ley line.
<Hemlock> "I'd count on it."
<Babbage> "Would he keep the Cabbage in his home?"
<HollowPaul> "It's a distinct possibility."
<Hemlock> "The Cabbage is supposed to be the key to these ley lines. So, MOVING the cabbage would disrupt them. Right?"
<HollowPaul> "Where does he live, anyway?"
* HollowPaul looks at Babbage.

[As Babbage searches, however, Hemlock realizes something.]

<Hemlock> Y’know…
<Hemlock> Traditionally, Chinese jade sculptures were made in pairs. It's a Confucian thing.
<Hemlock> You'd put one on each side of the room.
<Aphin> Very nice, Hemlock.
<Hemlock> What I'm saying is that there's a super good chance that the Cabbage isn't in the museum.
<Hemlock> At least, not the one we're looking for.

[Which means we have to scope out two different locations. Shit.]

<Mantis> My main interest in getting into the lower museum was that it would have offices and we could figure out where Zhang had taken the cabbage.
<Aphin> ANYWAYS
<Aphin> Babbage, you not only get his address, you get a picture of his house.
<Aphin> "ZHANG WEI, SEEN HERE OUTSIDE OF HIS HOUSE IN UPTOWN SEATTLE, SHOWS HIS GARDEN THAT HE'S ALIGNED WITH FENG SHUI PRINCIPLES."
<Aphin> "A PRACTICITING SHINTO AND TRAINED WU JEN, ZHANG WEI BELIEVES THAT FENG SHUI CAN UNITE THE WORLD IN HARMONY."
<HollowPaul> "Uptown. Great."
<Mantis> "Wu jen, huh."
* Babbage punches up the address in Streetview.
<Aphin> It's in a gated community - of course - with a bunch of identical-looking houses surrounding a large artificial lake.
<Aphin> The place SCREAMS money.
<Aphin> It also screams BAD TASTE, but eh, it's the future. You can afford to be tacky.
<Hemlock> Speaks volumes about the guy's museum, I suppose.
<Aphin> Looks like there's a few guard patrols in cars driving around.
<Aphin> Not too much - probably don't want to scare the residents.
<Hemlock> Do you think Zhang's house is guarded by spirits?

[Oh, absolutely. He’s a wu jen; he’ll have guard spirits there and maybe some wards, too.]

<Mantis> "The complex itself doesn't seem particularly secure. Patrols are probably more to keep the poor out than to deal with any potential crime."
* Babbage searches for information of the gated community in general

[Another success; the community is actually owned by Mitsuhama, and is called the “Lucky Meadows.” No, of course, there are no actual meadows (though they don’t want you knowing that), but it’s home to the sort of people who can afford a (plastic) yard.]

<Aphin> It's relatively expensive to live there, but surprisingly enough, no one employed by Mitsuhama is allowed to live there. Some sort of legal issue?
<Aphin> The site isn't very clear about it.
<Mantis> "...I wonder why their employees can't live there?"

[They brag about /7 security by "trained professionals" - and show a picture of a smiling human with a stun stick, so on so forth. There’s a button just asking you to press it, so it can take you on a virtual tour.]

* Babbage clicks the virtual tour!
* Mantis crowds around to watch.



<Aphin> A chipper cartoon of a woman - with immense tits for no reason - walks you through the virtual tour.
<Aphin> "FOR ONLY 60 NUYEN A MONTH YOU CAN LIVE IN LUXURY HERE AT LUCKY MEADOWS, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"
<Aphin> It's like something out of Robocop.
<Aphin> The layout is fairly simple, judging from the tour.
<Mantis> "...that's a really nice house."
* Mantis sounds woeful.
<HollowPaul> Two bed two bath, and a basement.
<Aphin> Oddly enough, the virtual tour doesn't go into the basement.
<HollowPaul> Fortunately we should be able to rule out the basement (I hope), since he'll probably be taking full advantage of the Cabbage's fen—

[Oh goddammit.]

<Aphin> Anyways, the Virtual Tour concludes
<Aphin> Babbage, roll your ... roll your commlink's armor rating.
<Aphin> Anyways, the big-tittied cartoon flashes her giant anime eyes at you and ENCOURAGES YOU TO PURCHASE A SITE TODAY! CLICK HERE TO START THE CREDIT CHECK!
<Aphin> The entire screen fills with a button that says START THE CREDIT CHECK
<Aphin> There's a much tinier one in the corner that says (exit)
* Babbage looks at Mantis, "So how would you deal with such a place."

[Guess what Babbage clicks. Guess what happens when he does.]

<Aphin> Unfortunately, Babbage, you have picked up A POP-UP.
<Aphin> You're gonna have to clean that up.
<Aphin> Every time you use the matrix now, some big-tittied cartoon of a woman wants to know IF YOU'VE MADE UP YOUR MIND ABOUT LUCKY MEADOWS YET?
<Aphin> You can debug it, though. Should be simple.
<Aphin> So, what's the plan, guys?
* Babbage is going to debug that thing now... last thing he wants is to be tackled by big breasted cartoon woman in the middle of a run.

[Fucking pop-ups.]

<Mantis> "Ignoring the front door, there are a few points of entry."
<Mantis> "We could get in through a window, but that's the most risky way to go. The garage would be an option."
<Mantis> "As would...it looks like there's a porch or something down by the living room, which means there's going to be a back door."
<HollowPaul> "We need to know if it's there in the first place."
<Mantis> "Honestly, I'd probably go through the garage. It's probably got an automated opener we could hack.
<HollowPaul> "I believe a road trip is in order. One that takes advantage of this infernal snowstorm."
* HollowPaul looks at Goldman. Not /that/ snowstorm.
<Goldman> "snfffff"
<Aphin> "MEW!"
<Goldman> "snffffff"
<Aphin> "MEW!"
* HollowPaul picks up Mr. Puffington.

[Outside, the wind grows cold. Two inches of snow pile up on Paul's window ledge…and it’s starting to get cold in this little apartment.]

<Aphin> Jeez, you really DO live in a shithole, Paul.
<HollowPaul> :(
<Aphin> Mr. Puffington starts burrowing into your massive arms.
* Mantis is always cold, so it's not a huge change.
<HollowPaul> Everything is warmer than that bucket of ice.

[As Babbage removes the damned pop-ups, we discuss recon. After all, we’ll have to case the joint now.]

* Goldman ‘s already moving towards the door, putting on a particularly fluffy hat with those... earmuff things.
* Mantis stretches in place.
<Babbage> We send Goldman's spirit to the house...
<Mantis> Oh, yeah.
<Mantis> Maybe send Goldman out astrally first, before we make any drives.
* Mantis slides off the couch to make room for Goldman and continues yoga-ing.

[Time for some nice Astral Projection.]

<HollowPaul> Either that or he's napping off his high. :|
<Babbage> "We could so draw a moustache on his face right now... he'll meelt our brains afterward though..."
<Aphin> Speaking of which, his nose starts bleeding as he's zonked out.
* Babbage puts some cotton stuff under his nose.
* HollowPaul grumbles, stuffing a handkerchief below his face before he bleeds all over the couch.

[Within a few minutes, Goldman pops back in, eyes a bit wide.]

<Goldman> "Well. That was... different."
<HollowPaul> "...Yes?"
* Mantis glances back from standing on one hand. "What happened?"
<Goldman> "Uh. Lucky Meadows doesn't have any astral security. But Zhang does."

[Not a surprise. Wu jen and all.]

<Hemlock> "Cagey, isn't he?"
<Goldman> "He's got a ward - not serious, but not amateur hour, either - and as soon as I got close, some... old Chinese guy with a flaming sword started to approach me. Had to cast a confusion spell to get outta there."
* Goldman wipes the blood off his nose.
<Goldman> "Won’t be a problem to get in, but I'll need backup."
<Goldman> "And that guardian spirit's gonna be a fuckin’ headache."
<HollowPaul> "No idea where the Cabbage is?"
<Goldman> "Didn't have time. Whole place is warded, though, if that helps."
<Hemlock> "It probably has better astral security than his own museum."
<Hemlock> "Suspicious."
<Mantis> "I guess we'll have to search in person, if you can counteract the wards and the spirit."
<Goldman> "Yeah, I can. Just get me there and I can do something. But you'd better make sure I don't get my brain blasted in the process."
<Mantis> "Is there a way to kill a spirit without, you know...magic?"
<Aphin> "Well, not with guns. You could... punch it to death, I guess. But it'd take a while."

[It’s like trying to plink a YMIR without Overload, Warp or Incinerate. And with a pistol.

We should probably avoid this if possible.]

* Mantis considers this. She's pretty good at punching things.
<Babbage> "Hopefully the guy is so concentrated on spirit and magic that he's laxer on other stuff.

[All things considered, this is (thankfully) likely. After all, if you’re really good at one thing, then everything starts to look like November 5.

…I think I mixed my metaphors there.]

<Aphin> "Well, I didn't see any tech there, so you might be right."
<Mantis> "So let's review. We drive up, take a look at the house, and maybe try something if we can see an opening."

[So we have one more recon session. Eventually, Hemlock drives in with Mantis, who gets a meatspace view of the situation.]

<Mantis> The blizzard will make the patrols' visibility lower, which will help me to blend in while not hindering me because I have thermographic vision.
<Aphin> Although I'd also suggest white clothing, too.
<Mantis> Naturally!

[Since it’s snowing, like a goddamn BLIZZARD, however…]

<Aphin> You need to roll me a drive check.
<Mantis> Oh god.
<Hemlock> 3.

[Hemlock got damn lucky. Anything less than a three would have been a wipeout on those streets.]

<Aphin> As it is, you start driving through - slowly - realizing OH SHIT, THERE'S A LOT OF FUCKING SNOW OUT HERE
<Aphin> But you manage to handle it pretty expertly.
<Aphin> Also, the fact that there's no other cars on the road - aside from a few brave or stupid individuals - means you can maneuver with much more room than normal.
<Hemlock> "Great day for a ride, huh, Mantis?"
<Aphin> So, within an hour, and just as the sky goes from gray to black, you arrive at LUCKY MEADOWS
* Mantis is sleeveless in a fucking blizzard. "It's pretty out."

[It's a winter wonderland. There are trees covered in sugar, it seems, and the large stone block wall outside is covered in snow, making it look like a gingerbread house. Between that and the sparkling fairy light drones - basically hovering christmas lights - this place is gorgeous.]

<Aphin> It is also LOCKED.
<Aphin> Gated community.

[You know what’s better than a lock? A cyberninja.]

<Hemlock> A cyberninja.
<Mantis> "Don't drive up to the front gate, take me around the side."
<Hemlock> "Yeah. Do your thing, Mantis."
* Mantis hops off, finds a spot on the wall near Zhang's house, and climbs it.

[Throughout a series of successful Climb and Infiltration checks to get past patrols (none of which glitch, thankfully)…]

<Aphin> One of the houses at the end of this street seems a little different. For starters, there's a giant Chinese statue in the front yard.
<Aphin> It's covered with snow, but you can still tell it's supposed to be some kind of god.
<Aphin> Bad news is the lights are on in that house.
* Mantis comms the rest of the group. "I can see the house from here. Looks like Zhang's home at the moment."
<Hemlock> "Excellent. Can you get in?"
<Mantis> "Not sure how good an idea that is. Going to circle around and look for points of entry."
* Mantis uplinks the feed from her cybereyes so everyone can watch.

[Everyone except Paul, of course, who must watch the feed from Babbage’s screen.]

<Aphin> Good choice on the white clothes, by the way. The patrols keep missing you.
<Aphin> They drive on, as if nothing's wrong.
<Mantis> "Right. Looking at the garage first."
* Mantis gives the house a VERY WIDE berth as she circles around to get a look at possible entrances to the garage.
<Mantis> Last thing I want to do is get close enough to alert a ward or a spirit.
<Aphin> Well, there's good news and bad news.
<Aphin> The garage is huge, and the door is large enough to see from a distance.
<Aphin> Even through the falling snow, it seems pretty easily broken into.
<Aphin> The BAD news is that there's snow piled up all around the house.
<Aphin> It's going to make getting in that much tougher, no matter what you do.
<Mantis> "Are you getting this?"
<Aphin> Also, through the snow, you see various... oddments of Feng Shui in the ground.
<Aphin> Mirrors, chimes, plates of wood, etc.
<Goldman> "Probably part of the ward."
* Mantis decides not to touch the ward components.
<Mantis> "What if they were disrupted physically?"
<Goldman> "You fucking piss off the spirit, that’s what.”
<Goldman> “Ward might go down, though."
<Goldman> "Doesn't look professionally done. Probably more concerned about doing it according to the 'old ways.'"
<Mantis> "Worth keeping in mind. Though if I did it now, Zhang would know, and he's right over there."
<Mantis> "Security in the garage is pretty basic. We should be able to crack it without many problems, although the snow will be in the way."
<Babbage> "Remember Mantis, no killing of Zhang.":

[It is the agreement.]

<Aphin> It is now 10:00 pm.
<Aphin> Some of the lights go off in the house.
<Aphin> But the living room light goes on.
* Mantis circles around and tries to zoom in and see through some windows.

[Passing the perception check involved, Mantis sees not Zhang, but his trideo display.]

<Aphin> You're pretty sure his show involves half-naked women with giant swords or something.
<Mantis> Can I see the cabbage?

[Nopers.]

<Mantis> "Well, it's not in the living room..."

[More infiltration rolls as another patrol passes. Aphin curses Mantis’ high stealth stats.]

<SHADOWGM> Seriously, can you roll LOW on infiltration? Please?
<Mantis> My first infiltration roll of the session was a 3 out of 15 :|
<SHADOWGM> Okay, fair point, but dammit.


[Mantis checks out one last thing.]

<Babbage> "Do the windows have alarms?"
<Mantis> Well, I AM right next to the shrubs, I'll check at the nearest window.
<Mantis> By looking, mind you, not by trying to open one :|
<Aphin> How close are you getting?
<Mantis> Close enough to zoom in with the eyes and look at the windowsill.
<Aphin> Hrrrrrrrm.
<Mantis> Arms length might be close enough to trigger the wards :x
<Aphin> I'm going to have to ask for another infiltration roll. :D
<Aphin> :|

[Sorry Aphin, but your guards’ Perceptions are like Zoftan’s opportunity chances during the Mortaring of the Capitol.]

<Mantis> 6-3
<Aphin> AAARG USELESS
<Aphin> Alright. You manage to see a sticker on the window: "Protected by Sacred Bell Alarms - a product of Mitsuhama."
<Mantis> "Yeah, here's the logo for the alarm system."

[There’s an IRL delay as Aphin vanishes from the keyboard. When he comes back, he mutters about the source of the delay.]

<Aphin> Sorry, had Mormons at the door.
<Aphin> Anyways, it's clear the place is alarmed.
<Aphin> HOW WELL, you're not sure.
<Aphin> Judging by the sticker, SACRED BELL might just be standard for all the houses around here.
<Mantis> "All right. If that's all, I'm gonna wall-hop. Hemlock, you ready?"

[Aaaand that’s it. After a few more climb checks (RAGH RAGH RAGH from Aphin) and a Drive check later, Mantis is back at the apartment. The Team gets back to discussing means of breaking in.]

* HollowPaul clears his throat.
<Mantis> "So, we have a point of entry, we have a way to deal with the wards and the spirit and the security, and we know some of the places to search."
<Mantis> "How are we going to get the whole group there without alerting the patrols?"
<Hemlock> "One by one?"
<Mantis> "Everything's covered in snow, so it might take a while to clear out the garage door."
<Hemlock> "We could be, uh. Professional driveway shovel.... people."
<HollowPaul> "Assuming we go for the garage.”
<Mantis> "We could just disable the alarm and open a window, alternately, but would we all fit through them?"
<HollowPaul> "Alternatively, we could attempt a back entry."
* Mantis can't tell if HP's hitting on her. Damn the cyberpsychosis.
<Aphin> ....
* Mantis stays silent, as such.
<Aphin> TROLL BACKDOOR STYLE suddenly fills Paul's vision.
<Mantis> TROLL, TROLL TROLL TROLL, TROLL BACKDOOR STYLE
<Mantis> (HEEEEEEEEEY SEXY LADY)
<Hemlock> :D
* HollowPaul facepalms and jabs his AR angrily.
<Aphin> It clears.
<Aphin> Mr. Puffington purrs in a corner.
<HollowPaul> "As I was saying. Back entry would hopefully hide us from patrols."
<Mantis> "You should probably stay in the car," Mantis says, relieved that everything has been clarified. "And yes, we could infiltrate from the back porch once we've dealt with the spirit."
<Mantis> "One of us can disrupt the ward setup as we approach, and then Goldman can..." A pause. "Uh."
* Mantis wiggles her fingers.

[Goldman goes all :| .]

<HollowPaul> “Though it may be expedient to do this during the day, presumably when our mark is out.”
<Aphin> Goldman goes :|
<Mantis> We don't want to run the risk of murderizing him and upsetting Old Crab.
<Hemlock> "So, uh. When isn't he home?"
<Hemlock> "I wonder if we can get his daily schedule."
<Hemlock> "Meetings, or whatever."
<Mantis> "He probably has to oversee the museum during operating hours."

[Data Search: The museum’s only going to be open from 9 AM to 1 PM until the storm subsides…which means a four-hour window, assuming he doesn’t stick around.]

<Hemlock> "Remember, we don't know for sure that the Jade Cabbage is even in his house. If we do infiltrate, we need to make sure we leave behind nothing that can trace back to us."
<Hemlock> "If Zhang suspects anything, and the Cabbage is actually at the museum, then he might put it under even heavier security.”
<Aphin> Yeah, that'll definitely happen if you guys get caught.
<Babbage> "Well I could start hacking security before he leaves the house, then that part would be ready when he leaves, giving you guys a bit more time."
<Aphin> Zhang's a nutter, but he's not stupid.
<Hemlock> "If at all possible, if we have to wreck any of his security measures, we need to make it look like they just glitched out."
<Hemlock> "If Sacred Bell is as low-rent as we think, that won't be hard to do."
<HollowPaul> "Or main issue is the spirit."
<Mantis> "How do spirits work? If Goldman, uh...magics it, can it come back and identify us later?"
<Goldman> "It won’t come back back until it's summoned."
<Goldman> "But if it's a Guardian spirit – and fuck me if it’s not – it’s not going without a fight."
<Mantis> "When it's summoned again, will it remember what happened, though?"
<Goldman> "Depends. Might, might not. It’s fucking hard to get spirits to help out the living. Even harder to do it twice. "

[It’s at this point – while we’re stuck waffling between contingencies – that Hemlock has a brainstorm.]

<Hemlock> Distract it.
<Hemlock> Aphin.
<Hemlock> You just said you had Mormons at the door.
<Aphin> Yeah, a while ago.
* Hemlock strokes his chin.
<HollowPaul> XD
<Aphin> ....
<Aphin> .......
<Mantis> LMAO
<HollowPaul> oh my god
<Aphin> XD
<Aphin> YESSSSSSSS
<Hemlock> Yyyyep.

[We have just crossed the event horizon between Good Plan…and Great Plan.]

[First of all, apologies for the broken-up post; the forums were showing blank-posts until I found out I had a broken url link that lasted for several pages' worth of material.

Second, be sure to read Chapter 14 before reading this chapter! Yes, it's a lot of exposition BUT IT PAYS OFF.

No, really, go read it.

You done? You caught up with all that exposition?

Well, take a seat, because...]









(scroll down)

































IT'S TIME TO START

CHAPTER 15: “I TOLD YOU THAT STORY SO I COULD TELL YOU THIS ONE”
Or, “All American Prophets”

* HollowPaul sees Hemlock's face as she suddenly goes deep in thought.
* HollowPaul pats his lapel. "You look like you just thought of something."
<Hemlock> "I sure did, Paul. And you even get to dress nice for it."
* HollowPaul blinks.
<HollowPaul> "Reeeeeeeeeally now."
* Hemlock smiiiiles. "Mmhmm."






[*GILLIGAN CUT*]








"THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU IMPLIED."

[We’re going to let the following events speak for themselves.]

<Aphin> Paul.
<Aphin> You are now dressed as a Mormon.
<Hemlock> "It's better than wearing a utility worker uniform!"
<Mantis> XD
<Aphin> They even got you a bike.
<Hemlock> Hahahahaha. :D
<Aphin> A TROLL-SIZED BIKE
<HollowPaul> XD
<Aphin> WITH HELMET
<Babbage> Hahahaha!
<Hemlock> Yessssss.
<Mantis> :D
<Aphin> Even worse, you've got a tiny Book of Mormon in your hand.
<Mantis> "...You look very clean-cut."
<Aphin> You are SO EMBARASSED
<Aphin> However, you feel like voting for the Traditionalist Party for some reason.
<Hemlock> It'll pass, don't worry.
<HollowPaul> SO MUCH SHAME.
<Aphin> Hemlock, the whole disguise - including the bike - set you back 150 nuyen.
<Aphin> But I'd say it's worth it.

[We have entered the world of



<Aphin> Alright, so you have HOLLOW PAUL, MORMON TROLL (of adventure) on your side. What now?
<Hemlock> Well, Mormons always go in pairs. So I'm going with.
<Aphin> XD
<Aphin> So.
* Hemlock will get huge, dorky glasses.
<Aphin> A black elf with dreds and a giant italian troll.
<Aphin> Dressed as mormons.
<Aphin> Oh my fucking god.
<Babbage> hahahaha
<Hemlock> Jesus loves all His children.
<Aphin> This is the best plan EVER.

[We are going to hell.]

<HollowPaul> I want you to know I am in hysterics right now
<Babbage> ROFL
<Mantis> This is the greatest Shadowrun game ever
<Hemlock> :D
<Aphin> I think you beat out the SANTAS FOR METAHUMAN DIVERSITY
<Aphin> But now you BOTH look like something out of a Matt Stone film.
<Mantis> So while you guys distract the spirit with the Gospel, Babbage is in the car. What about Goldman? Should he wait with Babbage, or come with me into the house?
<Goldman> I gotta work on the ward so the others can get in.
<Babbage> Goldman might want to stay in the car if he does the spirit or something.
<Aphin> Otherwise everybody'll have to make a wil charisma roll to get into the house.
<Aphin> WHICH, MAY I NOTE, ARE YOUR FUCKING DUMP STATS
<Aphin> Oh my lord. How did this plan come into motion.

[We believe. That’s how.]

<Aphin> Alright, let's get this train wreck going.
* Babbage wants to do a scan of his system to make sure Big Tits is truly gone.
<Aphin> She's gone, Babbage.
<Aphin> Her and her jugs.
<Babbage> Then he's ready!
* Mantis stays in white, much like the pearl of great price.
<Aphin> You guys get a good night's sleep before the dumbest heist you've ever done.
<Aphin> The next morning.... SHOWTIME.

[He says dumbest. We say BESTEST.]

* Babbage is going with Goldman
<Mantis> Hemlock and HP, Babbage and Goldman, and I'm solo.
<Aphin> Alright.
<Aphin> I'll assume we're taking Goldman's car, Babbage.
<Babbage> Sure.
<Aphin> ... I'm also assuming that Hemlock and HP are going to enjoy BIKING THROUGH THE SNOW. :D
<HollowPaul> ><
<Aphin> DOOOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
<Hemlock> Anything to spread the good word!
<Aphin> WHAT'S THAT
<Aphin> IS THE TEMPERATURE DROPPING
<Aphin> OH MY GOODNESS SO IT IS
<Aphin> GOOD THING YOU HAVE YOUR FAITH TO KEEP YOU WARM. :D
* Hemlock jingles her bell!
<Hemlock> DING DING
<HollowPaul> "Hemlock."
<Hemlock> "Yes?"
<HollowPaul> "I want you to know that I hate you with every fiber of my being."
* Hemlock smiles. "God be with you, my child."
<Aphin> XD
<Aphin> XDXDXDXDXD
<HollowPaul> "I am going to murder you."
<HollowPaul> "It will not be pretty."
<Hemlock> "May He show you the light of forgiveness."
<Aphin> Alright. Since you two are instrumental to this crazy plan, we'll start with you.
<Aphin> Alright, you two bike up to the gated entrance.
<Aphin> MURDER FLARES IN HP'S EYES.
<Aphin> The entrance is closed, obviously.
* Hemlock smiles. God, this is so fun.
<Aphin> Oh lord.
<Aphin> Anyways, as soon as you pull up, you notice that an AR screen flickers next to you. A tired-looking ork in a security guard uniform blearily looks at you - and then his eyes go hard as he notices your uniforms.
<Aphin> "Mormons," he mutters to himself.
<Aphin> "What do you people want?"
<Hemlock> "Hello!" says Hemlock, with more cheerfulness than you will ever hear her muster ever again. "Have you heard the good news?"
* HollowPaul puts on his best unconvincing smile.

[None of us should have been eating during this segment.]

<Aphin> I just sprayed potato salad all over my keyboard
<Mantis> dying
<Hemlock> I AM NOT SORRY
<Babbage> Hahahaha

[None of us.]

<Aphin> The ork eyes you with absolute hate.
* HollowPaul dies a little inside.
<Aphin> "It's too cold for the good news. Take your news and go away."

[With the drive that only someone posing as a Mormon could muster, Hemlock ignores that comment.]

<Hemlock> "My name is Maddie Romnus and I'm here on behalf of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It's not cold out. I have Jesus to keep me warm!"
<Aphin> XD
* HollowPaul pats his breast pocket, where a book of Mormon (half size, of course) lies
<Hemlock> "Did you know that he lived right here in the United States? It's true! You can read aaaaaall about it in this little book!"
<Aphin> "LOOK, WHAT DO YOU WANT."
* Hemlock passes it over to the ork guard, looking positively giddy to spread the good news.
<HollowPaul> "Just to spread the good word, sir."
<HollowPaul> SO MUCH GRITTED TEETH.
<Aphin> Alright. Roll me con.
<Aphin> Roll me con like you've never rolled con before.
<Hemlock> ... 2? D:

[Karma is goddamned determined to punish us for this.]

<Aphin> Oh for fuck's sake he glitched

[OR NOT.]

<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> He starts looking at the literature.
<Aphin> "Okay. So. Tell me about this good word."
<Aphin> His eyes on the AR field are suddenly filled with... HOPE.
<Hemlock> :D
<Hemlock> YES
<HollowPaul> XD
<Hemlock> WE HAVE MADE A BELIEVER OUT OF HIM
<Aphin> Hemlock, you're going to hell.
<Aphin> You're going to SPECIAL HELL.

[Mormon hell.]

<Hemlock> "Well! First of all - oh, have you had coffee today, sir? You shouldn't drink that. It stains your soul, just like it stains your teeth."
<Aphin> Oh my god
* Hemlock points at his coffee mug. Shame.
<Aphin> Okay, no, that's enough
<Aphin> He lets you in
<Aphin> He lets you in and you have a short discussion about THE WORD OF THE LORD with him
<Aphin> MORMON-STYLE
<Hemlock> Well! That went smashingly. :D
<Aphin> In the comfort of the guard house.
<Aphin> Fuck you, Hemlock.
<HollowPaul> XD
<Aphin> Fuck you and what you've done to my game.

[Ohhhhh, but we’re not done yet.]

<Aphin> Anyways, after leaving a ton of literature with the guard - and making up some facts about Mormonism, because you don't know SHIT about it - you peddle your way through the gated community.
<Aphin> I still can't believe that worked.
<Aphin> HE FUCKING GLITCHED
<Mantis> Haha. Hemlock just making shit up
<Hemlock> She is not! She did her research!

["…And then the Dark Lord Xenu dumped all the frozen aliens into a volcano!"]

<Aphin> Anyways, we'll...we'll step away from you two for a second.
<Aphin> Babbage, Mantis, you guys making any special preparations?
<Mantis> Ooh, I am.
<Mantis> "...Was Paul hitting on me?"
<Mantis> "He was going on about rear entry and I really can't get the hang of euphemisms."
<Babbage> "I don't know Mantis, you can never be sure with Paul... but I'm sure he'll treat you right."

[LIES. LIES AND SLANDER.]

<Mantis> "...Oh. I guess I should try to impress him."
<Mantis> PREPARATIONS MADE
<Aphin> ...

[Ooooooooookay then.]

<Aphin> Alright, preparations are made. Goldman's ready to start taking down the ward as soon as the spirit's distracted.
<Aphin> So. You may want to start distracting that spirit.
* Mantis waits in the back of the car, popping and retracting a spur idly.
<Mantis> Babbage, are you gonna start hacking in advance, or should we wait until the spirit is distracted?
* Babbage will start scanning for nodes
<Aphin> Alright, roll me scan, amigo.
<Babbage> nothing invasive yet...

[Success, of course, thanks to Babbage’s ridiculous hacking skills. There're two major nodes here, it seems. One for the security system as a whole, and one for Zhang's personal stuff. The security node, as we hoped, is about average; Babbage could hack it in his sleep, or at least turn the alarm off. As for Zhang’s personal stuff, it’s not connected to anything, but it has a decent firewall and some IC on it.

It looks like it’s where he keeps his personal information. He has a Reality filter on it, too, though it’s impossible to tell from here what it’s supposed to be.]

<Aphin> In any case, the node rating for the security is 3, the rating for Zhang's stuff? FIVE.
<Aphin> They are, however, unconnected.

[Dippy starts working on a hard hack. His goal? Admin access. In the meantime, we move to Mantis.]

<Aphin> Alright. Mantis, you doing anything?
<Mantis> Gonna get out and head around the back, yeah.
<Aphin> Alright, give me an infiltration check.
[Passed with a 5. Back to Paul and Hemlock.]

* HollowPaul hisses at Hemlock. "They will never find the body."
<Hemlock> "Yes they will. God will show them the way."

[Never. Ever.]

<Aphin> Hemlock, HP, you're in the freezing snow at the front door of this PAGAN HOUSE
<Aphin> What do you do?
<Hemlock> Knock on the door! :D
<Aphin> KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
<Aphin> There's a moment of silence.
* HollowPaul assumes his amazingly fake grin.

[And then, the door opens... to show a red-skinned Chinese war god with a flaming red spear looking a them.]

<Aphin> He's just... floating in midair.
<Aphin> "CAN I HERP YOU"
<Mantis> Oh my god.
<HollowPaul> "Good evening, sir or Madame. May I interest you in the greatest story ever told?"
* Mantis , as she places her claws on the bottom of the wall, suddenly feels as if she should be offended somehow.

[We are going. To. Hell.]

<Hemlock> :D
<Aphin> The Chinese war god narrows his eyes.
<Aphin> "NO. GO AWAY."
<Aphin> "WE DO NOT WANT ANY."
<Aphin> The Chinese war god starts closing the door!
<Hemlock> "Are you sure, sir? Even in death you can find redemption in THIS BOOK-"
* Hemlock shoves it right into his hands.
<Aphin> The Chinese war god looks at the bible and swats it away!
* HollowPaul stuffs his foot in the door and smiles at the war god!
<Aphin> "YOU MUST PREASE REAVE NOW!"
<Hemlock> Oh dear. A difficult customer.
<Hemlock> "I'm sorry, sir. I'm just so excited to talk about Jesus and stuff!"

[And back to Babbage.]
<Aphin> BABBAGE, ROLL ME ANOTHER HACK
<Babbage> 9-4
<Aphin> Alright, with your previous roll, you're in.
<Aphin> Barely.
<Babbage> :D

[Babbage can now start hacking properly. There's a simple interface - alarms, keycodes, master reset, etc., obviously designed so anyone can use it…probably because Zhang is not technologically adept.]

<Babbage> Any mention of cameras?
<Aphin> No, no cameras.
* Babbage disables the alarms
<Aphin> Alright. Give me a computer check.
<Aphin> Just to make sure you don't glitch and hit "ACTIVATE" by accident.
<Babbage> 4

[Eh, good enough.]

<Aphin> Alright, the alarms power down.

[And now, Goldman’s turn.]
<Babbage> "Alarms down... don't know if Goldman is done yet."
<Goldman> "Give me a minute."
* Goldman goes astral for a second.

[There’s a long, long minute as Aphin and Goldman exchange results via PM. Then, blood starts hemorrhaging out of his nose.]
<Aphin> Then, blood starts hemorraging out his nose.
<Aphin> BLOOOOOOOOOSH
<HollowPaul> D:

[Goldman has taken 2p damage from overcasting a spell.]

<Aphin> He comes out of it, though, coughing.
<Goldman> "Ugh. It's... down.”
* Goldman coughs a shitload
<Goldman> “You do this, you do it now. Just hope those idiots are keeping the spirit distracted."

[And back to the Mormon impersonators.]

<Aphin> HP, HEMLOCK
<Aphin> YOUR TARGET TO KEEP HIM DISTRACTED IS.... ONE

[BECAUSE DICE POOLS]

<Aphin> IT'S STILL A ONE, APPARENTLY.
<Aphin> SO YOU NEED TO ROLL HIGHER THAN THAT TO KEEP HIS ATTENTION ON YOU
<Aphin> KEEP IN MIND, HE WILL BE VERY UPSET
<HollowPaul> "I am so glad you've decided to take a minute out of what must be a /busy day,/ sir."
<Hemlock> "Sir, please. We wouldn't have come aaaall the way out here in the freeeeeezing snow if we didn't have something -very important- to say."
<Aphin> "MY DAY VEDY BUSY. VEDY IMPORTRANT. I NO-AH CARE WHAT YOU SAY!"
* Hemlock is the pushiest Mormon. 8|
<Aphin> "I NO HAVE LOVE FOR YOUR BARBARIAN JESUS!"
<Hemlock> I JUST GOT A THREE
<Hemlock> That's like triple-distracted!
<Hemlock> "But he has lots of love for you!"
<HollowPaul> "Just give us a minute or two and you will /not/ regret a single second of this."
<Aphin> The spirit pulls up his spear and waves it menacingly.
<Aphin> "YOU WILL GO NOW I THINK"

[AND BACK TO MANTIS.]

<Aphin> The ward's down. The alarms are down.
<Aphin> WHAT DO YOU DO
* Mantis checks the back door. Locked?
<Aphin> It is indeed locked.
<Aphin> Maglock, sadly.

[Good thing she has a maglock sequencer.]

<Mantis> It's a rating 4. :D
<Aphin> Uh, okay, damn
<Aphin> Roll it, yo
<Mantis> 7-2
<Aphin> POP
<Aphin> The rear door pops open as the maglock disengages.
* Mantis slides her mask on and steps in, shutting the door behind her.
<Aphin> Alright, we'll use the five from before for your infiltration...spirit dude is distracted, so 2 to the target number...

<Aphin> ASS
<Aphin> ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS

[Aphin’s lousy rolling saves us for another round. He calls for Perception.]

<Mantis> 5-1
<Aphin> Alright.

[You notice that most of the lights in the house are off. It's actually kind of cold (the dude must be trying to save on electricity) except for a light coming from under one of the bedroom doors.

The door is locked. Before Mantis can progress, however, we go back to Hemlock and Paul.]

<Aphin> "I TERR YOU TO GO! DO NOT MAKE ME ASKU AGAIN!"
* Hemlock siiighs. She sighs so sadly. "Okay, but... is it okay if we come inside for just a few minutes? I can't feel my toes!"
<Aphin> Roll me con!
<Hemlock> 4!
<Hemlock> Booyeah
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> You are fucking kidding me.

[The power of Joseph Smith continues to work in our favor.]

<Aphin> "LOOK, I CANNOT LET YOU IN. BUT IF YOU PROMISE TO GO, I WILL GO AND PREPARE FOR YOU HOT TEA."
<Aphin> "BUT THEN YOU MUST LEAVE!"
* HollowPaul looks at Hemlock.
<Hemlock> Oh, shit. Mormons aren't supposed to have tea. But... "Okay! Just this once!"
<Aphin> Dude, you're not really a mormon.
<Aphin> I THINK IT'S OKAY
<Hemlock> I HAVE TO STAY IN CHARACTER
<Hemlock> MY CHARACTER IS TRYING TO STAY IN CHARACTER

[WHEELS WITHIN WHEELS]

<Aphin> "Very good! I will return soon!"
<Aphin> And the spirit closes the door AND ENTERS BACK INTO THE HOUSE
<HollowPaul> The moment the spirit leaves, Paul's glaring daggers at Hemlock again.

[Oh, shit.]

<Aphin> MANTIS
<Aphin> HIDE
<Aphin> *FAST*
<Mantis> ...God damn it
<Hemlock> SHIT
<Mantis> YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DRINK TEA
<Mantis> What’s immediately next to me?
<Hemlock> HE WON'T BE IN THERE LONG
<Aphin> There's a couch, the trid, a few of those Japanese screen things, a giant mirror, and a small plaster pot!
<Mantis> Ooh, a tatami screen!
<Aphin> YES
<Mantis> ...but he's Chinese. NEVER MIND THAT
<Aphin> LOOK, I'M GOING WITH WHAT I KNOW ABOUT ASIAN CULTURE

[WE ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE]

* Mantis slides between a pair of screens.
* Mantis strikes an artsy pose so as to look like part of the screen design, in case her silhouette shows.
<Aphin> Alright, roll me infiltration 1, dude.
<Mantis> 3 again D:

[I blame Mantis’ ass for what happens next.]

<Aphin> The spirit walks into the kitchen - well, floats - and suddenly his attention is grabbed.
<Aphin> Is there... something wrong with the screen?

[There might be. After all, the spirit’s roll matches Mantis’.]

<Aphin> "OOOOOOOOH" he says out loud as he puts down the tray of tea and pulls out his flaming spear, which is NOT innuendo, Mantis, I swear.
<Aphin> "ISSU ENNYBODY THEREU?"
<Mantis> briefly considers answering "NO"
<HollowPaul> Is there a doorbell?
<Aphin> Uh, there is, yeah.
* HollowPaul rings it.
* Mantis holds her breath and remains silent.

[There’s a tense moment…then…]

<Aphin> He turns around briefly, makes a TSSSS noise, but goes back to the role he was summoned for.
<HollowPaul> :D
<Mantis> You're the best, spiza
<Hemlock> WE GOOD TEAM
<Aphin> ... I'll let you reroll infiltration in that BRIEF window, Mantis.
<Mantis> ...4.

[But in return, so does the spirit.]

<Aphin> ....
<Aphin> XD
<Aphin> I'm sorry, dude.
<HollowPaul> We have offended Mormon God.
<Aphin> There's a sudden sound of realization - "HOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
<Aphin> And he waves his hand, and the screen goes FLYING.
<Aphin> "INTRUDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
<HollowPaul> ...
<Hemlock> "SHIT!"
* HollowPaul rings the doorbell again.
* Mantis eyes the spirit, pops her spurs.
<HollowPaul> "Sir? Hello?"
<Hemlock> "SIR! SIR?! IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?"
<Mantis> "Prepare to be educated in the superiority of the Middle Kingdom."

[And now we’re in initiative time – at which point, we’re at a severe disadvantage, because…]

<Mantis> 11
<Aphin> Alright, hold on.
<Aphin> You've got initiative, Mantis.
<Aphin> WHAT DO
* Mantis retracts, springs forward, and feints at the spirit with a sweeping palm strike.
<Aphin> A 1'll hit.

[That was a Set Up, after which Mantis Finishing Move. They complement, adding results for a second attack on top of her first one.]

<Mantis> 7 damage :|
<HollowPaul> “…”

[Which the spirit now rolls to absorb.]

<HollowPaul> “This is all your fault.”
<Hemlock> "I dunno. It was working well for a while."
<Hemlock> "Come on. Don't you feel at least a LITTLE more... spiritual after today?"
<HollowPaul> "NO."
<Hemlock> "That's just the frostbite."
<Aphin> You... actually seem to do a little damage, surprisingly.
<Aphin> Not much, but enough that you just PUNCHED A SPIRIT
<Aphin> However. It's his turn now.

[And Aphin has learned his lesson about initiative passes.]

<Aphin> The spirit lowers his spear... and FLAME SHOOTS OUT OF IT
<Aphin> Okay, a two'll hit.

[Since the book is a bitch here, we’re eyeballing the results. Remember, house rules are a good idea if the core set lets mechanics kill the fun. Effectively, what happens is that with all the cold around, the flames peter out from the cold – the Spirit thankfully can’t maintain the fire with the blizzard in effect.]

<Aphin> Still, that IS a jet of fire jumping towards you.
<Aphin> You want to dodge?
<Mantis> Yes!
<Aphin> GO FOR IT
<Mantis> 5-2
<Aphin> :|
* Mantis splits, drops under the fire-gust.

[And now the second initiative pass.]

<Aphin> MANTIS
<Aphin> GO
<Mantis> I used my second pass to hit him with Finishing Move.
<Mantis> So you get a freebie!
<Aphin> Well, two, actually.
<Mantis> ...What.
<Aphin> He has three initiative passes.

[WHY IS THE SPIRIT A CRAM USER]

<Aphin> He's not.
<Aphin> He's a spirit. :D

[…Oh.]

<Aphin> It has benefits.
<Aphin> IN ANY CASE, HE ATTACKS WITH HIS SPEAR BOTH TIMES

[…They both hit.]

<Aphin> Rolling damage.
<Mantis> Do I roll twice to dodge, or roll once and apply it to both, or
<Aphin> ...Yeah, roll twice.
<Mantis> 4 and 2
<Aphin> You dodge the second one.
<Aphin> But that first one bites home.
<Aphin> And you take....
<Aphin> 8 Physical damage. You need to soak that with armor or whatever.

[Mantis soaks…two boxes.]

<Aphin> Six damage, then. :(
* Mantis takes a spear right in the gut, blinks.
<Mantis> "...Oh. Oh wow."

[Bad news: This spirit is not to be fucked with. Good news: the rest of the group may now join the attack.]

<Aphin> ROLL INITIATIVE, GUYS

[Everybody rolls high…except for Paul.]

<Aphin> HEMLOCK, YOU GO FIRST
<Aphin> WHAT DO
* Hemlock is going to throw open the door, and... upon seeing Mantis with a huge spear sticking out of her... screams. "Are you STEALING?!"
<Hemlock> "You can't STEAL! That's against the BIBLE!"
<Aphin> :|
* HollowPaul glances at Hemlock, incredulous.

[If looks could kill, Hemlock would be a pile of ash thanks to Mantis.]
<Hemlock> What, you expect ME to punch a ghost?
<Hemlock> I'm hoping that if I can defuse the situation long enough, or bamboozle the spirit long enough, Mantis can get the fuck out.
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> You are going to have to roll like a king on Con.
<Hemlock> A 2 isn't gonna cut it, is it? D:
<Aphin> I am not even kidding here, spirit's going to have a lot of modifiers going for him.
<Aphin> No, no it is not.

[Hemlock fails.]

<Mantis> Hey, it was worth a shot!
<Aphin> MANTIS, BACK TO YOU
<Aphin> MAYBE YOU CAN RESUME DYING NOW
* Mantis shoves herself further along the spear and roaring-elbows the spirit right in the jaw.
<Aphin> Oh, damn.
<HollowPaul> O_O
<Aphin> You're going to take a box of damage automatically.
<Mantis> ...2 again.
<Aphin> Two will hit.
<Aphin> Roll damage.

[Another Set Up. Another Finishing Move.]

<Mantis> That's, uh...6 stun.
<Aphin> Well, 6, period. Since Spirits can't be stunned.
<Aphin> He... he takes three more boxes of damage?
<Aphin> The spirit is... disappating? It's still around, but....

[Mantis is obviously not thinking with total coherence, although this would probably be obvious from the stream of pseudo-intelligible obscenity she's screaming at the ghost.]

<Aphin> BABBAGE, WHAT DO

[Since Babbage is not a fighter, his first move is to clean all traces of himself from the connection. Not immediately helpful to us, but it gives us a chance to rabbit when this is over.]

<Aphin> Roll me hacking edit.
<Babbage> 4
<Aphin> That's... just barely enough to remove your traces.
<Aphin> Like, BARELY.
<Aphin> But you should be clean.

[Back to Goldman…who is on the other side of the fence, incapable of climbing it, and (unlike Joachim) is not a Pokemon master. In other words, Paul’s turn.]

* HollowPaul rolls up his sleeves. "Sometimes the most direct approach is the best."
<Mantis> :D
<Aphin> ROLL IT

[He lands it. Now to roll damage – which, when added to the automatic 4 damage his FISTS OF FURY do, totals…]


<HollowPaul> 4.
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> HAHAHAHAHAHA
<HollowPaul> NINE DICE AND NOT A SINGLE ONE HITS
<HollowPaul> AND HE SOAKS IT *ALL*

[Paul’s punch lands right into his back…and all the Spirit does is turn and STARE at him.

Funny how it’s his turn next.]

<Aphin> He leans back...
<Aphin> AND CLAWS AT YOU WITH HIS BURNING HATE CLAWS

[They hit. Four boxes of damage total…but the Spirit learns that two can play at this game.]

<HollowPaul> 6.
<Aphin> His claws, tough and flaming though they are, just SCRATCH off your dermal armor deposits.

[Second Initiative Pass. ..which means everyone present can attack again. ]

<Mantis> Is the spear still in me? <_>
<HollowPaul> I do.
<Aphin> Yeah, he hasn't wanked it out yet.
<Mantis> ....Poor choice of words, Aphin.

[Poor choice of words.]

<Hemlock> "Fuck it. The gig's up."
<Hemlock> SHOCK GLOVE
* Hemlock is just gonna slap 'im.
<Hemlock> 3!
<Aphin> Hits!
<Hemlock> 2 on the damage roll.
<Aphin> So he has to soak 5, since he's a spirit, and he can't go unconscious.

[He only soaks four.]



<HollowPaul> What.
<Aphin> SMACK
<Goldman> What.
<Mantis> What.

[What.]

<Aphin> MANTIS, YOU ARE NEXT
* Mantis pushes herself EVEN FURTHER down the spear, getting almost point blank.
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> take another box of damage.
<Mantis> Called shot, both thumbs, directly to the eyes.
<Aphin> ... o... okay.

[Called shots incur an automatic -2 penalty on the attempt, but if this works…]

<Aphin> That'll hit - barely.
<Aphin> BUT HE'S GOING TO TRY AND DODGE
<Aphin> HAHAHA

[Aphin may complain about how he rolls terribly as a DM, but hearing him laugh on a success is terrifying.]

<Aphin> Yeah, he manages to sort of... pull back out of the way.
<Aphin> Sorry, even spirits don't want their eyes messed with.

[Still, it means he let go of his spear.]

<Aphin> Babbage! Hack!
<Babbage> I don’t log out of the security node – but open a new connection to a private node.
<Aphin> Alright. That will ALSO take a hacking exploit, and it will ALSO require me to roll against stealth.
<Babbage> So we're going to do a hack on it, Stealth is still 5
<Aphin> COME OOOOOOOON

[Babbage practically sleazes his way in.]

<Aphin> Roll me matrix perception.
<Babbage> MP is 4.
<Aphin> You go in and you notice that everything's styled to look like a Chinese palace.
<Aphin> The files are scrolls, flitting through the air, the security - currently nascent - are Chinese archers, and the main node, it appears, is a giant, sleeping dragon.

[We skip Goldman, as he has no initiative passes. Back to Paul.]

* HollowPaul aims to grab the spirit's neck and twist.
<Aphin> ...
<Aphin> You guys do realize these things don't have anatomy like you understand, right?
<HollowPaul> IT'S SYMBOLIC
<Aphin> YOU'RE SYMBOLIC
<HollowPaul> 4
<Aphin> Okay, hit.
<Aphin> ROLL DAMAGE
<HollowPaul> YOUR MOM IS SYMBOLIC
<HollowPaul> ALSO 2

[Six damage total.

The spirit soaks two.]

<HollowPaul> ...yes
<HollowPaul> YES
<Aphin> son of a bitch.
<HollowPaul> FOUR HITS
<Hemlock> OOOH
<Aphin> The...I don't believe this.
<Aphin> YOU CHOKED OUT A SPIRIT

[While dressed as a Mormon.]

<Aphin> There's a gurgling sound, and the chinese war god looks at you, spits in your eye, and says "I WILL BE BAAAAAAACK" and vanishes.
<Aphin> POOF

[And like that, we exit. But the fun is still not over.]

<Aphin> Goddamn, you fuckers.
<Aphin> The spear leaves at the same time as the spirit.
* Hemlock rushes toward Mantis. "Are you all right?! God! I'm so sorry!"
<Mantis> "No, wait, don't pull it o--"
* Mantis GUSHES blood.

[Shit.

Paul tosses a trauma patch to Mantis as Hemlock applies first aid, but the damage is too severe. She’s going to need a street doc soon or she’ll bleed out. Thankfully, however, she can still move and fight – because we need her to unlock that door.]

* Mantis slaps the patch on, immediately starts working on the door.
<Aphin> MAGLOCK
<Aphin> Dude paid for security in this place. In a way.
* Mantis sequences the lock.
<Mantis> 3.
<Aphin> Door pops open.
<Aphin> Inside....
<Aphin> ....

[Five second pause.]

<Aphin> .......

[Five second pause.]

<Aphin> ....................

[Ten second pauseAPHIN JUST TELL US WHAT’S IN THERE]

<Aphin> Inside is a table with a lamp on it, and a safe built into the wall.

[Oh goddammit.]

* Mantis actually laughs. It sounds kind of hysterical.
* HollowPaul puts a hand on her shoulder, though he's thoroughly pissed as well.
<HollowPaul> "Just a little longer."
<Mantis> "Right. Right, give me a second, I can...actually, I can work with these. Hang on."
<Mantis> I KNEW audio magnification on the cyberears would come in handy someday

[SAFECRACKING TIME.

(Incidentally, if you haven’t read Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman, read it. Rick Feynman’s stories about the Manhattan Project, safecracking and picking up women are amazing.)]

<Mantis> What should I roll?
<Aphin> Considering this is an old-fashioned safe, locksmith will count.
* Hemlock texts Babbage: "Babbage, get ready to start your car. We're going to have to bail, SOON."
<Mantis> Any tools I can use, or just straight Locksmith?
<Aphin> You can use your tools, yes, but at half effectiveness.
<Aphin> The audio whatsit will be at full, though
<Mantis> Okay. Half-lockpick plus audio enhancement plus locksmith skill, rolling
<Mantis> 3 again
<Aphin> Okay. You hear a tumbler click.
<Aphin> Two more.
* HollowPaul does a quick scan of the adjacent rooms in the meantime. No need to waste time if the TREASURE WAS INSIDE YOU or something.
<Aphin> Perception, Paul.

[Can you imagine that happening? Mantis bleeding out, opening the safe and finding a piece of paper saying “The Jade Cabbage was inside you all along?

She’d probably explode or something. It's like something out of a Guy Ritchie movie.]

<Mantis> 2
<Aphin> Alright. Mantis, give me one more roll.
<HollowPaul> 1
<Aphin> ...Hemlock, give me a perception check yourself.
<Aphin> You too, Babbage.
* Mantis leans hard against the safe. "One more tumbler, I think. I just need a second..."
<Mantis> 2 again.

[The safe opens.]

<Babbage> 1-1
<Aphin> ....

[Five second pause.]

<Aphin> .......

[STOP DOING THAT APHIN]

<Aphin> ....................

[…Is the Jade Cabbage.]

<Mantis> "Is that the real one?"
<HollowPaul> GRAB IT
<Aphin> [This is good for you, because that's when you guys notice the security vehicles starting to come around the corner.]
<Aphin> Oh my goodness, they seem to be in a rush.
<HollowPaul> FUCK
<Aphin> Do you think someone called them?
<Aphin> Maybe some little old lady who lives on the street?
<Aphin> Perhaps.
<Hemlock> WHO CARES
<Hemlock> OUT
<Aphin> All you need to know is TO GET THE FUCK OUT
<Mantis> It is very possible that someone heard the shouts of "HOOOOOOOO"

<Aphin> Now, with that in mind –

* HollowPaul goes for the car. With our luck that spirit had a dead man's switch.



<Aphin> HOW ARE YOU GOING TO ESCAPE ON BIKE
<Aphin> OR GET OVER THE WALL



<Mantis> Oh fuck there's not enough room for all of us in the car.
<HollowPaul> Fuck.
<Hemlock> /FUCK/

[And so this chapter ends. Having punched a Sprit Guardian to death in Mormon Missionary costumes and claimed their treasure, our heroes realize that they have no escape plan, no hiding places and a teammate who may bleed out before the night is through. How will they escape?

Can they escape?

Find out next time, on…]

See, it's moments like this that a GM lives for.

The team gets in without a hitch, they do everything right, they kill the spirit (seriously, there were ways around that, but whatever)... and then they realize that, after grabbing the mcguffin, they still have to get out.

Did they plan for that moment? No.

Did the GM?

Oh my yes, the GM did.

What great fun.