BlastoCon® Announced

Illium Entertainment Stars To Appear at Festival

Felicity Moorcroft, Entertainment Correspondent

After months of speculation, Illium Entertainment today confirmed that the first annual BlastoCon® will be held in Nos Astra on the 14th-18th of Chimera [select local calendar conversion here].

“Badassfully: This is going to be the greatest four days of my life!” asari “Jellyfisher” Bethe Fai told our on-the-spot reporter. Fai, along with best friend and fellow enthusiast Jeela T’Ne, are the lucky fans at the head of the queue already forming outside Nos Astra’s New Anyelis Centre.

“There’s no way we were missing this,” T’Ne explained, when asked why they chose to start their vigil several weeks before tickets are scheduled to go on sale. “No. Way. What’s a little discomfort compared to being the first to meet Blasto in person? Anyway camping out’s not so bad - our Bubin costume actually makes a pretty good weatherproof tent.”

IE is yet to announce the majority of the attending special guests, although appearances from the franchise’s stars are regarded as a certainty. Series producer Zhanmari Erinaceus, one of the confirmed VIPs, revealed after the official announcement that Blasto fans “will have access to the entire Blasto universe,” from the original Blasto the Jellyfish Stings to the latest instalment Blasto 6: Partners in Crime.

Two ardent fans will have even more reason than most to remember BlastoCon® fondly: Jora Ton and Dehan Lerat, colleagues at the Vol Protectorate Trade Oversight Office in Nos Olmos, are to be joined in union at the convention. The couple, who met at the Nos Astra premiere of The Jellyfish Stings, plan to undertake the ceremony in costume as Blasto and his Eternity is Forever love interest Cerulean Star.

“We couldn’t be happier,” Jora Ton told our reporter. “Blasto is an enormous part of both our lives, and we greatly look forward to celebrating our union in the sight of the Almighty Chief.” To the couple’s delight, Bes Nami, High Suda of the Nos Astra temple of the Faith of Clarity has given Suda-Res Goh Tomer of the Nos Olmos temple license to perform the ceremony on the convention grounds, in the persona of Blasto’s long-suffering Partners in Crime chief.

Reporting from Nos Astra, Illium, this has been IEN - the most enkindled entertainment news in the Terminus

Jesus christ this is the stupidest thing I've ever read.

I fucking hate this planet.

oh, come on you two! don't be so dense!

This is going to be fun to the enkindling degree!
I still say they should have casted Daia as C.Star. (but then, maybey that would be BlastoXXX again)

So, who's going to take a look? I will be there at least one day, depending on work schedule.

You cannot be fucking serious.

You guys are such bummers :/ Aren't you fans of anything yourselves? Being passionate is good.

The walking pair of tits up there just used the spiritsdamn present progressive of a word as a fucking adjective.

That shit is not okay.

Don't just reduce me to my tits! I've got ass too! You may kiss it if you ask nicely.
Or in other words: This one does not have time for your solid waste excretions.

I am curious who will make an appearance! With my luck I won't be able to attend the really interesting panels...

Ho wow... Walking pair of tits, really? And then a bitch fest about grammar that doesn't even make sense through my translator? Someone woke up cranky today.

What panels would you really like to see Taleeze?

This one sees Illium Entertainment are confident in ticket sales.

It also wonders how many actual hanar will be at this convention and how many time incorrect statements will be uttered over the four days.

I'm passionate about a lot of things. My job. My relationships. My exercise routine.

I'm not going to be passionate about a dumbass movie series in which some fucking jelly produces one liners with all the dignity and respect with which I'd pass a kidney stone. I'm going to take this opportunity to point and laugh at a bunch of dumbfucks who decide that dressing up as an elcor in two halves and camping inside a costume that smells of your own body sweat is a good waste of time, or that getting MARRIED (or joined or what the fuck) in a BLASTO THEMED CEREMONY is how you want to begin a partnership that should last the rest of their lives.

I can't get that much time off. Or afford tickets to Illum.

...Would it kill them to come to the Citadel? What a disappointment.

Edit: Oh, fuck me, my ex just posted to his feed. He has two tickets.

Rocket, you are just no fun. period.

Capice, you coming? great!

My ex. Who has money and a new girlfriend.

No Blasto convention for me.

... Time to raid the bank accounts. Now, where did Dan leave his chit...

whoa SHIT! that's nasty, you sounded a bit like as if... I am just so sorry.

So that's why the lingerie boutique was sold out of its elcor range all of a sudden this morning - must be a lot of fans of whatsername, the detective's sister, planning some eye-catching cosplay. Never a dull moment in this town. :)

I haven't heard anything yet, but since the merger ExtranetPlayground has access to all if Illium Entertainment's IP, so if they wanted to it'd just be a trip down the hall to ask, no long contract negotiations... The high-ups might have decided it'd be a bit redundant though, what with Lusto in CX2 being a totally unapologetic Blasto expy. Copulates-as-would-a-virtuoso does a great Blasto impression.

Don't worry love - I'm entertained by the notion, but I'll be sitting this one out and leaving the convention to the proper Blasto fans. No being dragged around the place/having to hear me rave on about it to dread. <3

Fuck your ex (not literally). Would you believe I've never seen any of the Blasto movies? Come over to the hall, we'll have our own damn convention.

To be fair darling, if you had brains or a personality I would have mentioned those too.


Okay let me break this shit down for you since you are apparently functionally retarded. This


is what's called a spiritsdamned joke. You know: humor. It works based on the principle of motherfucking incongruity, ie. a merc giving a shit about proper grammar, or being a hypocrite about shit he's getting on something else about (see: "fucking adjective"). Was it stupid? Yeah. But the fact that a. you thought I really gave a heavu's ass about Tits up there and b. the cleverest thing you could come up with was "lol somebody's angry" means that you are just fucking sad and I have no desire to talk to you.


Also, would you people please stop making me agree with dickless up there.

Edit:
Are you still stalking him on the extranet? Fucking hells girl, move on already. He has.

Move on, damn.