[DnD 3.5] Kislameet

Well, this was annoying. Here I was writing for two campaigns I'm supposed to be running and some guy swoops in with the perfect DnD campaign setting and starts running it. Naturally, due to it's quality, I had to sing it's praises in the nearest public forum. That would be here.

So, yeah.

Kislameet.

It's one of those worlds where you take a rather simple idea and apply it to the universe, and then observe the implications. "simple" doesn't imply small, mind you. I could turn off gravity and the earth wouldn't exactly be unchanged, however simple that change is.

In this case, the world is magical, and has a God. Well, force of nature, perhaps. It's sentient (probably), has a sense of humor (of this we know for sure), and is known as Kismet, or, Fate. That's right. The universe is ruled by a being that controls exactly what happens to everything. From the mountainous homes of the Orcish races, to the Elven forests, to the Human kingdoms, everyone, man woman and child, has their fate prescribed to them. When they will be born, what they will be, who they will marry, and perhaps, most importantly, where they will die.

Now, where there's fate, there's obviously heroes, and where there are heroes, there are dumb stories of The Chosen One being handed everything to him from birth and saving the world through literally no effort on his part. For you see, Kismet is one of those writers that has no editor to rap him on the head when he's being dumb. So of course, The Chosen One is the Mary Sue of the universe. Everything, everyone, revolves around him. You're either with his quest or clearly an evildoer, because Kismet has also never heard the term "Shades of Grey" (Though, now that I think about it, thank god, considering his writing). Anyway, the Fated Hero of the age, I.E The Chosen One, is a teenage boy named Kitiro, and if any of you are purveyors of shitty anime, you'll know exactly who this refers to. Well, enough of that foreboding. What's the story so far?

Well, it started with a bang.


... no no no not that kind. This kind, dumbie.

01:40:49: <AlexSupercop> Fireworks whistle and pop into the air, sending sparks of every colour and hue spiralling off into the starry night sky. Casa de la Praxis is alive with light and sound tonight, easily audible if not visible right from the outskirts of town. The walled and fortified manor stands out like a sore thumb among the otherwise thatched-roof-and-rough-timber-wall houses that cluster around it like
01:42:40: <kismet> penguins huddling together during a storm. People cluster around it on a more personal scale, that day's festival absolutely refusing to die down as the peasants seemed determined to somehow match the noble class' party spirit. Once or twice armoured guards had to smack people away from the gates with a pikeshaft or blunt end of a halberd, but at least it wasn't a riot.
01:44:31: <kismet> Inside, rich men and women in what could only be described as pimped costumes danced to exquisite music, or delicately nibbled at the absolutely outrageous spread available to them, or took walks in the moonlit gardens. Lord Praxis had more square feet of land than half the village put together, and to put it bluntly, he flaunted the shit out of it. It is there, under the brief and passing light
01:44:37: <kismet> of fireworks, our story begins.
01:49:10: <Accar> The errant mage, a visitor on travels and a recent curiosity of the town, managed to merit an invitation to the gala. Frankly he...wasn't precisely sure what he was doing here exactly. He was not a veteran of the world, he didn't have stories of epic duels with monsters or mystic deals or feats of thaumaturgic creation. But, it must be said, the lean, rather
01:50:51: <Accar> young, man at least looked the part. Robes banded and reinforced with studded leather, one arm more elegantly worked and stylized than the other, a satchel of his shoulder no doubt full of all manner of focii and tools.
01:51:28: <Accar> Currently he was standing near one of the overladen buffet tables, helping himself to a plate of delicious cheeses and meats.

Okay, right, is this font working- er, I mean Here's the first of our adventurers. A Warmage by the name of Accar, played by Mr_Sandman.

01:51:50: <Althea> It was here that the youngest Lady of the Praxis family could be seen. She was dressed in a jeweled gown, colored in deep black and crimson red. Her face was framed with raven black hair that reached her shoulders, and diamond studded earrings. She danced with one of the younger nobles. A simple, short, repeating Waltz.

And our second party member, Althea! Man, I don't even know who plays her, but he or she is one of the greatest writers I'v ever seen.

01:54:04: <kismet> Her dance partner is... underwhelming.
01:54:10: <kismet> To say the least.

Hey Armin!

01:54:29: <Durash> Durash had wandered into the town after night had already fallen. Which was probably a good thing, towering over one and all at six feet four and carrying a sword nearly as tall and broad as her entire body she was intimidating even without taking her green skin and (granted not very prominent) tusks into account. It was the first human town she'd seen. One of the first towns full stop really.
01:54:30: <Durash> She'd made her way curiously up to the manor and towards the sounds of festivities. The guards were blind drunk and she'd been let in with no more than a joke about the size of her weapon. She stopped within the first doorway and stared, the amount of food on display was almost sickening. She rethought her decision to go mercenary, surely there was some better opportunity than working for these
01:54:30: <Durash> decadent creatures.
01:56:24: Durash took one look at the way these creatures dressed and very nearly walked out. She settled for looking for an unattended plate to steal instead, she wouldn't pass up free food.

And here's our third. The Orc Samurai Durash, played by Starr. It should be pointed out here that Orc's and their kin face institutionalized racism. Their reputation of being bloodthirsty raiders come from the simple fact that no one will trade with them, so they have to resort to... less then angelic measures to survive. So of course, one who comes in and sees a Roman Vomitorium (Which is totally a myth bee-tee-dubbayou)is going to flip her shit.

01:57:45: Accar quietly sets his plate down and, after a quick glance around, guiltily goes back up for seconds
01:58:03: <Althea> Her appearance at least, kept the impression of her ladylike status. Her manner, however, betrayed her to the keen observer. Her arms, sleeved by the dress up to a break shoulders, hid muscular arms that could almost assuredly bend steel. Her hair, long and pretty, was a wig that kept whispered words silent until her real hair grew down.
01:58:07: <Accar> He, of course, does not make it to the table
01:59:11: <Accar> To be frank he's not entirely sure what happened just that there was a lot of giggling and a crowd (pack? mob?) of elegant dresses and oh he was being pulled into the dance now and
01:59:12: <Accar> ah
01:59:12: <Althea> Her face did not quite sell the smile she offered to her partner. Her eyes did not glow with the radiant optimism of other Ladies of the courts.
01:59:13: <Accar> hrm.
01:59:21: Durash glances at the plate the twiggy looking man had set down and deflated slightly. Humans certainly ate a lot.
02:00:08: <Accar> Now is probably a terrible time to admit that
02:00:09: <Accar> actually
02:00:16: <Accar> he's not that much of a dancer.
02:00:38: <Althea> She, or perhaps her family, was hiding something. That could be said for sure.
02:00:44: <kismet> Althea's dance partner promptly pulled away, yawning into his palm, and ambles off to get some fresh air in the gardens. Which... ah. Has everyone in another dance. Accar swept up among giggling noblewomen.
02:01:26: <Accar> "Um...hello. It's a pleasure to meet you madame..."
02:01:43: <Accar> <Please let me have not met her already. Please let me have not met her already. Please let me have not met her already.>
02:02:48: Durash decides to try to sneak awkwardly toward the buffet table. Being a six foot four orc dressed in a hodge podge of ringmail, plate armor, spikes, cloth and bones this was not at all easy. She just hoped they were mostly as drunk as they looked.
02:03:04: <Althea> "Althea. Daughter of our host, the Baron." She said, committing to a formal and practiced bow. "And whom do I have the pleasure of meeting?"

You're romantic love interest of course fellow party member. You two will be great comrades. At least, that's what's in the script.

02:05:13: <kismet> "So I said to you, ma'am" A nobleman slurs at Durash, shaking his finger slightly to the right of her. "I may be drunk, but you look like an Orc's behind. And tomorrow I will be sober."
02:06:20: Accar bows back, the movement awkward and ungainly. More like a particularly spastic stork than a nobleman.
02:06:26: <Accar> <Oh dear>
02:06:47: <Accar> "Ah I...um"
02:06:56: <Durash> Durash blinks and continues loading up her plate unsure whether to be offended at the slur or amused at his utter obliviousness. "Yes.... very er.... erudite?"
02:07:08: <Accar> "I am Mage Ascalon."
02:07:29: <Accar> "Passing through your lovely city, your lord father was kind enough to invite me to his ball."
02:08:53: <kismet> "No you're erudite."
02:09:03: <kismet> "MORE WINE."



Actually, put on about 50 pounds of belly fat, give his beard a scraggly neck portion and give him a dumb hat and that's probably accurate.

02:10:49: Durash resists the urge to upend a wine bottle over his head and instead beats a hasty retreat, And humans think we're stupid? They should meet nobles.
02:11:05: <Durash> "And humans think we're stupid? They should meet nobles."
02:11:34: <Accar> He's handsome (pretty?) enough, brown haired and fairish skin alternating between "decent tan" and "parbroiled" by his time on the road. In relatively good shape. Nothing obviously weird about him (weird in the wizard sense).
02:11:56: <Accar> Frankly, he'd not be that terrible of a catch. Save for the fact that it's /painfully/ obvious that he doesn't really
02:11:56: <Accar> ah
02:11:58: <Accar> belong here.
02:12:57: <Althea> "Would you care for a dance, Sir Mage?"

Oh, well, would you look at the evening print of the "Daily Kismet"



A ship christening.

02:13:27: Durash tries to eat at a safe distance whilst fending off attention from anyone who wasn't a drunken fool
02:14:50: <Accar> No. Nonononononono.
02:14:59: <Accar> "Of course my lady."
02:15:02: <Accar> "Mi'lady."
02:15:05: <Accar> "My. Lady."
02:15:09: <Accar> "Ahem. >>"
02:16:08: <kismet> "Have you seen her?" A young voice around Durash' hip height, filled with the kind of hope and longing that makes you imagine a lovesick puppy.
02:16:27: Althea offers her hand. Not that she particularly cared for it either but he was the first man she's gotten to speak to since the festivities started that didn't feel it was his god given right to be a prick to everyone.
02:16:59: Accar takes her hand, holding it as gingerly.
02:17:01: <Accar> Delicately.
02:17:17: <Accar> Like one might hold an explosive flask or a particularly irritable viper.
02:17:37: <Durash> Durash looks down, then raises her arm out of the way and looks again, "Um.... seen who?" She asks around a mouthful of food. This was it, she was probably going to be kicked out after the kid caught a look at her face and started screaming.
02:17:46: <Accar> As the music starts he waits for her to make the first move and, well, follows her lead the best he can.
02:18:55: <Althea> It was as simple a dance as you could get. Step to the right, turn, then step to the left. She didn't feel particularly in need to chase off the only decent person she's seen in the last few hours.
02:19:19: <Althea> "Relax. I'm not going to bite your head off." She said, low enough for only him to hear.
02:19:36: <kismet> "Her. Lord Praxis' daughter." Luckily for Durash, the young boy (Fate's sake he must be a teenager) isn't even looking at her. He only has eyes for Althea. He's slender, with flawless skin and shiny, feathered black hair. He is, to put it lightly, incredibly pretty. He turns, catches a look of Durash's face, and pauses.
02:19:45: <kismet> "Did you sneak in too?"

"And then there's this motherfucker." could not be a better description of this creature.

02:19:48: <Accar> "Oh! I'm not"
02:19:50: <Accar> "um"
02:20:36: <Accar> "...I'm not a very good dancer. Apologies."
02:20:43: <Althea> "It's fine, Sir Mage."
02:20:46: <Althea> "Where are you from?"
02:21:48: <Accar> "Stormshore mi'lady. Port city several months journey from here."
02:22:11: <Durash> Durash stares at the kid, for a moment she had been dead certain he was actually a she. That could not be normal, no way. She swore under her breath as the definitely not drunk kid looked up at her. "Not much sneaking involved, everyone here is too drunk to notice anything."
02:22:28: <Althea> "Is it nice there?" She asked. Small talk. Anything to keep him interested.
02:23:27: <kismet> "... really? I had to climb over the wall." He looks dejected briefly. "But have you seen her?"
02:24:28: <Accar> "Oh yes um"
02:24:32: <Accar> "It's very rainy."
02:25:03: <Accar> "Lots of trade, nice harbor, a few senior Magi run a College."
02:25:06: <Accar> "Things."
02:25:33: <Accar> Somewhere, a version of Accar was smacking his palm to his face and sighing
02:25:35: <Accar> deeply.
02:25:43: <Accar> "You mi'lady?"
02:25:55: <Durash> "Er..." The orc pointed at Althea with one thick finger, "Right there I think. Why?"
02:26:40: <Accar> In the words of a great and well read man
02:26:43: <Accar> Fate
02:26:46: <Accar> is kinda a bitch.
02:27:08: Althea offers a smile. "It's nice here. Artificially so, perhaps. I wish to travel someday, however. Perhaps I'll get the chance eventually."
02:27:11: Accar has spun just in time to see the towering, hooded figure jab a finger at the dancing pair
02:27:34: <Accar> As well as the fact that said towering, hooded figure is a bit...
02:27:35: <Accar> orc
02:27:36: <Accar> y
02:27:40: <kismet> "Thanks!" The teen promptly moved away without so much as a backwards glance, ducking and weaving through the crowd with unnatural grace. And then the music changes as the dance floor switches over, and he suddenly turned into a klutz and got bounced off the shapely behinds of about three different women.
02:28:13: <kismet> And stumbles, landing face-to-breast against Althea's chest.

Wo-ho-ho I cannot handle this wacky sub-plot. I mean, boobs, amirite?

02:28:23: <Accar> "Er...not to sound weird but-"
02:28:25: <Accar> "...."
02:28:55: Accar sets two gloved hands on his shoulders and rather firmly moves him off before things got weird.
02:28:57: <Accar> Weirder.
02:29:12: <Accar> ...plus side he actually looked classy by comparison now!
02:29:18: Durash goes back to munching on her food in peace. Thank goodness for small favors. Though watching the kid manage to bump into every arse on his way there was entertaining certainly.
02:29:54: <Althea> Silence. Shock. Awe at this person. Her fists tightened. Self defense instincts. She'd grab his head, tweak his neck on way until it cracked. She saw red. She'd make his life miserable. Who the fuck does this little shit think HE'S
02:30:11: <Althea> She steps back. "Excuse me, sir?"
02:30:37: Accar does the wise thing and clears out of the line of fire.
02:31:29: <Althea> Her voice was as level as she could imagine. A near-shout that would probably grab the attention of anyone close enough that didn't already notice what happened.
02:31:31: <kismet> "That was an accident, I swear!" he exclaims, waving his hands madly. The fact that the embroidery of Althea's dress is imprinted on his cheek now doesn't do much to help his situation. "I fell a-and I..."
02:32:35: Durash pops fingerfood into her mouth with the air of someone watching an extremely entertaining situation
02:32:58: <Althea> "Who are you?" A simple question that was about as damning as a death sentence. She'd drag him right in front of her father and have him publicly humiliated.
02:33:23: Accar quietly, oh so quietly fades back into the crowd
02:33:27: <Accar> well
02:33:28: <Accar> tries to
02:33:44: <kismet> "K-Kitoro! My name's Kitoro! It's just, I've seen you on the balconies and I wanted to meet you so I climbed over the wall and..."

When you're out at a ball and you see a pretty maiden

Do

The

Creep


02:34:13: <Accar> "..."
02:34:34: Durash tries her level best not to snicker at this, it is to be honest, absolutely hysterical
02:35:09: <Accar> Accar, don't be an ass. Accar don't get involved. Accar if a noblewoman wants to beat the shit out of some random pervert that's not your business.
02:36:12: <Althea> Her nostrils flared. Just breathe Althea. You can't make a scene. Just. Drop it.
02:36:38: <Althea> She curtsied, grabbing the folds of her dress and bowing. "I accept your apology." Ignoring the fact he never /actually/ apologized.
02:36:48: <Accar> Accar do-
02:36:54: <Accar> ...oh no
02:36:58: <Accar> Accar no.
02:37:01: <Accar> Accar stop.
02:37:06: <Accar> Acc-
02:37:11: <kismet> Kitoro rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous smile that made his face immensely punchable.

You know the one.

02:37:16: <Accar> That fucker's not even listening is he?
02:37:54: Accar manages to interpose himself between the pair, wrangle his gauntleted hand around Kitoro's free arm, drape the other across the shoulder like an old buddy old pal old friend
02:38:02: <Accar> And oh so suavely
02:38:20: <Accar> starts trying to casually steer him across the dance floor.
02:38:49: <Accar> "So you're Kitoro?"
02:39:11: <kismet> "Wha- hey! I just want to talk to her!" He wriggled in Accar's grip, waving madly at Althea. "I'll come say hi again another time!"
02:39:43: <Accar> "What? Oh no she told me she's really very busy and hey have you seen the food table, it's quite good"
02:40:07: Accar snatches a finger sandwich off some random passerby's plate and practically wedges it in Kitoro's mouth
02:40:13: <Accar> "No really try some I insist"
02:40:23: Durash begins backing towards the hall lest she explode from holding in the laughter
02:40:31: Althea watches the two leave, and then scanned the room. Not too much attention was garnered. Either everyone was too drunk or in their own little world to notice what happened. She halfheartedly waved back with a little smile that broke her very soul in an effort to make possible.

Oh cheer up. You'll probably never see him again.

02:40:31: <Accar> "It's good right?"
02:40:32: <Accar> "Very good."
02:40:35: <Accar> "That's good."
02:41:28: <kismet> "Wha- bu- hey!"
02:41:34: Accar shoots an apologetic look that's half awkward smile, half painful cringe over his shoulder.
02:41:38: <kismet> ":["
02:42:08: Accar pats him on the back sympathetically.
02:42:18: <Accar> "So."
02:42:40: <Accar> "....erm."
02:43:24: Althea takes this as an opportunity to leave the dance floor. She needed a break from.... that.
02:43:44: <kismet> "I didn't make a very good impression, did I?"

Well if you count the embroidery print on your face

02:43:45: <Accar> "...I'm Mage Ascalon."
02:43:52: <Accar> "....no."
02:43:54: <Accar> "Not really no."
02:44:47: <Accar> "Er it's..."
02:45:03: <Accar> "Look. I'm not great with girls either but it's not really polite to lead off with"
02:45:10: <Accar> "I've been watching you from a distance."
02:45:12: <Accar> "You know?"
02:45:34: <kismet> "But I was just enthralled by her beauty before I even met her! What's more romantic than that!?"
02:45:46: <Accar> "...um."
02:46:26: Accar has, literally, no idea what to say.
02:47:06: <Accar> "Look. Try not to be so..."
02:47:07: <Accar> Yourself
02:47:16: <Accar> "direct with that."
02:47:27: <Accar> "People like being treated like they're actually people you know?"

Sage words.

02:48:10: <kismet> In less fucking wretched news, Durash's ears twitch. Call it racist, but she was of a bestial race and thus had fairly well attuned hearing. Which is why she was able to discern a cry of shock and terror, faint among the otherwise loud revelry.
02:49:35: <Durash> Durash tilts her head to one side. To help or not to help. That was the question. She sighed. It was the only honorable thing to do. She began to pick her way through the crowd towards the scream. At least she knew that she was likely not the cause.
02:51:39: <kismet> Nobody was in a great rush to get in Durash's way, giantess that she was. The contrast between the stuff hall and the cool night air was like a slap to the face, but at least things were quieter. Following the scream, she traced a garden path and opened a delicately worked, vine-wreathed door. To find a human guard in his death throes, a jagged knife buried in his throat. A beast of an orc holds
02:52:09: <kismet> him, skin black as night, eyes glowing red like hot coals. They flick up to Durash, recognizing her as kin. He brings a broad, gauntleted finger to his lips in the universal gesture of silence.

Right, of course the evil one is black.

02:55:44: <Durash> Durash looks at the orc impassively. Should she raise the alarm? The humans were nothing to her. On the other hand he was clearly about to attack a mostly unarmed gathering. She sighs. Fine. Drawing the massive sword from her back she raised her voice, "Alert! Attackers in the courtyard!" She roars back through the door.
02:57:07: <kismet> The onyx-skinned orc snarls. "Traitor," he spits out in Orcish, and throws a small pouch at the paved path. A cloud of cloying black smoke sprouts from the impact, making Durash cough. By the time it cleared the orc was long gone, and the guard had breathed his last.
02:57:32: <kismet> A few guests turned, wondering what the shouting was about. Then bright orange flames sprang to life along the hedgerows, and the screaming began in earnest.
02:58:04: <Accar> "...."
02:58:30: Accar 's grip goes slack as he just stares.
02:58:36: <Accar> "...oh. Oh dear."
02:59:00: Althea stares in horror at the flames. This was her home. And someone was attacking it.
02:59:01: <Althea> And she
02:59:02: <Durash> Durash coughed heavily as the orc threw down the smoke bomb, "Bastard," She muttered. Then the hedges burst into flame and she raised her massive blade. She supposed that this would be as good a way as any to get hired.
02:59:06: Accar turns and starts running back in the direction of the shouting and chaos.
02:59:12: <Althea> She was a Lady.
02:59:18: <Althea> She couldn't do anything about it.
02:59:45: <Althea> No
02:59:47: <Althea> She could.
03:00:23: Althea takes off after Accar, trying not to trip over the hem of her dress.
03:03:42: <kismet> It appears that the floodgates have opened, the time for stealth long gone. The sounds of battle rage over the walls of the manor as, even then, more orcs swarm from the undergrowth to overpower the guards. Drunk and off-guard, most of them don't even stand a chance. Just outside the main doors the fighting is thickest, orcs clashing with slightly better trained inner manor guards. "This way!"
03:03:58: <kismet> Kiroto shouts, suddenly all business, snatching up a longsword with one hand and taking Althea's wrist with the other.

Hey it's reflex for sword and boarders. When you draw weapons, one hand goes for the sword, the other for the meat shield.

03:06:48: <Althea> "HEY!" She wrestled with his grip. Eventually, she realized that whatever his reasons, this was just slowing them down. She followed along. "Will you please let go of my arm?"
03:08:44: <kismet> "I have to get you to safety!" He exclaimed. Possibly more to the world at large than at Althea herself. He stopped, however, as more orcs loomed in their path. They flourished their blades, wiping blood from them, and chuckled. Four of them, against Kitoro, Althea, Accar and Durash. Fair odds. (Not really).

Well I mean why even count Althea, she's unarmed in a dress.

03:08:58: Accar 's just kinda going again with the flow of the crowd.
03:10:04: Durash rests her massive blade on one armored shoulder. If anyone had been standing behind her they probably would have been brained by a thirty pound sword. "So. Who's first?"
03:22:49: Accar does the sensible thing and throws out a hand, an arrowhead of crackling lighting blooms between his fingers, spearing out into a twisting, winding bolt of iridescent electricity
03:23:01: <Accar> the garden is rocked by a tiny roll of thunder in its wake.
03:25:49: <Althea> It's at this point that Kitiro realizes that for quite some time now Althea has been missing from his rather obsessive I mean, attentive grip. There's a rip of fabric as Althea comes screaming past him, Glaive in hand. She swings the blade down on one of the Orcs, biting straight into it's jugular, spewing high pressure arterial blood over the both of them.

...Nevermind

03:26:26: <kismet> Well, maybe over her. Kitoro remains pristine, his hair retaining its natural gleam and lustre. And delicate feathering.
03:26:28: <Althea> She twists the shaft of the glaive, forcing the Orc in front of another one before snapping back the weapon, pushing the near-corpse onto one of it's brethren.
03:27:07: <kismet> The poor orc who was hit by Accar's orb of lightning, meanwhile, stumbles back howling as it paws uselessly at the third-degree electrical burns all over its chest.
03:32:56: <kismet> Kitoro lets out a fierce battle cry. Well he thinks it's fierce. In fact it sounds reedy and nasally, like a cat being strangled.
03:33:23: <kismet> Which makes it all the more fucking baffling that he scythes through the two uninjured orcs, lopping off limbs and heads, leaving them twitching messes on the ground.
03:34:00: <kismet> He finishes the charge with an utterly ridiculous 'badass' pose.



03:34:08: Accar grounds out the aftershocks of the bolt in the earth, a myriad sparks and stray bolts crackling over the ground, glassing the soft loamy dirt.
03:34:15: Accar looks at him.
03:34:18: Accar just looks at him.
03:35:28: <Durash> Durash gives Kitoro a look which is somehow equal parts surprised and disgusted. She then steps forwards and brings down her sword on the last standing orc. The tip cuts a groove into the tile as the blade separates the unfortunate orc from his legs. He flops in two pieces quickly bleeding out on the ground.
03:37:32: Althea brings her glaive to a resting stance, bending to a knee to further tear open her dress for ease of movement. "Why are Orcs here?"
03:38:32: <Durash> "It might have something to do with the ungodly amount of food you people waste," Durash remarks dryly.

Well it is godly considering, you know, Fate God.

03:38:33: <kismet> It's a good thing Althea barely knows Kitoro. If she knew that he literally only just picked up a sword, she'd have probably had an aneurysm. "I don't know," he replies, not even a little out of breath. "I thought they had retreated back beyond the mountains. We should have been warned!" And wouldn't you know it, the feast had been to celebrate the tenth anniversary of peace and love and hugs.
03:38:56: Accar seems to notice Durash for the first time and half jumps half starts back into a combat stance, waves of what feel like colored sound coalescing around him.
03:39:23: <Durash> "If I was going to kill you I would have done it while you were distracted mage."
03:39:35: <Accar> "...oh."
03:39:37: <Accar> "um."
03:39:39: <Accar> "Point."
03:39:45: <Accar> There's an awkward silence.
03:40:00: Accar quietly (hah get it?) dispells the working.
03:40:34: <kismet> Rather awkwardly, there's the sounds of vicious fighting but absolutely nobody else deciding to go for the little cluster of likely heroes. Possibly for convenience's sake as Althea's father, Baron Praxis storms up with his bloodied sword held by his side.

Not this one, mind you.

03:40:47: <kismet> "Althea. Why aren't you inside with the others!?" He thunders.
03:41:55: <Accar> "She was helping us fighohfatehellosir."
03:42:00: <Accar> "My Lord."
03:44:10: <kismet> "What would people say if they saw you like this!?" he went on, his face turning red. "What your mother would think if you died!?" He double-takes at Durash's presence, but at least seems to make the distinction between green-skinned and black-skinned orcs. "And in such company!"
03:44:18: <kismet> (he's a wee bit wacist)
03:45:17: <Althea> She stands to her full height. "Because I am trained and the manor was under attack. I handled myself just fine." She stared down her father. She had nothing much to lose anyway at this point.
03:45:34: <Durash> "Considering without me you wouldn't have known about these commandos before they walked in and began stabbing backs a little gratitude would not go amiss."
03:46:14: Accar just faaaaaaades back from this particular family drama.
03:46:14: <kismet> "I will not be sassed by an orc. Hold your tongue or lose it, greenskin."
03:46:31: <Accar> Praying that the Baron will not notice the ah
03:46:50: <Accar> armored Magus with the lightly singed fingertips.
03:47:33: Durash returns her man sized sword to her shoulder and glares, "You're more than welcome to try."
03:51:07: <Uptil> This is roughly when a hulking hobgoblin, dressed in finely crafted chainmail and a rather worn suit, walks up to the group, very politely holding an orcish assassin up with one hand and daintily draining the life from its ever-more-dessicated flesh.
03:51:38: <kismet> "..."
03:51:44: <Uptil> "Excuse me human," he says, "I am fated to serve a man named Kismet. I am looking for him."
03:52:04: <Uptil> "If you could point me in a direction, I would be in your debt."
03:52:15: <Accar> Faaaaaaaaaaaaaade back
03:52:18: <Accar> just faaaaaaaaaaaaade back



03:52:46: <Uptil> He drops the (now slightly dead) Orc.
03:53:27: <Ilyana> Accar has faded back roughly to the point where the Elf with the bow and arrows was stand-wait what?
03:53:30: Durash stares at the hobgoblin, she should probably be pitying him right about now

So here are two other new party members. Ilyana the elven ranger, played by Punmaster General Lou-Pine, and Uptil the Hobgoblin Necromancer, played by Havocfett.

03:53:59: Accar starts and suddenly oh Fates he's on fire.
03:54:58: <Accar> Neatly taking the idea of fading; back behind the shed and shooting it in the head.
03:55:05: <Accar> *in the process.
03:55:20: <Ilyana> "Oh, hello." She says mildly. She appears to be playing with her bow string, not too concerned with the number of dead people around her.
03:55:32: <Accar> Pause.
03:55:36: <kismet> Kitoro stands, and when he makes eye contact with Baron Praxis...
03:55:38: <kismet> uhhhh

Oh god no.

03:55:43: <Accar> Hiss go the flames as they wink out.
03:56:19: <kismet> "Your daughter needs me, my lord," he says breathily. "I promise I'll protect her with my life."
03:56:44: <kismet> The middle-aged baron's eyes sparkle like a lovesick schoogirl's. "Go. I will wait for you, my prince."
03:56:59: <kismet> He shakes his head sharply, eyes wide.
03:57:03: <kismet> "... what the fuck just happened to me."

I'm not entirely sure.

03:57:09: <Durash> Durash stares at Kitoro. Then at the baron. What the fuck just happened there?
03:57:14: <Uptil> ...
03:57:18: Uptil just stares
03:57:20: <Uptil> There are no words
03:57:22: <Uptil> Only horror
03:57:39: Ilyana hums quietly in tune with the music
03:57:51: <Uptil> ...and the horrible, niggling compulsion to not leave this group to escape the awkwardness
03:57:56: <Althea> Althea is not one to appear surprised. Even when her father burnt her hopes and dreams in front of her she did not react with shock, but silence and a lack of emotion.
03:57:57: <Althea> Not here.
03:57:57: <Althea> Not
03:58:31: <Uptil> The same compulsion when he decided he would definitely never, ever search out the man he was fated to die for
03:58:42: <Uptil> And when he tried to walk away from the bizarre assault of orc assassins
03:58:58: <Althea> She covered her mouth with one gloved hand. "Oh by the fates."
03:59:02: <Uptil> There's a word in goblin, it's incredibly rude, if any of the group speak Goblin
03:59:11: <Uptil> "One of you is Kitoro, aren't you?"
03:59:25: <Althea> "....Father?"
04:00:14: Durash begins muttering in orcish, her commentary on the situation is rather incredibly foul.
04:00:17: <kismet> "A-anyway..." Baron Praxis went on, clearly having no idea what the fuck just happened. "There's a secret sally port on the other side of the mansion. Take my daughter there, take her to Daventry. Find Guard-Captain Trellis, he's a friend of the family. I'll come find you and... reward you." That simple pause made the whole sentence skeevy as all get-out.

Considering I was the one that made up this character beforehand? Kill me.

04:00:38: <kismet> Kitoro, the seventeen-year-old with fabulous shiny black feathered hair, raises his hand at Uptil's question.
04:00:57: <Uptil> please don't be the bizarre possibly pedophiliac-oh, it was the underaged human male
04:00:58: Accar meanwhile is just looking a Kitoro with an expression that's a cross between puppy love, confusion, and the mild self disgust that comes with knowing you're about to make a terrible decision while horribly drunk and yet the vodka in your hand says its a great idea anyway.
04:01:03: <Uptil> ...He wasn't sure if that was worse.
04:01:26: <Durash> On the one hand Durash is somewhat happy to no longer have to put up with the baron, on the other hand that right there was mentally scarring shit.
04:01:32: <Uptil> Well, oath time
04:01:44: <Uptil> Time to sign up to die for some random, teenaged shit of a human
04:01:47: <Uptil> No sense hurrying it
04:01:53: <Uptil> Fate would kick in when it decided he'd dawdled.
04:02:26: <Uptil> Aaaaand there it is. Niggling compulsion, ever-stronger, making sure he didn't have /choice/ in the matter.
04:02:32: <Accar> "I-"
04:02:33: <Accar> "ahem"
04:02:41: Accar 's not blushing at all nope
04:02:48: <Accar> "I will accompany you."
04:02:58: <Accar> "You could use a magical specialist."
04:03:23: <kismet> "I could use all the help I could get. Althea, too. I'd be glad to have you accompany us."
04:03:28: <kismet> And then he smiled and so kawaii uguu~
04:03:37: <Althea> Pure disgust at what just happened slowly morphed into slight respect. Fates know /she/ couldn't convince her father of anything like that.
04:04:22: <kismet> That smile could make even the burliest military man question his sexuality around the pretty, willowy teen.
04:04:28: <kismet> ... Fates dammit.
04:04:28: <Accar> Aaaaand then puppy love pulled out a crossbow and capped the confusion and the self disgust mutated into sassy irritation.
04:04:29: <Uptil> "Well then, milord Kitoro," says Uptil, "I am Uptil of-" It wouldn't let him give his clan name, his /titles/, nothing that made him who he was. The universe supplied words, and Uptil spoke them, "-the Dark Lands, who saw the wickedness of my dark people and left as a result. I would pledge my service and my life to you to redeem me of my fell lineage."
04:04:32: <Uptil> Fuuuuuuck.

Kismet is a dick.

04:04:32: <Accar> Fates dammit.
04:04:36: <Uptil> That was just degrading
04:04:40: <Uptil> He smiled anyways
04:05:24: <Durash> "... What the shit was that?"
04:06:09: <kismet> "I won't hold you responsible for the sins of your people," Kitoro declares with sickening righteousness. "I'd be glad to travel with you."
04:06:25: <kismet> Uptil felt some kind of cosmic barometer of respect tick up from the words.
04:06:26: <Uptil> "Thank you," said Uptil, "You are too kind."
04:06:32: <Accar> There was a tingly feeling at those words and
04:06:33: <Accar> NO
04:06:34: <Accar> NO
04:06:36: <Accar> BAD ACCAR
04:06:37: <Accar> BAD
04:06:42: <Accar> SERIOUSLY ACCAR WHAT THE FUCK
04:06:57: Accar was blushing
04:07:26: <Durash> Durash is trying to be less disgusted by this whole situation, but it wasn't working so well.
04:07:33: <kismet> Kitoro smiled at Accar again and good god was the night really that hot.

Normally, no, but there's a Hot Wind Blowing

04:08:12: Accar caught Kitoro's eye and then OH MY THAT TREE WAS REALLY INTERESTING ALL THAT WOO-
04:08:14: <Accar> WAIT FUCK
04:08:29: Althea just rolled her eyes, withholding a scoff. "Father, I can help. Please. This is my home too."
04:08:38: Accar turned his attention to the busheWAITFUCK the pond right
04:08:45: <Accar> right right the cold relaxing pond
04:09:03: <kismet> "I refuse to let you fight alongside the men!" "[Persuade] Althea can fight as well as any other man!" "Okay."
04:09:13: <Accar> Which naturally led to the idea of going swimming with Kitoro and FUCK YOU FATE
04:09:16: <Accar> FUCK YOOOOUUUUU
04:09:17: <Ilyana> "This seems important. I will join you." The elf out of nowhere pipes up next to the mage who was having the hot flashes.

Ah yes. You see, Ilyana is somewhat.... detached from reality. She can see the strings of fate but has been driven somewhat Luna Lovegood from the revelations.

04:09:24: Accar growled angrily and turned away staring at the sky
04:09:32: Althea blinks. "How do you do that?" She directs this at Kirito.
04:09:36: <Uptil> One day
04:09:40: <Uptil> Thought Uptil
04:09:44: <Uptil> This will fade
04:09:50: <Accar> At the decidedly non arousing sky.
04:09:52: <kismet> "[Persuade] There's no time, we should get moving."

I should point out that Kitiro is a near perfect mechanical specimen that practically auto-wins his skill checks.

04:09:54: <Uptil> And I will strangle you in your sleep before Fate kills me
04:09:55: <Uptil> :(
04:10:17: <Uptil> ...why am I walking behind him all of the sudden.
04:10:24: <kismet> "Oh and you can come too of course!"
04:11:25: <Althea> She shakes her head, blinking out stars and Fates why does her head hurt so much. "Okay, but can I bring a trunk from my room?"
04:11:25: <Durash> "What the hells even happened?"
04:11:32: <Althea> "It'll be quick, I promise."
04:12:18: <kismet> "I'll come with you!" Kitoro volunteers the very instant she finishes speaking. Tick goes the cosmic attraction barometer.

Yes Kitiro, volunteer to follow a girl to her room so she can get clothes. Totally not skeevy as fuck.

04:12:51: <Accar> "Can I...er"
04:12:59: <Accar> "Can I come with y-"
04:13:07: <Accar> oh my really
04:13:07: <kismet> "Of course you can!" he exclaims in almost the exact same tone.
04:13:13: <Accar> *really*
04:13:26: <Accar> A flame flicks into existence over his shoulder.
04:13:30: <kismet> Tick.
04:13:31: <Accar> A couple actually.
04:13:39: <Uptil> "I will guard the boat for your departure," says Uptil, a snap decision, taking his freedom where he can get it.
04:13:49: <Durash> "This is terrible..."
04:14:17: <Accar> "Well good."
04:14:22: <Accar> "You definitely could use the help."
04:14:27: <Accar> ...wait what.
04:14:28: <Accar> Why.
04:14:29: <Uptil> "To ensure no treacherous curr sets ambush for you." He was allowed not to say Orc. Little victories. Use the little victories.
04:14:33: <Althea> "Er, right, okay." This was quite possibly the worst way this could happen.
04:14:44: <Althea> "Follow me." She runs back into the manor.
04:15:01: <kismet> "Stay safe, Uptil! Look after him please, Illya, Durash."
04:15:05: <Uptil> leaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleaveleave
04:15:06: <kismet> ... wait when did you tell him your names.
04:15:12: <kismet> NO THERE'S NO TIME.
04:15:18: <Uptil> leaveleaveleaveleave
04:15:29: Durash ignores him and decides to just get the fuck away
04:15:39: <Durash> "Wait.
04:15:41: <Durash> "
04:15:59: <Uptil> no, please do not wait
04:16:04: <Durash> "I didn't introduce myself to any-"

NO TIME

04:16:07: <Accar> Oh my Fates what was happening.
04:16:14: <Althea> She heads up a flight of stairs into a less crowded floor of the manor, past the servant's quarters and up another flight of stairs.
04:16:15: <Accar> ...and why was he /literally/ flaming.
04:16:37: Durash thinks better of it and runs
04:16:44: Accar hastily patted them out and followed.
04:16:49: <Ilyana> "Of course." Ilyana looks vacantly into the distance as she moves next to the Hobgoblin. "...I'm Ilyana, by the way."
04:17:00: <Uptil> "Don't question it, Orc," says Uptil as Kitoro, thankfully, leaves the room, "Hit the boat and thank your ancestors that we're out of his influence for now."
04:17:02: <Althea> She reaches her room, and stops.
04:17:05: <Uptil> "I am Uptil."
04:17:14: <Althea> "Okay, can you please stay outside while I get the trunk?"

Make him swear a blood oath, you can never be too safe with him.

04:17:20: <Uptil> "And despite what I said earlier, I don't need to redeem myself for /wyvern/ /crap/."
04:17:35: <Durash> "You saw the wickedness of your dark people?" Durash says in disgust, "What was that?"
04:17:42: <kismet> "Okay!" Kitoro replies enthusiastically and stays right there.
04:17:45: Uptil leads the way to the boat, fate shows the way.
04:17:54: <Uptil> "Fate," says Uptil.
04:18:20: <Althea> She enters the room and closes the door behind her.... and turns all the locks just in case.
04:18:22: <Uptil> "I am fated to serve that brat, I am fated to die for him and I am fated to serve the role of the loyal savage in need of redeeming."
04:18:38: <Durash> "... You poor sod."
04:18:51: <Ilyana> "Tis a powerful thing. By and by our lives are run by its scripted events and we may only react to its prompts." The elf says as she follows along, slightly too cheerful.
04:18:57: Accar stands guard outside the door with Kitoro.
04:19:29: <Althea> She opens her closet, flinging beautiful dresses from their hangings in an attempt to reach the back. Eventually she manages to do so.
04:20:22: <Durash> "Such a meddling bastard..."
04:20:41: <kismet> Kitoro waves at Accar.
04:21:03: <Uptil> "What the elf said," says Uptil, "I pray it doesn't have some bizarre, humiliating fate for /you/ in mind. I'm stuck dying to fuel some brats teenaged angst."
04:21:09: <Accar> "...I'm sorry about what I said earlier."
04:21:13: <Accar> No I'm not.
04:21:32: <Accar> "I think that it was..." why were his teeth clenched together, I mean they /should/ be but
04:21:37: <Accar> for a different reason it felt like
04:21:39: <Althea> There it was. Her plate armor. She hadn't even worn it since that day. Quickly, she took the various parts and stuffed it into a long trunk, carryable by one person. Thinking quickly, she throws in a few of her training weapons too. She takes her wrapped halberd from it's holster in her closet and brings it with her.
04:21:42: <Accar> "..really was very romantic."
04:21:51: <Durash> "I reject Kismet. If nothing else I'll put up fight before giving in to... whatever he has in mind. Damn fool."

See, that's the plot twist. His domain is fanfiction.net. No one can traverse it with their sanity intact. YOU CAN'T TOUCH HIM.

04:21:52: <Althea> "Okay, that should be it." She says, unlatching the lock.
04:22:43: <Accar> Not that you'd ever do anything like that for me.
04:22:45: <Accar> But I mean
04:22:47: <Althea> She comes out of the room, the long cloth-wrapped weapon over one shoulder and the trunk under one arm.
04:22:56: <Althea> "We should hurry to the dock."
04:23:01: <kismet> "Awww. Thank you. I-" Creak. "Althea! You're ready to go?" He s swiftly growing fucking exhausting to be with, due to how quickly he shifts gears
04:23:05: <Accar> It would be nice if you did just saying and oh my where did those low, slow beats come from.
04:23:25: <Uptil> "Haha, then try and throw yourself into the river," said Uptil, "The /boy/ is one of Fate's favored. I'd prefer you not try to kill him, I imagine I'll be forced to kill enough countrymen for the brat."
04:23:26: <Althea> "Yes. Let's go."
04:23:30: <Accar> Said sonic waves literally screech to a halt.
04:23:52: Accar 's left behind looking rather plaintive
04:24:37: <Ilyana> "There is a traitor in this nobility." Ilyana says without prompt. "At this gathering, most likely." She then begins humming to herself and playing with her own hair.
04:24:46: <kismet> "Let's go!" Kitoro takes their hands, Accar's in his left and Althea's in his right, and sprints for the boat. No doubt both are just swooning over how his hands feel in theirs.
04:25:01: <Althea> Kill me.

Later.

04:25:05: <Uptil> "Hah, there would be."
04:25:14: <Althea> Fates just let her be fated for her life to end here.
04:25:18: <Durash> Durash's face sours, "I'm not going to kill the little shit. Probably."
04:25:24: Accar is trying not to think about it, he is really really trying hard not to think about think about how strong and yet delicate his hands are and
04:25:33: <Accar> ....
04:25:39: <Uptil> "Humans, can't even unite for a good fight properly. Always backstabbing each other with your savage little-And here he comes."
04:25:55: Accar is somehow still blushing
04:25:57: <kismet> Down at the boat, the same ebony-skinned orc with bright red eyes ambles over, apparently not seeing the three already waiting there. He takes a puff of some kind of foul-smelling cigar and blows a smoke ring, rolling his jaw back and forth.
04:26:16: <kismet> He turns his back on the boat and stares off at the garden path, apparently waiting for something.
04:26:44: Durash quirks an eyebrow at the back of the orc. He didn't seem terribly bright.
04:27:29: Uptil approaches the orc. "Hello," he says, "You're waiting for someone?"
04:27:30: <Althea> It takes a dedicated effort to keep her equipment balanced with the sheer possessiveness dedication of Kitiro's grip.
04:28:09: <kismet> "Mhm," the orc replies off-handedly. "I'm the last obstacle to the Chosen One starting along his proper path."
04:28:17: <kismet> "You?"
04:28:49: <Durash> "... Poor bastard."
04:29:07: <Uptil> "'Noble savage'," said Uptil miserably, "I die for him, he is very tormented about it."
04:29:17: <Ilyana> "Companions." Ilyana pipes up from a fair distance away, gesturing to herself and Durash.
04:29:29: <Durash> "I am no such thing!"
04:29:36: <kismet> "Yeah you are."
04:29:38: <Ilyana> "You are."
04:30:43: <kismet> The orc drops the blackened smoking thing and grinds it into the dirt with his heel. "Some of my men are over there. You should probably go fight them while the Chosen One and I square off."
04:30:54: <kismet> "I'm one of the squad that killed his parents, you know."
04:30:58: Durash starts muttering in orcish again, none of it is terribly complimentary to Kismet
04:31:22: <Uptil> "Really? Did you at least get something decent out of it?" asked Uptil, "Or just Fate jerking you along?"
04:31:36: <Ilyana> "Ah. Would he recognize you?" Ilyana asks, idly preparing an arrow.
04:32:57: Accar meanwhile is concentrating /very/ /hard/ on consciously redirecting the flow of blood at the moment.
04:33:01: <kismet> "Yes. Well, he will." He signs, rolling his shoulders and hefting his battle axe. "He isn't going to take it well."

Well I mean, he has his diplomacy skill maxed out. So.... yeah, no, you're still fucked.

04:33:31: <Uptil> "Ouch. With any luck it'll be quick," says Uptil, "We'll go fight your men, then. Sorry."
04:34:09: <Uptil> "I'll commend your soul afterwards, if I don't get compelled."
04:34:20: <kismet> Kitoro skids to a stop at the garden path. He lets go of his companions' hands. "STOP, BEAST!" he cries, pointing at the orc. "You won't take Althea while I'm still breathing!'
04:34:22: <Ilyana> "A pleasure chatting with you!" Ilyana says with a wave. "May you find a the option to continue behind the screen of death!"
04:34:50: Durash sighs, and facepalms, "Well... best of luck, as much help as it'll be."
04:34:51: <Accar> ...aaaaaand just like that
04:34:54: <Accar> the magic's gone.
04:35:01: <Accar> And suddenly it's much easier to think.
04:35:11: <Althea> ".... why me, specifically?"
04:35:16: Uptil goes to dutifully kill his countrymen.
04:35:23: <kismet> "... because!"
04:36:07: <Accar> "...yes why her"
04:36:12: <Accar> "....not that I care"

Ooooooooooo-oh

It's missus steal-yo-boy

Ooooooooooo-oh

It's missus steal-yo-boy

04:36:19: Durash follows Uptil and Ilyana. It makes her wonder if following the Nameless God actually did anything worthwhile at all.
04:36:31: <Accar> And oh Fates what was with the emphasis and
04:36:45: <kismet> Kitoro ignores Accar entirely and charges with another strangled, cat-in-a-dishwasher battle cry.
04:37:13: <Accar> wait why was he pretending that the didn't care because he did and
04:37:14: <Accar> wait what.
04:37:20: <Althea> "Fates, he could at least use his lungs when he yells."
04:37:26: Ilyana idly turns and calls out to Althea "One of your noblemen or family members are a traitor! Figuring out who sooner may help!" And with that she fires an arrow that intentionally misses in order to help signal the other side that the fighting was starting.
04:37:49: <Althea> "....."
04:38:00: <Althea> "How do you know that?!" She calls back.
04:38:07: <Uptil> "There is a traitor and ambushers, here to slay the Chosen One!" bellows Uptil, compelled by Fate, "We must slay them to protect his quest!"

Poor fucker.

04:39:58: <Ilyana> "I ask for guidance from the watcher who would untangle knotts and in turn I receive his insight!" Ilyana calls. Her chipper tone of voice practically confirms her insanity
04:41:26: <Althea> "... okay, I'm just going to categorize that in 'raving loon speak' and not take that seriously."
04:41:49: <kismet> For no adequately explained reason, a ring of flame springs spontaneously from the grass and rings around the three and the orc warchief.
04:41:57: <Althea> "...what"
04:42:07: <Ilyana> "Aw...that was such pretty grass."
04:42:19: <Accar> "....wait uh"
04:42:21: Accar blinks
04:43:45: Uptil concentrates, and his hands glow with dull, ruby light.
04:43:53: <Uptil> He will deal quick death, it's the least he can do.
04:44:06: <Ilyana> "But seriously the traitor thing will probably be an important point in whatever course he did plot for us!"

Oh, was that a plot point? Sorry, was too busy paying attention to THE RING OF FIRE

04:47:51: Accar 's leather gauntlets glow a cold, icy blue; the color of deep winter. He traces a design in the air, an eldritch rune, clusters of icicles sprouting from the nexus points. Half a meter long and sharp.
04:48:00: <Accar> A gesture and they go flying
04:48:10: <Accar> cutting across his arms, his chest, and
04:48:13: <Accar> ...well
04:48:37: <Accar> The attack manages to occupy that weird space of doing a great deal of harm and
04:48:41: <Accar> doing almost no visible harm.
04:49:59: <kismet> Well, not much visible harm, but the orc certainly feels it. It staggers back, roaring in pain, grasping at the bloody icicles embedded in it.
04:50:06: <kismet> Kitoro charges forward. "SAPPHIRE..."
04:50:07: <kismet> "NIGHTMARE..."
04:50:12: <kismet> "BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!"
04:50:28: <Ilyana> "Ooooh, it has a name."
04:50:40: <Accar> "...I"
04:50:53: <kismet> His sword glows blue and everything.
04:51:33: Althea just silently watches Kitiro charge to his inevitable death, trunk and wrapped weapon still in her hands.
04:51:34: <Althea> I mean
04:51:37: <Althea> Look at his stance
04:51:42: <Althea> And he's calling his attacks.
04:51:49: <Uptil> "What an amazing technique, my people have nothing that compares!" says Uptil at the very pointed command of Fate.
04:51:53: <kismet> There's a lot of pretty flashing lights and particle effects as Kitoro dashes back and forth. There's a dramatic beat, Kitoro making another stupid pose, and then the Orc stumbles.
04:52:00: <Althea> He's the most amateur fighter ever. He's either about to be horribly injured
04:52:03: <Uptil> Oh god
04:52:04: <Althea> Or straight up die

God she has no idea.

04:52:06: <Uptil> This man was an idiot
04:52:13: <Durash> "I'm not sure if I should laugh or just be sick."
04:52:24: <Uptil> And he was being forced to praise him above entire species.
04:52:25: Ilyana bobs her head to background music.
04:52:28: <kismet> "I... have been defeated... My honour is stained aaaaarrrrggghhhhh..."
04:52:33: <kismet> THe orc flopped over.
04:52:33: <Althea> So she's going to sit here and wait for- waitwhat
04:52:51: <Durash> ".... why?"
04:52:58: <Althea> "Wait what"

04:53:31: <Accar> "But...I"
04:53:38: <Accar> ":("
04:53:57: Accar suddenly feels very very silly
04:54:05: <Accar> He quietly drops his hands to his side.
04:55:40: <Ilyana> In the background of all the flashy lights and screaming, Ilyana quietly lets go of an arrow, which finds itself lodged in some poor orc's shoulder.
04:55:48: Althea looks to Accar. "Hey uh."
04:55:59: <Althea> "If it helps, I'm not sure how this is possible either."
04:56:03: <Accar> "Hm?"
04:56:11: <Accar> "...that's"
04:56:23: <Accar> "That's actually a very good point."
04:56:38: <kismet> "Argh! Ow!" The orc Ilyana hit tugs at the arrow. "That... ow arrows really hurt!"
04:57:16: <Ilyana> "Apologies!"
04:57:18: Uptil charges forward, ignoring the danger of charging into melee with a bunch of Orcs, he thrusts a ruby-red fist at one of the orcs aaaaand....it misses. A slight twinge, a pull, it doesn't want him taking the glory here.
04:57:26: <Uptil> "Really sorry about this," says Uptil.
04:57:33: <Uptil> *mouths Uptil
04:57:37: <Uptil> He'd say it, but, well, fate
04:57:41: <kismet> "Not your fault," the orc he narrowly missed replies simply.
04:58:29: <Ilyana> "If it helps the next blow should finish you off!"
04:59:46: <kismet> The orc flicks a lightweight javelin into its bear-like paw and hurls it at Ilyana. Shunk. "Sorry."
05:00:24: <Ilyana> "OW!" Right in the leg, too. "You have no right to complain anymore!"
05:01:18: <kismet> "I couldn't just stand here and let you shoot me?" The burly orc winces. "Owwww right in the thigh. Sorry."
05:02:10: <Althea> ".... why are they all apologizing to each other?"

Ah. You see, Althea and Accar weren't around for the horrible revelation that literally all the "Evil" orcs are just normal people forced into a shitty fate. Well, Kitiro doesn't know either, but he probably wouldn't care, psychopathic maniac he is.

05:02:15: <kismet> Two orcs bracket Uptil, their scimitars flashing back and forth. The one on his left mostly just flails, but the one on the right manages to score a deep gash.
05:02:24: <kismet> The fourth, feeling a little left out, charges screaming and hollering at Durash.
05:02:31: <Ilyana> "Fair enough! At least it wasn't the shoulder." She muses. "I could just be forced to stand around." With that she gives a significant glance at Althea.
05:02:32: <kismet> And trips, stumbling right past her.
05:02:41: <kismet> "(Shit I'm bad at this)" you can hear him mumble.
05:02:49: Durash follows him with her head
05:03:09: <Durash> "I really hate to rub it in... but you must be feeling pretty silly right about now."
05:03:24: <kismet> "Quiet you."
05:03:49: <Uptil> "Aaah, that stings," says Uptil, "Kindly go for the throat, if it'll let you."
05:04:38: <Uptil> "I'd rather finish this as soon as possible."
05:04:45: <Uptil> *be done with this
05:04:51: Althea narrows her eyes, mouthing "what". She quite clearly still doesn't get it.
05:05:15: <Durash> "Sorry about this, I'll try to make it quick." Thankfully for the unfortunate orc, Durash does just that. Her sword crashes down and bisects the orc from shoulder to hip. He doesn't last long.
05:05:34: <kismet> SPLURCH. He gibs as if blown up with a hand grenade.
05:05:37: Ilyana just sort of eyes the unwrapped weapon, then turns to her fellow ranged combatant and gives a solemn nod.
05:05:54: <Durash> ".... How did that even happen?"
05:07:04: <kismet> Another wet SPLURCH as the orc warchief's body contorts and boils. It rises back to its feet, its body transforming, its mouth lengthening into a muzzle. A muscular black kobold now stands there, cackling wickedly. "I HELPED KILL YOUR PARENTS, CHOSEN ONE. AND NOW I WILL KILL THOSE YOU LOVE."

He's going to have to do a lot of killing.

05:07:21: <Accar> "...What."
05:07:29: <kismet> "NOOOOOO. NEVER AGAIN!" Kitoro screeches as if still looking forward to puberty.
05:07:31: <Ilyana> "Have you ever considered just playing dead?" Ilyana muses as she prepares another arrow and promptly fires it too high to actually risk hitting anything.
05:07:38: Accar blinks and wow it's like recovering from a hangover.
05:08:39: Durash stares at the chieftain
05:08:50: <Durash> "I'm not sure I want to live in this world anymore."
05:10:21: <kismet> Another long, strangled, slow-motion NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO as Kitoro watches the kobold throw its javelin at Althea, its aim true.

Oh the humanity.

05:10:23: <Uptil> "I definitely-" Fate again, can't admit it properly, "-...do not want to die without redeeming myself for Lord Kitoro." he trails off and looks almost embarrassed at the forced line.
05:11:38: Accar finally seems to be getting the gist of what the others have been experiencing recently
05:11:40: <Accar> namely
05:11:58: <Accar> the intense, perversely intense twining of fate around that one
05:11:59: <Accar> singular
05:12:04: <Accar> insufferable
05:12:07: <Accar> individual.
05:12:27: <Althea> She saw the Javelin spin through the air. A split second reaction. She dropped the trunk, diving to the right. The Javelin sunk into her right shoulder, breaking the joint and coming through the other side.
05:13:19: <Althea> It took all her training to not scream. She grunted and fell to her knee. The pain was unlike anything she had ever experienced.
05:14:19: <Ilyana> "See, now that would have really hurt." Ilyana comments to her ranged combatant buddy. "I'm Ilyana, by the way. You are?"
05:14:32: <Accar> D8
05:14:34: <Accar> D8
05:14:46: Accar quite literally throws himself to Althea's side.
05:14:51: <Accar> "Right right right stay calm."
05:15:03: <Althea> Blood dribbled onto her dress, turning the black fabric wet and sticky.
05:15:14: <Althea> "I..... am" She says through gritted teeth.
05:16:21: <Althea> Her head raged with the migraine of pain signals. She had lost her arm at the shoulder. She couldn't even feel it anymore.
05:17:25: <Accar> "Look just"
05:17:28: <Accar> "give me a moment"
05:18:11: Accar flicks out a tiny blade of flame and lops off the back and protruding tip of the spear, reducing it to a much more manageable stump while Kitoro has his...moment.
05:18:16: <Althea> "What your mother would think if you died!?" Her father's words rang in her head. He was right. In the end, that seemed to mock her the most.
05:18:25: <Althea> He was right.
05:19:25: <Accar> "Right right okay."
05:19:43: <Accar> The flames spread over his palm, pooling and flowing like an oilslick on water.
05:20:13: <Accar> "Right uh..."
05:20:23: <Accar> "Oh wow would you look at that bird."
05:20:45: <Accar> "MAN THAT PLUMAGE."

It's a booby! Wait, no, Kitro, not that booby.

05:22:07: <Accar> And then in the split second of confused distraction
05:22:11: <Accar> *Tssssssssssssssss*
05:22:18: <Accar> "Sorry! Sorry sorry!"
05:22:21: <Accar> "I'm sorry!"
05:23:06: Althea grips his arm, and good god it's a strong grip. She keeps her scream to a muffled growl of her throat out her nostrils.
05:23:31: <Althea> She manages a weak smile. "Thanks for trying to distract me."
05:23:47: <Accar> "...I wasn't very good at it was I?"
05:24:07: <Althea> "I was in training to be a knight. I was taught the same trick."
05:24:20: <Accar> "Well. Damn."
05:24:21: <kismet> The two are vaguely aware of Kitoro screaming in the background but it's muted. Background noise.
05:24:26: <Althea> "That was... a long time ago, though."
05:24:29: <kismet> Trust me, it's very dramatic.
05:24:41: <Althea> "Well, it feels like it, anyway."
05:24:42: <kismet> Thrust, parry, riposte, excellent swordplay. Glowing magical bursts from his sword.
05:25:04: <Accar> "Yeah...kinda know what you mean."
05:25:37: <kismet> Even a brief moment where Kitoro suddenly starts glowing, his hair turning stark white and standing on end, one eye gold and one eye red, with a single black wing, as he zooms around the flaming arena slashing the kobold.
05:25:46: <kismet> COFFEE
05:25:48: <kismet> SODA
05:25:49: <kismet> TOFFEE
05:25:51: <kismet> PASTA
05:26:17: <kismet> COFFE
05:26:19: <kismet> SODA
05:26:30: <kismet> GIVE ME TOFFEE

Meanwhile, with the nice people having a nice moment...

05:26:31: <Althea> "Anyway, enough about me. Tell me how I'm going to be a cripple for the rest of my life." The same weak smile kept to her.
05:26:57: <Althea> "I think it hit the joint."
05:27:33: <Ilyana> Idly aware of the fact her stomach is growling, Ilyana draws back an arrow and gives her fellow ranged combatant a sad look. "It was nice talking to you."
05:27:54: <Accar> "Nah, healing's not exactly my uh...specialty. But I've got decent standing as a Mage and can get you on a priority list in an Infirmary if nothing else. And that's assuming none of our friends have any tricks of their own."
05:28:32: <Althea> "Yeah..."
05:28:47: <Althea> "Man, my dad would murder me if he knew about this."
05:29:02: <Ilyana> She lets the arrow fly with a sigh.
05:29:32: <Accar> "Oh please. If we're going to get snagged along for this adventure...thingy the least we can do is enjoy the perks."
05:29:44: <Accar> "You know, journey from home, leave family behind; etc. etc."
05:30:10: <Althea> "Can we not talk about how my dad fell in love with that guy though?"
05:30:27: <Althea> "Like, pretend we were all hallucinating for the sake of my mental health?"
05:30:39: <Accar> "...yes."
05:30:42: <Accar> "Yes we can."
05:30:59: <kismet> The orc looks down at the arrow protruding from his heart. Then he looks up, kind of shrugging. "Seeya."
05:31:00: <kismet> Flomp.
05:31:35: <Ilyana> "...OW." SHe turns her attention back to the javelin in her leg.
05:32:08: <Althea> She squeezes his arm. "Thanks. Almost makes me forget that I have a blade scraping against my scapula."
05:32:32: <Uptil> "I apologize for this, by the way," says Uptil, he gestures and a Skeleton claws its way out of the ground, "...And I will resist the urge to ask why there is a corpse buried right here."
05:32:47: <Althea> She winces ".... nope, still hurts."

Where's a cleric when you need one?

05:32:51: <Uptil> The skeleton swings, raking at the orc with its blade, and then Uptil simply reaches out and touches him, almost gently.
05:32:54: <Uptil> It looks harmless
05:32:58: <Uptil> And then the orc drops dead
05:33:02: <Uptil> A shrivelled husk.
05:33:08: Accar squeezes back.
05:33:16: <Accar> "Sorry for ah...scorching your shoulder."
05:34:02: <Althea> "Eh, I've had worse."
05:34:25: <kismet> Tink. The one living makes the horrible choice to swing at the skeleton. Its falchion does precisely nothing but minorly chip a bone.
05:34:25: <Accar> "...ow."
05:35:03: <Althea> "Well I mean, that's why we're here."
05:35:27: <Althea> "That was uh..." She looks embarrassed. "That was supposed to be a joke, sorry."
05:35:46: <Accar> "You really really don't have to apologize to me for not being funny."
05:37:12: <Durash> Durash charged into the fray full tilt, her sword slammed into the orc, easily sending two halves flying in opposite directions
05:37:18: <Althea> "You really really don't have to apologize to me for saving my life."
05:37:36: <Durash> "I hope we fight people who are somewhat more horrible in the future."
05:38:38: <Accar> "Heh, well it is a bit silly when you put it like that yes." He scratches the back of his head awkwardly, untidying some already chaotic hair.



Well would you look at that.

05:38:47: Uptil sweeps the room, looking at all involved.
05:38:56: <Accar> There's a smile, a half grin tinged with embarassment but
05:38:56: <Accar> hey
05:39:01: <Uptil> He sees Althea, sees the wound, sees Kitoro being all weepy, and grins a horrible grin.
05:39:21: <kismet> Kitoro reverts from his random supermode and races over. "ALTHEA ARE YOU ALRIGHT ARE YOU OKAY WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP YOU!?"
05:39:21: <Accar> at least it's genuinely friendly. And better than whatever romantic bullshit's going to happen in the next couple of hours.

You have no idea.

05:39:23: <Durash> "You look like you just had a nefarious plan."
05:39:40: <Ilyana> "They were but a tutorial on this quest. May they find continuation behind the screen of death and be given a chance to advance higher in the next life." Ilyana quietly says over by the non pretty people.
05:40:02: <Uptil> "Milord Kitoro, she's horribly wounded, obviously crippled," says Uptil, rushing to the pairs side. He motions at Althea 'play along'. "I can help her, repair the damage to her arm, but...Milord."
05:40:05: <Althea> "You.... can start by not yelling in my face."
05:40:37: <kismet> "I don't care what you have to do, do it!"
05:40:40: Accar blinks
05:40:41: <Uptil> "Someone must take on her most horrific injuries."
05:40:48: Accar quietly gives Uptil a thumbs up.
05:41:06: <Ilyana> "Can I get a shoulder? My leg is, uh..." Ilyana quietly asks Durash in the background, hopping towards her.
05:41:08: <kismet> "I will," Kitoro declares resolutely.

TAKE UP MY LOVE'S BURDENS.... etcetera etcetera

05:41:10: <Uptil> "They must volunteer, pure of heart, simply from their own good will, and I must channel magics /most/ fell in order to do it."
05:41:34: Althea also blinks, and then suppresses a smile.
05:41:35: <Uptil> If Kitoro wasn't Soulfully Looking At His True Loves Eyes Uptil's grin would've looked downright /suspicious/.
05:41:54: <Althea> She immediately begins to play up her wound.
05:42:03: Accar feels an irrational bout of sadness coiling around his stomach
05:42:03: <Althea> "Oh. Oh fates I am mortally wounded."
05:42:20: <Althea> "Kitiro.... please, don't do this to yourself."
05:42:23: <kismet> Kitoro looks like he's witnessing a wounded puppy with one leg and a cold. His eyes could not get any bigger if they tried.

Have you seen some of the eyes on anime characters?

05:42:26: <Accar> Mainly because the odds of Kitoro going all "MAI WAIFU" to him were rather
05:42:28: <Accar> low.
05:42:33: <Durash> "Ah yes," Durash crouches slightly to offer the shorter elf a shoulder to lean on
05:42:36: Accar sighs. :(
05:42:41: <kismet> "This is my decision, Althea!" He declares heroically. "I will take your burden!"
05:42:45: <Ilyana> "My thanks."
05:42:58: <Althea> "Kitiro.... you're so brave to do such a thing for me."
05:43:23: <Uptil> He puts a hand on each of their shoulders, somewhere uninjured in Althea's case.
05:43:24: <kismet> Kitoro swells with pride so hard he's practically about to burst.
05:43:25: <Durash> Durash is snickering in the background as she watches this situation play out
05:43:29: <Uptil> And then he chants in Goblin
05:43:34: <Uptil> And channels
05:43:52: <Uptil> Kitoro very suddenly grows a sucking shoulder wound, and Althea's wound shrinks /immensely/ and stops bleeding quite so profusely.
05:44:09: <Uptil> It is, well
05:44:15: <Uptil> incredibly painful.
05:44:20: <Althea> She moans and groans so hard you're pretty sure someone is going to have to pick the scenery out of her teeth. And then as soon as the spell works it's magic she stands and dusts herself off.

Truly they are meant to be.

05:44:39: <Althea> She rolls her shoulder. "Huh. It moves now."
05:45:05: Accar rises himself and offers a quiet highfive
05:46:12: Althea answers it, notably with her right hand out of spite for the wound.
05:46:42: Accar grins and then heads off to work the spear out of Illyana's leg.
05:46:47: <Accar> *Ilyana's
05:46:56: <kismet> Kitoro weathers the wound with stoic determination, manly tears welling in his eyes.
05:47:20: Durash begins steering Ilyana over towards the rest of the group struggling heroically to suppress her chuckles
05:47:25: Accar can literally feel the diameter of the confluence of fate by how irrationally heartwarming those tears are
05:47:29: <Accar> *based on
05:48:41: <Accar> "Pardon, mind if I take a look?"
05:48:56: <kismet> "It's fine. I'll be fine."
05:49:07: Althea walks up to Kitiro, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. " Thank you Kitiro." She notably puts a lot of pressure on his right arm.
05:49:07: <Ilyana> "Not at all. Shall I look for some birds?"
05:49:21: <Althea> "I'll never forget this."
05:49:21: <kismet> [Whimper]
05:49:50: <Accar> "Ah alright, if you're sure."
05:49:53: <kismet> "Thanks," he says in a remarkably strained and pained tone.
05:50:15: Althea releases the poor soul I mean Kitiro and goes to pick up her gear.
05:50:21: <Althea> "Let's head to the boat, then."
05:50:28: <Ilyana> "So...should we get to the boat now or wait for the traitor to set us back more?" She asks.
05:51:19: <Accar> "We must leave now, Lord Kito-"
05:51:21: <Accar> Pause
05:51:25: Accar takes a few steps to the right
05:51:30: <Accar> "Yeah you're right."
05:51:41: <Accar> "Best if we get moving."
05:54:08: Althea picks up her trunk and weapon, turning to Accar with a smile. "After you, Sir Mage."
05:54:49: Accar gives a mock courtly bow that is, ironically, much better than his actual courtly bow.
05:54:56: <Accar> "Thank you mi'lady."
05:56:35: <kismet> Kitoro immediately takes up a position at the bow of the boat, foot up against the side and gazing dramatically into the distance.

I hear sea salt is great for sucking shoulder wounds.

05:57:13: Accar steps onto the boat, summoning some floating wedges of ice to stabilize it for the others to follow with their gear.
05:58:05: <Ilyana> "...So does anyone actually know how to sail?"
05:58:15: Althea puts her trunk down in storage, along with her weapon.
05:58:21: <Althea> "... I had a few lessons."
05:58:23: Uptil grabs the corpses discretely. They're going to get a proper burial.
05:58:32: <Uptil> ...and maybe become the seed of a Zombie Army.
05:58:47: Ilyana sadly gazes at Javelin orc and kneels down to close his eyes while Kitoro isn't looking
05:58:52: <Althea> "Oh, but uh, first."
05:59:11: Althea walks to the side of the boat, opposite of the dock.
05:59:52: Ilyana also discreetly grabs her arrows back
06:00:00: <Althea> She grabs her "hair" by the root and takes it off, flinging the wig into the ocean, along with it's cap, revealing shorter, practical hair that only came down to just above her chine.
06:00:05: <Althea> " fuck this wig."
06:00:23: <Althea> chin*
06:00:33: <Accar> "See now, that looks much better."
06:00:37: <Accar> "...what?"
06:00:48: <Accar> "I have a fashion sense. Don't judge me."
06:00:54: <Ilyana> "Very symbolic."

Much feminism

wow

06:01:01: Accar lights it on fire
06:01:10: Uptil judges, quietly.
06:01:12: <Accar> Which is rather impressive considering it's already rather drenched.
06:01:13: <Althea> She turns back around to the others with a relieved smile. "Thanks."

Hate you all. Hate you so much.

01:32:39: <kismet> When we last left our intrepid heroes, Baron Praxis had handed his daughter over to a complete stranger and his multiracial entourage to take to the sally port - which literally let out to a port, because nobody got that 'sally port' meant 'secret door in a wall for defenders to sally from'.
01:35:02: <kismet> Confusion over the definition of words causing a river to spring into being notwithstanding, our heroes were currently languidly drifting down the river, healing up and staying as far on the opposite side of the boat as they could get from Kitoro.
01:37:07: <kismet> Hopefully someone knows how to dock a boat, or the roadtrip will be rather heavily extended.
01:37:35: Ilyana dangles her legs over the side, leg newly bandaged. She mumbles something about the age of regeneration of vitality. She also idly twirls an arrow around her fingers like a very pointy baton
01:38:05: Althea was still wearing the bloodied ball dress from the night previous, watching the waves for any signs of having to adjust the sails
01:38:13: <Althea> "How long has he been sitting there?"
01:39:16: Accar 's kept himself with a pocket apothecarist's table he pulled out of his satchel and has been brewing up potions and all manner of sciency things for the past hour. Considering he has to keep the whole affair balanced on his knees and levitate two of the flasks at any given time
01:39:21: <Accar> it's something of a process.
01:40:35: Accar has also, in what was likely an effort to get some space, crammed himself in an aft compartment.
01:42:02: Uptil is, well, drinking heavily.
01:42:05: <Accar> boom
01:42:15: <Accar> "crapcrapcrapcrapCRAPCRAPCRAP"
01:42:16: <Uptil> very heavily.
01:42:20: <Accar> tssssss
01:42:34: <Althea> "... Accar did you just set fire to the boat?"
01:42:45: <Accar> "NO!"
01:42:50: <Accar> "Just...just myself."
01:42:57: <Accar> "A little bit."
01:43:12: <kismet> In different circumstances the Baron would probably weep were he to know what was being done to and in his pride and joy of a boat.
01:43:16: <Althea> "Need any help?"
01:43:18: Durash is trying to sit as far away from the humans as possible. One human in particular.
01:43:28: <Accar> "I'm alright! Thank you though."
01:43:51: <Accar> "I actually think um...I think I'll take a break from the whole brewing thing for a little while."
01:44:32: <Ilyana> "We certainly already have a variety of things to drink already. Plus with these you can keep the glass bottles!" Ilyana points out cheerfully, clinking two discarded bottles together
01:44:59: Accar quietly tucks his set, regents, and a number of flasks and vials away in his satchel, dusts some soot off his get up, stamps out the flame still flickering at the hem of his robes and goes to see what the wetbar has to offer.
01:45:17: <Accar> "...that's actually really helpful. I mean, finding flasks is always a pain and I"
01:45:18: <Accar> "erm"
01:45:23: <Accar> "thank you is what I'm trying to say."
01:45:54: Althea starts manipulating the mainsail to catch the wind better. "You guys shouldn't get too drunk, considering."
01:45:56: Ilyana responds by using two arrows as drumsticks to several bottles set up around her as a makeshift xylophone/drum set
01:46:24: <Accar> "...true. Hrm."
01:46:49: <Accar> "Has to be some kind(of mixer or something (somewhere))" his voice fading out as he explores the depths of the alcohol stores.
01:46:52: <kismet> ... actually hang on. You swear all these drawers and cupboards and boxes weren't open last you checked.
01:47:04: <kismet> And these cargo crates hadn't been smashed wide open when you got on.

The mystery begins

01:47:44: <Accar> "...."
01:48:34: Durash lies on the deck and stares up at the sky. She's never going to get paid. Ever.
01:48:35: Accar backs waaaaaaay the fuckup he's read this story he know how it goes and he'll be dammed if he's going to be the monster's first acceptably minority victim.
01:48:59: <kismet> Smack smack smack smack crack shatter.
01:49:06: <Accar> (also on the plus side, some juice!)
01:49:13: <Accar> "Um."
01:49:15: <Accar> "Guys?"
01:49:23: <Accar> "...there's something in the hold."
01:49:44: <Ilyana> "...Awww."
01:49:53: <Durash> "If it's our fearless leader can we drop something heavy down there?"
01:50:12: <Althea> "No, he's still brooding at the fore."
01:50:38: <kismet> On second look, no he's not.
01:50:42: <Ilyana> "HEY KITORO!" Boy for a short woman she does have a set of lungs on her.
01:51:00: <kismet> "YEAH?"
01:51:22: Durash stands up, adjusts her ridiculously huge sword and sighs.
01:51:28: <Accar> "I suddenly have a terrible feeling that this boat's going to sink."
01:51:39: <Accar> "And I already feel really bad because it's a very nice boat and um"
01:51:52: <Ilyana> "SOMETHING IN THE HOLD! PROBABLY NEEDS STABBING OR IS A LOVABLE ORPHAN STOW AWAY!"

Same difference, really

01:51:53: <Durash> "Fine I'll go look," She says, thus setting herself up for another terrible cliche. Orc dies first.
01:52:07: Durash heads for the door to the hold
01:52:14: <kismet> "... WHAT?" Kitoro's voice is quite obviously coming from the hold.
01:52:19: Althea unwraps her Glaive and picks it up. "I'll be in so much trouble if this boat sinks."
01:52:24: <Althea> "Just saying."
01:52:24: <Accar> Abruptly realizing he's got a bottle of some fruity (no jokes please) juice in his hand the mage glances around for a likely individual to share it with
01:52:25: <Ilyana> "OH."
01:52:29: <Ilyana> "Er, oh."
01:52:33: <Accar> the hard drinking ork is proooobably out
01:52:51: <kismet> More splintering sounds waft up from down below.
01:52:59: <Accar> "Althea, Ilyana, while we wait to figure out if we're doing to have to swim or not would you like some of um"
01:53:05: <Accar> "tropical medley?"
01:53:11: <Durash> "If he sinks the damn boat we're all screwed," Durash grumbles
01:53:27: <Althea> "Kitiro, what are you doing down the- oh, yes, thank you."
01:53:28: Durash heads down into the hold
01:53:39: <Accar> "..."
01:53:46: <Accar> "He's totally searching for loot isn't he?"
01:53:48: <Durash> "What the hells are you doing human?"
01:53:51: <Ilyana> "I don't drink."
01:53:54: <Accar> "He is."
01:53:56: <Althea> "..... he's looting my dad's boat."

"Acquiring Assets" actually

01:54:01: <Ilyana> "...Oooh I should have thought of that."
01:54:08: <Althea> "I'm going to poke him with my Glaive until he stops."
01:54:09: <kismet> Kitoro is in the middle of a perfect storm of cracked and splintered wood. He's stuffing gold and silver coins into his pockets and kicking a crate open as he does so.
01:54:30: Durash gets a peculiar look on her face.
01:54:34: Accar rubs his face with a pair of leather gauntlets.
01:54:36: Althea walks down into the hold. "Oi, Kitiro."
01:54:40: <Durash> Something like :|
01:54:43: <Althea> "That's my dad's money you're taking!"
01:54:47: <Durash> With small tusks
01:54:48: <kismet> And even if it isn't a coin he puts it in his pocket anyway.
01:54:56: <kismet> His... large, large pockets.
01:55:19: <kismet> He looks up from sliding an entire silver candelabra into his shirt pocket.
01:55:20: Durash begins stumping back up the stairs, "And I thought us orcs were supposed to be the looters."
01:55:33: <kismet> "We'll need the money for our journey!"
01:55:59: Althea blinks. How the hell did he- nevermind.
01:56:08: <Althea> "Did you have to break everything?"
01:56:24: <kismet> "I had to see what was in the crates and barrels."

There was no context sensitive button prompt.

01:56:30: Accar nudges Althea with an expression that
01:56:37: <Ilyana> "To break ensures you don't forget which ones you already checked."
01:56:55: <Accar> while odd is still relatively easily interpretated to be
01:57:06: <Ilyana> "It's actually quite practical."
01:57:08: <Accar> "You've fawned over him already, I'll take this one."
01:57:21: <Accar> *had to do enough fawning already
01:57:42: Althea raises an eyebrow, but in fact, stops yelling at Kitiro enough for Accar to say something.
01:58:10: Durash pokes her head down into the hold
01:58:13: <Ilyana> "Perhaps the patrons shall restock this place of it's barrrels and crates while we are away."
01:58:25: <Accar> "Kitoro don't you think that I"
01:58:26: <Accar> "well"
01:58:27: <Accar> "um"
01:58:28: <Althea> "Wait, patrons?"
01:58:31: <Accar> aaaaand tonguetied
01:58:33: <Accar> and blushing
01:58:39: <Accar> daaaaaaaammiiiiiiiiiiiiitt
01:58:48: <Durash> "Or one could leave the lids off of the ones one had already searched. That would also be practical. And you could reuse the crates and barrels after you were don searching them."
01:58:59: <kismet> The entire conversation, Kitoro hasn't stopped busting crates open with his mighty boot.
01:59:02: <Accar> "I mean it would really be ever so polite to not take advantage of our host"
01:59:08: <Accar> "*not that I care of course*"
01:59:13: <Accar> "I don't"
01:59:15: <Accar> "at all"
01:59:28: <Accar> "But still I mean that, I" *fidgetfidget*
01:59:39: <Durash> :|
01:59:42: <Ilyana> "We all have patrons who observe us in the great game. They are entertained by our lives."

Man, fuck those guys.

01:59:58: <Durash> "Would you just kiss him already?"
01:59:59: <Accar> "...it would be the heroic thing to do." He finishes lamely.
02:00:08: <kismet> "... oh, of course."
02:00:12: Accar gives Durash a desperate "don't even joke" look.
02:00:18: Durash stumps away. Presumably to find something to drink.
02:00:24: <kismet> Kitoro lowers his boot as it was poised to crush the very last crate in the hold.
02:01:02: <Accar> Small victories.
02:02:31: <Ilyana> "So, how much in all do we have in terms of resources?"
02:02:57: <Accar> "I've got about ninehundred gold pieces" he says without a trace of guile
02:03:20: <Accar> "plus I can usually scrounge up a couple dozen or so pieces selling my wares in any towns we pass by."
02:03:25: <kismet> "I shared it all around in your packs. We all have nine hundred."
02:03:45: <Accar> "...oh"
02:03:47: Althea holds up a pouch of all the jewels she stripped off her dress. "I have a couple of gemstones."
02:03:53: <Accar> "that explains how that got there."
02:04:00: <Althea> ".... wait what"
02:04:08: <Accar> "I thought I had miscounted rather severely."
02:04:33: <Althea> "But you were brooding the whole trip."
02:04:47: <kismet> "Not the whole trip."
02:05:12: <Ilyana> "...Wait, I haven't left my p-" Ilyana digs into her pack and there is a clinking sound. She withdraws her hand and goes quiet.
02:05:25: <kismet> ":D"
02:05:37: <Accar> ">.<"
02:05:54: <Accar> "I..."
02:06:04: <Accar> "I'm going back up on the deck I mean"
02:06:17: <Accar> "if you're good with everything Kitoro?"
02:06:23: <Accar> :|
02:06:24: <Ilyana> "I...will join you. Are we nearing our destination?"
02:08:23: <kismet> "I'm ready to leave now," Kitoro replies with a strange tone of finality. The moment he says this, the boat bumps against something.
02:09:00: <Althea> ".... we weren't near land yet last I checked."
02:09:49: <Accar> "I"
02:09:53: Accar sighs
02:10:04: <Ilyana> "I suppose the patrons have blessed us with fast travel." Ilyana climbs out of the hold at this point, kicking aside a liquor bottle on deck.
02:10:54: <Accar> "Let's go." If Fate were letting him be anything other than hurt that Kitoro didn't acknowledge him here he would be rather downcast at the whole land thing
02:11:00: Althea sighs. "Hey Accar, do you mind helping me into my armor?"
02:11:04: <Accar> ...which admittedly wouldn't be a hell of a lot of difference.
02:11:10: <Accar> "Oh certainly!"
02:11:26: <Accar> "Heavy plate?"
02:12:06: <kismet> "I'll help if you want!"
02:12:21: <Accar> ...oh Fate think think think
02:12:27: <Accar> "But...Kitoro"
02:12:36: Durash narrows her eyes as the boat bumps into something. Had they really traveled that fast?
02:12:47: <Accar> "it's nothing terribly important and you could use the time to help us establish a safe"
02:12:48: <Ilyana> "Oh, Kitoro, shall we fasten ourselves to the dock lest the current dislodges us?"

No, no, it's fine.

02:12:49: <Accar> "um"
02:12:53: <Accar> "...what's it called?"
02:13:05: <Ilyana> "Perimeter?""
02:13:07: <kismet> "Berth?"
02:13:08: <Accar> "Yes!"
02:13:11: <kismet> "Of course!"
02:13:11: <Accar> "Sure!"
02:13:18: Uptil staggers onto deck, slightly tipsy. "We've landed?"
02:13:37: <Althea> "Thanks." She unlatches the top of her trunk and withdraws a shield, the parts that make up a decent set of armor, and a rather well crafted sword, probably a family heirloom.
02:13:53: <Accar> "I am so so sorry about that."
02:14:00: <Accar> "Was the first thing I could think of."
02:14:15: Accar says in an undertone.
02:14:45: <Althea> "It's fine, I guess."
02:14:53: <Durash> "I think so."
02:15:11: <Ilyana> "So where have we landed, exactly?"
02:15:13: <Althea> "It's not like I'm really attracted to the guy anyway."
02:15:20: <Durash> Durash begins to clean up the materials of her all night ritual. It probably looked somewhat dubious.
02:15:30: <Accar> "Well I'm not either except when I apparently am so."
02:15:35: <Accar> "...ahem."
02:15:51: <Accar> Aaaaand cue the actually natural (for once) blushing.
02:15:53: <Accar> "SO"
02:15:59: <Accar> "What did you need help with?"
02:17:08: <Althea> "The breastplate, mostly." She hooks the torso armor around one side of her. "It's just kind of hard to fix the clasps by myself."
02:17:26: <Accar> "Ahhh, right that I can do."
02:17:53: Accar helps hook the rest up and starts working his way down, fastening the laces and bindings together.
02:18:20: <Accar> "It's...hrm"
02:18:35: <Althea> "What?"
02:18:36: <kismet> They have, indeed, docked. Somehow. Crossing several days worth of river in the space it took for Kitoro to say he was ready. They aren't in Daventry itself, what with it being a very important port city in the river and being swarmed with trading ships all hours of the day, but given they're in Baron Praxis' personal pimp-boat they've been automatically guided to a rather swank private dock
02:18:40: <Accar> "Shooooouuuld do it."
02:19:09: <kismet> practically at the edge of the wall. A massive naval gate, open for now, arches over the entire width of the river.
02:19:24: <Accar> "You know if there's one good part of this it's that no matter how this plays out. At least one of us will be adventuring in style."
02:19:33: <Durash> "..."
02:19:58: Accar raps his knuckles on the pauldron.
02:20:12: <Althea> "Heh, thanks. It is nice isn't it?"
02:20:29: <Accar> "Words cannot describe how jealous I am."
02:20:36: <Durash> "Why? Kismet why are you catering to the whims of a spoiled little..." Durash finishes off with something incoherent by irritated sounding.
02:20:47: Althea completes the picture by latching on her sword and shield, and wrapping a cape with the family's emblem on one of her shoulders.
02:20:50: <kismet> "Hm?" Kitoro asks.
02:21:04: <Ilyana> "A should only last as long as it needs." Ilyana pipes up as she hops from the boat to the dock.
02:21:18: <Ilyana> *journey
02:21:19: <Althea> "Alright, that should do it. Let's go."
02:21:21: Accar gives Althea a thumbs up before venturing out onto the deck and witnessing the latest uh
02:21:26: <Accar> spatial mishap.

02:21:29: <Accar> "..."
02:21:42: <Althea> ".... what"
02:21:44: <Accar> "This is going to keep happening isn't it."
02:21:57: <Accar> "Fate we are at like"
02:22:05: <Althea> "We were 3 days up the river an /hour/ ago."
02:22:13: <Accar> "messianic levels of reality dickery right now."
02:22:35: <Uptil> "The wonders of travelling with our great and powerful hero!" says Uptil
02:22:50: <Accar> "You sound so thrilled."
02:23:09: <Ilyana> "The drinking make it easier?" Ilyana whispers to Uptil
02:23:13: <Althea> "As much as I wanted to travel, this gives me second thoughts."

So if you haven't been paying attention or this evaded your grasp, Kismet can sort of bend reality to suit the plot, like a particularly bad writer who decides "There's just no time" and circumvents legitimately challenging conditions.

02:23:26: <Uptil> "I can pretend I'm drunk when I'm sarcastic," slurs Uptil at Ilyana.
02:23:35: <Accar> "..."
02:23:46: Accar stares at Uptil like he's never seen him before.
02:23:49: <Accar> That's
02:23:51: <Accar> That's brilliant.
02:24:15: <Durash> Durash snickers
02:24:15: <Accar> Maybe he could no wait he needs to be sober otherwise the magic gets wonky fates /dammit/.
02:24:18: <Ilyana> Ilyana supresses a grin in response.
02:24:29: <Accar> ...Which upon reflection, they had kinda already done.
02:24:49: <Althea> "So.... what now Kitiro?
02:24:50: <Althea> "
02:25:49: <kismet> Kitoro pulls out a book and flips it open to a page which just says 'bring Althea to Guard-Captain Trellis'.

Our Glorious Hero also has a constantly updating codex that just tells him where to go. Because There's No Time for investigation in this story.

02:26:01: <kismet> "Onward!" He strides onto the dock and leads the way to the main gate.
02:27:05: <Althea> "... right."
02:27:07: <Accar> ...but why the mage thinks plaintively though he says nothing.
02:27:16: <Ilyana> "Good thing the dock workers don't seem too interested in your father's ship." Ilyana chirps to Althea as she follows behind Kitoro
02:27:31: Durash adjusts the chunk of boulder that serves for her sword, sighs, and follows
02:28:26: <Althea> "So um, Illyana, are you sure that there's a traitor in my family?"
02:28:34: Uptil stations one of the orcs corpses belowdecks to surprise would-be thieves.
02:28:36: Uptil takes pleasure in his job any way he can.
02:28:39: <Ilyana> "Oh absolutely."
02:28:56: Accar follows along deeeeefinitely not checking anybody out from behind, nope, not at all and said nonexistence anybody was certainly not going to turn around and catch his eye at and awkward moment and OHMYFATEHELOOKED
02:29:05: <Accar> No no no no just his imagination just his imagination I
02:29:11: <Accar> ...were those sparkles
02:29:14: <Ilyana> "Or in the surrounding noble families."
02:29:34: <Ilyana> "But there definitely is one."
02:29:37: <Althea> "Hrm. I'm not entirely sure who that could be."
02:29:54: <Ilyana> "Is there an uncle? Good bet is always on uncles."
02:30:01: <Accar> No no no no he was just seeing things. Definitely just imagining things. He wouldn't have looked. He couldn't have looked.
02:30:11:<kismet>
02:30:27: <Althea> "One of my uncles was my instructor once, but not really, other then that,"
02:30:30: <Althea> "It's..."
02:30:40: Accar swallowed noisily and waved the small clusters of melodic lovestruck violin noises that had appeared over his shoulders away.
02:30:54: <Althea> "It's like all my familial memories have blanked out to be refilled by some person reminding me."
02:30:54: <Ilyana> "Oooh, is there a step mother?"
02:31:00: <Althea> "But by then it'd seem obvious"

Althea's assumption is close. Kismet is blocking her memories so that she can determine who to Kill or be Killed after Kitoro uses the "Investigate" dialogue option on her a couple times.

02:31:43: <kismet> The gate is open, but blocked by a heavily defended checkpoint. A guard adjusts his grip on his halberd and halts the party, clearly wary due to the presence of SUBHUMAN BEAST-RACE FILTH. "I'm sorry sir, but you'll all need to turn around and go back the way you came. We're completely full, we can't support any more refugees."
02:31:49: Althea adjusts the Glaive resting on her pauldron as she walks. "I'll be honest, so far this wasn't what I expected at all."
02:32:04: <Ilyana> "...Well I spoke too soon earlier."
02:32:18: <kismet> He also looks utterly baffled by the plate-armoured Althea.
02:33:26: Uptil just stares at the guard, resplendent in his, uh, shabby chain armor and not-as-shabby gauntlets and light crossbow.
02:33:40: <Uptil> "...Since when do we look like refugees?"
02:34:06: Accar 's actually got fairly nice (if lightly singed) robes on.
02:34:28: Althea strides forward, placing her right foot ahead in her standing pose, making it seem almost like she's ready to fight, asserting dominance. She places her glaive in both hands "I am Althea of the Barony of Praxis, squire to knighthood. We are visiting this city on official business from my father, the Baron."
02:34:34: <Althea> "I request that you let us pass."
02:35:05: <Accar> Do not clap.
02:35:10: <Accar> Do not clap it will ruin the moment.



02:35:19: <Accar> ...Damn but that was kinda cool.
02:35:33: <kismet> "... oh. Oh. Oh. My apologies, my lady. I, uh... this is very sudden." The guard has the distinct air of someone who's worried they're going to be fired."I, uh, why of course you can use your father's estate in the city but your, ah... your companions can't come in."
02:35:56: Ilyana idly readjusts her armor, as for some reason lately it seems to have attempted to migrate southward since she wandered into the Praxis estate behind those orcs.
02:36:00: <Althea> "I urge you to reconsider, Sir Guardsman."
02:36:55: <kismet> "Well there's a bounty on a nest of dire rats in the city sewers so if you were to clear that out I could-"
02:37:28: <kismet> "[Seduce] I promise I'll find some way to repay you, Sir Guardsman."
02:37:37: <Accar> "...."
02:37:43: Accar is so creeped out he doesn't even know.
02:38:29: <kismet> The guard's eyes bug out. "You know what you can come in just please stop looking at me like that."
02:38:41: Accar empathizes. He really really does.
02:39:11: Durash grins. It might be somewhat disturbing to see but she clearly finds this exchange hilarious.
02:39:13: <kismet> The guard hurries off back to the barracks to agonize over his sexuality, leaving the 'door' open into the city itself, the moment the party wish to cross the loading screen.
02:39:14: <Uptil> ...
02:39:14: <kismet> Er, threshold.
02:39:21: Althea rolls her eyes. "It's sort of annoying that sexual favors holds more weight then the nobility around here."
02:40:05: <Althea> "I assume the captain is in my father's estate?"
02:40:15: <Ilyana> "...Is it not your estate?"
02:41:31: <Althea> "I don't keep track of all my family's property." She says defensively. In reality all of her memories about Important Stuff seem to be blocked behind a wall
02:41:41: <Althea> "Anyway, we should get moving."
02:42:13: <kismet> "We should! I'm sure the guard-captain will be waiting for news at your father's estate."
02:42:25: Accar follows!
02:42:36: Uptil follows
02:42:39: Accar 's not entirely sure why he's following or what's going on but he follows!
02:42:58: Althea also follows along, resting her glaive on her pauldron once again.
02:43:38: <kismet> The city is... well, what do you expect. It's an Allied Republic major city, so it's nigh on fooking perfect. The streets are all paved and swept clean, everyone's healthy and happy and dressed nicely, there aren't any leperous beggars in the alleyways, plenty of smiling people manning market stalls.

It's like if Wall Street ran a renaissance fair.

02:43:40: Ilyana pauses ahead of the threshold, closes her eyes, then steps forward. Then she promptly stops for around five seconds before moving again.
02:43:47: <kismet> It's so fucking twee you can feel your teeth aching.
02:43:57: <Durash> "..."
02:44:29: <Accar> "But can't we just make a small detour?"
02:44:30: <Durash> "It's like that vile drink you humans call mead."
02:44:38: <Accar> "Just to the apothecaries!"
02:45:06: <Durash> "It's so... cloying and sickeningly sweet."
02:45:13: <kismet> The sun is brilliant blue with not a cloud to be seen, the sun is shining down at just the right temperature. Guards in polished plate armour (fuck it must have been expensive to outfit them all) stand gleaming on every street corner, and cavalry guardsmen trot along on white horses.
02:46:02: <Ilyana> "Before any important events are set in motion, take care you don't miss opportunities." Ilyana says, looking around.
02:46:28: <Ilyana> "Game's Design, page 342." She then adds.
02:46:44: <Uptil> "...It's sickening."
02:46:58: <kismet> Kitoro doesn't hear Ilyana because he's stuck his entire head inside a garbage bin.
02:47:12: <Accar> "...so is that a no?"
02:48:10: <Althea> "Kitoro, you'll catch something like that. Get out of there!"
02:48:11: Accar 's also thoroughly confused by what Ilyana is saying and what Kitoro's doing but really his mind can only take so much so he's sticking with what's familiar
02:48:11: <kismet> Kitoro pops back out with a completely pristine potion of Cure Light Wounds and nods. "Sure, Accar! Meet us at the estate when you're done."
02:48:13: <Accar> Potions
02:48:16: <Accar> He has.
02:48:24: <Durash> "I'm telling you. Mead and the Allied Republic are exactly alike."
02:48:25: <Accar> "Thank you!"
02:51:26: Accar ducks off and takes off running down a side street towards the Mages Quarter, his robes flapping behind him, satchel only staying in anything that could remotely be called his possession by virtue of the leather strap over his shoulder.
02:51:51: <Ilyana> "LOOK OUT FOR ANY NOTICE BOARDS!" Ilyana calls after him
02:52:09: <kismet> The Praxis estate within Daventry's walls is smaller than the country manor, but only if you want to be pedantic about it. It's still an impressive piece of architecture and stonework, elegantly sculpted columns and buttresses, a wrought-iron fence and gate, heavy oak doors, barred windows. Four guardsmen stand at attention by the gate, one of whom darts inside as he spies Althea. One of the
02:52:13: <kismet> others bows. "Milady."

*Tips Fedora*

02:52:56: Althea returns a nod. "Good day Guardsman."
02:53:21: <kismet> "The captain is waiting for you inside."
02:54:43: <Althea> "Thank you." She turns to the others. "Let's go."
02:54:57: Althea passes through the gate towards the manor.
02:55:01: Uptil follows Althea, glaring at guards as he walks.
02:55:49: Ilyana follows Uptil, giving the guards a little wave as she passes
02:55:56: Durash follows the other two. She doesn't glare, mostly because she figures that carrying a thirty pound slab of metal on her back makes her scary enough.
02:57:28: <kismet> The guards glare right back at Uptil. Kitoro pushes the thick oak doors open, leading into the foyer. The man of the hour, Captain Trellis, is leaning against the railing of the balcony overlooking the front door. A pair of marble staircases curve off either side of it. "Good evening, Milady. How fares your father?"
02:59:30: <Althea> "Last I saw him he was fending off Orcs from the Family manor. Not very well, I suppose."
02:59:52: Uptil waits patiently as the barbarians perform their pleasantries
03:00:24: Ilyana glances up at him, glances left, glances right, and then back up at him
03:02:39: <kismet> "... that's a shame."

Or it would be if I weren't hilariously evil looking.

03:03:23: Durash crosses her arms and taps one heavy metal boot on the floor
03:05:06: <kismet> "Of course they would attack our leadership first. I suppose he sent you to me for your protection?"
03:05:42: <Althea> "He didn't give his reasons."
03:06:02: <Ilyana> "He was a bit distracted." Ilyana mumbles, glancing at Kitoro
03:06:06: <Althea> "He wasn't quite... in a state to give out clear instructions at the time."
03:06:19: <Accar> It's into this increasingly tense and paranoid situation
03:06:28: <Accar> that the distant sounds of distress reach your ears
03:06:29: <Accar> names
03:06:30: <Uptil> "We accompany the Fated Hero, Kitoro," says Uptil, pointing towards aforementioned hero.
03:06:36: <Accar> "I- *hey*!"
03:06:56: <Accar> "I know the people who live her!"
03:06:57: <Accar> *here
03:07:00: <Accar> "I'm serious!"
03:07:23: <Accar> "What *no* I'm not trying to get money I just"
03:07:28: <Accar> "*HEY*"
03:07:48: <Ilyana> "...We should probably do something about that."
03:08:06: <Uptil> "Althea, would you mind rescuing our wizard?"
03:08:15: <Althea> "... Good idea."
03:08:39: Althea turns to the door, sweeping her cape behind her shoulder, opening it.
03:09:03: <Accar> "Oh thank fate Althea mind telling them to uncuff me?"
03:09:18: Accar 's got a winning smile and hands that are manacled behind his back.
03:09:31: Durash gives the captain a fairly suspicious look but decides to keep her mouth shut for the moment.
03:09:35: Althea sighs, suppressing an amused smile. "What did you do this time Sir Mage?"
03:09:37: <kismet> "We found him stuck on one of the fence prongs," says a stony-faced guard.
03:09:49: <kismet> Indeed, Accar's robe has a large hole in it from the event.
03:10:00: <Ilyana> "You couldn't have asked to send a message in?"
03:10:46: <Accar> "...oh"
03:10:47: <Accar> "You know."
03:10:52: <Accar> "That would have been smart."
03:11:27: <Althea> "It's fine Guardsman, he is in fact with me."
03:11:29: <kismet> Trellis is quietly facepalming up on the balcony.
03:12:18: <Accar> "Sorry sorry I'm sorry. Was just trying to avoid undue um"
03:12:21: <Accar> "attention."
03:13:40: Accar is appropriately, and genuinely, shamefaced as the guards unlock his restraints.
03:14:09: <Althea> "Could be worse. At least Kitiro wasn't around."
03:14:37: <kismet> Kitoro turns around and waves at Accar.
03:14:58: Accar waves the instant he has a hand free!
03:15:36: <Accar> Wait my robes are torn, should I be embarrassed? Not like it's really that scandalous and I'm in pretty good shape anyway and oh Fate he's looking he's looking
03:15:39: <Accar> look awaaaaaaay.
03:15:55: <Ilyana> "...So anyways about Althea."
03:16:20: Accar stares very pointedly over his shoulder as if there's something fascinating there.
03:16:54: <kismet> "Right." Trellis goes around to the left-hand staircase and descends, a gauntleted hand sliding down the banister. "As the heiress to the Praxis name, and with her family already under attack, it is my duty to defend her from any more attempts on her life by the beast races."
03:17:19: <kismet> "... which will be hard if she remains in present company."
03:17:44: Althea turns to the captain, raising an eyebrow. "You must understand Captain Trellis, they are literally fated to be present with me."
03:18:00: <Althea> "To fight Fate is to bring tragedy on yourself."
03:18:41: <Accar> Maaaaybe if I flex a bit? No no no that'd just look silly, he's not even glancing my way.
03:19:05: Durash grinds her teeth
03:19:18: <kismet> "And what makes you say that?"
03:19:29: <kismet> "Have you been to a Seer recently?"

She in fact, hasn't. There's a large percentage of people in this world who don't dare have their cards of fate read to allow them a semblance of "free will" [See: that scene in the matrix where a guy eats a steak while mumbling about ignorance is bliss]

Anyway

Althea is one of those, and especially so after an incident with her father.

03:19:58: Accar crosses his arms across his chest and takes a deep breath
03:20:10: <Accar> Operation Negative Body Image is a go.
03:20:49: <Althea> "Well, the Hobgoblin over there" she winced, realizing the necessity of trying not to associate with Uptil in front of the captain made her sound extremely racist. "literally kneeled before Kitiro and swore a Fated Oath of Service."
03:21:27: <Accar> Dammit nobody was looking.
03:23:28: <Uptil> "There was a clash with the vile monsters that slew Lord Kitoro's family," says Uptil, "It was very tragic. And dramatic. And, I should note, ended with Kitoro affirming his love for the good lady in a very definite matter. While I can understand a...degree of trepidation.""
03:23:51: Accar caught a quick breath and resumed totally not posing. I mean his only competition was Uptil and it was /clear/ that he was the-
03:23:52: <Uptil> "Let me assure you, they are fated to journey together, and Kitoro is fated to leave this place."
03:23:54: <Accar> ...well top two.
03:23:57: <Accar> Out of two.
03:23:59: <Accar> He could work with that.
03:24:27: Althea glances over at Accar and raises an eyebrow.
03:24:56: <Accar> No time
03:24:56: <Uptil> "So I, very politely, implore you to not bar the fates way on this matter."
03:24:57: <Accar> Must
03:24:58: <Accar> Impress
03:25:03: <Accar> Husbando
03:25:21: <Uptil> "And allow the Lady Althea to journey with us."
03:25:26: <kismet> "I... see."
03:25:41: Durash pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs heavily. It sounds like sandpaper.
03:27:20: <kismet> "Well, I do implore you to reconsider and lodge in my estate, which is much more fortified and well guarded in case of an attack, but I imagine my words would fall on deaf ears."
03:28:18: <Althea> "... /your/ estate?"
03:28:39: Uptil raises an eyebrow
03:28:44: <Uptil> humans.
03:28:45: <Uptil> No subtlety
03:28:50: <kismet> "Yes. Mine."
03:29:20: Accar finally gives up and dejectedly takes up his customary position in the background.
03:29:34: <kismet> "You are a wealthy heiress not even of age, milady. I am only thinking of your safety."
03:29:56: <Althea> "This estate belongs to the Barony of Praxis, I will remind you. It is not yours."
03:30:51: Durash leans against the wall, humans and their bickering. They would be here for hours.
03:30:52: <kismet> "Your father named me as your guardian, I will remind you."
03:31:09: <kismet> "And you are underage."
03:31:25: Althea looks to Kitiro, and then Accar, somewhat confused as how to proceed.
03:31:30: <kismet> "While I wish I could put it more delicately, it is mine until your father returns or until you turn eighteen."

Funny, that doesn't exactly stop him from [SPOILERS]

03:31:48: Accar quietly forms icicles along the leather claws of his gauntlet.
03:31:55: <Accar> He's nice
03:31:57: <Accar> and thoughtful
03:31:58: <Accar> and softspoken
03:32:05: <Accar> and a squishy magic user
03:32:17: <Accar> but he's also a warmage. Aka Master of Boom.
03:32:25: <Accar> Just saying.
03:32:35: <Durash> Or until he died horribly. Though Durash wasn't going to say that aloud. Yet
03:32:41: Accar studies them before making some claws of fire.
03:32:49: <Uptil> "Her father is not dead, Captain," says Uptil, "And while I am unsure of human customs, it strikes me as unwise for a vassal to publicly claim ownership."
03:32:54: <Uptil> "To his lords property."
03:33:01: Accar waves at the Captain.
03:33:25: <Uptil> "But, unless there is something else for us to speak of."
03:33:33: <Uptil> "I think perhaps we should be on our way now."
03:33:42: <kismet> "Please do."
03:34:00: <Accar> (or it could just be the pure frustration of the WHY WON'T YOU NOTICE ME thing going on)
03:34:34: <kismet> Kitoro squeezes Accar's hand reassuringly.
03:34:36: <Durash> "Yes I would be more than happy to be on my way. Us 'beast races' are so unused to walls and houses after all."
03:34:59: <Durash> Durash doesn't sound sarcastic at all. Okay maybe a little. A lot rather.
03:35:29: Accar literally squees
03:35:52: <Accar> before having a sudden and most not suspicious shut up coughing fit
03:36:16: <Accar> *definitely
03:38:45: Ilyana idly hums, taking turns to stare at every one in the room in turn
03:38:48: Accar blushes *furiously* seriously you could kindle a fire off his cheeks and wait what was this about feudal politics.
03:38:57: <Accar> Wait what was going on, what were they doing?
03:39:03: <Uptil> "Where to next, Lady Praxis, Lord Kitoro?"
03:39:11: <Accar> He had the urge to be intimidating awhile ago he wasn't entirely sure why.
03:40:20: <Althea> "I..."
03:41:04: Althea brings her glaive forward. "I won't allow you to evict me. This is my father's land. You don't own it and you won't treat me like a child!"
03:41:14: <Accar> Oh wait now he remembers
03:41:16: <Accar> Kinda
03:41:36: <Accar> a pause
03:41:36: <Accar> There's a field of flowers and sparkles and rainbows and it's making it kinda hard to focus and
03:42:02: Accar quietly slips his hand from Kitoro's and steps to Althea's side.
03:42:03: <Accar> There
03:42:05: <Accar> that was better.
03:43:08: <Uptil> "...I believe the traditional challenge involved a glove?"
03:43:22: Accar coughs
03:43:32: <Accar> "I can explode the floor a bit if you'd like."
03:43:37: <Accar> "Much bigger dramatic impact."
03:43:47: <kismet> "... that's right!" Kitoro declares. "We can challenge him to a duel over your estate!"
03:43:59: <Althea> "I'm wearing gauntlets."
03:44:18: Uptil lends Althea a glove.
03:44:22: <Durash> "Whatever we're going to do could we get it done?"
03:44:26: <Accar> "But those are a pain to get back on."
03:44:30: <Althea> "Oh, thanks."
03:45:01: <Althea> "Anyway, yes, I, as heir to the title of Baroness of Praxis, challenge you for the right of my father's estate.
03:45:03: <Althea> !"
03:45:54: <Ilyana> "...So is this a solo thing or a big team event?"
03:45:56: <kismet> "B-but I should duel him for your honour :["
03:46:09: <Uptil> Aaaand there's Fate again.
03:46:35: <Uptil> "Indeed, it is traditional for nobility to appoint a champion. Obviously Kismet should fight for you." says Fate, using Uptil as a puppet
03:47:51: <Uptil> *Kitoro
03:49:00: Durash turns around and begins smacking her face into the wall
03:49:24: Uptil makes an apologetic gesture
03:50:46: <Althea> "I- y'know what, fine. Kitiro will take my place in the duel."

Because Kismet forbid anyone lacking a y chromosome has any agency in this flick.

03:51:38: <kismet> "... well." Trellis grimaces. "Duels require a little more preparation than a simple alleyway throw-down. Weapon inspection, choosing a time and venue. So yes, I will duel this... boy. Tomorrow."
03:52:58: <Althea> "Very well then."
03:55:29: <kismet> "Right. Now, on to useful business. The city is attempting to prepare for the coming orc horde. Might I suggest inspecting its defences while your... friend and I prepare?"
03:56:58: <Ilyana> "Oooh, yes. Lets do that."
03:57:00: <Uptil> "That sounds almost bearable, let's."
03:57:09: Althea nods. "That sounds like a good plan."
03:58:33: <kismet> "I'll be safe, I promise!" Kitoro declares as if Althea had expressed concern. Which was probably the furthest thing from her mind.
03:58:54: <Althea> "I'm sure you will." She offers a half-hearted smile.
03:59:00: <Althea> "We will be on our way then."
03:59:07: <Ilyana> "You will." Ilyana says, inching towards the door
03:59:07: Accar waves.
03:59:16: Althea heads for the door.
03:59:26: <Accar> "Do well!" He blurts out
03:59:45: <Accar> and then bolts out in what is most likely fate mandated mortification.
04:00:20: Uptil follows.
04:00:36: Ilyana follows behind Accar, rolling her shoulders and tugging her armor back up for modesty
04:00:46: Durash walks out of the house in a mixture of relief and irritation

Next session will be amazing.

Cannot wait for it.

04:01:57: <Ilyana> "...So did you see any...notice boards?" Ilyana asks Accar, sounding slightly more scandelous than she should.
04:02:57: <Accar> "Mm?"
04:03:00: <Accar> "...oh!"
04:03:20: Accar rolls his shoulder and shakes his head like a dog shedding water.
04:03:27: <Accar> "Um...no sorry."
04:03:34: <Ilyana> "Awww."
04:03:38: <Ilyana> The elf visibly wilts.
04:03:41: <Uptil> "Lady Althea, if you would lead us to the guard positions so you could inspect them on your father's behalf?"
04:03:47: <Durash> "I would dearly love to just sabotage all of the defenses," Durash mutters irritably.
04:04:36: Althea turns to Durash. "I'm not condemning all of the Orcen races but you have some nerve implying that the monsters at the walls are peaceable."
04:05:01: Ilyana sidles away from Durash
04:05:37: <Uptil> "Oh, I'm sure they're Fated to suicidally throw themselves at the walls so that our Heroic Companion can heroically save the day."
04:05:42: <Uptil> "Like the ones at the dock."
04:05:44: <Durash> "Oh they're not peaceable," Durash replies blithely, "I just wonder what humans would be like without their cities and farmland."
04:05:55: <Durash> "Maybe you'd be like us."
04:06:39: <Uptil> ...
04:06:43: <Accar> "Er a. that makes it understandable at best not justifiable given that the people here, as saccharine as they might be don't exactly deserve it either."
04:06:48: <Accar> "and b. ...oh"
04:06:58: <Accar> "oh what uptil said kind of explains a lot."
04:07:11: <Althea> "Fuck you, Orc. I... what"

As I've mentioned before, anyone that wasn't around the Orcs before Kitiro showed up didn't know about them being forced into fighting because of the Fate. As a result, Althea and Accar were only just informed of it.

04:07:13: <Ilyana> "They were actually rather nice." :(
04:07:25: <Althea> "The Orcs at the dock were forced to fight?"
04:07:28: <Accar> "...well now I feel like an ass."
04:07:36: <Durash> "Yeah they were."
04:07:36: <Ilyana> "Mmhmm."
04:07:48: <Durash> "To satisfy the insane whims of your god."
04:07:54: Accar sighs and kicks a rock.
04:08:11: <Ilyana> "Regardless, we should inspect the walls." Ilyana pointed out.
04:08:11: <Accar> "Not just ours. You're stuck in this boat with the rest of us you know."
04:08:37: <Durash> "I worship the Nameless God, not Kismet. For all the good it's done."
04:09:02: <Althea> "I.."
04:09:11: Althea turns back to the walls.
04:09:12: <Althea> "Let's go."
04:09:16: <Ilyana> "What you call Kismet is actually a collective of The Patrons." Ilyana helpfully pointed out.

I should point out that nobody actually asked what she meant by "The Patrons" but If I had to guess

04:09:30: Althea starts walking, trying not to think of the implications.
04:09:34: <Uptil> "Indeed, the orcs at the dock were forced to fight. Their leader was forced to kill Kitoro's parents."
04:09:50: <Durash> "I have no desire to worship a god who has relegated my people to starvation and barbarism to keep his favorite spoiled brats of a race at the top of the pile."
04:09:59: <Uptil> "And we've been living in desolate wastelands behind the mountains for Kismet-knows-how-long because Kismet demanded it and Fate made it happen."
04:10:27: <Uptil> "And no-one out here gives a flying crap about us."
04:10:58: <Durash> "Sure they do."
04:11:06: <Durash> "Once we take a shit on their doorstep."
04:11:08: <Uptil> "And so the only time we're relevant is when your god decides that one of us gets the /honor/ of being forced to publicly disown everything they are to help some chosen brat feel better about himself."
04:11:43: <kismet> At least word's gone around and they're allowed up onto the walls. A few people wander back and forth along the battlements, maintaining towers and fortifications here and there, preparing stockpiles of ammunition. The sun is quickly setting, making it very squinty up there.
04:12:13: Accar 's just kinda glumly hanging in the back of the group.
04:12:29: Althea looks for some sort of authority figure among the guard to consult.
04:12:30: Ilyana has stopped listening at this point and has instead decided to admire the view.
04:12:51: Accar flicks out a flame, banishes it.
04:12:59: Accar flicks out a miniature lightning bolt, banishes it.
04:13:09: <Ilyana> "I have to say, without Kitoro around things devolved quickly."
04:13:12: Accar flicks out a perfectly formed sphere of acid, banishes it.
04:13:12: <Durash> "In case you were wondering Uptil isn't of 'the dark lands' or however he introduced himself. He has a lineage. As do I. Lineages and families as old or older than your own."
04:13:25: <Accar> "Yes yes *I get it*."
04:13:49: <Accar> "We are human and therefore the most evil imperialist beings in existence despite not having any bigger say in our fates than you."
04:14:30: <Durash> "Well you consistently forced my people into starvation and you refer to us as animals... So yes. That's pretty much exactly it."
04:14:35: <Accar> "We don't have power, not really. We don't have agency. And I don't know what berating us is going to accomplish."
04:14:38: Uptil is examining the walls for weaknesses in the defenses and the like.
04:14:42: <Accar> "You just said that that was our fates!"
04:14:48: <Uptil> Fate will force him to help the locals with the knowledge
04:14:49: <Uptil> But still
04:14:55: <Accar> "I"
04:14:59: <Accar> *sighs*
04:15:03: <Accar> "...nevermind."
04:15:04: <Durash> "It will make me feel better at least."
04:15:04: Althea places a hand on Accar's shoulder.
04:15:22: Althea gives him a sad, meaningful look. "I know."
04:15:28: Accar quietly shrugs off the hand and walks away to be all stupid and broody and the like.
04:15:33: <Accar> "I know."
04:15:48: <Accar> Pulse of sound. Banish.
04:16:01: <Accar> Icicle. Banish.
04:16:15: Althea sighs and looks more like a little girl at that moment then a knight.
04:16:59: <Accar> Orb of light.
04:17:01: <Accar> Banish.
04:17:06: <Accar> Orb of da-
04:17:09: <Accar> Banish banish banish banish.
04:17:17: <Althea> "Accar."
04:17:21: Accar looks at his clenched fist and sighs.
04:17:27: <Accar> "Hm?"
04:17:30: <Accar> "...oh right."
04:17:41: <Accar> "...sorry about being a complete asshat ear-"
04:17:46: <Accar> "...five minutes ago."
04:17:49: <Althea> "No, it's..."
04:17:58: <Althea> "You have it worse then me."
04:18:11: <Althea> "It's fine."
04:18:44: Accar shrugs.
04:18:50: <Accar> "No I...not really."
04:19:37: <Althea> "It's... It's making you think things that aren't yours."
04:19:47: <Althea> "A-and pushing you to do things you'd be ashamed of."
04:20:02: <Accar> "Oh I don't know, he's not that bad looking."

Are we talking about the same greasy-haired little shit?

04:20:05: <Ilyana> "...Oh dear."
04:20:05: <Accar> Half smile.
04:20:10: <Accar> More sad than anything.
04:20:16: Durash draws her sword
04:20:19: Althea returns the smile and freezes.

we were asked to make a Listen check at this point and half of the players discovered that someone was climbing the walls.

04:20:20: <Durash> "Company."
04:20:26: <Althea> "... we have climbers."
04:20:37: Althea readies her glaive.
04:20:40: Ilyana has her shortbow out now, arrow at the ready.
04:21:05: <Ilyana> "GRAPPLING HOOKS!" She screams, uttering anyone near her half deaf.
04:22:35: <Althea> "She's got a better set of lungs then Kitiro."
04:23:38: <Ilyana> "Why thank you!" :D
04:24:25: Uptil draws his weapons, then realize his weapons are 'fists'.
04:24:29: <Uptil> He draws a crossbow anyways
04:24:46: Ilyana gives a look of approval.
04:25:48: <kismet> Uptil's extended family, it seems. You can see the grappling hooks now, jagged black things that dig into the stone deeply. Six hobgoblins swarm up the lines, crawling over the battlements like armoured spiders. They're dressed in stealthy black...
04:25:51: <kismet> leather catsuits.
04:25:57: <kismet> And all of them are male.

Paper-thing abdominal and pelvic area included

04:26:42: <Accar> "...."
04:26:50: <Accar> "Fate this is going to be really awkward."
04:27:00: Ilyana idly licks her lips
04:27:04: <kismet> Very fit males, but... nonetheless.
04:31:37: Althea narrows her eyes at the hobs. "What's with the bondage gear?"
04:32:21: Accar looks at Uptil.
04:32:21: <Uptil> "...It's stealth armor, Althea," says Uptil, "Honestly."
04:32:29: Accar just looks at Uptil.
04:32:53: <Durash> "It's stealth armor. Metal armor has a tendency to make noise at the worst possible times."
04:32:56: <Uptil> "It doesn't make much sound, provides a modicum of protection, and allows full freedom of movement."
04:33:00: <Uptil> "Yup."
04:33:11: <Ilyana> "Of course it doesn't matter when you use noisy grappeling hooks."
04:33:14: <Accar> "I'm pretty sure I can hear them creaking that's how tight those uniforms are."
04:33:17: <Uptil> "What, you think they're going to go into a commando mission in /plate/? Or half-naked?"
04:33:18: <Accar> "I"
04:33:22: <kismet> Crrrrreeeeeak."
04:33:23: <Ilyana> "I hope these guys aren't as nice as the last ones were :("
04:33:24: <Accar> "I don't know how I feel about this."
04:33:25: <kismet> -"
04:33:27: <Durash> "Can you imagine climbing a stone wall in chainmail? Grinding and scraping noises all the way up."
04:33:30: <kismet> One of the hobgoblins looks embarrassed.
04:33:37: <Accar> "Because this is so much better!"
04:34:33: <Uptil> "It's protective, silent and flexible."
04:34:40: <Uptil> "I honestly do not see your issue."
04:35:25: <Accar> "I"
04:35:27: <Accar> "just"
04:35:29: Accar sighs
04:35:31: <Accar> "Nevermind."
04:36:01: <Althea> "We can discuss this later"
04:36:28: <Durash> "He likes watching the sexy sexy hobgoblins..." Durash realizes suddenly
04:36:40: <Durash> "Scandalous."
04:37:16: <Accar> "...stop making this weird."
04:37:32: <Accar> "This day has reached entirely new heights of weird I"
04:37:33: <Accar> "just"
04:37:35: <Accar> "no."
04:37:42: <Uptil> "...They're fit, but they're not exactly-oh, humans are weedy. This would look a bit salacious if you were a human, wouldn't it."
04:37:57: <Accar> "*Hate*"
04:37:58: <Ilyana> "Or elf." Ilyana helpfully points out
04:38:17: <Uptil> "Oh, yes, elves have it worse off even."
04:38:38: Accar palms his face in his leather gloves he's done just
04:38:39: <Accar> done.
04:39:34: <Althea> "WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP ABOUT THE SEXY HOBGOBLINS?! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGH" She stampedes towards the center of the mob, glaive poised forward like a particularly barbed needle. She impales one on the blade, sliding her arms closer down the shaft, her pauldron meeting his torso and sending him flying off the battlements.
04:39:37: <Althea> And into the ground below.
04:40:18: Althea draws her sword and shield, throwing her cape back over her shoulder.
04:40:24: <Althea> "WHO ELSE WANTS TO FIGHT ME?!"
04:40:48: <kismet> Splat.
04:40:53: <kismet> "... fuck, lady."
04:41:00: <kismet> "God damn."



04:41:27: Accar 's not even pumped up over this it's just business just what they have to do just
04:41:29: <Accar> eurgh.
04:41:36: <Uptil> "I think that's a bit of an over-reaction to your sexuality being questioned?"
04:42:28: Ilyana pulls back an arrow and aims for the Hobgoblin with the potty mouth, and lets it fly. It...promptly sails past him and hits nothing
04:42:39: <kismet> "..."
04:42:46: <kismet> The hobgoblin looks behind in and turns back. "Wha-"
04:42:57: <Ilyana> The second arrow, however, gets him through the cheek
04:43:31: <Ilyana> And out the other one
04:43:32: <kismet> "MMRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"
04:43:52: <kismet> The hobgoblin hops around madly, swatting his own cheeks, while one of the infiltrators in the back row tries to get him to calm down.
04:46:27: <Durash> Then Durash charges into the group full tilt swinging her huge sword with both hands, it cleaves on of the unfortunate hobgoblins in two and just barely misses a second.
04:47:18: <kismet> SPLURCH. They are not exactly thrilled about this turn of events.
04:49:17: <kismet> The enraged hobgoblin that Ilyana gave a speech impediment throws one of its javelins. It flies true, plunging deep into the meat of her thigh.
04:50:05: <Ilyana> "OW! PATRONS DAMNIT SAME SPOT!"
04:51:55: <kismet> Except that didn't happen, because not only were Ilyana's reflexes too sharp, but the hobgoblin in question was shitting itself at Althea's mere presence.
04:52:03: <kismet> So the javelin simply whistled and clattered along the ground, useless.
04:52:05: <Ilyana> "...Oh, wait."
04:52:27: <Ilyana> "...Sorry, sorry, that was my bad."
04:53:02: <Uptil> "...why were you yelling?"
04:54:18: <Ilyana> Ilyana mumbles something about hitboxes and collision detection while nocking another arrow
04:55:38: <kismet> The other three infiltrators draw their swords, engaging Durash and Althea. They move like lighting, their blades flashing in the dying light like stars, but their opponents are more than a match for them. All they accomplish is nicking their swords on Althea's side-sword and Durash's... Buster Sword.
04:56:35: Durash suddenly gets the feeling that some god is denigrating her people's ancient weapon. She curses Kismet under her breath.
04:57:35: Althea parries one strike, blocking another with her heavy Heater shield. She goes on the counter-offensive, not landing any blows but being generally distracting and obnoxious.
04:57:44: <Althea> "COME ON, STOP TRYING TO HIT ME AND *HIT* ME!"
05:00:45: Accar meanwhile does his mage thing
05:00:46: <Accar> namely
05:00:56: <Accar> D-d-d-dropping the bass
05:01:43: <Accar> A solid wedge of iridescent sound spears through the melee, carving a great furrow in the stone before passing virtual hairs from one hobgoblins cheek.
05:01:47: <Accar> If nothing else
05:01:54: <Accar> It was very pretty.
05:02:12: <Ilyana> "Ooooh."
05:02:12: <Uptil> "Countrymen, you're outmatched and outnumbered, I recommend you surrender," says Uptil
05:02:20: <Uptil> "If not, things will shortly get...more unpleasant."
05:02:28: <kismet> The hobgoblin in question was the one with an arrow through his cheeks. He spins and flops to the floor, dazed and just done with life.
05:03:50: <kismet> "You're on their side. Why should we believe you?"
05:04:05: <Accar> "...can we stop trying to kill them?"
05:04:32: <Ilyana> "Probably not."
05:04:44: <Accar> "As adventures go"
05:04:48: <Accar> "this one's rather terrible."
05:05:15: <Uptil> "Your other option is dead, for one," says Uptil, visibly charging himself with arcane energy, "Secondly, I am fated to fight on their side, and I cannot die here."
05:05:28: <Uptil> "Thirdly, it would make me very happy."
05:05:34: <kismet> "..."
05:07:01: <Uptil> "And yes, I should have lead with firstly."
05:07:25: Accar waves over Uptil's shoulder.
05:07:36: Accar makes a sincere effort to not look horribly glum.
05:07:40: <kismet> The hobgoblin who spoke, despite a complete lack of markings of rank on his catsuit, straightens up. "Let my men go and I will surrender."
05:07:59: <Uptil> "I'm willing to do that. I trust that everyone else is fine with this."
05:08:11: <Durash> "I am."
05:08:17: <Accar> "Nooooo my murderous imperialist hateboner won't let me."
05:08:31: <Accar> "Must purge beastpeople aaaaaahhhhhhh."
05:08:46: <Ilyana> "...Y'know I"m surprised we're the only ones on this wall right now." Ilyana says as she disarms her bow, and then reaches over to thwack Accar on the back of the head
05:08:49: <Uptil> "Accar, not the time."
05:09:27: Althea is visibly making an effort to calm down from what can be described as "Battle Rage"
05:09:38: Accar sighs and winces in tandem and more or less just plops himself down by a crenelation.
05:09:42: <Althea> "Y-yeah, I'll yield. We can stop."
05:09:45: <Accar> "Sorry I'll shut up."
05:09:50: <Accar> "Sorry."
05:10:18: <Althea> "Uh, sorry for kind of killing your friend."
05:10:21: <kismet> "I have your word?"
05:11:04: <Uptil> "You have my word," says Uptil.
05:11:36: <Durash> "You have my word of honor as a samurai that I will not let harm come to your men while they leave."
05:11:40: <kismet> He tosses his side-sword to the ground.
05:11:52: <Ilyana> "...We must handle this carefully. A wrong move could be disastrous"
05:11:57: <Accar> "Yay."
05:12:21: <kismet> He utters a few soft words to his men in Goblin. The two uninjured infiltrators take the wounded one and carefully swing over the battlements, supporting their comrade on their backs.
05:12:31: <kismet> The leader kicks his sword over to Uptil.
05:13:27: <kismet> Then he sinks to his knees (creeeeeeeak) and puts his wrists together, offering them to his countryman.
05:14:24: <Accar> Tongue of flame.
05:14:26: <Accar> Banish.
05:14:29: <Accar> Orb of light.
05:14:30: <Accar> Banish.
05:14:38: <Accar> Plusar of noise.
05:14:39: <Accar> Banish.
05:14:40: Uptil grabs the sword, chains the hobgoblin's hands, and thinks of a plan in a moment. Time to bring fate in on /his/ side. "Now, obviously we should wait until Kitoro is ready and report this to him."
05:14:42: <Accar> *Sigh*
05:14:47: <Uptil> "Instead of using the normal channels."
05:15:07: <Uptil> "He is, after all, the chosen one."
05:15:19: <Uptil> "And should know about these /glaring/ deficiencies in the defenses first."
05:15:49: <Althea> "... or we can tell the captain of the guard."
05:16:13: <Althea> "Er, I mean"
05:16:17: <Mr_Sandman> "Get ready for perpetual romantic tension."
05:16:20: <Althea> "Yeah, let's take him to kitiro."
05:16:28: <Ilyana> "We do have a dead hobgoblin up here." Ilyana points out
05:16:32: Althea shakes her head. "wow I'm dizzy."
05:17:02: <Uptil> "I will deal with him," says Uptil cryptically.
05:17:11: Ilyana is standing next to the one Durash sliced in half. She raises an eyebrow.
05:17:23: <Uptil> "Necromancer."
05:17:38: <kismet> "Please don't."
05:17:38: <Ilyana> "Oh. Well."
05:18:38: <Uptil> "I'll get him somewhere for a proper burial."
05:18:39: <kismet> "He should be given a proper burial."
05:18:44: <kismet> "... thank you."
05:19:00: <Uptil> "Where the guard won't find him, which will allow the others time to get back to camp."
05:19:03: <Ilyana> "What is your name?"
05:19:23: Accar 's mostly just chilling out by his part of the battlements doing random magic
05:19:24: <Accar> and
05:19:25: <Accar> you know
05:19:35: <Accar> existential ennui
05:20:07: <kismet> "Trask. Trask of the Rakkad line."

TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASK

05:20:31: Althea sheathes her sword and walks over to Accar. "Nice sonic attack."
05:20:50: <Accar> "Thanks."
05:20:53: <Uptil> "I am Uptil, of the line Arash," says Uptil, "I will begin to act...strangely once we reach the Lady Althea's manor. I've a fate regarding the current Chosen One."
05:20:55: <Accar> "For all the good it did."
05:21:01: <Uptil> "My apologies in advance."
05:21:04: <Accar> The grin's strained.
05:21:11: <Accar> Well
05:21:16: <Accar> couple steps beyond strained.
05:21:20: <Althea> "Well, we didn't want to hurt them anyway, it turns out."
05:21:22: <kismet> "I hope I don't wind up in your shoes."
05:21:25: <kismet> "No offense."
05:21:26: <Ilyana> "Well then, we should get down from here soon." Ilyana says, before looking around. "...Why are there no guardsmen?"
05:21:28: <Althea> "So uh... I actually fucked up there."
05:21:44: <Accar> Conjure. Sound. Acid. Flame. Ice. Light. Dark. Banish.
05:22:08: <Accar> "Not like they would have politely sat us down and asked us for tea you know."
05:22:14: <Uptil> "Oh,I don't want to be in my shoes either."
05:22:20: <Durash> "Maybe Tressil was hoping we would have an unfortunate accident."
05:22:24: <Uptil> "Dying for Kitoro isn't a fate I'd wish on anyone."
05:22:27: <Accar> "Don't be so hard on yourself."
05:22:45: <kismet> "There are no guardsmen on this particular stretch of wall."
05:23:09: <kismet> "We were fed information on weak points in your defences. Nobody was supposed to be here."
05:23:32: <Accar> "Suuuuusspiiiiiciiiioooousss."
05:23:38: <Althea> "Heh, I guess."
05:23:39: Accar says in a sing song voice.
05:23:42: <Uptil> "Aah, our traitor."
05:23:53: <Accar> "It's that captain of the guard isn't it?"
05:23:57: <Accar> "It's totally him."
05:24:00: <kismet> "I have no idea who this 'Trellis' is."
05:24:00: Althea frowns, turning to Trask.
05:24:11: Accar doesn't even sound trilled about the revelation more like he's uh
05:24:13: <Accar> trying not to cry.
05:24:14: <Ilyana> "Is...is he technically a noble? Or a relative?"
05:24:34: <Ilyana> "...Oh."
05:24:39: <Accar> Wimpy wimpy wimpy mage.
05:26:22: <kismet> "... so Uptil of Arash. You are clearly free without the Chosen One at your side."
05:26:34: <kismet> "Couldn't you simply free me?"
05:27:16: <Accar> "Probably but then you'd be overcome by your savage instincts or he'd have a crisis of loyalty and whoops dead hobgoblin."
05:27:24: <Uptil> "Mostly free."
05:27:44: <Uptil> "But I might be able to free you."
05:27:45: <Accar> "You know kinda important people who have really influential fates?"
05:27:48: <Accar> "Like he said."
05:27:51: <Accar> "Chosen One."
05:27:59: <Accar> "The fate..thingy."
05:28:06: <Accar> "I don't know I'm just saying stuff."
05:28:11: <kismet> "My life is in your hands. I trust your judgement."
05:28:28: <Uptil> "Assuming the others did not fillet one of us for it."
05:28:37: <Uptil> "Hmm."
05:28:40: Uptil begins plotting.
05:29:23: Accar begins molding a sandcastle from the fortified stone.
05:29:34: <Accar> Because fuck it he's useless here anyway.
05:29:50: <Uptil> "Althea, in return for my healing when you injured your shoulder, will you attempt to get Kitoro to secure Trask's freedom?"
05:30:39: <Althea> "It's not like I wouldn't have in the first place."
05:30:50: <Althea> "So sure."
05:31:23: <Uptil> "Thank you."
05:31:31: <Althea> "Let's go then."
05:32:05: Accar wipes out his spikey sand doom fortress, smooths out the rock and gets up to follow Althea's lead.
05:33:30: Althea begins walking back to the manor.
05:35:18: <kismet> Trask stands, his chains rattling, and stands beside Uptil. The streets are practically empty as the sun threatens to drop completely below the horizon and plunge the city into darkness. The guards they pass glare at their captive warily.
05:39:56: Althea looks to Accar. "You feeling okay?"

And here
we
go

05:40:25: <Accar> "Y-"
05:40:34: <Accar> A pause. A moment of silence.
05:40:56: <Accar> The mage nudges a smooth stone out of the way with the tip of his boot.
05:41:00: <Accar> "No. Not really."
05:41:03: <Accar> "You?"
05:42:19: <Althea> "Well, my father might be dead, someone powerful in the family is trying to usurp his power and I'm being thrown out of my own family's property, but I'm... I'm hanging in there."
05:42:33: <Althea> "We're fixing it, aren't we?"
05:42:46: <Accar> "Heh. Yeah."
05:42:50: <Accar> "Yeah I guess we are."
05:42:53: <Accar> "..."
05:42:54: <Accar> "Thanks."
05:42:59: <Accar> ":)"
05:43:18: <Accar> "...not about your dad or the backstabbing and that but um"
05:43:28: <Accar> "That you're okay. More or less."
05:43:30: <Althea> She smiles. "Yeah, I get it."
05:44:21: <Althea> "And I mean, even if he is..."
05:44:41: Ilyana , walking next to Durash, glances at the human pair
05:44:47: <Althea> "This might sound like the most cruel thing I could say to that, but my father's kind of an ass anyway."
05:44:48: <Ilyana> "Aren't they cute?"
05:45:25: <Durash> "The awkward courting ritual? I suppose."
05:45:29: Uptil enacts his evil plan to give the dead infiltrator a proper burial.
05:45:38: <Althea> "And all my hopes and dreams were crushed by what he thought was 'the right thing'."
05:45:42: <kismet> The recently bisected corpse shambles along behind Uptil, the neat rip in its catsuit the only hint of its true nature.

Yeah Uptil "dealt" with him alright.

05:46:06: Ilyana quietly moves so that Durash is between her and the corpse
05:46:21: <Accar> "Yeah."
05:46:23: <Accar> "...yeah."
05:46:33: <Accar> With you there.
05:46:46: <Accar> Tip of his tongue, but it doesn't come out.
05:47:26: <Althea> "I probably sound like a complete whiny bitch right now, considering he raised me in a nice home and gave me everything I would ever want."
05:47:33: <Althea> "Except the one thing I did want."
05:48:15: <Accar> "No no I get what you mean."
05:48:21: Uptil takes Trask and Durash to the Praxis family cemetary and gives the dead hobgoblin a proper ceremony.
05:48:44: <Accar> "Sounds dumb but there's like"
05:48:50: Ilyana now follows along behind Accar and Althea
05:48:58: <Ilyana> A vacant eyed third wheel
05:49:00: <Accar> "There's a difference between really being alive and just surviving."
05:49:19: <Accar> "...dammit that sounded so much more classy in my head."
05:49:57: <Ilyana> "It was poetic enough."
05:49:59: <Althea> "Heh, yeah."
05:50:39: <Accar> "Point is, nobody'll blame you for being mad at your father."
05:50:42: <Accar> "Just like ah"
05:50:56: <Accar> "I don't think anybody here will blame you for being mad at our glorious champion."
05:51:03: <Accar> "Same difference there really."
05:51:08: <Althea> "Oh a lot of people in the courts would, but yeah, nobody normal I think."
05:51:44: <Althea> "My mother would stop talking to me, probably."
05:52:33: <Accar> "Awww, for what it's worth I think you wear that armor every bit as nicely as that dress."
05:53:09: Ilyana suppresses an "awww" in the background
05:53:12: <Accar> "And that was a very nice dress."
05:53:40: <Althea> "It was, I guess. The heels are kind of hard to run in though."

Clearly needs tutelage from Samus Aran

05:53:50: <Althea> "I'm not entirely sure how I did it."
05:54:28: <Accar> "Better than me!"
05:54:40: <Accar> *I would have
05:54:45: <Althea> "And the armor is pretty nice." She pulls the cape back over her shoulder. "We should get you some new clothes."
05:54:56: <Althea> "You look like a dungeon crawler."
05:55:01: <Althea> "No offense."
05:55:36: Accar prods the giant tear over his shoulder and back.
05:55:39: <Accar> "None taken."
05:57:05: <Althea> "And I mean, we have that leather just /lying/ around."
05:57:47: Ilyana promptly snorts, and then covers her mouth and nose
05:57:53: <Accar> "Stylish, I like."
05:58:34: <Althea> "Haha, wow. I was expecting you to punch me for that one."

If it's at all possible to join, I'd like to play as the Chosen One's frenemy. You know, the "bad" guy who's fated to duel the hero in a number of ship-teasing homoerotic battles before Fate forces him to join the hero in his quest to kill the "bad" guy's family.