[Prophet Vlog Post] Look at my junk.
a thread by Mekan of Omega started on 2188-08-01 03:33:04 last post on 2188-08-17 01:23:49
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 Mekan of Omega |
[The camera starts rolling right when Mekan sits down. The shot's taking in what looks like a big apartment living room - astute observers will note this is not the same one from the Let's Do Drugs broadcast, and in fact has a clear view of a 'skyline' on Omega, probably in the Juni Arcology. Mekan is sitting on what's clearly the same couch from the episode with the anti-depressants, though. He smiles and waves, before one of his bionic legs twitches and shudders loudly, with the ZZTZZTZZT of a malfunctioning servo. Cursing under his breath, the batarian smacks the leg several times before it stops whirring. He looks back to the camera and leans back on the couch.]
”Hey, everyone. So, on a whim, I decided to dig around in some of the cases and boxes that I never bothered to unpack when I got to Omega, and found a few things lying around that, as it turns out, have been in boxes for several years. We’ll get to that in a minute, because first, I’m gonna read some viewer-mail.” [Mekan reaches out of the camera’s line of sight, and grabs a datapad, before reading from it, his upper set of eyes continuing to look into the camera.] “‘Your show sucks. Signed, TurianMarxmun223.’” [Mekan pulls up his omnitool user-interface and pushes a few buttons with an amused expression on his face.] ”Aaand, sent. Tell your mother I said ‘hello’, Karal.” [He pauses to reach down into what the rattling of ice and glass bottles indicates may be a cooler, although the camera's view is blocked from seeing what it is, exactly. His hand eventually withdraws a bottle of some indeterminate drink, likely alcoholic. He takes a swig of the drink before looking back down at the datapad.] ”’When will you release the rest of the footage from when you did drugs? Signed, Concerned.’ Well, Concerned, I seem to have actually lost the camera-drone the footage was on.” [The camera cuts to a pre-staged shot of Mekan smashing a drone with a crowbar and screaming at the top of his lungs in a hallway somewhere in his apartment. This goes on for a full five seconds before cutting back to Mekan on the couch. He’s completely straight-faced.] ”I think it might have been stolen. I’m still looking for it.” [The camera cuts to another pre-staged shot; Mekan has escalated to burning the remains of the camera-drone with his omnitool’s Incinerate function, in the same hallway. The fire’s spreading shockingly fast, and it’s clear Mekan has no fire-suppression system on hand to deal with that little concern.] ”NO WITNESSES! NO WITNESSES!” [The camera cuts back to Mekan on the couch. He’s still completely straight-faced.] ”I blame vorcha.” [The camera cuts back to another pre-staged shot, this one of an alley somewhere on Omega, angled slightly upwards to get a good look at an apartment window approximately eight stories up. The burning camera-drone wreckage can be seen being thrown out of a window, hitting the alley sidewalk with a CRASH. The camera then cuts back to Mekan on the couch again.] ”Filthy scavengers and thieves, all of them. Anyways, next letter!” [He looks down at the datapad again, only to hesitate before reading it. When he speaks, his voice becomes gravelly and slightly strained, like he’s suppressing the urge to punch something. His lips curl back and reveal his massive batarian toothy maw.] ”’Why do you rip off Dwick so much, do you even cast?’ signed Terrorfan One-One-Two.” [At that, Mekan throws the datapad off-screen as he flies into a rage. A loud ‘CRASH’ can be heard off-screen.] ”Motherfucker, I will systematically RUIN YOUR LIF-” [The feed cuts to a screen that only reads ‘WE ARE EXPERIENCING DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY’ while music plays over it.] Shamelessly plugging my blog. Click [here]. Currently on hiatus. [Mekan Computer Security], now based on scenic |
 Palmer Why are you reading over here? |
you have problems
On the Move. |
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Burnout |
I think this is news to absolutely no one, Palmer.
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 BOSS who cares |
Release the video of you taking all of those drugs you lazy, fat piece of shit
---Mandatory |
 Silver Future Raelon Pasharan Sundowner Shaman |
...Does the title of this thread sound really rude, or am I just a pervert?
In manus tuas commendo spiritum meum. |
 Vigilance Ever vigilant, for they are watching. |
Silver Future wrote:...Does the title of this thread sound really rude, or am I just a pervert?
I was counting on it. This thread seems far less interesting now I actually know what it's about. C-Sec mail [here], personal [here], FEMES [here]. Is that all? Can I go? |
 Titus-Train ^ That guy is Major Titus Scapula. |
Dwick actually has fans now? As in, people who think he's a funny comedian?
How the fuck much did I miss? Ain't nothin' can stop the Titus-Train! |
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Mekan of Omega |
[There's a burst of static as the feed cuts back to Mekan, now totally calm again, reading from the datapad once more. Astute observers will note that there is now a blatantly-holoshopped fist-sized hole in the wall behind him, to the right of the window, a clear sign he probably wasn’t as mad as the previous part of the broadcast implied. He doesn't seem to show any sign of rage as he prepares to read from the datapad once more. He holds one finger down on the datapad's user-interface as he looks up at the camera.]
"I'm just gonna scroll through all the hate-mail, gimme a sec...holy shit, this is a long letter...OK, here's one that's not just meant to fling shit at me. I-" [He pauses as he reads the datapad more clearly, confusion creeping into his voice as he reads it out loud, looks at the datapad with both sets of eyes to be sure he’s not getting it wrong, and realizes the letter makes no goddamn sense.] "'Make the louza', all lower-case letters with no punctuation, signed 'murdernaught.' What the fuck...?" [Mekan taps a few buttons on his OT interface, and the letter shows up in the upper left-hand corner of the screen from the camera’s POV. Sure enough, it says ‘make the louza -murdernaught.’ No further explanation is given.] "You can see what I deal with sometimes on this show. Shit like this makes up about 40% of my fanmail. Another 50% is all hate-mail. Only 10% of the letters I get are actually worth a damn. Next letter." [He turns back to the datapad and scrolls down. The new letter shows up on the camera in the upper left-hand corner. The letter reads ‘deer meken will you add a wepunz articul to teh blog k thx -gunnut22‘] ”’Dear Mekan, will you please add a segment of your blog dedicated to instruments of utter destruction? I ask this because I am a fan of weapons and firearms, and wish to see a segment of the blog dedicated entirely to such instruments. I thank you in advance. Signed, Gun Nut Twenty-Two.’ Well, Gun Nut, the good news is, I will be doing exactly that! I have a little thing I’ve been meaning to showcase for a while, actually, and I was gonna show it off when the blog got running on a regular schedule again, but I think I can afford to get a head-start on that by showing it off now. I mean, I have other guns, so I can just do those articles when the time comes. Anyways - ” [At that, Mekan leans down to rifle through the boxes at his feet, and up comes an ERCS M-100 grenade launcher in his hands, barrel aimed upwards and at a slight angle, leaning back towards the window behind him. It’s coated in dust, and from the look of it, poorly-maintained. Any trained soldier watching the broadcast will also notice that it’s fucking loaded, with the safety off no less, and that Mekan is practically holding it by the trigger. This fact flies right by Mekan’s head as he keeps talking.] “This baby is an Elanus Risk Control Services M-100 grenade launcher. This thing has been collecting dust in a locker I’ve had for three years. I picked it up at some point and it’s been lying around in a box ever since. Been meaning to learn how to use it, actually. I mean, it’s a fuckin’ grenade launcher. This is the kind of thing thugs and muggers take a look at and go ‘oh fuck, no way.’ I mean, how hard could it be to aim and fire this thing? It's like-" [Something jostles the grenade launcher, and there’s a CLICK and PHOOMPH as the grenade launcher fires a round upwards, which then rebounds off the ceiling at an angle, flies out the window behind Mekan with the crash of broken glass, and ultimately impacts on something outside with a dull explosion. Car alarms can now be heard on the streets below. Mekan’s expression now consists of a gaping mouth, wide eyes, the realization that sheer luck alone kept him from dying apparent in his entire face. His bionic legs are also fizzling, likely coming into contact with some kind of liquid in the course of the split-second it took to fire the grenade. He looks back at the shattered window, and then at the launcher, before realizing it’s still loaded with more grenades. He sloooooowly sets it down on the couch and inches away from it. He then gets up and limps to the window, shouting to anyone who may have survived the Grenade Surprise down below.] “Anyone hurt?!" [The lack of a response seems to be Mekan’s impetus to activate the camera-drone’s ‘Follow Mode.’ The camera’s POV flashes with the words [FOLLOW MODE ENGAGED] as Mekan turns and starts limping towards his apartment’s front door. The camera begins hovering and starts to follow Mekan as he moves. Mekan pauses to grab what looks like a Carnifex pistol from a dresser on his way out the door before turning to face the camera.] “The gun’s a precaution. It's Omega. Need to go and see if anyone got hurt, maybe call the local clinic...And check out the property damage, see what I need to pay for. Fuckin' Pillars, goddammit..." [With that, Mekan starts slowly shambling down the stairs with extreme, almost exaggerated care, and the camera drone follows closely. It's clear that the batarian is having a hard time just standing upright as he moves.] Shamelessly plugging my blog. Click [here]. Currently on hiatus. [Mekan Computer Security], now based on scenic |
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BOSS who cares |
Man, what a stupid fucking dumbass. Almost killed himself and his shitty legs with his own weapon like a dumbass whelp
[subscribed] |
 ProgrammingWithFire |
Mekan, why. Whyyyy. I actually know how to handle a grenade launcher, you could have asked before waved it around like a gigantic idiot.
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Mekan of Omega |
[Mekan slowly hobbles down the stairs with his impaired bionics fizzling all the way down the stairs.]
"Fuckin’...I need to go to that clinic..." [On the way down, Mekan reaches a landing on the stairwell that leads further down, with a hallway branching off to allow access to the apartments on this floor. A few tenants have come out of their apartments to take a gander at the near-cripple. One tenant, a heavily-cybernetically augmented salarian pushes to the front of the small crowd on the landing as Mekan continues hobbling down the stairs, two omnitools active with their user-interfaces open on the code-toad's arms. One of the salarian’s cybernetic eyes vaguely resemble those of a house fly.] [SALARIAN] ”What did you do this time, blink?!” [MEKAN] ”Technical accident, Blink.” [BLINK] ”I told you not to call me that, blink!” [MEKAN] ”Sure thing, Blink.” [BLINK] ”Squint cloaca!” [MEKAN] ”Dipshit frog!” [Mekan continues hobbling down as the salarian turns and heads back into his apartment, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. On the landing the next floor down, an elderly human male of what looks to be Japanese descent (easily in his early 90’s), starts shouting at Mekan as he passes.] [OLD GUY] くそ、外国人、これで戦争はありません！アパートでの撮影銃を停止！ [Mekan’s reply sounds more than a little weary as he passes the man by. The batarian lets out a small sigh.] [MEKAN] ”You know I can’t understand what you’re saying unless you have a translator, Mr. Kawasari. Don’t even bother.” [Another staircase down, agonizingly slowly Mekan walks! This time, he passes a pissed-off-looking, old batarian woman. She’s tapping her foot, glaring at Mekan, her arms crossed, all four eyes FULL of unrelenting hatred the likes of which only a pissed-off old lady can muster. Mekan’s voice indicates he realizes he’s totally fucked if he says the wrong thing here.] [MEKAN] “Mrs. Nab-robol.” [MRS. NAB-ROBOL] “When you signed the lease, I’m fairly sure there was a clause that said ‘no explosions.’” [MEKAN] ”Was there? I didn’t read it too closely. Look, it was a one-time THIIIIIIIIING” [As Mekan slowly and masterfully passes his landlady and turns to head down the next staircase, Mekan’s left leg shuts down entirely. The batarian screams and stumbles, tumbling down the staircase, loudly and painfully. The camera captures every single microsecond as he tumbles end over end, screaming the entire way down. The camera-drone also captures Mrs. Nab-robol trying to contain her laughter as her mood does an instant 180.] ”PIECE OF SHIT OW OW OW OW OUCH FUCK GODDAMMIT OUCH I HATE THESE LEGS SHITBALLS AAAGH” [With a final, hunderous CRASH, Mekan impacts on the ground floor of the apartment and groans before struggling to his one good foot. The other leg looks like it’s on the verge of crapping out as well, and judging from the ZZTZZTZZT of the leg’s knee joint, it’s not gonna take long for that to happen. Mekan whacks his defunct leg several times before it starts working again with a dull ‘whirrr.’ Grunting in pain, he stands and hobbles out the front door of the apartment building, the camera-drone following the whole way at a leisurely pace.] Shamelessly plugging my blog. Click [here]. Currently on hiatus. [Mekan Computer Security], now based on scenic |
 VigilantVanguard  |
HAH! Second Lieutenant Sarah Thompson, Systems Alliance. Join the reconstruction! The Alliance and her allies need your help! [Click Here] for more information, including potential job opportunities! (Open to all species, pending background and clearance checks.) Are you or is someone you know a biotic? Please contact the Systems Alliance Biotic Relations department [here]. |
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Palmer Why are you reading over here? |
This is why you always have a hand on the railing. Idiot.
On the Move. |
 Aimless Drifter SEBASTIAN LANGSTON. EX-ALLIANCE ENGINEER. STATE YOUR PRICE. |
I TOLD you to get those legs checked out, DAMNIT.
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BOSS who cares |
Now those are what I call some shit legs
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Mekan of Omega |
[A few minutes of hobbling around to an alley on one end of the building and Mekan finds what he’s looking for. The camera-drone turns to get a good shot of the alley, and there’s a single massive blast mark on the wall on one end, up slightly above head level. A vent-hatch looks like it took the grenade dead-on, leaving it hanging open. Bits of shrapnel and shredded/burnt trash litter the alleyway, and a few aircars out in the street are sporting shattered windows. Footsteps can be heard somewhere offscreen, getting closer.]
[???] ”Of course. They said it was quieter, but...” [The camera pans over to get a look at who’s talking. Whoever he is, he’s human, he’s got a British accent fresh out of London, and he seems to recognize Mekan because he stands in place and just stares at him for about eight straight seconds. The black and blue-colored hardsuit and helmet makes it harder to tell much else, especially when whoever it is practically turns on their heel and starts heading in the other direction, apparently realizing that whatever happened here, Mekan was responsible and nothing good can come of dealing with it. Unfortunately for the poor soul in question, Mekan spots him, and then does a double-take when he sees the hardsuit’s markings, disbelief creeping into his face at a rate that hasn’t been seen in some time.] [MEKAN] ”The fuck?! I know that hardsuit! Wash! That you?! What are you doing here?!” [The unfortunate man in the hardsuit visibly cringes when Mekan speaks up and slowly turns around, spreading his arms out as if to say ‘Really? Come on, I was that close.’] [WASH] ”What I was doing was leaving, thanks. I know how you work, Mekan, and I’m not getting caught in whatever bullshit you’ve gotten yourself into this time. I’m done here anyways. I head back to Earth tomorrow. Interesting vacation, at least.” [Mekan gives Wash’s featureless, face-concealing combat-helmet a disparaging look, his deadpan tone clearly showing he’s not too assured of Wash’s reasons for being on Omega in the first place. If he had eyebrows, he’d be raising one of them in suspicion.] [MEKAN] ”You go on vacation in a milspec combat hardsuit? And people call me crazy.” [WASH] ”It’s still Omega, isn’t it? Bloody hell, you’d think that would be obvious to someone who calls himself ‘Mekan of Omega.’” [MEKAN] ”Excuse me.” [Mekan clears his throat and starts speaking in a high-pitched voice (for a batarian).] [MEKAN] ”’Oh, I’m Wash, woe is me, I’m on big scary Omega, instead of on the Citadel where I’m a pussy-shit biotics instructor and people don’t fuck with me because they’re pussies! I’m in so much danger and life is terrible! I should go around in a hardsuit while on vacation because OMEGA IS SCARY!’” [As Mekan pauses in his high-pitched tirade, he tilts his head slightly to the right with an expression that can only be read as ‘Bitch, please.’ Wash seems to stare at Mekan for a moment. It’s hard to tell what he’s thinking under the helmet...at least until a telltale biotic flare emits from his arms. Mekan’s eyes widen at this and the hacker starts backing away from the pissed-off biotic vanguard; it’s clear he’s having second thoughts about his decision to mock the guy.] [MEKAN] ”Uh...Wash? Wash. Wash?! Please, I’M SORR-” [There’s a single long burst of static as the signal is interrupted for about two minutes. When the signal returns, Mekan’s bionic legs and lower body are sticking out of the opening in the alley vent that was blasted open by his errant grenade. His legs are dangling over the side slightly, flailing about as Mekan tries to free himself from the hatch. Echoing cries for help can be heard from the vent as the bionic legs flail around slightly. Wash, meanwhile, is just looking up at this and nodding to himself. One gets the impression he’s smirking under the helmet.] [WASH] ”I don’t know, weren’t you complaining about the legs? I thought you’d enjoy getting off your feet for a while.” [Over Mekan’s screams from the vent, a light scuttling noise slowly grows louder and louder. Mekan falls silent for a second before screaming even louder than before. His flailing legs look like they’re on the verge of falling off entirely.] [MEKAN] ”WASH FOR THE LOVE OF GODS LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUTLETMEOUT THERE’S SOMETHING IN HERE PLEASE LET ME DOOOOOOOOWN” Shamelessly plugging my blog. Click [here]. Currently on hiatus. [Mekan Computer Security], now based on scenic
Click To Read Out Of Character Comment by
Mekan of Omega
WARNING
URL CONTAINS SPIDER AND INSECT PICTURES AND ASSOCIATED NOISES THOSE OF YOU SUFFERING FROM INSECTOPHOBIA AND ARACHNOPHOBIA SHOULD NOT CLICK IT YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED |
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Palmer Why are you reading over here? |
Still need to work on those social skills huh.
On the Move. |
 ~~~Dwick's #1 Pyjak~~~ Always watching  |
Man, what a whiner. It's probably just a small little bug. Perhaps even a choriick!
I love choriicks! |
 The_Sarcastic_Salarian  |
Along with basic gun safety. Geez, Mekan, you'd think living on Omega of all places would OH SHRELL AAAAA
SPIDERS SPIDERS AAAAAAAA Forgotten Daughters Foundation - [CLICK HERE to donate to the OTRAVO RELIEF FUND] Emon Spiza, owner of Aphin's Place - Level 31, Zakera Ward. Best Drinks on the Citadel. |
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ProgrammingWithFire |
Perhaps a bit late, but it really says something when everyone in the apartment, even the guy without a damn translator, knew that it was him the moment something happened. I wonder how much shit he's been up to off-camera, because that's really kind of worrying.
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