[Citadel] Church of Shepardology Investigated for Tax Fraud

By Shan Jorr, courtesy Volus Financial News, Inc. -

Get your hands off your credit chits, true believers. It appears that the Church of Shepardology isn't a 'religion unlike all others' as its leaders claim, and is, in fact, very much like most other religions in the universe after all. How do we know this? Because according to a recent C-SEC investigation, the Church of Shepardology is engaging in that time-honored church-based practice of tax fraud.

That's right, the same church that asks its parishioners to give freely of themselves and "think of life before materialism, as Shepard did," was found siphoning credits from their worshiper's monthly tithe and then beaming the account information to an off-planet data fortress on Kahje. According to official C-SEC documents, C-SEC raided the Citadel-based Church of Shepardology five hours ago after "reunification services" were over, and then forcibly confiscated the church's financial files and transaction processors. While C-SEC is remaining remarkably tight-lipped and closed-mandibled about what they found inside the church itself, C-SEC's forensic finances expert, Detective Marrik Vertinex, told VFN that this was definitely one of the most "audacious" crimes he's seen in his career.

"It's not the crime itself that bothers me, it's that they were hiding it so poorly," Vertinex told me during an interview. "I mean, look at these figures. They don't even attempt to create a misleading trail of investments, or hide the credit transfers in legal jargon. As soon as the credits hit their account, this program automatically halved their donations and beamed half of it to this account on Kahje. I'm still haven't decided if it's outright arrogance or simple idiocy."

Either way, the church's founder and main spokesperson, Matriarch Arriana Mariia, has been out of touch since the news broke. Supposedly on a "vision quest" in her vast, sealed, and undeniably expensive underwater mansion on Kahje, the only information Mariia shared was that "these charges are clearly false," and that "the truth will be revealed to those who are worthy to see it."

"I do not need to explain what the Church's needs are," she stated in a holographic press release mere hours ago. "I alone have seen the vision of Shepard as She was meant to be, and I alone contact her. If you do not trust me in this, and continue to donate to the cause - as all true followers will do - you risk unseating the shard of Shepard in yourselves. To all nonbelievers and heretics like C-SEC, I advise you step away from this matter or risk not only your soul, but your own finances as well. I have spoken."

In other news, Vectortech Inc. and Dyzan EEG - both companies that Mariia has a vested interest in - dropped an amazing 15.6 points in the Intergalactic Markets today, bring share prices to a measly 7.89 credits each. This is the lowest these companies' shares have been in two years, and prompted a massive selling frenzy before market close. It'll be interesting to see how Mariia manages to recover from this loss, but I predict there'll be a lot more proselytizing Shepardologists on the Citadel within the next few weeks.

This. If you're gonna break the law in C-Space, at least have the courtesy to do it right. Spare us brain damage from hearing/reading about how friggin' dumb you are that you didn't even TRY to hide it.

Personally, my favorite part is the crazy, not even probably sincere, religious nonsense about Shepard.


Seriously? Shard of Shepard inside myself? lol!

What a crock of shit.

mariia thief! she steal from people using shepard.

sup the marrow from her bones!

They did not just call C-Sec heretics. Did they? *checks* Yep. It is ON now.


Oooh, underwater mansion. Might break the glass. Hope she can swim.

Better question: WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVEN DARE TO WORSHIP THE MOST BIGGEST ALLIANCE BROWN-NOSER THAT EVER LIVED IN THIS SIDE OF THE FUCKING GALAXY.

Never underestimate the stupidity of others. But I suppose it can be fun to watch such fallouts unfold. Makes for fun reading, both the news articles and extranet comments.

I want whatever drugs you are on. Right now.

Dude, she was N7 before SPECTRE. Calling her brown-noser is kinda redundant and ungrateful in light of all contributions she did to the war!

The Illuminated Primacy would like to inform the public that we are working in conjunction with Citadel Security to investigate the claims regarding Matriarch Mariia.

It would also like to take this opportunity to mention that the 'Church of Shepardology' is not registered with the Synod and thus is not affiliated with the Illuminated Primacy.

At least call her a Council brown noser c'mon

Not sure about basing a religion around her. As my CO said, "I'm not worshipping anyone who still has to salute me."