THE SHORT HOUR S1E1: Day Trip to the Hospital

I hate you Dwick, I should have bitten you when I had the chance. Or shot you in the eye.

One of these coming days, I'm going to crack the code for this place. I'm pretty certain this Dwick is the Illuminated One or whatever you crazy types call him; you even "summoned" him in a ritualistic fashion back in that biotics thread, when that girl made a clueless post and her carer stepped in. So it's clear you receive your news/instructions/whatever from him, and that he has some sort of hold over most of the people here. Quite what those instructions are or what news is actually being sent, I'm not sure. I can't find the sense in it. But the imagery is disturbing...vorcha threatening to have people devoured can't be anything good. Er, is there any way I get access to the code without, you know, actually pledging myself to the cult or anything?

[Black silence.

The screen bursts into life with all sorts of trippy batarian spiritualism. Pictures fly by of natal batarians opening their “eighth eye,” suddenly walking the world as gods, crushing all they see. This fades into a picture of four batarians playing repetitive chords on various instruments as a crowd of screaming disaffected teenagers with medical issues throw themselves at the stage.]

THIS SUNDAY.

[Close-up of a batarian yelling into a microphone as he reads from a datapad. Behind him the guitarist slams the same four chords over and over again while the drummer beats out a rhythm while someone brings him a huff pipe.]

QUADRANGLE.

[A shot of three very skinny batarians dressed in damaged exo-armor that’s been spray-painted with holo symbols; eyes, hands, squares, squares within squares, four-eyed skulls, hachix leafs, spirals, and various entries in old Batarian. A translation underneath reads ‘hah hah you’re going to buy this shit anyways you useless fu We apologize for the inconvenience. [CLICK HERE] to apply to the DDS Translation Staff!’]

QUADRANGLE. POST-PROG-ENLIGHTENMENT-NEO-EMANCIPATIVE REDUCTIVE ROCK.

[A shot of the batarian with the mic throwing huff canisters into the crowd as a massive light show ensues. Lasers start flashing into the audience before focusing on a cage filled with slaves of various races. The lasers increase in intensity, and suddenly the cage is on fire. Everybody cheers.]

QUADRANGLE.

TICKETS AVAILABLE AT DDS TICKETCAST

bah! quadrangle a bunch of posers.

they lame.

Skhash, can you give me a link to your music?

[here] is site with some of band's music.

[here] is band's official store.

EXTREEEEEEEME NEERUMAKT

[A neeru leaps from an explosion as frantic double-bass heavy metal mounts a total merciless onslaught on your holo’s speakers, segueing immediately to a studio with a pair of batarians in studded leather and spiked gauntlets.]

[Goronak kath’Rennik] “Dead excited to welcome you, audience, to Extreme Neerumakt! I’m Goronak Kath’Rennik, and with me is Aroak ‘Goronak’ Kroshar’rtha!”

[Aroak ‘Goronak’ Kroshar’rtha] “Thanks, Goronak. Folks, we’ve got some wild and crazy neeru action coming up today. The wildest robot jockeys, the most extreme neeru, and tracks that only a mad architect could’ve designed!”

[Goronak] “That’s right, Goronak. Get ready for a half-hour of action that’ll keep you on the edge of your seat - EXTREME NEERUMAKT!”

’Extreme Neerumakt’ is a certified production of the Dwick Dwickcast Syndykyt and is broadcasted in association with the Khar’shan Sporting Commission. As a participating member of the KSC, Extreme Neerumakt operates under KSC rules and regulations with regards to neeru racing, participant conduct, and track design. Please note that the ‘extreme’ moniker does not denote any breaking of the KSC’s regulations as detailed above. Enjoy neerumakt responsibly.

[‘Goronak’] “Let’s go to the track!”

[The feed immediately cuts to a regulation-standard neerumakt circuit, made of packed dirt. Four of the native Khar’shan reptile, the neeru, have leapt from the starting gate and are running around the circular track in an orderly fashion. Miniature automated ‘jockeys’ are mounted on their backs, and the color of the jockey and canopy make it easy to pick out each neeru, thanks to the sidebar listing their colors:]

Red - Not Without My Slaves
Orange - Devastated Ruins of Khar’shan
Blue - No Complaining!
Puce - Banger In The Mouth

[Goronak] “Looks like the neeru are already off, and we’ve got a crazy intense first lap going on!”

[‘Goronak’] “Right you are, Goronak. Look at those jockeys, flailing away frantically! You can practically taste their drive to win!”

[A close-up on Banger In The Mouth’s jockey. It’s a robot, steadily thwacking the neeru’s side at a 3.5 second interval.]

[Goronak] “We’re coming up on the end of the first lap, and it’s neck and neck!”

[Not Without My Slaves is actually in the lead by a full neeru length as the four continue to run steadily around the circular track.]

[‘Goronak’] “Devastated Ruins of Khar’shan falling further and further behind! You can see the frustration on his jockey’s face, but this crowd is going wild - that’s what you get for such an unpatriotic name in the extreme sport of neerumakt!”

[Indeed, Devastated Ruins of Khar’shan has fallen all the way back to roughly ‘tied for second place’ with No Complaining!. The synthetic jockey continues to steadily swat it the neeru’s side as the crowd watches in polite silence, occasionally applauding when one contestant pulls out a burst of speed.]

[Goronak] “It’s insane out there! We’re at the end of the second lap and I can’t take it, Goronak! This has been the craziest endurance race in the history of our sport! My cholesterol is going through the roof!”

[‘Goronak’] “We’ve never seen anything like this before--is No Complaining! coming back? Is he...no! No, he couldn’t--HE IS! HE’S FORCING HIS WAY TO THE FRONT OF THE PACK!!! Oh, the fighting spirit of No Complaining!!!”

[Slowly, as the neeru approach the halfway point on their third lap, No Complaining! does indeed begin to gradually move towards the front. It’s about half a length behind Not Without My Slaves.]

[Goronak] “I DON’T BELIEVE IT! AS THE GODS THEMSELVES ARE MY WITNESS, NO COMPLAINING! IS PULLING OUT THE FIGHTING SPIRIT! HE’S TRUSTING IN THE HEART OF THE RACE!!!!!!!”

[‘Goronak’] (frothy choking noises)

[The neeru gallop towards the finish line and begin their third lap.]

[Goronak] “JUST SEVENTEEN MORE LAPS TO GO---WE’RE OUTTA TIME FOLKS SEE YOU NEXT TIME ON EXTREME NEERUMAKT AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH--”

[Cut to black.]

Well...that was a surprisingly uninteresting segment, given the rest of the show.

AUGHHHHHHH

MY HEARING

FUCKING AUGHHHH

THIS CHANNEL IS A CLASS B WMD

AUUUUUUUUUUUGH

THEN WHY ARE YOU WATCHING IT, FROG

This isn't even funny in the bad its good sense.
Gladly there are approx. 1k alternatives on the extranet.

I WASN'T

SOME OTHER FUCKING TADPOLE WAS PLAYING IT

IN ANOTHER ROOM

OH SHRELL THE RINGING IT WON'T STOP

Maybe tell him to turn the volume down a little?

Aww man, I bet on the red one! Did he even finish the race?

Crap, I just mixed dwicko's with dwickola and NOW MY HANDS WON'T STOP SHAKING!

Truly the most exciting sport to come out of Khar'shan. That doesn't involve killing anything, anyway.

SATURDAY NIGHT

“Ruling or no ruling, I will take on any comers.”

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE REAPER INVASION

“Confidently: I am the greatest striker in the GCS.”

GALACTIC COMBAT SPORTS PRESENTS

“Those punches aren’t everything. You take him to the mat, break down a leg, break down a...uh, another leg, he’s just as mortal as anybody else.”

WITH THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP ON THE LINE

“With conviction: I’m not just stronger and tougher, I’m a better fighter.”

ALFRED ‘SARGE’ ROLAND

“When we step in the Octagon, there’s no weight classes, no crowds, no judges. There’s just the fight, and the fight’s what I live for.”

KARIUS ‘BIG ELDER’ PRIN

“Gamely: I’m going to punch Roland so hard that Earth needs to be rebuilt again.”

ONE ON ONE FOR THE GCS HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

SATURDAY SATURDAY SATURDAY

ONLY ON THE DWICK DWICKCAST SYNDYKYT

[Fade in to a dark office, where two humans stand veiled in shadow, discussing their secrets. The only light in the room comes from a giant neon cross, like you’d find in a cheap wedding chapel, hanging on the other side of the room. The word “VAGUE” is inscribed on its crossbeam, in neo-Victorian lettering, but you don’t notice this because a moment later most of the screen is taken up by an inexplicably untranslated stream of Turkish.]

Yeni bir rapor, iklim değişikliği sonucunda muzun milyonlarca insan için hayati bir besin kaynağı haline gelebileceğine işaret ediyor.
Uluslararası Tarımsal Araştırma İçin Danışma Grubu araştırmacıları, gelişmekte olan bazı ülkelerde patatesin yerini muzun alabileceğini söylüyor.

[Mysterious Shadowy Figure] “Project Shiva is almost at completion. Anubis and Poseidon will deliver a full report to Paul Bunyan within the week.”

[Dainty-Looking Female Minion] “Understood. What are my new orders?”

[Mysterious Shadowy Figure] “Go forth and do God’s work.”

Uzmanlar, sağladıkları kalori bakımından dünyanın en büyük üç ürünü olan mısır, pirinç ve buğday gelişmekte olan pek çok ülkede azalacağını tahmin ediyor.
Ayrıca görece serin iklimlerde yetişen patatesin de artan hava sıcakları ve dengesiz hava koşullarından olumsuz etkileneceğini öne sürüyorlar.
Raporun yazarları bu değişikliklerin hâli hazırda patates yetiştiren bölgelerde dahi “belli başlı muz türlerinin yetiştirilmesi konusunda bir açılım sağlayabileceğini” öne sürüyor.

[The scene jump-cuts to a cemetery, overcast with rainclouds. An old man with an eyepatch, leaning on a cane, gestures wildly at our tormented-looking male protagonist.]

[Old Man] “You don’t understand what you’re meddling with! You are evil to believe in the singularity concept of a God, for the whole universe and everything within is composed of opposites - which exist only as opposites with a zero of existence - and nothing as an entity!”

[The younger man produces a keepsake from his coat: an archaic-looking pocket watch. He grips it with trembling white knuckles, tears streaming from his eyes.]

[Tormented-Looking Male Protagonist] “I...I have to try anyway. They killed the woman I love, by sending her to kill me and then killing her before she could kill me.”

[A split-second shot of six men in tragedy/comedy masks with assault rifles, leaping through a stained glass window.]

Raporda, buğday, protein ve kalori kaynağı olarak dünyanın en önemli bitkisi olarak tanımlanıyor.
Ancak araştırmaya göre, pamuk, mısır ve soya fasulyesine verilen daha yüksek fiyatlar, gelişmekte olan ülkelerde buğdayı iklim değişikliğinin yarattığı baskıya karşı daha da zayıflatan topraklara iterek, zor bir gelecekle yüzleşmeye mahkum ediyor.
Özellikle güney Asya’da bir seçenek, bir dizi iklim baskısına dayanıklı olan manyok olabilir.

[A final jump cut lands us under a giant galaxy map that is also in the shape of the Solomonic binding circle. Underneath it, the the mysterious shadowy figure clasps his hands in contemplation.]

[Mysterious Shadowy Figure] “You are entering a labyrinth of the soul, my young apprentice. Are you prepared to undergo the trials that God has set before us, so that the secrets long hidden in the shadows of the bowels of the darkened corners of the earth may be forcibly unearthed and exposed to the light?”

[Tormented-Looking Male Protagonist] “I am ready, Vice Director-In-Chief. I am Pseudo Dionysius the Areopagite, and I dedicate myself to wise truth. Here, before the masters of entropy themselves, the exiled themselves will come to challenge them.”

[Vice Director-In-Chief] “Excellent...”

[An extreme close-up on the shadowy figure’s lips. They’re purple, for some reason. I don’t know, maybe it’s symbolic.]

[Vice-Director-In-Chief] “...but insufficiently vague.”

[Pseudo Dionysius the Areopagite gasps.]

[Pseudo Dionysius the Areopagite] “Vague, sir?”

[Vice-Director-In-Chief] “Vague.”

[His faith shaken, the young man staggers, dropping to his knees next to the galaxy map. He barely holds himself up as his shoulders heave, while the Vice-Director-In-Chief places a comforting hand on his back.]

[Pseudo Dionysius the Areopagite] “....v-vague.”

[Vice-Director-In-Chief] “Yes, my son. Vague.”

Bu özellikleri sayesinde soyaya iyi bir seçenek olabileceği düşünülüyor.
Ayrıca börülcenin yaprakları da hayvan yemi olarak kullanılabilir.
Nijerya ve Nijer dahil olmak üzere bazı ülkelerde, çiftçiler çoktan pamuk üretimini terkedip, börülce yetiştirmeye başladılar.
Rapor, hayvan proteini kaynaklarında da değişimler yaşanmasının olası olduğuna da işaret ediyor.

[Cut to black, and an ominous red title fades in slowly.]

Something about food?

[Reave] ”Is this infernal machine filming?”

[The feed flickers to life, showing Tethys Reave in an Illium hospital’s operating room. His mask is off, which has happened once in the history of broadcast holovision, but it’s a bit tempered by the fact that he now has a surgical half-mask on. A quick pan down from the camera reveals that surgical scrubs are interspersed with his loincloth and pauldrons.]

[Pirouette] ”Yeah, it’s running. Come on, we don’t have much time before security finds us, so whatever it is you thought would be so great, you need to do it now.”

[Reave] ”Excellent. I am Tethys Reave, and this is the Maternity Misdirection.”

[He turns just in time, as the door opens and a concerned-looking human enters.]

[Human] “Maria? Is this where the b--”

[Reave] ”Surprise, mortal creature! Your woman perished mid-birth, and the child was born a spastic, stricken by the gods for your impiety!”

[Human] “Wh-what?! You...you said the delivery went fine!”

[A pause.]

[Reave] ”...I LIED, HOLMES!”

[Silence fills the room, save for the man’s broken sobs as he collapses to his knees. Reave laughs with gusto, trying to billow his scrubs out behind him like a cape, as the human weeps openly on the floor of the maternity ward.]

[Pirouette] ”I...”

[Human] “Oh...oh god, Maria...”

[Pirouette] ”...That’s kinda heavy, man.”

[Reave] ”Yes! He was taken in by my hoax! Truly I am a renaissance man, for today I have slain all challengers to the throne of First Archon of Comedy.”

[It’s quiet for a long, uncomfortable moment as the camera focuses on the crying man.]

[Pirouette] ”...Uh, is there something we can--”

[?] “There they are!”

[Pirouette] ”Security! Bail!”

[Cut to black.]