[Medicine] Palelki Corporation Under Fire for Palenol Controversy

Palelki Corporation Under Fire for Palenol Controversy

Baleal Vrin, OurMed Magazine

Medical journalists are alight with controversy after the sudden announcement of the popular drug, Palenol, having unexpected side-effects in asari users. The so-called “miracle drug,” utilized for headache relief, has only been on the market for approximately sixteen months.

Dr. Kel Palelki, M.D., has expressed his remorse over the early release of Palenol. “I thought that it was too early,” he said in an exclusive interview with OurMed. “We still had some testing to do, but the investors were pushing, and we didn’t feel like we had an option."

Dr. Palelki’s statements have generated an incensed response from victims of Palenol, who are experiencing unprecedented amounts of scalp itch and, strangely, dandruff. An anonymous member of the outreach group, Smooth Again, stated to OurMed in a private interview, “It’s so humiliating. I had a beautiful scalp before, but now it looks like a fresh snowfall on Noveria!”

Legal action has been taken against Palelki Corp. Claims have numbered in the thousands thus far, and are expected to rise over the next few months. In the meantime, Palenol has been removed from public markets and its production has been suspended. Asari who have used Palenol are encouraged to visit their physicians for medical advice.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh man that's hilarious

damn, i gotta tell my girls, though. still, hahahahhahahaha

you could always not and then charge people to come and laugh at the snowheads.

My heart weeps for the victims of this tragedy.

I feel worse for the dumb schmucks who’ve been paid to ship this bogus drug around. Imagine how many cancelled orders are being processed around the galaxy.

They're probably getting paid again to ship it back to the manufacturers. It's the poor bastards working customer service who have it rough.

Someone should inform Balael Vrin (or better yet his/her editor) that this:


Is a redundancy. Either it's Dr. Kel Palelki, or it's Kel Palelki, M.D. The letters and the title mean the same thing. And in what I'm guessing is a dedicated medical journal too. Poor show, OurMed Magazine, poor show.

Contributor-Shot Through a Relay should be informed that his fourth sentence does not follow appropriate English grammar, as it lacks a proper subject-predicate relationship. Many professionals (such as Dr. Hannah Heinlein of Orlando, Florida) label such a linguistic exercise a “sentence fragment,” which is often criticized as being indicative of “poor grammar.”

I don't write for a living, smartass.

My apologies, contributor-Shot Through a Relay. I was merely attempting to assist you in avoiding what could be observed as "blatant hypocrisy."

I suddenly feel obsolete for some reason.

I know, it feels like the march of progress just kind of phased us both out.

Now we just need a geth who shitposts about minor details while not actually contributing anything and Forums Superstar Shot Through A Relay can join us in the retirement home (presumably alongside August 5, who was kind of the innovator of that technique before people discovered he was kinda hardcore racist).

...I wonder how uncomfortable that is for the asari. I mean, dandruff is basically peeled scalp, isn't it?

Blatant hypocrisy is one of the best things about posting on a forum. Hell, it's probably one of the best things about being an organic, if that doesn't sound too segregating. Mostly because if someone without the perfect recall of a synthetic (or, I guess, a drell) ever calls you out for being a hypocrite, they've usually been one themselves in the past. You see where I'm going with this. It all gets kinda meta, which is always fun.

It looks like I was smart to tell an acquaintance to sell all of his Palelki as soon as possible. Investors do what investors do, the scientists have my symphaties. If you rush a sensitive product like medicine, you will get burned.

Try OpSiCorp's Genaspirin instead, if you're experiencing headaches. It is not as powerful as Palenol granted, but it is safe and tested.

Language parsers detect an 85% chance of intentional racism in this statement.

HEY VENTS

Think dat shit’ll work on my crest?

be a fuckton easier’n all dat makeup fer dat GHOST'A KRAANGH VALLEY sketch

Look, if it gets you away from my office so I can do some motherfuckin' work and keeps you away from my who-uh secretaries, then BY ALL MEANS, DO SO.

ASSGOBLIN.

That's weird. If you wanted to cause any kind of reaction in asari but nobody else, you'd have to interfere with a biological process that no other species has, and there aren't as many of those as you might think... and I can't think of any specific unique asaresque bioprocesses that affect skin off the top of my head. Gargh.

Still, this is supposed to be the kind of thing you test for beforehand! How'd they miss something like this?
Silly. >:(

While most sapient species have a variety of analogous physiological processes, they all evolved independently had have different mechanisms. Anything that doesn't affect low-level functions that are necessary for organic life tends to be species-specific in its effects unless a lot of work is put into making it pan-compatible. Freak side effects usually tend to be limited in their targets.


While it is generally frowned upon to use both at the same time, "Dr." and "M.D." do not have the same meaning.

Processing…Running results through “Shame” simulation.

It is regrettable that this passed linguistic filters while attempting communication with contributor-Shot Through a Relay. It was possible to indicate observable “blatantly_hypocritical&&wrong” phenomena.

Efficiency estimates have dropped by 2%.

In addition to the inaccuracies presented thusfar in this article's commenters, one might also consider the ego of the doctor in question; perhaps said man in question is fond of titles and refuses to sacrifice even one. It is a matter that may come into question in regards to the author of the article and his or her editors.