This is getting rediculous...

I'm sorry, but I'm seriously starting to question the decision of the doctors who were caring for me to remove me from the Hospital I was being kept at on the Citadel to my family's home. I understand they likely didn't want a 3/4ths corpse just lying around, but really just going off of the conditions here I wonder if they were aware that this place hardly has working electricity or purified water yet. This town was fortunate enough to only be minorly damaged by the Reapers, but still the issues remain. Half of the house is still being repaired, and this roof is leaking still.

It's a health issue!

And yet, I believe the biggest problem is going to be the wear and tear on my sanity. At least in the hospital I didn't have much to put my mind to other than accessing files to read or chat with the medical VI which was rather friendly if not annoying... but now I'm stuck here unable to really move and forced to listen to the endless sounds of the outside world and work and all these others things that are going on outside. And yet I am stuck here doing nothing but endlessly browsing the extranet and watching old HVs and reading various works of literature and my God this is driving me mad.

They put a picture in my room, I hate to admit it, of my family prior to the catastrophe. It stares at me all day long, those eyes welcoming me to join them in the afterlife and I cannot get that image out of my head. I've asked the nurse repeatedly yet she will not take it away: she says it will help the pain go away. I cannot see that as so.

Does she not get that I do not wish to have anymore pain than that which my body is afflicted by? Does she not understand what it is to be unable to move your limbs, to have numerous tubes required for you to commit to basic bodily functions? I just want to have some peace and quiet to relax and to think, yet my mind continues to weaken. It has been the only strength I have.

The painkillers are setting in, and I believe in a few moments I will be asleep again. And again I will have the same nightmares, the constant ones which have rebelled against me since the passing of my wife. The never seem to end.

I have no interest in facing death face to face ever again, but I do miss feeling what it is like to be truly living. I wonder if this is how the Geth feel, aware and conscious yet so distant from other things, unable to truly touch or feel sensations and only the rational sides of what is before me. I cannot say.

There is a man outside playing an instrument and singing. He has a wonderful voice.


Please friends, could you spare a few moments to give a living corpse a distraction?

...are you able to play Galaxy of Fantasy?

I'm considering putting together a new guild, The Guild of Lethe, for those of us who need a distraction while the painkillers play through our brains. I've got my own server and am in the process of tinkering with the game's speed to accomodate our diminished reflexes.

Look, I'll level with you, I'm a nerd, but the more time I spend in my computer the less time I spend worrying about what my meat looks like. The answer--not great, not that I was much to look at *before* the firebombs.

You should pick up the new Grim Terminus Alliance. They've really expanded customization and you actually get to build up your own criminal empire over the course of the game.

You're in luck, I've heard of something you could play.

It's called traffic.

drink heavily

no night terrors, you get way more sleep, and your mind is more concerned with why everything in the room seems to be at a 60 degree angle. its foolproof.

9 out of 10 doctors heartily recommend getting completely smashed.

Ask for a different picture to be put in your room, first of all. I doubt the people who put it there realized how much it would hurt, and you sound like you still need time to heal from your grief.

Second, if you can move your hands and aren't typing via STT, ask for someone to get you a sketchbook, and some painting tools. This is coming from a career artist, so I'm biased, but I find a lot of people get comfort from creating things, rather than focusing on destruction. If you can't move your hands, there are some VI assisted graphic slates out there. They're a bit expensive in the current economy (a couple thousand credits, iirc), but worth it.

Even if it's not painting, find something to do that involves making, or creating - writing, acting, music...there's quite a few options out there. I know someone who's taking to blacksmithing - making nails and jewelry and basic chain links - out of the scrap metal from the war.

As someone who spent close to eight months in hospital after the war thinking that everyone I loved was dead and that the Alliance was going to give me a medical, I definitely second all of these suggestions. Do whatever you can to distract yourself. Play games, read books, create things. i suggest Into The Storm-it's kind of addictive and won't remind you of the war like a lot of war games. And get rid of the picture. if you're not up to it, don't feel like you have to have it there.

Healing takes time and reminders will just rub the salt in when you're still hurting. is it possible to ask them to get rid of it or jsut put it away until you can look at it?

I could try those things, but I must point out the only limb I truly can move on a free basis is my head and neck. The doctors prefer for me to remain as still as possible, something which is incredibly frustrating but I guess justifiable as my body continues to recover from the burns I suffered. Breathing without a regulator tube often becomes rather painful.

I do admit I've tried dictating a game of chess to one of the nurses, but I found it to eventually become a bit of a bore after so many months of playing it. The same for other games of similar type. I also never really enjoyed other forms of gaming ... once I finished schooling I was too busy to play them and I found my interest waning. It's a similar matter with alcohol you see, even if I could drink it I swore off it after the passing of my fiance just before the Reaper war. I was a bit of a drunk then, and she tried to set me on the right path. Sadly, other forces intervened in that regard and I lost her.

Apparently some local volunteer group has offered to bring a comfort pet of some sort; truth be told I'm surprised there are many "pets" still alive after everything. I think I should ask my doctors if they could bring it here, if the risk of infection isn't too great. I think that would be nice.

I miss parties. They were always so fun.

....Fair enough. I mean, I remember being there, in the "no moveable limbs" state, but I was also like "yeah, bring on the wetware nervous-system links!" and apparently I look like...

...this little girl here said I look like "if turians invented geth." And that's the kid who doesn't scream when she sees me.

So, I mean I can talk all I want about how the direct brain-to-software link is awesome, but I get it's not for everyone.