[Science] Secret Report Reveals: Reapers Can't Dance!
a thread by Presslink News Aggregator started on 2187-11-17 05:21:08 last post on 2187-11-20 22:01:03
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 Presslink News Aggregator |
Secret Report Reveals: Reapers can’t dance!
Via Astoundocity EXCLUSIVE ASTOUNDOCITY FOOTAGE reveals that the malevolent space entities known only as Reapers are in fact COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF DANCING, as discovered by our EXPERT CELEBRITY EXPOSE-MAKER MENAFI KOLHEX In this footage you can clearly see Ms. Kolhex pull up alongside a Reaper reconstructing a mass relay, and blare almost four straight minutes of the NEW SMASH HIT SINGLE “I Don’t Know Why My Relationship Got Better After My Wife Was Forcibly Husked By Invading Reapers” by MEGA GALACTIC SUPERSTAR PLASMATICO from her starship. Even though everyone is COMPELLED TO DANCE upon hearing that song, the Reaper declines out of shame. It opts instead to continue rebuilding the relay, and when ordered to dance by repeated comm transmissions from Ms. Kolhex, its efforts consist of SPINNING IN PLACE ONCE AND FLYING AWAY! Quelle horreur! To those of you who say this was because the Reaper couldn’t hear the music in the vacuum of space, SCREW YOU. YOU’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Presslink News Aggregator: Collecting headlines from across the galaxy. ((Official administration news feed. Please consult the Site Rules for submitting an article.)) |
 Ana'Therion vas Nedas  |
This is it. This is the nadir of journalism.
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 StoryTeller |
I'm bookmarking this for the next time I feel depressed.
Enjoy life and all of her strange little stories. |
 Palmer Why are you reading over here? |
I'LL BE MORE THEN PART OF THE PROBLEM YOU FUCKER
On the Move. |
 The_Sarcastic_Salarian  |
is it bad that i laughed?
Forgotten Daughters Foundation - [CLICK HERE to donate to the OTRAVO RELIEF FUND] Emon Spiza, owner of Aphin's Place - Level 31, Zakera Ward. Best Drinks on the Citadel. |
 dwik  |
DIS IS DA PINOCHLE OF BAD TASTE
 [DWICK DWICKCAST SYNDYKYT] da best shows on holovision |
 PrayerForTheDamned You know what sucks about being in space? NOTHING! |
Feeling jealous about that Dwick?
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nq29 |
What the fuck.
I'm not even offended, really. Just confused. |
 SOUL RAVAGER I AM BECOME DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS |
IT IS A SAD FACT THAT REAPERS CANNOT DANCE, AND ITS PART OF THE REASON I NO LONGER GO CLUBBING WITH THEM.
ALSO, BECAUSE REAPER BOB TOTALLY BORROWED FIFTY CREDITS FROM ME AND NEVER GAVE THEM BACK WHAT AN ASS |
 Talonz II Mech. Inf. With XXXII Engies |
Okay, that requires some serious balls. Flying up to space monster and start transmitting a song that makes other people want to assault you.
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 4Eyes4TheWin Executive at Slaves4Us, rising Terminus Company. We sell slaves, we do low cost rebuilding, and provide many sorts of entertainment. Ask me a brochure today! |
According to rumors Commander Sheppard was also pretty much incapable of dancing. Coincidence?
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 The Maw Doc Professor of Ecology, University of Sielus. |
So glad to see cutting-edge research make the news.
Feel free to ask me about Thresher Maw biology. |
 Drell Chem |
4Eyes4TheWin wrote:According to rumors Commander Sheppard was also pretty much incapable of dancing. Coincidence?
I keep hearing that, but how bad can it be? I'll just pull up a video... ... Oh, oh Enkindlers... It's so stiff and awkward... How can anybody be THAT bad at dancing? It hurts all my senses... How can something be so PAINFUL to watch?! Beware CLOSE THE VID! She comes Current Status: Tired and Overworked |
 Schmidt Solutions Small Arms, Military Surplus, Omni-tools, Mods (standart and custom made) Help wanted, details [here] |
DO NOT TAUNT THE REAPERS!
Just don't. "With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably." - Judge Aaron Satie |
 asari_promiscuity |
I feel like I'm letting myself in for some derision regarding musical taste here, but it kind of makes me want to dance.
So, I guess I'm not a Reaper, which is good.  |
 Rocker Launchet Superior Firepower |
So, I suppose we could have used obligatory dance checks to screen for indocs? Good to know.
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 2LT Harris |
...no, not dancing in the street just yet. I think I'm safe.
I will not cease from mental fight, Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand: Till we have rebuilt Jerusalem, In Earth's green & pleasant lands. |
 Scientific Pursuits |
THAT IS NOT SCIENCE >:(
Professor Linya M'Tanis at your service! Wheee! |
 Silver Future Raelon Pasharan Sundowner Shaman |
It could totally be worse. You could ask a Reaper to give someone a Thracian rope burn, or worse, a wet worreshi, and see if it would do it. I don't even want to imagine how it might moisten its tentacles.
In manus tuas commendo spiritum meum. |
 korwungorik |
Well, glad to see the media is slowly recovering and really getting back to the important stories that we all worry about.
The greatest victory is not the defeat of an enemy, or the eradication of a threat, but the simple acceptance that everything changes, and there is nothing you can do to stop that. |
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Drell Chem |
Scientific Pursuits wrote:THAT IS NOT SCIENCE >:(
Indeed! That's a HORRIBLY planned experiment, there are far too many variables! Maybe they prefer turian folk music, or human classical, or maybe asari new synth club beats. And where's their control group? Current Status: Tired and Overworked |