ATTN: All Prospective FEMES Customers!

Here's a quickie FAQ for anyone who gets any ideas about things we're explicitly trying to avoid. The following matters I'm about to bring up have been recurring issues for my company. We're a small outfit and can't afford to go wasting time and resources addressing these concerns as they come up. I've since added everything on this list to my company's standard contract IN BIG BOLD TEXT, so if anyone reads it, they can't possibly miss it.

1. We can call in FEMES anytime for evac, right?

WRONG. If your vitals flatline or if you call us in, we get to you in ten minutes or less or services are free. IF YOU ARE NOT GRIEVOUSLY INJURED UPON ARRIVAL AND DO NOT REQUIRE MEDICAL ATTENTION TO STAVE OFF IMMINENT DEATH, YOU WILL BE IN VIOLATION OF THE AGREEMENT YOU SIGNED AND WE WILL REVOKE SERVICES, AND KEEP YOUR DEPOSIT. If you happen to be injured and need help, then we evac you specifically. Not your buddies who neglected to get a contract with us.

2. Minors get EMT services free, right?

Yes, but you need to call in advance of our arrival or precious time will be wasted, and that may get the injured kid killed. Kids sometimes have different needs from adults depending on the exact age and species of the injured child. It's critical this information be relayed to FEMES before we get there so we can be ready. 'We have an injured kid' isn't sufficient information. 'One injured turian child with a shattered leg' is more precise, so it helps.

3. Hey, you guys have big guns and combat training and stuff! Help us win our fights!

NO. We aren't mercenaries. High-Threat Response services cost the company a shitload and are solely meant to help in the safe evacuation of the patient. We are not going to let you call us in as fire-support. Our job is get in, get the patient, and leave. If you start calling in FEMES HTR to help you win your street-fights, we're going to revoke services and keep your deposit.

And if you get uppity about it or decide you don't like how we do things and start fucking with us, we're not above killing you to make a point. The Red Axes street gang pulled some shit once, taking potshots at the FEMES clinic in Kenzo District after we didn't give 'em gunship support against the Longknives a few months ago during their little gang war. Incidentally, the Red Axes no longer exist and the Longknives run all their old territory.

THANK YOU. GOOD DAY.

So what if a woman's going into labor? Or a man is already dying and you don't make it in ten minutes? He's not going to need your services if he's already dead! What if you get caught up in traffic? What if you get lost and inept your way to your patient who's already spilling out his innards all over some terminus tourist?

I doubt you've got an inkling of a clue about what will happen to you, if/when, you save or fail to save to wrong people.

If a woman's going into labor, we're more than willing to deliver the child. I'm not a complete asshole. She'll be billed standard rates for it, of course.


If a patient dies before FEMES personnel arrive, his next-of-kin will receive a full refund on the contract and deposit.


We do our best to bypass and/or level obstructions between us and the patient at all times.


I'm not sure I follow you.

'Kay, suppose someone has a contract with you, and he gets shot in a firefight and you get him, maybe the guys who're shooting at him and his dudes don't want him to make it. So you evac him, and now they're pissed and before you know it one of them thick-skulls, decide to go after him and you.

Now suppose the guy doesn't make it, that's even worse, sometimes people get angry when they lose someone, and sometimes those people get angry at the doctors or the medics and maybe they have chits to put a hit on your head. Now if you're thinking, 'that never happens' I can show you a tree on [Emerald Spire] where at least three docs got strung up with their own intestines.

And then we kill them.


And then we kill them.

Seriously, it's not like we don't have contingency plans for this kind of thing. In the event someone has the credits to try and wipe out our whole outfit, they probably have the money to have their own personal doctors and guards on retainer anyways and probably wouldn't have a contract with us in the first place, effectively rendering the whole point moot.

Not saying that's definitely what's going to happen, but we're not idiots here, and we have enough value to our other customers that if we become seriously endangered, some people with sufficient assets to get involved and make a difference would take an interest. To my knowledge, which is plenty fallible and just as flawed as anyone else's mind you, there's no other outfit like us on Omega short of your typical street doctor. You raise valid concerns, but we'll burn, build and cross the appropriate bridges when we come to them.

Actually, a good number of the hospitals (well, clinics, really) they opened up as part of cleaning up Omega's image have paramedics now. I should know, I'm one of them.

That said, we don't work on contracts like you do, and we're fairly limited to the district we work in. Anyone walks through the clinic doors, we'll treat 'em, and same goes for anyone in the scuffles we get word of, so we're nice and neutral. And anyone who kicks up a fuss gets thrown right out by the enforcers and denied future treatment, so they've got incentive to be nice to the people with the medigel.

'Course, the only way we can fund all this is 'cos we're based in one of the 'respectable' areas - y'know, the places getting C-Space trade - so it's in the local bosses' interests to not have people dying on the streets. 'Course, the darker reaches where you're probably operating don't have the same luxuries, so it's no real wonder you're not aware of us.

Yeah, it gets pretty nasty on occasion in the places we tend to operate. Most of the time, when someone signs a contract with us, it's because they live or do a lot of work in the rougher parts of Omega where things never really improved after the war. So we don't pull punches when people start fucking with us. We don't have time to put up with it. When people try to raise hell near our clinic, we just kill 'em. Quick, simple, makes the other locals get the point, and nobody important cries over it. Everybody wins.