One liners on the job

As a police officer who makes arrests and raids, I have a great oppurtunity to crack several brilliant one liners whilst I work. I am wondering if any of you, whatever your proffession, be it cop, merc, escort or whatever, to post some of your best one liners, witht he story around it. Obviously, this should go without saying, leave out any information that could be damaging to yourself or others.
All right, mine is a drug raid about two months back. Red sand wasn't in high supply what with relay travel being limited or none at all. But someone in the city was making a killing on selling it. We eventually found out where, and started a raid. We had not much evidence, so we needed to collect some from the lab.
It turned out better. The man in question was halfway through concoting a batch of the stuff, and was unable to defend himself against ten well armed police officers.
So obviously I said to him:
"Looks like we caught you...Red handed."

.....

Seriously?

Fuck yeah. Nothing like a one liner.

No you don't, brain. You stay.

Not much call for one-liners when your main source of sentient contact is your boss "delegating" more paperwork because she can't be bothered.
Beyond "oh, for feck's sake", at least.

Here, have a one-liner in response. Please leave.

Are you sure that you are not living trapped in a holovid?

No. Who knows, maybe I'm being taped for a episode of SSI: Mombasa. Maybe I'm in the worst action movie ever made. Maybe I'm a extra in some strange reality show.

BOO

GET OFF THE STAGE

BOOOOOOO

BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Najhil does not understand; was Mombasa Giants Fan making a Joke? If so, the Joke was not very funny.

This one is of course enthusiastic about the use of puns and wordplay as a means of delightful and educational entertainment, but respectfully suggests that it has heard better. Though perhaps this one's indifference is due to the general unfamiliarity of the hanar regarding "one-liners"? While many distinct currents of meaning can be carried by a single turn of phrase, the brevity and blunt crudity of the "one-liner" form is largely considered too inelegant for serious consideration as a hanar art form. However, it would be most hypocritical of this one to disregard the conventions of other species simply because they fail to match hanar requirements! This one encourages the other to offer more of these stories, should they wish!

I'm sure it's much funnier in the original human language. What does "red handed" mean for you?

THIS GUY GETS IT

A thought occurred to this one, prompting another post. This one's fellow acolyte, Gassilisol, has been working on an extra-curricular project regarding the entertainment franchise known as Blasto. These films feature a hanar character engaging in use of "one-liners" with great frequency. This one has not in fact viewed the films - such is considered distasteful by many of the Learned and the Elevated - but this one wonders nonetheless if the appropriation of a form of linguistic humour found among humans by a hanar demonstrates a shallow but genuine spiritual undertone to an otherwise uninsightful franchise? Gassilisol is convinced that there is no additional significance to the humans applying their humorous speech conventions to a hanar, and that thoughtless entertainment is the only purpose. Still, this one wonders!

Gassilisol suggests that the one-liner "Enkindle this" in the first Blasto film can be understood to convey the following: "The other has gravely underestimated this one due to the other's inaccurate assumptions regarding the hanar people. Specifically, the other has come to believe that hanar have little capacity for violent or threatening activity, to say nothing of physical prowess. Indeed, the other believes that a hanar, by virtue of its species, will be passive and interested only in talking about religion, promoting the truth of the Enkindlers. Further, because of a general association of the word "enkindle" with the hanar religion, the other has mocked this one with inaccurate usage of the term, as part of a process intending to shame this one by maneuvering it to accept the truth of the other's observations and thus acknowledge the other's power. The other has, however, erred considerably in assuming that all hanar are alike, or that this hanar fits the general model, and this one will demonstrate such by returning the other's "enkindle" comment in ironic fashion as it empties its weapon into the other's head".

This one wonders if such is accurate?

You are a moron.

It is rather difficult to get into a situation where one-liners are ever appropriate through any part of my job, now or during the war.

Unless I really aced ordering a security detail to protect a bulldozer, in which case it is of course completely merited.

Actually Mr Laykalar, the one liner concept is also common in Turian, Krogan and Batarian culture. I believe that the screenwriters of Blasto were among those.

Blasto was an Asari Film.

I hear those every day from custumers who try out Dirk Black's latest weapons (like that carnifex variant from the last movie)
By now I think I heared them all, all 36.
And then people strain their wrists because unlike in movies, your hand can't take the recoil of a carnifex "gangsta-style".

My ex-boyfriend was a hanar, but he understood the drell languages well enough that we could share a translator setting when we were watching Blasto.

Which is good, because I have no idea how your interpretation would work for subtitles. Strobe light!

I once cracked this one-liner during Operation Salvations Bane.

"I love the smell of cyclotrimethylene trinitramine... Smells like... Victory..."

Cyclotrimethylene trinitramine is the chemical name for the explosive C4.